


Live your best life

by cottonscent



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: All hail mr Clarke, Anxiety, Autumn, Awkward Conversations, Basically my S4 prompt, Character Development, Character Study, Coming of Age, D&D references, Dustin Henderson is a Good Friend, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Maxine "Max" Mayfield Friendship, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Mike Wheeler Friendship, Eleven | Jane Hopper Needs A Hug, Enemies to Friends, Existential Crisis, Family Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gay Will Byers, Good Babysitter Steve Harrington, Good Sibling Jonathan Byers, Growing Up, Hawkins (Stranger Things), Hawkins High School, Hawkins National Laboratory, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, It's mostly set during fall, Loss of Identity, Lucas Sinclair Is a Good Friend, M/M, Mike Wheeler is a Mess, Minor Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, Minor Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair, Mr Clarkle is babe, Multi, Mystery and clues, Nostalgia, Overthinking, Post-Canon, Protective Mike Wheeler, Puberty, Puberty is weird, Running Away, Self-Discovery, Sibling Bonding, Siblings Will Byers & Eleven | Jane Hopper, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Some Plot, Steve Harrington & Dustin Henderson Friendship, The Upside Down, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Weird Plot Shit, Will Byers & Eleven | Jane Hopper Friendship, Will Byers Deserves Happiness, Will Byers Has Powers, Will Byers Needs a Hug, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler in Love, hawkins middle school, this is sort of messy but I tried ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2020-12-24 03:23:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 143,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21092576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cottonscent/pseuds/cottonscent
Summary: Will 'gay disaster' Byers. Set post S3, partially in Maine, on the run and in Hawkins. Includes some angst and overthinking, but also some fluff and lighthearted fun. There's some plot but it's mostly just about how Will navigates through life - starting from the bottom as a very jealous, sad coconut.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> Thank you for dropping by!
> 
> I wanted to write a one-shot, but here we are - it's been a couple of weeks now and said "one-shot" accidentally turned into a massive multi-chapter work. I honestly have no idea what happened but I hope you will like it.
> 
> I would say that puberty/coming of age is one of the main themes in this work, and since puberty is a time when most people are figuring themselves out and become quite curious about sex, there are some sexual themes in this - but no smut. Only conversations, thoughts, things like that. No actual sex and nothing too graphic. There's also some darker themes, but no explicit violence.
> 
> There is both angst and fluff. I won't warn for the fluff, but it's there. I really crammed a lot into this, but I hope it's well balanced and makes sense. Growing apart, growing back together, loneliness, finding your place, forgiving and understanding, first love, self-acceptance, independence, needing help... and some strange things that don't exactly fit into the relatable puberty-box.
> 
> English is not my first language, and when I wrote this (which was now a year ago!) I did it with the intention to practice. There's definitely some mistakes in this work, but for now I'll just let them be there. Someday I might correct them, but it's also fun for me to be able to look back and see how my writing has improved. Please excuse the errors! I hope they won't ruin the flow.
> 
> Thanks for giving it a try! Comments and kudos are always appreciated! c:

”It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!”

Will couldn’t stop reviewing the moment over and over again. He could still vividly see Mike’s face in his mind and he could hear the words as if they were spoken right there in that moment, although it was now a long time ago the two of them stood there on the front porch and Mike probably didn’t even remember it at this point.

It was rather ridiculous that after everything that Will had been embroiled in, the memory from the porch remained the one that kept Will up at night. Sometimes he even considered the possibility that it was the Mind-flayer trying to take revenge on him by forcing this memory onto him, somehow. To torment by using his own weakness against him - very enterprising way to destroy him indeed - ”Good job there, Mind-Flayer!” Will thought mirthlessly.

Whilst caught up in the turmoil of the Upside Down, the demogorgon, Mind-flayer, lab men and whatnot, Will had frequently wished for a normal life. He had longed for school related stress, flat tires on the bike and bruised knees from falling. Now his life was, by his own references, pretty normal - and yet he felt like was floundering around in a nebulous uncertainty, constantly feeling under attack by something that in reality was actually just his own brain.

It was somehow easier to fight someone - or something - else. There was a concise distinction between the good and the bad, enemy and friend - but his own mind was as ferocious as the enemy but a lot harder to fight. Remorseful thoughts, shame and doubt were prowling around in the back of his mind invariably, and there was no way to escape them.

Will sighed deeply, repositioning himself on the bed, stared lamely at the ceiling above.

He knew that he didn’t actually mean it, but sometimes he wished for something chaotic to happen again, something that could occupy his mind and stop him from overthinking minor things like this. This memory though… it was a particularly tough one. Most things he could let go fairly quickly, but not this one. At this point he wasn’t even sure if he remembered everything correctly or if he had subconsciously modified the memory, but he could swear that there was a brief moment of hesitation in Mike’s voice when he said ”it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”. Why did he hesitate?

The thought of Mike knowing terrified him - absolutely terrified. If Mike knew, Will would be helplessly exposed, left to just accept his fate, whichever it was. Would he get hurt? Harshly rejected? Heartbroken? There were so many ways things could go wrong, but as much as the thought terrified him, it abounded him with a blissful sense of liberty.

The energy it drained to shroud parts of himself, the precarious feeling of always walking on thin ice, the fear of the vast unknown, the immensity of ”what ifs” - they were weighing him down, making him feel encaged and restricted, held him back from actually living his life to the fullest.

He needed to say it.

He had to get it off his chest - or else - what was the point with going on? To forever force himself to be someone else was not an option, he refused to forever live a lie. He was going to tell the truth - how and when and other logistics remained unsolved - but he had made up his mind that he was going to do it.

The door opened on ajar. El peaked into the room. Will was pulled out of his thoughts. She was already in her night gown and her hair was still slightly damp from the shower and her face radiated a nice freshness.

”Good night, Will,” she said.

”Good night, El,” he replied tersely.

She closed the door carefully.

This had become a part of their routine. Will and El’s conversations were always of great brevity. She was absolutely capable of having a more complex conversation than she showed off in her interactions with Will, he knew how she talked freely with Max and Mike as if it was nothing. Their tautness couldn't really be explained and nobody had ever really addressed it, it was just there and it even more obnoxious now when they had to live together under the same roof.

Will had never been much of a chit-chatter, he had never really tried to make a new friend. He was just lucky Mike approached him that day on the swing and that Dustin and Lucas happened to attend the same school. Without Mike he would most likely never have talked to Dustin and Lucas though. In hindsight it seemed to have been the propensity of fate, that the four of them met. It was simply meant to be and Will was content with how everything turned out and never asked for anything more.

But as for El… Will never chose her, just like she never chose Will. Their destinies crossed solely because their mutual friends made it happen - but there was no natural connection. If it wasn’t because of the circumstances had obligated them to stick together, they would have drifted apart long ago, Will was certain.

She was amiable and had an inquisitive, innocent aura around her that made her irresistible. New people often crooned upon seeing her (”What a lovely dear you are!”), they even loved her broken English (”All the way from Europe! How wonderful!”) and her awkwardness (”A shy girl with good demeanor is so refreshing! Rare these days! Those vulgar teenagers really are out of control, don’t you think?”).

Will could only scowl at their ignorance. Little did those people know, that the adorable girl standing before them, was the very opposite of the frail, cutesy doll they mistook her for. Sometimes he blamed the people who didn't understand better, sometimes he blamed El for intentionally fooling people.

Eleven had showed up with her head shaved, only a short stubble looking like a mere shade over her head. She wore boy’s clothes, stole from the grocery store, snapped people’s necks, thrown vans into the air, killed monsters - she certainly didn’t mind some dirt and blood. She saved everyone, never needed anyone to save her. She was incredible, she didn't even need to fake anything in order to be the center of attention and liked by everyone - she was a heroine!

Will found her as captivating as anyone and he was grateful that she had come to his rescue when he was trapped in the Upside Down (though it was technically her fault for opening the gate in the first place, Will often found himself thinking bitterly) - but no matter how much good one could say about her, how sublime she was, with her powers and sweetness - one thing remained clear: she had completely changed the dynamic of the party and things were simply better before they changed. Will just wanted things to be like before, but she was standing in the way, and that was reason enough for him to be disgruntled by her presence.

No, actually - there was another thing too.

Will turned over on his stomach and burrowed his face into the pillow. With his arms he folded the pillow up around his head to cover his ears. He couldn’t breathe properly. He braced himself, hoping that he could somehow create a shield to shut it out. He knew exactly what was coming next because it always did at this hour. He clenched his jaw and hoped it would go away before it had even started.

”Hi Mike! … aww I missed you too! … yes of course! … actually today at school … wait I can’t hear you… okay - it’s fine- I can hear you again! so yeah… and then she said…”

Yep. There it was. Blah, blah, blah... It was nonsense. Will couldn't believe how Eleven had made Mike so cheesy and shallow - since when did he buy all that romantic crap?!

After saying good night to everyone else, El would get into her room and get on the phone and then talk to Mike on the phone for… ages - and sure, there were no holes in the wall in this new house, but the wall between his room and El’s did absolutely nothing for shutting out the sound, so all Will could do was to dumbly lay there on his bed and hear his new sister and his Mike fall deeper and deeper in love while he, again and again, made up his mind to never tell Mike after all, only to repeat the same process the next day again.


	2. Chapter 2

Will scooped up the last remaining cereals out of the bowl and then sloppily placed it in the sink when he was done. After waiting for El to be done in the bathroom, he brushed his teeth and tried to make his bangs look at least decent. The time was 07:45. 

In Hawkins at this time Jonathan would be waiting for him in the car to take him to school, but not anymore. The Byers’ new home was closer to school. Will and El could easily bike to school now, which neither of them minded. Maine did not seem to have the same problem with interdimensional monsters invading as Hawkins so the risk of them dying on their way was significantly lower.

Will locked the door behind him and walked over the damp grass to pick up his bike. Just a moment ago he used to wear shorts without freezing the slightest, now his thighs were covered in goosebumps and shivered annoyingly despite his attempts to ignore the cold.

The golden leaves that had fallen to the ground got stuck onto the bike wheels as they made their way to school. There was a new freshness and scent lingering in the air that wasn’t there when the world was still flourishing green and warm. The arrival of the fall could no longer be denied.

There were a lot of classes that started at this time so there were herds of students who arrived at this time. There was a simmer of voices all around, people who greeted their friends, chattered aimlessly and a few panicked ones who blurted: ”Wait - was the homework for today?!”, as usual.

”What’s your first class?” Will asked El as he parked his bike in the rack outside the school building.

He already knew the answer but he couldn’t come up with anything else to say and he dutifully tried to be friendly, although he didn’t actually care. That way he could at least feel like he had done his part. If she refused to talk to him, then that was her own arrogant attitude’s fault, not his.

”Private tutor,” El said, running a hand through her hair, untangling the soft curls, ”And you?”

”History. I need to hurry. See you later,” he said and gave her a strained smile.

He wasn’t actually in a hurry but he walked with large steps straight towards the classroom anyway. He already had his books in the backpack as he had brought them home the previous day, that way he didn’t have to plunge into the crowded hallways to get to his locker.

Outside of the classroom there were already a bunch of students. Will knew the names of them but he had not yet talked to anyone properly. They were standing in close groups, talking casually to one another. Two girls were laughing loudly at something.

Will swung his backpack off his back and started dinging for his books. He brought them out and started randomly looking through the pages. He wasn’t actually reading, he was just occupying himself with something to not look like an awkward moron staring into nothingness. In this moment he found himself questioning whether this was actually any better than staying with El until the last minute and then rush right into the classroom. It was awkward either way.

”Good morning, students,” said the teacher as he arrived just on time. He was balancing a cup of coffee and a bunch of paper in one hand at the same time as he unlocked the classroom with the other.

The students poured into the classroom, almost floated, and sat right down on the chairs. It looked choreographed because everyone knew exactly what to do and where to go. Then, just seconds later, they started talking again.

Some talked to the one sitting next to them, some to the ones sitting right behind or in front of themself. Some were even half yelling across the room to let everyone hear whatever they had to say. It was entirely unofficial of course, but impressively obvious, how everyone had their own spot in the room.

Will sat down at the back of the classroom. That was his spot for now. There were two other boys sitting in the back too, but they always sat on the right side and Will didn’t want to interlude so he sat on the left.

He looked out the window. From this floor he could only see the very top of the trees outside. The rest was just the pedestrian sky. Even though it felt far away here, he could envision his friends in Hawkins in this very moment. If they were currently in math class the view from their classroom window looked just the same, just tree tops and sky, perhaps the trees were still all green in Hawkins though. It bothered Will that he didn’t know.

-

On Fridays El and Will had lunch at the same time. Not that it mattered much though since El had already made a few friends and by the time Will was about to pick a table, her’s was always full already. He was on the other hand not particularly keen on sitting with her clique anyway, so he didn’t care, he told himself.

Will sat down at an empty table with his lunch box. Joyce really did try her best but since moving she had simply not had the time to prepare meals like she used to, as she was more often than not busy with her new job. Most days of the week Will just ate sandwiches.

Will glanced over at El’s table and spotted her giggling at something her friend had just said. She let her friend take a bite of her sandwich and in return she was offered a taste of a friend’s lunch. For afar she looked and behaved just like everyone else, it was impossible to tell that she was different.

For a while she was very gloomy, but now she talked happily and laughed again. Will found it offensive almost, how she could be so happy. Was she so insensate that she couldn’t even mourn the deaths and tragedies they had suffered? Didn’t she care? Her adoptive dad was gone, and here she was - acting like nothing had happened and everything was fine!

Will unwrapped the little package in the box. The paper was sticky from the jam that had gotten squeezed out on each side of the sandwich. He had just taken the first bite when he realized someone was looking at him.

”Hi,” a short guy Will had never seen before said.

Will had with mouth full of bread and didn’t reply but looked inquiring at the other. He was never approached by anyone so this encounter sparked some anticipation in him. He had just swallowed and was about to tell the guy he could have a seat if he’d like to.

”May I borrow this chair? Are you using it?” the guy asked before Will had the chance to say anything. He patted at the back of one of the other chairs at the table. 

”Go ahead,” Will said mirthlessly, ”I’m not using it.”

It felt like he had just got hit in the face but he wasn’t surprised. This was why he gave up on making new friends ages ago - it only made him disappointed and hurt. Why even bother to keep trying?

”Great. Thanks,” the other said and pulled the chair along with him to another table.

The table was made for six but Will could count nine chairs and now a tenth was added. The kids were packed so tightly they could barely move but they seemed absolutely unbothered by that.

The lunch hall was so unbalanced in terms of crowd; some selected tables hosted large groups of people while the rest remained empty. It was a phenomenon Will had never seen before to this extent. Back in Hawkins the lunch hall had been so small the students didn’t have any other choice but to squeeze themselves in wherever there was still empty space, they couldn’t be picky like that.

Will took a deep breath. It was like every time he turned his head to spotted more and more things that he hated about this place - or about his life, rather. He knew he was stronger than tog give up after just a couple of weeks but he needed a break before he could keep going. Right now every thing was just unbearable, as if the whole world had turned against him, mocking him constantly.

He put his sandwich down in the box again and grabbed his backpack. He left the lunch hall in all haste and didn’t slow down until he was standing by the main entrance.

Then he sighed again. His heart was pounding of anger and frustration but also adrenaline. 

He looked around him. There were no other students there. In this empty state he noticed the walls, the pale color of the floor, the stick figure someone had doodled on the ”broken” sign of the vending machine, the gum that was stuck on the lost-and-found box. It was so meaningless - all of it. What was the purpose of spending every day of his life in this place? Who did it benefit at the end of the day?

Will turned his eyes to the door. Outside the rain had started to pour. That didn’t change anything though, he had already made up his mind. He was going home.

He determinedly left the school building. His hair got soaked in an instant and appeared to be a shade darker. His clothes stuck to his body uncomfortably and felt heavier than before. It wasn’t Will’s first time biking around in the pouring rain though, and that realization only agitated the feeling of everything being hopeless - his life just seemed to be stuck in a miserable loop. The same unfortunate things kept afflicting him again and again, there was no end to it.

Will couldn’t help but to feel a thick lump form in his throat as he came closer to home. He swallowed hardly a couple of times and tried to blink the emerging tears away, refusing to let them escape his eyes.

Once inside he went straight into his room, slammed the door shut behind him and let himself fall flat on his back onto the bed. His soaked clothes and hair left large stains on the sheets. Every muscle in his body was tense. He held his breath for as long as he could - and then he exhaled deeply and in the very same moment tears started streaming down his face.

-

Time passed. Will eventually ran out of tears, as he always did eventually, even if it often felt like he was going to cry himself to death before it slowed down.

The fabric of his shirt and pants had started to dry but they were still cold against the skin. His chest felt lighter and it felt as if a heavy frustration had dissolved, but his face was frankly a mess; his eyelids were visibly poofy, his eye whites were closer to red than white and all over his cheeks there were traces of the streams. There was no way he could meet his family and El in this state but he honestly didn’t even want to meet his family and El right now anyway.

Will groaned at the thought. Why did it have to turn out like this? It he kept his emotions inside he couldn’t even function properly, he’d have to be precarious about his every move, as if there were mines hidden all around him - but if he let his emotions out like this, people (meaning Jonathan and his mom) would notice and get worried. He couldn’t put his own problems onto their shoulders like that, it wasn’t fair to them.

There was no way for him to win.

Will was too tired to do anything. He decided to try to get some sleep, he would need it because he had already made up his mind that he was going to leave before anybody returned home.

-

Will woke up with a wrench. He threw a glance at the watch on the night table. He still had time to get ready and leave. The time was 15:40, El just finished her last class. It would take her a while to get back home (even longer than usual at that, if she’d bother to look for Will before heading home, but Will doubted that she cared that much for him). 

The nap had refreshed him significantly. His body felt lighter and it didn’t require as much strength to move. His eyes were still stinging but overall it was alright.

He got up and changed into dry clothes. With the chilly night ahead in mind, he layered two sweaters on top of each other and full length pants. Then he grabbed his school backpack off the floor, emptied the things inside right on the floor and started collecting whatever he could need for some time on his own in this foreign state.

He found the most convenient blanket in the living room, one that was easy to fit in the backpack. In a drawer he kept all sorts of necessities: a torch, some extra batteries, a foldable map, three dollars and a small pocket knife. He also looked through the refrigerator and the cabinet for anything that would be easy to eat on the go. What else could be useful? His eyes wandered around the room.

Just some weeks earlier he would have grabbed for a bunch of weird things, anything that could be needed to fight the Mind-flayer and survive under crazy circumstances, but things were different in so many ways. There was nothing to prepare himself for aside from the mundane world, which was merciless but still as as morbid as the Upside Down.

With some hesitation he picked up his radio speaker. He always kept it at his night table, hoping that someone would call - or to be real - he just really hoped that Mike specifically would call. He still hadn’t, not a single time, probably busy talking to Eleven, Will assumed. In the end he decided to not even bring the speaker along. It was ridiculous how that thing and its loud silence could hurt him so much, he was better off without it.

Though he was devastated about a lot of things and he was technically running away, he felt excited - he was going somewhere. He wouldn’t have to go to school on Monday, he wouldn’t have to listen to Eleven’s phone calls anymore, he wouldn’t have to pretend anymore.

When satisfied with the backing, he put on a rain coat and left the house after locking it behind him.

The rain was no longer pouring, only small drops fell from the skies. They didn’t even make a sound when they hit the roof. The weather could have been more pleasant for a runaway, but on the other hand that meant that people were less likely to go out and search for him, if anybody even noticed his absence.

He got on his bike and headed away. Where was he going? He had no idea. He had never properly explored this place. All he knew was that every time he went somewhere, to school, to the grocery store, to the lake, he always turned left - for that reason, he turned right this time.

At first the road looked just like it did in the opposite direction. It was surrounded by trees and curved gently through the nature, almost as if it was a natural part of it. Cars passed every now and then. Will made sure to not get in the way. Sometimes the drivers raised their hands at him, nodded casually to say hello. When the road sloped downwards he made sure to rest his legs so he would have energy to bring himself uphill too. It was relaxing to bike without having a final destination, nor a time to hurry for, as well as no company to keep up with and no one to slow down for. Will just made his way forward with only himself to mind.

By the time it had gotten dark outside he had reached a larger road. He stopped and put his foot on the ground for the first time since leaving. The solid ground felt unfamiliar at this point, it felt odd, like it was moving when it wasn’t.

Will looked up.

He was standing right next to a sign that said 202. He turned his head in both directions. He didn’t know where this road would lead him, but it was assumably to some bigger place than the community he had just left. Maybe bigger than Hawkins too.

He turned his head to look behind him. The small road that he had followed until now was nicer than this one, it was less intimidating since there was just one narrow lane and less cars. The barrenness of the endless asphalt and the lack of leafy trees made the larger road seem so exposed, so open.

There was a sparse space between the lane and the steel fence on the side that was wide enough for him to bike in, but he would still have to pay attention all the time in order to not accidentally wobble into the lane and one inconsiderate driver making a slip would be enough to get him killed. It wasn’t too appealing, the thought of riding there, but on the other hand it was the only option he had right now unless he was going to return back home, but he didn’t want to do that either. He wanted to leave, that was the point. He wanted to see something else, find a new place, some new opportunities, new people - an empty page for him to write the next chapter in his life! He couldn’t go back to where he started.

An unexpected fear welled up inside him.

It was like he just now managed to fathom the vastness of the world and how insignificant he was in it. The world was so big. There was so much to see and so much to do. He was just a young boy on a bike in a place he never knew.

He threw a glance over his shoulder. The trees made it practically impossible to distinguish anything out there. It was quiet too. Before Will had thought of it as peaceful but suddenly he was struck by the unsettling realization that maybe the serenity was a faulty impression from his side - maybe something was out there and whatever it was, it wanted Will to believe that everything was fine, just so it could attack unexpectedly.

Will tried to persuade himself that it was just paranoia. Just because he was afraid that there was something there and it truly felt like it - but that didn’t mean that there actually was. Reality was completely separated from his own mind and no matter what he thought, it didn’t have to mean anything at all, he told himself repeatedly.

He interpreted the sound of the wind rattling the leaves as menacing and the darkness was endless and frightening. Somewhere in the murkiness he could so vividly imagine a threat that he genuinely believed that there was one there. He could feel it, it was like he knew by intuition that there was something, even though he rationally didn’t have any proof for it.

An approaching car slowed down. The front lights lit up a ratio around Will and the brightness made him peer and wince back. He didn’t know if the car had just saved him or if the person in the car was in fact the threat he had feared.

Either way, it turned over and stopped right next to him.

Before Will could process what was going on, a woman, assumably in her thirties, stepped out from the driver’s seat. She had brown hair put into a bun. She wrapped her coat around her tightly and walked right towards Will. She almost looked a bit annoyed that she had to leave the car, although Will never asked her to in the first place.

”Hey, kid!” she called loudly, ”What are you out here for, all by yourself? Are you waiting for a ride?”

Will suddenly felt overwhelmed with this social interaction. Thinking about, he had barely talked to anyone at all that day, it was like his brain couldn’t even process the words spoken to him.

”Ehm… I bike,” he said dumbly.

”Yeah, I can tell,” the woman said tersely.

Will didn’t reply. He didn’t know what to say. Other cars passed behind the parked car. The scenery became dark in between each passing vehicle and then lit up again by the front lights. Will tried to get a better look of the woman every time he had the opportunity to but he never managed to create a proper image of who she was.

”Listen, I don’t know what you are running away from and I’m not going to ask you any questions about it. I just won’t be able to sleep tonight if I leave you out here. I’m going to Augusta to visit my sister and niece. How about you come along, and then we try to figure something out tomorrow, yeah?” she said rapidly.

The words poured out of her in one breath. She was straight to the point, bold in a way, but something about her still made her come off as kind. Perhaps she had raised many children and had tons of experience with teenage rebels, Will thought.

”Yeah, sure…” Will said finally. He nodded slowly.

”Great. Your bike will fit in the trunk. Just shove it in there,” the woman said and walked around the car to get back in her seat.

Will stepped off his bike and led it up to the car. Was he really getting into a stranger’s car? Was this something Will the Wise would do? Needless to say, it was apparently the case. Once he was done Will walked up to the door at the passenger’s seat. He opened it up and got in, placed his backpack on the floor in between his feet.

”There are some truly awful monsters out there. You are lucky I am not one of them,” she said as she started the engine.

Will cracked a taut smile. He leaned back against the seat and tried to relax as the car rolled back into the lane. Regardless of what what waiting for him now, it could not possibly be worse than the things he had already made it through. He was going to be fine, in one way or another, he tried to convince himself.

The car smelled like cigarettes and perfume. In between their seats there were two cups of takeaway coffee. One of them still had some lukewarm coffee in it. Its lid had been pressed on sloppily and its content was trickling down the outside of the mug on a few places.

In the backseat there were even more emptied coffee mugs and amid them a dog was sleeping on a blanket with paw prints on.

”That’s a cute dog, ma’am,” Will said at the sight of it.

”Cutest guy in the world without a doubt,” she confirmed without looking away from the road ahead.

Will angled himself to get a better look of the little creature. He had a long body covered in harsh-looking fur. In the dim light it was hard to tell which color, could be anything from grey to brown to black or maybe all at once. The hanging ears covered most of its face and there were no legs visible at all as they were tucked underneath the body. With each breath the chest rose and sank rhythmically. It looked very peaceful which made Will feel more at peace himself. He had the impression that if someone had a happy dog, they were more likely to be kind people.

”He is a dachshund, am I right?” Will asked and smiled timidly.

”Yep. Wire-haired dachshund. His name is David. Four years old.”

”David?”

”Uh-huh. Sounds more like a human name, I know, but I’m a fan of David Bowie, you see,” she said, again without looking at Will. It didn’t pass by unnoticed though how her eyes lit up as she pronounced the name, like it held some sort of power.

”David Bowie?”

”You’ve heard of him, right?” Now she looked at him and raised her eyebrow.

”Yes, yes. Of course. Great music,” he said quickly and nodded frantically, almost a bit afraid that she was going to kick him out of the car if he would have said anything else.

”Want to hear some?” Will didn’t even get to reply before she pointed at the storage department in Will’s door, ”There.”

Will searched around amid a bunch of random objects, looking for the CD. There were at least three lipsticks and a package of cigarettes and some chewing gum, but there was also a CD indeed. He gripped it and handed it over to the woman.

”No, no, I’m driving, I can’t right now. Put it in there.”

Will did as he was told. A moment later Bowie’s familiar voice filled the car with new life.

”He’s the best, simple the best,” the woman crooned and shrugged her head as in disbelief that someone could be that good. Will chuckled at her expression, which seemed to amuse her.

”Hey, I never asked for your name. Do you mind telling? What’s your name?” she asked.

”Will,” he answered without hesitation.

What could she do anyway if she only knew his first name? She didn’t seem like the type who would call the police on him. Will wasn’t entirely sure what he based that assumption on, but she was just too laid back to be the type. She was for instance more keen on humming along to David Bowie than ask him a billion questions.

”Nice to meet you, Will. I’m Amanda.”

With her left hand still on the steering wheel, she held her right hand out towards Will in an awkward position. Will took the hand and shook it.

By every passing minute he felt ever more assured that he had made the right decision to get in the car. It was so nice to sit in the ocean of coffee mugs, some Bowie on the stereo and watch Maine’s landscape pass by the window.

He also ate some snacks that he had brought. He offered to share some with Amanda but she just laughed (”Look, you are the runaway teenager with nothing but a backpack and a bike. I’ll just pull over and buy something at McDonalnd’s if I get hungry. I’ll need to stop for some more coffee anyways!”).

Above them the moon was now visible. It threw its subtle light over everything in a very soothing way. Amanda and Will didn’t utter a word for a long while, both lost in their own minds. Bowie’s music filled out the silence and for a while everything was just fine which made Will conclude that leaving that place was a good decision after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that some people don't like original characters so I thought I just had to let you know that these characters are not a part of the main cast throughout the entire work, it's only a temporary addition until the other characters will step in.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

”Will?” 

Will woke up. He looked around in a bemused state, for a moment not knowing where he was. Amanda was gently shaking him by the shoulder. The car had stopped. In the backseat David had started to restlessly move around. Outside the wild scenery had been replaced by a neighborhood of wooden houses. In some windows the curtains were pulled down but in some there were still soft lights and movement.

”Oh, I fell asleep…” he mumbled.

”That’s alright. We’re here now,” she said and stepped out of the car.

He could hear the sound of his bike getting put down on the street. A moment later the door was opened for David to get out. Will blinked a couple of times, trying to shake the sleepiness off, before stepping out himself.

The air felt crisp. There were no signs of rain here. The chilly breeze was absolutely refreshing after the long ride. Just now did he also realize how effusive the scent of the car had been, it was almost like the strong perfume and cigarettes had made him intoxicated.

”It’s this house right here.”

Amanda pointed with one hand and held Will’s bike with the other. Will quietly gripped the bike and followed her up to the entrance. He carefully laid the bike down on the ground to not make a raucous noise first thing. He hoped that this was not a neighborhood in which kids liked to steal each other’s bikes but judged the mere appearance, he had come to a lovely little community.

On each side of the stairs that led up to the front door there were perfectly groomed bushes of roses and some other season appropriate flowers that Will didn’t know the name of. If his mom had the money and time to, Will was sure she would want to have a lovely garden like that too. A lamp was attached on the wall outside the door, lighting up the front porch in a welcoming way.

”Are they okay with me coming?” Will hissed warily while Amanda knocked on the door.

”They are not heartless people,” she said blankly.

Will could tell she said it more to convince herself than him. While they waited for someone to open the door Will started to frantically think of what he was going to do if he couldn’t stay here. Were there any cheap hotels nearby? Could he find another family if Amanda’s relatives rejected him?

There were footsteps approaching. David started wiggling his tail so vigorously his entire body swung back and fourth and almost fell over.

”It’s aunty, right? It’s aunty! And David!” A girl’s voice could be heard from the other side of the door. It could also be heard how she eagerly stomped with her feet and clapped her hands.

”Yes, it’s aunty, dear… Now, be careful so David doesn’t put his dirty paws on your clothes.”

Through the tiny window in the door frame Will could see shadows of the people inside. With a click the lock was unlocked and the door opened. David barked a few times of excitement and then he ran right into the house and disappeared out of sight.

Left on the threshold, there was a girl. She was dressed in a blue night gown. Soft, blonde hair framed her chubby cheeks. She could not be older than seven. Next to her there was a woman with surprisingly similar facial features to Amanda, but that was visually the only thing the two had in common.

The sister wore a crisp blouse with tailored pants, hair was styled diligently in neat curls, posture so proper it made Will feel like a total lumberjack with his gawkiness. Will even thought her voice gave a sumptuous impression, as if her voice cost ten dollars per word uttered. It made Will feel awfully inferior, like literal garbage on legs.

Amanda kneeled down to hug her niece and then her sister. Will tried to make himself as invisible as possible in the background. He didn’t go unnoticed though, once the other three had greeted each other all eyes turned to him and went quiet.

”Jess, this is Will,” Amanda began, ”… and it would be great if he could stay here for the night. We’ll figure something out tomorrow. I couldn’t leave him behind. Just look at the poor thing!”

Will felt like an object at a museum. He could envision himself being a part of an exhibition, a transfixed wax figure with a sign next to him stating: ’Will Byers, born 1971 - sample of garbage’, or something like that.

”Amanda, I don’t know… this…-”

The sister shifted uncomfortably with a troubled look on her face. She didn’t look Will in the eyes but she repeatedly glances at his overall appearance which made it very obvious to Will what she was thinking.

”He’s cool, don’t worry about that,” Amanda assured, which Will didn’t know how she could be so sure of since they had literally met that same night and didn’t know each other at all.

Will didn’t know what to say, or if to say anything at all. It was strange to have a conversation about himself take place right before his eyes and still not be a part of it. For a moment he wondered if this was how pets experienced it when their owners talked about them with other humans, but the exclusion also applied to human children of course, and probably a lot other people whose voices were never heard for other reasons.

”Will, come here,” Amanda said and made some space next to her, in front of the door. Will stepped forward from the background, unsure of where to look, which always made him look at the floor or anywhere else but at the person he was supposed to look at.

”Ehm… hi,” he said, just as dumbly as when he first met Amanda.

”He won’t bother,” Amanda nudged Will in the side, ”Right, Will?”

”Of course! I mean, as in… I won’t bother - I’ll do my best not to anyway - sorry - I… yeah.”

Will scratched his neck and damned himself for being so unsmooth. He literally had one thing to say and he managed to mess it up. How could he blame anyone for not wanting to befriend him? It was obviously because he was socially incapable, he realized to his dismay. Not even Will would want to be friends with himself.

The little girl looked at him inquisitively. She didn’t seem the slightest bothered by his feral appearance. When she then smiled at him and he awkwardly smiled back it seemed to change something in the mind of the sister.

”Okay then…” She gestured for Amanda and Will into the house with a discreet sigh that she probably didn’t expect Will to notice.

”Well, welcome to the Parkers then, Will. I’m Jessica, this is my girl Jennifer. My husband is right here - Joshua - being polite as ever, as you see,” the woman said and cleared her throat meaningly at the man who was sitting in the sofa in the living room, watching TV.

”Thank you so much for letting me stay, mrs Parker,” Will said vaguely, still evasively looking at the floor, hoping that he could turn into transparent material if he just avoided human eyes as much as possible. 

”No problem,” she answered shortly and went straight into the kitchen at the right.

Jennifer stared while Will and Amanda took off their outerwear like it was the most interesting thing to have ever happened. Her eyes were very dark, almost black. They looked a bit out of place along with the blonde hair but Will decided that he liked them. A quick thought drifted in and out of Will’s mind in a flash: maybe someday in the future someone would look into her eyes and think of them in the same way that Will thought about Mike’s. This simple thing made Will feel a little bit more connected to her.

”Hello, Jennifer,” he said once he was done taking off the multiple layers of clothes. He bended down in order to not tower above her.

”Hi.” She fiddled with the fabric of her night gown and looked both curious and shy at the same time. She had a playful smile on her lips that Will took as an invitation to say something more to her.

”I’m Will,” He held out his hand towards her.

She grabbed his hand but didn’t seem to know what to do next. Will gently shook the hand up and down which she looked very excited about, as if this was the first time someone shook her hand.

”I’m Jennifer, but you can me Jenn, because that’s what my friends call me. I am six years old. My birthday is in July. Do you want to play with my toys?” she said, all at once.

”Ehm… yes, of course,” he said but couldn’t help but to throw a longing glance towards Amanda, who was about to walk into the living room, but then stopped abruptly. She turned around to look at Will, and with a sly chuckle she asked:

”Are you aware of what you’re getting yourself into now?”

In this light he could see her properly for the first time. She wore a grey T-shirt and some loose fitted jeans, it was nothing special. Her face on the other hand possessed a unique charm that Will had never seen before. In every corner and angle of her face there were dark shadows and they made her face look older than she actually was. In contrary to this, her eyes looked youthful. There was a playful spark in them that could be spotted from miles away.

There was something about her aura that made Will feel like the two had something in common, but he couldn’t exactly tell what is was. Amanda came across as a very confident, independent person while Will on the other hand… was definitely not. Maybe it was the lack of swanky accessories and frayed edges on the clothes that made them similar? Or else it could also be how neither of them seemed to fit the frame for how to act their own age? Will wasn’t sure.

”It’s alright, I don’t mind…” Will mumbled servilely.

He didn’t want to risk upsetting the daughter of the house first thing he did, not now when he knew that this family didn’t even want him here in the first place. He was just grateful that they had allowed him to stay.

Jennifer grabbed his hand and pulled him along, through the living room and into a bedroom with some cute stickers on the door. It wasn’t a particularly big room, but it contained a lot, was Will’s first impression.

In the bedroom there was a bookshelf with more toys in it than books. There were paper and crayons all over the floor. The bed was un-made. It was a mystery how she could even fit in there with all the plushies, they must have been at least fifteen of them in various shapes and sizes. With its cluttered messiness, the room didn’t match with the rest of the house at all, judged by the brief sight Will had gotten on their way to Jennifer’s bedroom.

”You have a lot of toys, I see,” Will noted.

”I know. I love them.”

She walked up to the bookshelf. Even though the toys seemed to just have been randomly thrown in there, she could perfectly navigate among the things. She grabbed a toy and held it towards Will.

”This is my favorite,” she said proudly, ”You can hold it, if you’d like?”

Will accepter the offer somewhat reluctantly. It was a plastic figure with pink hair and a sparkly dress, large eyes and a petite mouth. Will didn’t know much about dolls but it didn’t quite look like a classic Barbie - oh, and it had wings too.

”It’s a fairy,” she explained, but Will had already noticed.

”That’s nice,” Will said with coerced lightheartedness, when it really felt as if the plastic toy was made out of lead and it was burning his fingers, which wasn’t nice at all.

He handed it back to her in a ruthless manner, too forcefully to be natural, which he was instantly abashed about. He tried play it off by laughing, but that probably just made it worse.

”You don’t like fairies, do you?” she said with an unsure expression.

”No, no, that’s… Fairies are really cool! Really!”

He nodded rapidly as if that would make his statement more believable and subconsciously put his arms in an almost embracing position over his chest, which he often did when he was nervous and didn’t know where to put his hands.

”I guess boys don’t like fairies, they like cars and spaceships and dinosaurs and such things,” she said gloomily, confirming that Will’s objection didn’t convince her, ”… that’s why I don’t play with boys very much.”

”Actually -”

The door to the bedroom opened. It was mrs Parker and her presence made him shut up at once. He didn’t even say anything but he felt an uneasy simmer in his guts because he feared that if he wouldn’t have gotten interrupted, he might have accidentally poured his whole heart out onto this poor kid. This fear was irrational since he had never actually done that, but he didn’t trust himself these days, it was like he was always on the edge of going nuts.

”Jenn, you know it’s way past your bedtime. We agreed that you could stay up until Amanda arrived but now you have to sleep. Will will stay here for the night so you can see him tomorrow instead, okay?” she said. Jennifer sighed dramatically.

”We didn’t even have time to start playing yet!” she whined.

”Doesn’t matter. You are actually really tired now, you just don’t feel it because you are so excited. Let’s go brush our teeth.”

Jennifer put the fairy back in the bookshelf and then let her mom lead her out of the room. Will was leaving along with them but right before he left he looked behind him. The fairy sat in the bookshelf, as stiff as all the other toys. It didn’t stand out the slightest but its presence still felt threatening while the other toys didn’t have the same aura. Will could almost hear it chant menacingly: ”Fairyboy, fairyboy, fairyboy!”

He determinedly closed the door behind him when he left the room.

Amanda and mr Parker sat in the living room outside. Mr Parker had turned down the volume of the TV so the two could talk. On the rug beneath David was chewing contently on a bone. Mr Parker had a small glass of whisky in his hand and Amanda had a glass of red wine standing on the small table in front of her. All around the room there was a warm light coming from a bunch of candles placed in every place possible.

”Hello there, boy,” mr Parker greeted when he saw Will leaving the child’s room.

He had light hair and a mustache that resembled mr Clarke. His shirt was casually untucked. Will could imagine this man being very neat and formal at work but now that it was late Friday evening he just didn’t care. This made Will wonder why mrs Parker cared so much.

”Have a seat!” the man cheered and made a gesture towards the armchair that was standing next to the sofa.

All the furniture in the room looked expensive and contemporary. There were no traces of dust anywhere either. Will was almost afraid to sit down on the soft cushion, he felt so out of place with his ill-fitting hand-me-down clothes and dirty hair.

”So how did you end up here, huh?” mr Parker repositioned himself in the sofa as if he was preparing himself for a long storytelling session. 

”Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it, Josh,” Amanda inflicted, keeping her promise that she wouldn’t ask a bunch of questions or force him to talk.

”I guess it’s a bit complicated,” Will said candidly.

That was fully true. How was he supposed to explain everything without including everything that had happened back in Hawkins? They wouldn’t believe him anyway and he wasn’t sure he even wanted them to know in the first place.

”Don’t worry, it’s okay,” mr Parker said but Will caught a subtle hue of disappointment in his voice, ”Want something to drink perhaps?”

Will felt incredibly uncomfortable by these gestures of kindness. He felt like an intruder who had just forced himself into this home. He did in no way deserve to be treated like an expected old friend.

”I’m good, thank you, mr,” Will assured.

”May I ask though… Where did you come from? Are you from around here?” mr Parker asked.

”I am originally from Hawkins. Moved to Maine some time ago.”

”Hawkins? Never heard of it…” He scratched his mustache thoughtfully and sipped some whisky.

”It could be the least interesting place in the entire country, there’s no reason to know about it,” Will said, which made mr Parker hum understandingly.

Well, from the outside it was probably the least interesting place to have ever existed. There were no cool celebrities, no tourist attractions, no specialities and it was inhabited by pretty lame people, generally speaking. The most interesting thing was of course Hawkins lab, but most people had never heard of it anyway.

”Good thing you found your way to the second least interesting place then!” Amanda cracked up, sipped some wine and eyed Mr Parker in the corner of her eyes. He didn’t seem to notice the shadiness, fooled my Amanda’s cheerful voice setting.

Jennifer was back from the bathroom. Mrs Parker walked closely behind her, as if to make sure the daughter kept going forward. Jennifer looked as bummed as only a six year old could. Each step was prolonged and reluctant. 

”Say goodnight, Jenn,” Mrs Parker encouraged.

”Goodnight, dad. Goodnight, Amanda. Goodnight, Will…” she muttered desolately.

She slowly made her way into her bedroom. Mrs Parker tucked her into the bed, amidst all the plushies, and kissed her forehead before carefully closing the door. It was still left slightly open so it wouldn’t be completely dark in there.

”You have a fan, Will,” Mrs Parker chuckled and sat down next to her husband at the edge of the couch, posture still unnaturally straight, making it look like she was posing for a camera. 

It was the first time she had smiled at him. It was delighting, as if it wasn’t until now that he was actually welcome in their home. Will felt more relaxed at once, although he felt the need to straighten his own back a little bit in order to not make her change her mind.

”She’s cute, Jennifer, very nice kid,” he noted.

”She is. She would be disappointed if you leave tomorrow before she gets to meet you.”

”Don’t worry, I’m not in a hurry anywhere.”

Will had said it in an attempt to sound lighthearted but the reality of the situation made the air feel heavy; this was only a temporary stay for the night. They all knew that. Tomorrow he was off again to somewhere unknown - now in Augusta, a city in which he knew no one. He didn’t have money enough for literally anything and the food he had brought was not sufficient for even two days.

”I’m sorry for the inconvenience too, I didn’t expect another visitor… would you mind sleeping on the couch? You can have another blanket and a nicer pillow, of course…” Mrs Parker looked embarrassed by not being able to offer a guest a proper place to sleep.

”It’s absolutely fine! I’m sorry to bother you in the first place!”

-

Will stared up in the ceiling. It was so weird to see a different ceiling stare back at him. And it felt weird to know that Eleven wasn’t in the room next door but another little girl. Mr and Mrs Parker slept in the room next to the bathroom. Amanda and David stayed in a guest room with its own entrance from the garden.

He wrapped the blanked tightly around him. He felt small. The walls were too far apart and the ceiling was too high. Everything was out of place. The dark living room felt lifeless and cold without the candles and the other people. Everything felt foreign - including himself.

Who was this guy who had just ran away? Got into a stranger’s car? Who was the guy who was currently sleeping on an expensive sofa in Augusta instead of in his own home? Was this his new self? Was this the true meaning of ”growing up”…?

Sure, he had been through things. He had spent many nights alone, far away from home but also in his bedroom, waking up in drenched in sweat, terrifying memories haunting him day and night. He had been starved and ailing. Life had certainly not always been easy on him - but this time it was different from the times before.

He put himself here. He wasn’t forced to, he wasn’t kidnapped. He had a choice to stay in school, go about the evening following the same old routine, sleep in a real bed - but he made a decision not to. This was all his work and he knew, and it made his heart ache, that he would have to take full responsibility for this with no one, nothing, else to blame.

The day had been terribly long and eventful. He could have pondered the entire night away if it wasn’t because he was so exhausted. His thoughts slowed down, so did his breathing. He fell into deep sleep before Mike even crossed his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

The windows in the living room lacked curtains so the morning sun hit Will right in the face and forced him to wake up unnecessarily early. He had slept so deeply it resembled like a knock-out. He ungracefully sat up, shielding his eyes from the beams with one hand.

The time was 6, it was Saturday. The others may seize this opportunity to sleep, he figured, which meant that he had some time to kill until then.

He had slept in the same clothes as he had worn all day so he didn’t even need to get changed (not that he actually had anything to change into either). Quietly, he made his way over to the front door and opened it.

A street stretched in both directions. There were houses on both sides, all of them looking more or less identical: groomed, domestic, nice but not too flashy. Will’s bike was still at the same spot as he had left it at. In the neighbors’ gardens he could spot some other bikes, a football, gardening tools and a miniature swing. A languid cat trudged around peacefully but there were no people outside. In the gentle morning sun, the street looked almost magical.

The view gave Will an idea of what this neighborhood was like, but he had no idea where it was located geographically. It looked like a suburb, it couldn’t possibly be the center of Augusta, this place. He wondered how far it was from here to the nearest bus station - not that it really mattered since he wasn’t sure where he wanted to go anyway.

Will closed the door again. He headed back to the couch, dug around in his backpack, searching for the foldable map. He opened it up and tried to figure out his location. He folded back and forth and back again, deeply concentrated. He found an area that resembled the one he was currently in, but he wasn’t completely sure because the map said that there was a large factory nearby, which he had not seen around here. Once the family woke up he could just ask them, he thought, and proceeded to look for places he’d like to visit instead.

A big city would be cool, like New York or LA. His chances of finding someone like himself was significantly higher if he could get to a bigger city. Going from one small community to another small community was pointless. He craved life and movement and opportunity and diversity and new perspectives - anything that was not myopic morons.

The clock ticked and around 8 he could hear signs of life from Jennifer’s room. A moment later she peeked out through the door. Her hair was messy and she was still in her nightgown, but Jennifer was wide awake and ready for a new day, Will could tell by her energetic eyes.

”Will!” she cheered happily.

”Good morning.”

He put the map back into his backpack. Although he wasn’t sure how to get there, he had made up his mind that going to New York was at least more realistic that going all the way to California. He’d need to work along the way too or else he would starve to death before reaching the goal. Biking at the way would be a challenge for sure, but it wasn’t impossible if he could just find a route to follow. 

There were people who went on insane expeditions, wandering back and fourth in the remote wilderness, through jungles and over mountains, so going from Maine to New York by bike wasn’t too bad in comparison, Will thought optimistically.

”Your hair looks funny,” Jennifer giggled and pointed at Will. He laughed and tried to flatten his bangs out. He didn’t have a mirror, but judged by Jennifer’s amused gaze he did not succeed.

There was a momentary pause where they both just looked at each other. Will didn’t know her and she didn’t know Will, and yet it felt like she perceived him like an older brother or cousin already. That was the charm with younger kids - they opened their arms wholeheartedly towards anyone, naïvely for sure, but undamaged and pure.

”Mom and dad always sleep all day. Do you want to do something?” she asked.

Will wasn’t even given a second to consider whether he actually wanted to do something or not before Jennifer started rambling:

”What do you want to do? I have many toys, I showed you yesterday, and I also have clothes so we can dress up but maybe you are too big… we can draw too,” she counted the options on her fingers, ”… or maybe we could go to the park or we can visit Gretel? She is my friend.”

Out of all the things she had just mentioned, drawing was the only word that Will managed to catch up and it was also the only activity he genuinely wanted to do. The thought of playing with fairies and dolls was downright repulsive, it even made him feel nauseous for some reason.

”Actually, I would really like to draw, if you don’t mind?”

Jennifer nodded her head violently and disappeared back into the room behind her. Thinking about it, it had been a long time ago since he drew anything. He didn’t even know when and why he stopped, which was even a bit alarming since he used to do it all the time. What did he do with his time instead? He didn’t have any new hobbies and he didn’t spend much time around friends.

It was a horrifying realization that the days just passed by without really containing anything, it was just empty hours that meant nothing, like his life was slipping away from him.

-

In a haste Jennifer had made five drawings already, the ideas just seemed to pour out of her and onto the paper and before she had even finished the first idea she was moving on to the next.

She had a large variety of crayons, pencils and felt-tips in all sorts of colors. She also had plenty of paper in different shades and textures. All of this was spread out over the kitchen table in a wild mess, ruthlessly poured out of their packages and tins.

Will was pestered by a jealousy that was nagging in the back of his mind. For a long time he managed with a limited selection of shades, all crayons, and he always had to draw on both sides of the paper because he didn’t have much of it. It was unfair.

He carefully picked up one pencil after another and just looked at it. He recognized the brands. Some of them were disturbingly expensive for a kid to play with like that. He also let the tip of his fingers run over the surface of the papers. The graininess, the smoothness, the thickness… those could be used by actual artists.

”What are you doing?” Jennifer asked, looking up from her sixth work to look at Will.

”I’m just looking at all the things you have here. I’ve never held a pencil like this before,” Will said, embarrassed by his own fixation.

”Have you never held a pencil before?” Jennifer looked confused, then she giggled.

”Oh, no, it’s not like that! I’ve held many pencils before, but not one like this,” Will said and held the pencil in the air. Jennifer tilted her head, obviously not understanding the point.

”Wait, I’ll show you.”

He couldn’t let her work with such high quality supplies without even appreciating it. He grabbed small piece of paper that must have been left behind after cutting out a figure from it. He selected some of the pencils and started drawing lines next to each other on the piece.

”Okay, look here.” Will pushed the paper with the lines over the table. Jennifer looked at it with fascination, ”Do you see the difference?” he asked her and pointed at the different lines.

Some of them were obviously more pigmented, some were sharper and some where easier to smudge. She leaned over to look closer. She was looking for the difference that Will could see but eventually she gave up and said, disappointedly:

”They look the same to me…”

”It’s hard to tell when it’s just a straight line. In a drawing you would be able to see the difference, I am sure,” Will said with a reassuring smile.

”Show me,” she demanded and leaned back at the chair again, ”Draw something.”

”What should I draw then?”

That question was a curse to artists. People would demand portraits of themselves or extremely dull, uninspiring things - and yet, it remained the first impulse to ask whenever it was time to draw something.

”Something that you like maybe? I like cats so I like to draw cats, see?”

She held one of her drawings up for Will to see. It was just a circle with two triangles on top and something undistinguishable for its face. If she wouldn’t have told him, he wouldn’t have a clue that it was a cat, but Will gave her a thumbs up anyway, which made her face crack up is a proud smile.

”Okay, I’ll draw something that I like…” Will said.

That was actually a descend suggestion but his mind was blank. What did he even like these days? She didn’t demand anything outrageous, she just asked him to draw something that he liked. That should be simple and yet it wasn’t. It would have been easier if she just asked him to draw one specific thing, like a cat or a tree, but that was didn’t spark any artistic enthusiasm on the other hand.

”You are thinking too much, Will.”

Will was pulled out of his thought at the new voice. Amanda had approached from behind. She was casually leaning against the doorframe, looking into the kitchen. Will didn’t know for how long she had been there.

”You’re up earlier than I expected. I wouldn’t have been surprised if you slept for days, honestly. Want some coffee? Tea?” Amanda continued as she walked up to the kitchen counter.

”I’m fine, really -”

”No need to be so polite all the time, just have some coffee, jeez!” she laughed and pulled down two mugs from the cabinet above. Even the mugs looked expensive, like an antique collectors wet dream. Just looking at them made Will scared of accidentally breaking one.

Will watched Amanda move around in the kitchen. He figured that she visited her sister frequently because she knew exactly where to find everything and she seemed absolutely unapologetic about taking whatever she wanted from the cabinets and the refrigerator. When she was done she put the mugs down on the table, at the only two spots that were not cluttered, and sat down on the chair next to Jennifer.

Will looked down on the paper before him. Perhaps he did overthink it… ”Just draw something”, he encouraged himself. He picked up a lead pencil, one in a light shade, and started sketching aimlessly with a light hand.

”It’s usually the troubled ones who are the best artists,” Amanda noted, swallowed a big mouthful of coffee and added: ”That’s not how an average fifteen year old draws.”

She nodded meaningly at Will’s hand. The way he held the pencil and how he moved it over the surface had a certain finesse, anyone could tell, expect for Will perhaps. Will refused to look up, cheeks flushed by the compliment.

”Hey, thinking about it… I never asked about your age. Are you even fifteen?”

”I’m fourteen,” Will corrected, still concentrated on his drawing.

Across the paper the general idea of his work had started to become visible. He had four figures outlined and the table in the middle. Was he being ridiculous? Perhaps. Was he making things unnecessarily deep and complicated? Perhaps. Was this his new state of normal? Perhaps.

But when he asked himself what he liked, despite everything, it was still his friends. That was the truth, but not as they were now, but as they used to be. That memory made his equally sad as happy - for the very reason that he liked it so much. He didn’t want it to be passé.

Jennifer told one story after the other. Will didn’t even listen at this point, there was no way he could keep up anyway since she kept namedropping all of her friends and places Will had never heard of. He just nodded and laughed whenever he sensed that she expected him to, but his mind was all focused on the drawing.

He picked up some other types on pencils, started adding more depth to it. He was amazed at how easy it was to use them. With his supplies at home it sometimes felt like he had to force them to do what he wanted, these just delicately followed his hand without protesting. In his head he made a promise that if he ever became rich, better art supplies would be his first treat to himself.

Will drew Dustin’s face with a small grin. He could almost hear his signature purring when he drew his teeth. Drawing Lucas’ face also made him happy, his mind filled up with the echoing sounds of his ridiculous attempts at pick-up lines and his dance moves.

Will drew himself without thinking too much on the actual drawing. He just let all the memories fill him up - the worked up cheering, the laughter, the inside-jokes. Since he knew that he aways used to smile back then, Will drew a smile on his own face too.

And then there was Mike. With a new type of hesitation he slowly started drawing his face. When he filled in the dark color of his eyes he held his breath. He had not seen those eyes in a long time. When he was stuck in the Upside Down he was only gone for a week and he thought that was a long time, but now several weeks had passed without as much as a glimpse of Mike. But despite that, Will knew exactly what those eyes looked like.

He drew the rest with a hand so gentle it was almost like he caressed it. He wanted to recall Mike’s funniest moments but there was something melancholic that slipped in between. It was a tenderness and aching that didn’t afflict him when he drew the other two - not because he didn’t love them and miss them - but they were not Mike.

When finished, he put he pencil down and looked up for the first time since starting. He almost felt dizzy, like he had just been brought back to the real world after an intense dream. The feeling was familiar, it was the addictive feeling that made him come back to art again and again. It was captivating and it felt good to be so consumed by something. For some people it was sports, for Will it was art. Despite taking intermittent breaks from drawing, Will was assured in this moment, that he was never going to stop forever.

”Are you done now?” Jennifer asked, full of anticipation.

She now had a full pile of drawings on each side of her. Will turned his drawing around and pushed it over to her, praying that she wouldn’t grab it and ruin it. She lifted the drawing up, surprisingly careful. Her eyes wandered across it back and fourth, up and down. Then she put it down on the table again and pushed it over to Will again.

”How did you become good at drawing?” Jennifer asked, almost a bit frumpy.

”Just practice, I guess…” Will said shyly.

”May I?” Amanda asked and reached for the paper. She looked at it for a while, a secretive grin spreading on her lips. She chuckled discreetly when gave it back again, ”That’s amazing. You’re good.”

-

”Thank you so much for everything, again!” Will said, probably for the fifth time.

He put his hand on the doorknob, backpack on his back, ready to go. The moment he opened it Jennifer bursted into tears and ran up to him, put her tiny arms around his waist. She nuzzled her face into his shirt, leaving some wet traces behind. Will felt a bit coy about this affectionate outburst. They had only known each other for a couple of hours, but that was of course something a young kid cared for at all since they had a good time throughout those hours.

”Don’t go!” she cried.

”I’m sorry, Jenn. Perhaps I can write you a post card sometime?” he consoled. She looked up at him, still with her arms tightly wrapped around him, and nodded unhappily.

”Will can even come here to visit any time, if he would like to,” Mrs Parker assured.

When her eyes met Will’s he knew in an instant that the Parkers were now his friends, not just a temporary stay. The hostility from their first encounter had dissolved into nothingness.

”Of course,” Will said. He looked down at Jennifer and bopped his finger on her nose, as he often did this with dogs and puppies. She giggled and let go.

”Bye, bye, Will,” Jennifer said and waved. Will pushed the door open and waved back. Amanda followed him but made sure that David stayed inside, much to his dismay.

Amanda had insisted on driving Will down town. (”You would never be able to escape this neighborhood otherwise. It’s like a maze. You’d be stuck for life!”) Will gratefully accepted the offer. He got into the passenger’s seat just like yesterday.

The Amanda drove slowly through the neighborhood. Small streets ran in a spiderweb-like pattern. The passed a park with some swings and a slide. Then they turned left and increased the speed down a larger road that led them out of the cluster.

Amanda was surprisingly quiet. Will could tell that she was pondering something. A few times she sighed in a troubled way but she never said anything. Will himself didn’t exactly know what to say either. He looked out the window and pretended to find the scenery extremely interesting, just to avoid the awkwardness that was like a thick wall between them.

Eventually there were bigger apartment buildings on each side of the road. There were more people outside too. In the distance Will could spot a tall dome in a greenish shade. This had to be the city center, Will concluded.

”Welcome to Augusta, then,” Amanda said mirthlessly.

She parker the car at the nearest place. She remained still in her seat, seemingly going nowhere. For a second Will felt a bit disappointed. Without really knowing why, he had expected her to at least get out of the car to say goodbye. They were not best friends or anything, but… still.

”Well, goodbye then. Thank you so much for everything -” Will grabbed his backpack and opened the door, ”… I really do appreciate it.”

”Wait!” Amanda bursted, her face veiled with a coyness that wasn’t there before. Will fell back in against the seat again, surprised look on his face, ”Can I at least treat you something to eat before you leave?”


	5. Chapter 5

The cafe was pretty large but appeared much smaller as there were sturdy, wooden tables and chairs distributed all over the room, making the space look less open. The deep, green color on the walls didn’t help to brighten it up either but some daylight shone in through the windows to the street outside. There were also traditional paintings on the walls of local scenery and gingham table cloth spread across the tables. Will presumed that this place had been around for quite a while, every thing about it was a bit old fashioned.

Will sat at a table in the left corner, nervously tapping his foot on the floor. Amanda was ordering something to eat and drink for them. She insisted on paying for everything (not that Will actually had enough money to pay with, but he had still offered to contribute with the scrawny dollars that he had).

She came back to the tables a few minutes later, carrying a tray with two large mugs and a tiny basket with bread. When she put it down on the table Will could also see that there were some cream cheese and jams on a desert plate.

”This is the best, I’m telling you!” she crooned and grabbed a bread bun.

She tore off a piece and dipped it in the mug. When she pulled it up again it was dripping with hot chocolate. Will laughed at her expression when she put it in her mouth. 

”You try it!” she encouraged, ”It’s amazing!”

Will did. The bread was still warm, probably came straight from the oven. The chocolate was great too. He gave it a thumbs-up as he chewed.

They ate some more and sipped their drinks in silence for a while. The awkward wall was gone, much to Will’s delight. It was sad really, that they were going to part ways after this. Will still had the strong feeling in his gut that they had something in common that he didn’t share with anybody else. Perhaps it was just wishful thinking, a desperate attempt to feel connected to someone who seemed reliable because he was lonely and scared.

”Amanda…” he began, ”I’m glad I got in the car with you yesterday. It’s been amazing.”

”It’s my pleasure,” she said in an easy manner, but he could tell that it really meant a lot for her to hear him say that by the way her smile seemed so earnest.

”I haven’t really told you anything about myself but I figured… perhaps I should. I feel like you would understand and I wouldn’t want us to part as complete strangers,” he continued.

She didn’t say anything, but he definitely had her full attention, which made him a bit uneasy. He wanted her to listen but it was difficult to say things when she was looking at him so directly. Will tried to shrug it off by focusing on the food and shift his own gaze back and fourth between Amanda and the rest of the cafe, not locking it onto one specific place for more than a couple of seconds at the time.

”I’ve had a pretty rough time lately. Moving to Maine was supposed to be a fresh start, but it didn’t turn out the way I wanted…” he said. He was still figuring out just what to say and what to omit. He tentatively continued:

”I don’t really have any friends around here, but the problem is… I don’t really have any friends back in Hawkins either, or well… I do technically, but things are so different now. They all have girlfriends and stuff, while I don’t and it’s just -” 

”It’s the guy with the dark eyes, right?” she asked without any premonition.

”What do you -”

He stared at her, eyes bewildered and a frantic stress swelling inside, the same type of vertigo that he felt standing next to a steep, like he was one step away from falling down into an immense abyss and a certain death. 

Before he could finish the sentence Amanda’s laughter interrupted him. It wasn’t a derisive laughter, only amused and aimed solely at his dumbfounded facial expression - noting else. She put the mug back on the table and leaned her elbow on the wooden surface.

”Will, it’s alright - breathe - I don’t judge,” she said and she sounded so confident, not the slightest incredulous, as if she knew exactly what the circumstances were even though Will hadn’t even told her anything yet.

Will remained speechless, not feeling the slightest bit easier. He realized that the feeling was familiar, a reoccurring dismay that afflicted him whenever someone was penetrating through his barrier, the thick wall of fabricated truths that he had created, leaving him venerable and bare. ”It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” suddenly came to mind. It was a similar situation, it hit too closely to heart, left him feeling like he had gotten stabbed, unable to breathe.

”It’s not like that!” he blurted, words spilling out too desperately to sound unbothered.

”It’s not? Well, my mistake then…” Amanda excused, hands in the air in a defeated gesture, but she had a spark in her eyes, like she was playfully teasing him.

The silence that followed was uncertain, at least Will perceived it as such. The look on her face made him nervous. Why was she so assured that she knew exactly what was going on when he had not yet told her anything? What did she know anyway? In retrospect, maybe she didn’t even aim her comment at… that.

Unsure of where to put his hands and where to look, Will evasively gulped some chocolate, heart beating fast and cheeks burning suspiciously.

As soon as it was apparent that she wasn’t going to push it, Will calmed down a little. He looked at Amanda to see if she was still paying attention, but she just serenely looked out over the room, ate some bread and remained quiet. She didn’t seem care if the minutes passed, completely unbothered, perhaps unaware that she almost caused Will to have a heart attack. It wasn’t fair how she could tease him like that and then just pretend like it didn’t happen, it was like a betrayal!

Will could remember that after the Snow ball a girl at school had giggled and said that Dustin’s hair looked ”kinda gay” with all the effort he had put into it - but Dustin din’t blush, stumble with his words and get an asthmatic seizure - he just muttered something under his breath and moved on like it was nothing. Will couldn't even fake that sort of reaction. He was always embarrassed by his own reaction, it was so silly. Besides, if anything could give him away, it was how panicked he got every time someone mentioned those things but was like a feral instinct that he couldn't control, no matter how much he tried to hold it back and remain calm.

He stirred the cup again, contemplating what to say, bring the conversation back to life, but on a less contentions topic. But then, amidst the thought of asking something about her dog, asking about her car and such unsubstantial topics, it hit him - ”What the hell am I doing?”

He had literally run away from home because he was so sick of everything. He hated the way things were - he wanted freedom! He was sick of hiding himself and pretending, but here he was - shrouding his true self as much as he always had. And what for? He had nothing to lose, he was about to leave anyway and might never see her again!

”How did you know?” he asked before he had even made up his mind about whether he was actually going to do it or not.

His heart rate increased anew. He couldn’t quite believe it himself that he was doing this. He felt stiff of anticipation - or fear - or both actually. Maybe he was an idiot who, out of his own free will, decided to bring the conversation back to life like that. It was like setting himself on fire, his skin felt itchy and tight and he just wanted to crawl out of it for a moment of relief.

Amanda turned her face back to him, face cracking up in a smile. She looked oddly excited which made Will confused because it was so unexpected.

She shifted on the seat, made herself comfortable. There was no need to even elevate his question, she knew exactly what he was talking about, and it appeared as if she had just been waiting for Will to bring it back up.

”How I knew? Oh, I suspected it right from the start!” she waved nonchalantly with her hand, ”What settled it though, was your little artwork this morning - you spent at least three times the amount of time working on that dude with the dark eyes!”

Will looked down on the floor on his left, where he had put down his backpack. Without a word he unzipped the outer compartment and took out the folded drawing from the morning. When he opened it he wasn’t even sure what he was anticipating to see, he personally made it and yet it felt like it was the first time he laid his eyes upon it.

At first glance no difference could be seen, only if one looked closer it became visible that something was different about the figure on the right. To Will though, it was very obvious that Mike was different. When he looked at the drawing, it was as if he could only see Mike at first, he stood out clearly. It wasn’t until a moment later that he could see Dustin and Lukas and himself and the table in front of them. Whether that was because of his drawing technique or his own fixation on Mike was hard to tell objectively.

”You should see yourself,” Amanda chuckled, ”You have the sweetest smile on your face right now. You had the exact same expression when you made it. That’s another thing… people don’t look like that when they look at their friends.”

Will covered his face with both of his hands in embarrassment as he became aware of the heartfelt smile that had subconsciously spread on his face. He must have looked like an idiot.

”I thought I was good at hiding it…” he mumbled.

”Nope, sorry, kid.”

The corners of his mouth slowly dropped. The cafe around him suddenly felt distant, like a muffled fog of voices and the defused sound of rattling porcelain and the tiny bell tinkling every time the door opened. It was as if Will’s body limply sat there on the chair but his mind had drifted away.

If he wasn’t good at hiding it… then… oh god.

If Mike knew that he didn’t like girls, then he must have noticed it by observing because Will had never actually said it out loud - and if he had actually observed - then he must have based it off how Will acted around him because that was the only time Will felt feverish like that. He didn’t care much for other guys and didn’t care the slightest about girls, so aside from Will’s demeanor around Mike himself, there was nothing much to observe.

Besides, if even a stranger could tell by just looking at a drawing, then Mike knew for sure! Mike knew Will better than anyone! Throughout the years he must have noticed how Will was feeling uneasy, his evasiveness in regards of romance, his struggling…

That lead Will onto the next big question… why did Mike leave him to deal with it all by himself? Why didn’t he say anything to make him feel better? Didn’t Mike want to support him although he knew how Will was troubled?

So many thought started racing around in his brain. He could only speculate, and yet it felt like he had discovered a harsh truth, there was no other way to it, nothing else made sense. 

”Hey…” Amanda said, this time softly.

Will had not even noticed that a few, peaceful tears trickled down his cheeks. Will didn’t even know why. Maybe it was just everything at once, the overwhelming feeling of being out, the thought of Mike and the circumstances that had brought him here. There was just a lot at once but he wasn’t actually sad, more than anything he felt empty.

”Am I the -” Amanda began.

”Yeah, I have never told anyone before.”

Amanda handed him a tissue and waited patiently while Will tilted his head backward and abashedly wiped the drops away. He felt observed, as if someone was watching him but in reality everybody else was probably too occupied with their own conversations to care.

”Does it make you uncomfortable?” he asked warily.

”Me? Uncomfortable?” she spitted, like an offended scowl, ”Sweetheart, I am lesbian!”

There was a short pause. Will must have looked stupid. It took a moment until the words had sunk in, and once they did, he just started laughing and so did she. It was a weird reaction but Will couldn’t help it. He covered his mouth with his hand, tried to stifle it back, and yet the explosive chortles managed to slip out.

”Surprised?” she chuckled.

But when Will reviewed the things she had done and said, and the entire aura around her, he realized that he wasn’t actually surprised. It made sense. He couldn’t envision her any other way. The way she leaned casually on the chair, her chapped nails, sturdy gait and confidence that wasn’t particularly ladylike… Just now did it dawn on Will that the thing that made her different, was how she literally did not care whatsoever about what men thought about her. And that also explained why he had sensed that they had something in common - was this what they called a gaydar? Will had heard of it before but he didn’t actually believe that it existed.

”No, not really. I get it now,” he said, smiling happily.

”So… Who’s the guy with the dark eyes?” she asked, shifting the focus back to where they began.

”Ehm… oh, where should I begin…? Well… his name is Mike. We’ve known each other since kindergarten. Been best friends for years, went to school together and all of that…” Will explained.

”Okay, I get it. And somehow the friendship turned into something more, yeah?” she said, predicting his words perfectly.

”Exactly.”

”Ouch.”

”Ouch indeed.”

It felt odd to talk about it out loud, but the suffocating vertigo was gone, replaced by a lighter ambience. It was like walking on a wobbly floor, unsure of whether he was going to fall over or manage to get by. The new ground was exciting at the same time as it was obscure and difficult because there was no proper step-by-step manual for how to do it. For some reason it suddenly felt like it was real, his feelings and thoughts. When he kept them to himself it was practically like they didn’t exist, since they only did so in his own head.

Will had to fight his coyness when explaining the feeling he felt inside when he was around Mike, when he described the fuzzy excitement, the warmth, the dizziness, he felt his cheeks burn but he kept going anyway, because in a weird way it was actually nice to talk about it.

Amanda didn’t interrupt him, didn’t voice any opinions about anything. She just hummed intermittently to encourage him.

He didn’t mind telling her how he was dying to touch Mike’s hand whenever they met, but he decided to not mention how alarmingly strong the urge to touch his chest and thighs was sometimes, because that was just too wrong to say out loud (and yet there was another level of wrongness that Will refused to even acknowledge the existence of because they were technically not his own thoughts, he had convinced himself, since they just coerced their way into his mind against his own will - literally hijacking his brain!).

Amanda smiled tenderly the whole time, nodding nostalgically, probably thinking back at her own her first love, Will figured. When Will told her about how how Mike used to hold him when he was crying over his parents divorce, Amanda let out an ”awww”, that made Will a bit conflicted because the reality of that time period wasn’t cute at all, but he knew that she was just trying to be nice so he didn’t correct her.

The whole time Will felt a little self conscious, due to the persistent feeling of being observed. Maybe it was because he literally looked homeless with his dirty clothes and his backpack, or maybe the other guests had overheard parts of their conversation. Either way, Will was sure that they were staring at him every time he didn’t look, he just never caught them doing it. He uncomfortably shifted on his seat, collected himself, and forced the feeling away every time it became too obtrusive.

”It’s tough sometimes,” Amanda said, sounding more like a whisper. Will had just explained to her how things had changed, how he and Mike were no longer the way they used to be, while looking pensively at the drawing. It was the first time she actually contributed with her own words.

”But you’ll be fine just like I’m fine. It gets easier when you get older, because the older you get the more you realize what is truly important in your life and what is not, so when you’re my age, you just don’t care anymore about all the shit people think.” 

She gently took the drawing away from him, folded it and put it away, after noticing how Will kept staring at it sentimentally. It was only making things more difficult. 

”What if it’s the ones who are truly important who are the ones saying shit then?”

”Then explain. Show them that you are still you, nothing’s changed,” she said.

Will could tell that underneath her confidence and wise words, she knew exactly what he was going through. She had told herself all of those things, figured it out by experience. She was talking to Will the way she wanted to talk to her younger self - at least that was his impression.

”And even though it may not seem like it, I promise you that you are not the only one. There are so many people just like us. You probably even know someone!” she continued when Will didn’t reply.

”I don’t care really care, unless it’s him, and he’s got a girlfriend so…” Will grumbled, just to the second after he had said it regret that he was so ungrateful. She was just trying to be encouraging and kind and he was being a brat.

”Does he know?” Amanda asked after a moment of silence.

”That I like guys?”

”No, that you like him?”

”You said only a fool wouldn’t see it, so I assume he does.”

Amanda grabbed some more bread. She shoved it in her mouth and thought for a while, looking for the right things to say.

”You know… perhaps it’s obvious to me because I know all the signs. I see people who are different everywhere, because I look for it - but if you don’t look for it, or if you are looking for something else, then you won’t see a thing,” she said.

Will nodded slowly but honestly didn’t quite get the point and how this was going to help him.

”… so I think this is likely: he does know that something is up. He knows that there’s something special between the two of you - but it doesn’t even cross his mind that it’s because you like each other, because it’s just so off the charts for him to think that he likes boys - but if you can just… give him an idea, implant the first thought into his brain… then maybe he can connect the dots, you know, like spin off that first thought… and then: one day he’ll get it!”

As she was talking she gestured with her hands, as if to help her get the words out. At the end of her conclusion she slammed her hand at the table, as to settle the deal. Then she leaned back and nodded with a satisfied grin on her lips.

If it was only that simple… Will could see her point but he didn’t buy it. It was bold of her to jump onto the conclusion that Mike liked Will back. She had not witnessed the way Mike pined after Eleven. They were endgame, everyone knew that. After everything they went through together, Will couldn’t possibly imagine them ever breaking up. If he was lucky he could be the Mike’s best man at their wedding but the chances for Will to get together with Mike…? Non-existing. He just had to accept that.

”Still doesn’t change the fact that he has a girlfriend. He’s crazy about her!” Will said unhappily and sighed.

”If you only knew how many boyfriends I’ve had in my life!” she chortled and shook her head, as if she couldn’t even believe it, just like she had done when listening to Bowie.

Will gave her a half-hearted smile, voicelessly thanking her for trying, but it didn’t change anything.

She had never heard the things Mike said to El, nor had she ever seen the two around each other - persistently clinging onto one another, giggling too much, all the blushing - and of course - the kissing! Always! In the most random places, at the most random times - when they were alone, out in public, around their friends, when Will standing right next to them - those two were so head over heels for each other that they had lost all sense of dignity and common sense at this point.

Will stirred the chocolate restlessly with the spoon. It made him upset just thinking about it but he decided to stay silent, knowing that whatever would come out of his mouth would be regretfully malicious if he tried to say anything right now.

An elderly couple walked into the cafe and ordered some pie and coffee. They caught Will’s full attention Amanda curiously followed his gaze to see what he was looking at.

The lady held her husband’s arm tightly to support him as he walked with a limp. They sat down at a table, oblivious to the fact that a woman and a teenage boy were following their every move. The old lady looked closely at the table cloth said something to the old man, who laughed. It was difficult to hear what they were talking about but Will could catch random words that together seemed to puzzle together a conversation about a memory from a cafe in Prague many years ago.

”We’ll never be like that,” Will said mirthlessly, still not taking his eyes off the seniors.

It was the first time since leaving home that he submerged into that bitter, depressing mindset. He wanted it to go away but the more he wished for it to, the stronger it became and before he knew it he was bitter about the fact that he was bitter, which made him more bitter and everything would just go downhill from there.

”What do you mean?”

”We won’t. We cannot speak about our feelings out loud, we cannot get together with the ones we love, we will never get married, never go on romantic trips and be… like that,” Will nodded in the direction of the old couple, ”… old and happy, with an entire lifetime of great memories behind us. People don’t want us to exist. People hate us and want us to change - or die.”

Amanda sighed. 

”Wiiiill, you are fourteeeen. You are too young to be bitter like that!” she crooned.

She stretched her hand out tousled his bangs. Sometimes Jonathan did that too. Thinking about it, she actually reminded him a lot of Jonathan, with her words of wisdom and caring warmth - but she didn’t know him like Jonathan did and she was too optimistic.

”I’m not a kid anymore,” Will said stubbornly.

To this, Amanda just chortled. Will didn’t get it, what was so funny? The world was a harsh place! Will had been put through way too much. He was practically cursed! If he got to choose for himself, he would still be a kid for sure, but the reality was that he could not remain an eleven year old forever. He had finally come to accept that fact.

”Adults are really just kids who have learned how to navigate around society and expectations - but at heart we all still like hot chocolate more than coffee, you know what I mean?” she said and picked up her mug. She raised it, mimicked a ”cheers!” and swallowed a mouthful.

”We have to grow up, that’s life,” he insisted, even though he actually found her statement very believable and funny. Amanda wiped the chocolate mustache with the sleeve of her knitted shirt and then took a deep breath:

”Possibly. But that does not mean we have to give up everything we like and become boring and plain and bitter. Trust me, it’s not worth it! My entire life people have told me I should behave like a lady, get a real job, get a man, be responsible and mature… more like my sister! But that’s not the life I want to live. I’ve met many assholes and sometimes things are tough - but I refuse to just give up the things that I love in life.

Thereful, I think my live is pretty nice - not perfect - but I’m happy. And like I said - there’s many of us! The world is big and a bounding with opportunities and possibilities. Perhaps you don’t know anyone quite like yourself, maybe you don’t fit in in Indiana or Maine or whatever - but there are other places in the world and there’s millions of people out there! You will find your people, your place, some day, just give it some times and hang in there, you know?

You’re impatient, I get it, but you need to give yourself some more time. Things change, you will too. Unexpected things happen too, sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes it’s a bad thing. But if you just give up on everything and decide that you hate the world, then you might miss the good stuff!”

She was getting worked up, all the words just poured out of her, leaving no chance for Will to interrupt. Will was transfixed for a moment, instilling her dramatic speech. He didn’t know how to feel about it or reply to it, but he didn’t need to, as Amanda added a final comment:

”Wow, I should be a psychiatrist”, to which Will bursted out laughing instead.

-

They ordered more chocolate and more bread and also bought a small bag of the cafe’s homemade caramels. Lost in time, they continued to chat for hours, receiving some weird glances from the people working there.

Will still didn’t buy everything she said, at times he even doubted that she even believed in it herself, but he enjoyed her company anyway. Pushing the negativity aside for just a moment was at least better than letting it haunt it around the clock so if she could infuse him with some temporary hope and make him laugh a little, it was enough.

Amanda told Will about her own upbringing and life.

Apparently her family was originally from New York, with some relatives also living in Canada. She had her first kiss with a girl in third grade (”we were just curious to see what it was like and we thought all the boys at school were so stupid so that’s how it happened, didn’t mean much but in hindsight it was probably not a coincidence”) and then she talked about all the boyfriends she had throughout high school and how her family never fully accepted it but just got tired of trying to make her change. She loved to travel, preferably long distances by car, and used to be a promising ballet dancer as a child. 

After graduating she worked part time at several random places, ended up liking to work with marketing and did so for a while, but then started free-lancing with as a concept designer (”…which is apparently not a real job since I don’t wear pencil skirts and heels to work everyday and work at a desk - at least that’s what my parents say - but it pays my bills so that’s obviously a job.”) She admitted to be single at the moment, but she made sure to put a lot of emphasis on that she had actually several successful gay relationships in the past to not make Will disappointed.

Will was mesmerized by her stories. She made the most mundane anecdotes sound interesting with her bold voice and gestures. Furthermore, it was so liberating to have a casual conversation like that, but with no holds barred. Only now when he experienced the contrary, did he fathom just how much energy it had drained to always have to contrive his words, shroud his real self and feelings within him, to appease everyone else.

Whenever Will had a question, even the awkward ones, he dared to ask and she, without hesitation, answered as truthfully as she could (”Now, I don’t know a whole lot about the guy-on-guy-thing, but touching hands and excessive eye-contact doesn’t seem straight to me, to be honest…”). With Amanda’s receptive propensity, nothing was weird to talk about. Will had never admitted, even to himself, half of the things he told her.

Will wished that he would have been a better artist so that he could have shown Amanda just how sublime Mike’s eyes were, make her understand why he was so captivated. The drawing that he had made was good but did not do the real deal any justice, Amanda could only see the dark shade but not the stellar beauty.

Will also told her about his family and his life back in Hawkins, trying his best to find a way smooth around the weirdest events, replacing them with more comprehensible things (such as saying that El chased the bullies away with some karate instead of superpowers and that he was in hospital a lot because his kidney was struggling…)

”… the worst thing is that she is now my sister!” Will sighed, ”And then I feel like a jerk because I feel this anger towards her when she has actually not done anything wrong! I logically know this but I can’t stop it. It’s unfair to Mike too! I want him to be happy but at the same time I hope that their relationship ends, which would make him unhappy!”

”I don’t know… try talking to her? Or talking to Mike? Maybe you could just let them know how you feel, without having any intentions to actually pursue anything, if that makes sense. In my opinion anyway, the only ones who can ruin their relationship is themselves. If your feelings for Mike is enough to wreck their love, then their love was not meant to be in the first place. Maybe you’re even doing them a favor!” Amanda reasoned.

”So you think I should tell him?”

Amanda just nodded.

”Go back to Hawkins, solve things out, give yourself some peace. You’re overthinking, Will, literally all the time. Even if he doesn’t feel the same way about you, it’s better to know than to wonder forever so you can get over him,” she said, as if she was giving him instructions rather than advice.

It made sense, although he wasn’t too sure about whether he would ever get over Mike. He could imagine himself being an old, miserable man who never got to experience love because he could never move on from his first one. Poetic and romantic, but not the life Will wished for himself.

”My plan was to get to New York…” he mumbled.

The vision he had created in his mind was still lingering on, luring him in. If he went back to Hawkins he knew what he was going to get. He knew the people, the streets, the trends, the norms, the routines… He knew nothing about New York. It was an enigma, something for him to discover and figure out. Everything about that thought made Will excited.

”New York? That’s pretty far away,” Amanda noted.

”That’s the point.”

”I don’t want to ruin your dream but to be completely honest, I don’t think going to New York is going to help you right now. Besides, things are not always glamorous in the big cities either. It’s a tough world, lots of competition, and you are a runway teenager without money or social network around there.”

Will pretended to not ever hear what she had just said because he didn’t like it. He desolately gazed out over the cafe, that was now less crowded than before. Amanda noticed his evasiveness. She leaned forward, trying to catch his attention.

”I’m just trying to help,” she said, ”Take my advice and don’t go to New York. You’re not ready for that.”

”But what exactly am I ready for then?!” he spitted, without really thinking.

She leaned back against the chair, startled by the sudden change in tone. Brows furrowed, concern look on her face, she sighed. Will didn’t like the way she looked at him. He wished that he could just be angry for once without affecting anybody else, without getting any troubled looks and sighs - or worse - the woeful gazes that made him feel like he had just hurt someone although his anger wasn’t even directed at them to begin with.

”Tranquility and rest, is my guess. You don’t need a big adventure Will, you need somewhere to feel safe and sound until the worst has passed,” Amanda said blankly.

There was something strained in her voice, as if she was holding something back. Whether it was anger, words of wisdom or affection was impossible to tell. It was like she restricted all her emotions and only to let a few, well chosen ones, ooze out. This change made Will immensely uncomfortable because the very thing he had grown to like about Amanda was her candidness, her unguarded openness and lighthearted approach to everything.

”I will never be safe and sound in Hawkins. You don’t get it, it’s like I’m suffocating all the time! I can’t do anything without feeling like I’m about to have a freaking meltdown!” he explained, trying to sound less angry but was still overtly frustrated.

”I do get it, but you’re going to feel the exact same way in New York, that’s the thing. I love that you’re being optimistic, but you are going to get extremely hurt and disappointed if your vision is that your life with somehow become a magical dream if you only make to New York. It's not going to be a great experience if you impulsively throw yourself into it without a plan.”

There was an aura filling the cafe, making it seem colder and darker. It was of course just how Will interpreted it because he personally didn’t feel cosy and happy anymore. He threw a glance towards the door, contemplating if it was even worth staying anymore. He didn’t want this conversation to proceed, he didn’t want to hear his new friend crush his dreams with sombre realities.

”It’s going to be lonely. Just because there’s a lot of people in New York, it doesn’t mean that they’re all going to be your friends. With a larger population you have to take into consideration that while there’s going to be a lot of amazing people, there’s also a lot of really shitty people. If you have a descent amount of money, grew up in a nice family, have nice friends and an occupation - New York is brilliant. I loved New York, because I had those things - but I’m not blind to the fact that it’s very easy to end up in a really, really bad place if you’re unlucky. New York is crazy at times and you’re an easy target. I don’t want you to get hurt, okay?”

Amanda was so serious it was intimidating. Will found himself tensing up and not even daring to move, fearing that she was going to physically smash him back onto the chair until she was done talking. The chocolate mugs, bread crumbles, caramels and jams didn’t fit in at all any more. They almost resembled old fossils from an era a long time ago - and still somehow, Will could grasp that behind her almost menacing voice setting, she was trying to help him.

”So what should I do then? What do I have to do to be ready for New York?” Will muttered.

These questions made Amanda ease up again, which annoyed Will a little because he didn't think of his questions as a token that he was necessarily listening to her. He still had a vivid image in his head of his life in New York and it had not changed the slightest because of her warnings. She took a deep breath and smiled subtilely for the first time in a while none the less.

”You need to understand that you’re still going to be you, no matter where you go. You can’t run away from yourself, that’s the truth.”

”But what does that even mean? How do I translate that into something I can actually do? Or it this my fate, to always be like this? You were the one who said that things can change! That's easy to say for you because things changed for you - but what about me?! Maybe I'm different!”

Will swallowed the thick lump in his throat and hoped that she wouldn’t notice how he had started to tremble. He put his hands together in order to keep them still and looked her right in the eye to not confirm her impression that he was a frail weakling who couldn’t take care of himself.

”Like I said, I think a good start would be to return to Indiana. I think going back to the start is sometimes the best way to get a brand new start. You thought you could outrun your problems from Indiana when moving to Maine, and yet here you are! Didn’t work, did it? What makes you think that it would work if you ran away to New York?”

Amanda put her hands on top of Will’s. It was a strange gesture but it made him feel a bit better. Her sturdy hands cupped around his and held them tightly in a safe grip. She leaned forward and looked at him with warmth in her gaze, in an almost maternal way.

”Look, Will - if you really want to get to New York, make sure that you mentally leave Hawkins before going. Do whatever you have to do, and when you’re done, give me a call. I might be able to help you with some basic stuff at least, so you don’t have to drift around on your own once you get there.”

-

It was late afternoon by the time they finally left the cafe. It had been a wild rollercoaster ride, Will was exhausted just due to talking but at the end of it he concluded that this was one of the best talks he had ever had. Amanda expressed that she felt the same way. They walked side by side along the street towards the car that was parked a few blocks away.

”I have a whole new respect for people who choose to have children!” she laughed, ”I had a great time but holy shit - imagine being responsible for a teenager full time!”

”To be honest I wouldn’t want to be my own parents either.”

”I didn’t just mean you specifically, I meant like… literally every single teenager ever! I was just like you when I was your age too!” she lit a cigarette and blew out some smoke, ”I remember everyone saying that high school was supposed to be the best time of your life but has anyone ever actually liked high school? Movies make it look so great but it’s total bullshit!"

"They cast every hot actor ever, say that they're sixteen when they're like twenty-six, make them strut around in the hallways in cool clothing, do sports, kiss, have some drama, save the world, become superstars and whatnot - but who actually has time to do that?" Will agreed.

When he said it out loud it made sense, but it didn't change the fact that he felt like everybody else actually did have time to do those things (made not save the world and become superstars) while he was a no lifer. It was just his impression of course, but why else was he always the one sitting alone at lunch? It had to mean something. 

”Do you smoke?” Amanda suddenly asked. She still held the package of cigarettes in her hand and for a moment she looked like she was going to offer him one, but she didn’t.

”No, I don’t,” Will shrugged carelessly.

”Don’t try it. So expensive, so gross, impossible to quit. That’s my last life lesson for today.”

”Okay.”

”Ha! I know you’re going to try it anyway, you’re not fooling anyone!” she chortled.

Will laughed at her but shook his head. Everyone smoked, it was just a normal thing, but Will himself wasn’t too keen on it. It was simply a thing adults did, it wasn’t a big deal. His friends didn’t care either so that could also explain his lack of interest.

”Just make sure to not get hooked on it, you know? Do stupid things - in moderation. That’s the keyword here,” Amanda continued, not caring about his response.

Though he was sad to part from Amanda, he smiled brightly when they hugged each other goodbye. On the backside of his drawing he had written her home address and the phone number both to the Parkers and to her own home, that he had promised to call at any time. He had gently folded the drawing at put it in the inner pocket of his jacket.

The car disappeared around the street corner and then it was gone. Will stood on the pavement with his bike, all alone once again, but with a stirring energy in his stomach that made him feel invincible. He stepped over the bike and slowly started riding away. With his map close at hand and the first bit already figured out, he headed off towards Hawkins.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, leaving kudos and comments. I see you, I appreciate it, I just don't know how to answer ahh ^^'

Raucous laughter could be heard all the way out on the street. The loud simmer of voices inside never stopped, neither did the slamming sounds of porcelain and the live music. Above the door there was a green sign which read ’Jackon’s’ in large, gothic letters. Underneath it said ’bar, restaurant and hostel since 1966’. By the entrance door there was a large menu sign with a long list of beers and foods and a rustic lantern with lit candles inside.

Will stood outside, holding his bike, trying to accumulate enough courage to go inside. He had already paid a visit at the two hotel the small town had listed in their tourist leaflet and both of them were out of his budget. The clerk at the larger one of the hotels had looked at him apologetically and suggested him to go here instead.

”Jackon’s isn’t glamorous but it’s alright for a night,” he had said.

Now that Will was actually standing outside he seriously doubted whether it was actually better than sleeping outside. He had spotted a park on his way here. There was a bench near a small pond that actually didn’t look too bad and the trees surrounding it created a little bit of privacy. He knew that stumbling across Amanda and get to stay at the Parker's was like winning a lottery, he couldn't possibly have the same luck this time. Besides, this town didn't seem anywhere near as serene and lovely - not that is was rough or dangerous, but it just didn't come off as friendly.

Hoping that it wasn’t as bad as it looked from the outside, Will eventually decided to at least take a look inside before settling for a decision. He leaned his bike against the wall and pulled open the door, which was surprisingly heavy.

The commotion was even louder inside, it could be heard through the doors separating the entrance from the restaurant and the bar. The smell of smoke, sweat and alcohol also filled the space throughout. It was very hot and oxygen deficient due to the amount of people inside. Will immediately felt sweaty in his layered sweaters but didn’t want to take them off just yet.

A uniformed woman stood behind a counter talking to two leaving costumers, welcoming them back with a wary smile. She had pearls of sweat all over her forehead that she wiped with her shirt sleeve and sighed. Will noticed that there was a cork board on the wall behind her, on which keys were fastened with pins with numbers attached to them which reminded him of why he even stepped in here to begin with.

”Welcome, sir. How can I help you?” the staff asked Will as the other two left through the door behind him. She looked at Will up and down with an unsure gaze, probably thinking that he was too young to even be there.

”Ehm…”

A group of drunk men shouted, impossible to tell if they were cheering or arguing, in the room at the right. The noise made it impossible to think clearly, leaving Will transfixed at the spot.

”You’re a bit young for the bar, aren’t you? Is your dad in there or something?”

”I… I’m not - no - I mean… I’m not here for the bar,” Will stumbled.

”No? The restaurant is over here,” the lady gestured towards the door on the left, which Will knew already since it was written on the door and the voices coming from that side were more sophisticated, still loud, but less drunken yelling.

Will fixed his eyes onto the keys behind her. He felt like an utter idiot who couldn’t produce the words to ask about the hostel, if there was any room available and what it would cost for one night. He practiced the phrase in his brain so he’d be prepared to say it out loud, but his thoughts got interrupted by the obnoxious noises around him.

A host welcomed another performer by cheering into a microphone in the bar section. A moment later a raspy female voice greeted the audience, making the herds of men whistle, applaud, slam with their hands on the tables and shout. It made Will shiver and he turned around to leave, thinking that it was absolutely better to stay at the bench in the park than at this insane place.

”You want to stay for the night? Is that it?” the woman blurted as he grabbed onto the door handle.

”It’s fine actually, I’ll just -”

”It’s not as noisy over there.”

-

Will dropped his backpack on the floor and let out a sigh of relief. His shoulders and back were tired and so were his legs. His physical exhaustion was still not comparable to the mental one. All those impressions, the fresh air, the new situations he had to face… It was still fine though, he concluded, because he was at least not in school.

He slumped down on the bed, body feeling like it weighed half a ton. The sheets were frayed but they clean, Will didn’t ask for more. The smelled like laundry, infused with a floral freshness and cool because the staff had left the window to storage room where they kept the beddings open all day.

If he would have known that the hostel was a separate building, he wouldn’t have hesitated to take the room. It was almost too good to be true that he actually got his own room, that he didn’t have to share with anybody else. Will was immensely content with how this turned out. The room was small and simple but it was more than enough for just one night.

There was a single bed placed along the wall at the left, taking up almost half of the room. There was window framed with homemade, slightly uneven, curtains. On the right side, squeezed in between between the door and the wall, there was a drawer and a rope had been nailed between walls, creating a line for clothes to be hung onto. If Will would have hung up any clothes they would have draped annoyingly so he would have needed to dodge them since the ceiling was so low, but he didn’t have any such clothing anyway.

A vague lamp was attached to the wall next to the bed. Will was so tired he could just as well had slept with the lighting turned on, but he wanted to seize this opportunity to not wear the same clothes for yet another night. There was a washing machine in the laundry room that he could borrow if he needed to, but he didn’t want to dwell in this town any longer than necessary.

He got out of his clothing, dropped them right on the floor and crawled in underneath the duvet. The windows were not properly isolated from neither cold nor sound, but it was actually relaxing to hear the voices of people walking by. It made him feel a bit less lonely - but not in the obtrusive way like the bar that was just too much happening at once.

He closed his eyes and reviewed the day that had passed. It was almost unfathomable that so much had happened in a single day, it felt like at least a weeks worth of events had happened within those twenty-four hours.

The thought of going back to Hawkins had struck him before, but never for the purpose of saying farewell in order to move on. Something about that thought made him woeful.

At heart, he didn’t want to move on. He was literally the one who missed the old times the most, he was the one who had the hardest time to move on - all of his friends already had! If he could he would love to live his entire life in the Wheeler’s basement, doing nothing but play D&D with his friends until they’d drop dead at the age of eighty-eight.

Moving on wasn’t his own wish, it was everybody else’s. Growing up wasn’t his own wish either, it was just something that had afflicted him because Mother nature wanted it to be that way.

But since he couldn’t change the propensity of his surroundings, what other options did he have? When faced with the decision to choose between being left behind while his friends grew up without him or to grow up and start a new life, if was an easy decision - he had to start a new life. If he couldn’t be a kid and play D&D anymore, then he wanted to go to New York and do something entirely else that wouldn’t trigged any remorseful nostalgia all the time.

With those thoughts in mind, Will finally fell asleep.

-

He spent the second night at another hostel, in a room which he had to share with some Italian backpackers who got lost on their way to Canada. When he was told that there were seven people sharing one room, he contemplated to just leave instead, but the second night was actually really fun. Since the Italians didn’t speak amazing English, Will didn’t feel as pressure to have a flawless conversation with them - they were struggling just as much, or even more, as he did.

There was a table in the middle of the room which they sat around until late at night, some candles burning in the center and some music playing on a radio in the background. In this group, in contrary to the situation at the Parker's, Will was the most proper one. The backpackers' clothes were even more frayed and dirty. One guy wore jeans with holes so big they barely even looked like jeans at this point and his posture was so saggy it looked like he was about to fall off the chair at any minute.

One of the Italians, a girl named Maria, had a pocket dictionary which they used to communicate when they didn’t understand each other but most of them were actually good enough to say what the wanted to say. Generous amounts of body language also helped.

When Will tried to explain his experience of American society to them using only his facial expressions and body, both he and the Italians started laughing hysterically. That was the ice breaker that made them comfortable with each other - maybe a bit too comfortable after a while. Maybe it was a counter reaction to the excessive amount of time Will had spent being in disgruntled, the weird sense of humor that sometimes kicked in in the late hours or maybe the Italians were just really nice people - or all at once.

”In America no drink until twenty-one, yes?” the one named Antonio had said.

Will's impression of Antonio was that he was somehow the leader of their group. Whenever he spoke they others listened and they rarely argued with him, although he seemed really nice and not at all like the time who would lash out at anyone for not agreeing with him. He was also the one who was the most interested in hearing about Will, asked the most questions and really tried to understand his answers.

”Yeah, that’s right,” Will had replied without realizing why Antonio was brining this up.

”In Italy, law is different.”

”Really? Well, I guess people start drinking when they’re younger than twenty-one over here too, but it’s actually not legal. Usually it’s the cool kids who start -”

A large bottle of something was slammed onto the table, making Will wince back in surprise. In hindsight, Will should have seen it coming - they were a couple of years older, foreign and viewed life as a big celebration. If it would have been in any other setting, Will would have been hesitant and unsure about it, but since he was already in such a great mood, all giggly and comfortable with his company, he didn’t react as he normally would.

Having fun is a trap, Will had thought to himself as he left the hostel the following day with a strange headache and a body that was more reluctant than ever to pedal a bike from Maine to Indiana.

He couldn’t remember them ever forcing him to drink with them, they just wanted to let him be a part of the fun albeit he was underage, they didn’t have any bad intentions. He couldn’t actually remember the details from what had happened, only that he had lots of fun - until he puked in a trashcan to the sound of Italians trying to sing along to Madonna’s Holiday and fell asleep in someone else’s bed because he couldn’t climb to the top bunk.

Despite this, he wrote down their phone numbers on the back of his drawing in the morning, just like he had done with Amanda’s, in case their paths would ever cross again. This however was of course unlikely since they were going to leave the US, go skiing in Canada and then travel around in Asia until they ran out of money and went back to Italy, but Will still hoped that they would somehow stay in touch.

It was also likely that they had to do some sketchy things in order to afford everything so maybe it was best to stay away after all, but maybe that was just something he tried to persuade himself to make it easier to leave them. Knowing himself right, it could possibly take have a life time before he would find someone who didn't make him feel like he was about to explode.

-

Needless to say, he didn’t make it as far as he had planned to that day.

The next night he decided to spend on his own because sounds and people only made him feel worse. If possible, he would have crawled into a hole in the underground until the hangover eased up - which he had no idea how long it would take since he had never actually had one. For a short moment he was even afraid that it was going to last forever, that he had somehow damaged his brain permanently and was now bound to be a zombie boy for real.

Sleeping outside was extremely cold and uncomfortable which made him wake up every hour, struggling to go back to sleep. He also had an uneasy feeling of being watched all the time, although he made sure to stay out of sight. Throughout the days the weather was pretty nice though, no pouring rain and a temperature just warm enough to not freeze but still cool enough to not sweat like crazy despite biking all day.

The following two nights after that he tried to find hostels but didn’t succeed and he wanted to save the money Amanda had forced on him for something more important, whatever that could be. He knocked on some doors and hoped for the best but most people didn’t want a stranger in their homes, which forced him to stay outdoors again.

It was already Wednesday. He had been riding for three full days already, managing pretty well despite everything. He tried to not even think about his family because he didn’t want to change his mind, although his alacrity to be free and wild was losing its intensity for every passing day. As long as he kept himself occupied with logistics and navigation it was fine, but if he ever found himself restless he immediately started thinking - which was the very last thing he wanted to do.

He kept his mind set at Hawkins. He had to go back.

-

He put his left foot down on the ground. Looked left. Looked right. Looked over his shoulder. Great, he was lost, he concluded with a sigh.

He looked down on his map. He had anticipated this path to take two hours, along the way he was supposed to pass some cabinets for hikers and scouts and it was supposed to end at a small community by a lake where he had planned to stay for the night. So far he had not yet passed a single cabinet, although on the map it looked as if they were located very close to the road and should have been easy to spot.

There were no signs anywhere near that indicated his location. He had just been following the same road for a long time, believing that is was the right way. He traced the map with his finger, following the lines. The road that he thought he was on did actually reflect the way that he had biked, there were way too many curves to be the same. Not wanting to bike back all the way, he stubbornly continued to look from different angles and tried to remember when he last saw a sign.

The small light at the front of his bike he had turned on just about thirty minutes ago. There were no street lights around and no buildings, just trees and lakes, fields, valleys and hills. The nature was beautiful, but frankly the view had looked exactly the same for miles, Will stopped paying attention ages ago. Right now he really wished for some kind of civilization.

It would soon be pitch black. The discomposure of knowing how the night was approaching was gnawing in the back of his mind. The previous nights he had slept outside, but at least he had been surrounded by buildings and people, rather than the immensity of untamed wilderness.

He ran his hand through his hair. He was glad that he did not have a mirror, he must have looked scarcely recognizable at this point. He did get a quick shower the night he stayed at the Parker’s, but he didn’t dare to use their shampoo so his hair was getting dirtier and wilder by the day.

He looked around him yet another time. Perhaps he could stay here, just for one night… but he still had the strength to keep going for a bit more. Perhaps he would eventually reach a better place to stay after all, and then he could ask someone about his whereabouts and the fastest way to Hawkins from there.

He got back on the bike and followed the same road ahead. He tried to stay optimistic but in the back of his mind an itching worry began to grow, an intuition that he was heading down the wrong way.

-

He ignored the feeling and kept going. He had barely noticed that the trees grew closely packed together now, he had not seen any open fields in a long time. Only delicate veils of clouds passed by on the night sky, leaving the stars and the moon beautifully exposed.

Repeatedly he told himself that he had survived the craziest things, no ordinary wolf and empty dark could hurt him. Still, he felt startled by the vaguest of sounds coming from behind the thick stems surrounding him. It was too dark to see further than a couple of feet ahead of the bike, with its subtle light bulb.

He tried to bring the happy mindset back. Over and over again he tried to envision himself and Mike, and himself and the party being like usual, and himself having ice cream at the mall… anything that would usually make his consciousness drift away to a nicer dream land.

But this time, it just didn’t work. He couldn’t keep himself imperturbable whatsoever.

Every time he filled his brain with something happy it just seemed to drift further away. The vivid sound of Mike’s voice became more and more like a distant echo in the vastness of the night. The lovely scenes became blurrier, just dissolving, paving way for the must scarier thoughts that were radically becoming more obtrusive.

Each breath became heavier. Not wanting to admit this, Will told himself it was because he had been biking so fast. He knew that was a lie. In fact, he was moving slower than before, carefully, soundlessly, as if he was hiding from something and the breathing was affected by his fear for something. But what? It was just a forest. He had biked through forests many times before.

Whilst trying to stay steady on the bike, he started to feel disturbingly dizzy. He breathed frantically while his erratic thoughts were storming around in his head. On one end, he wanted to calm himself down, repeatedly arguing that everything was fine - and the other end alarming him that something was in fact terribly, terribly, wrong and he should prepare himself for… something.

Though he was conflicted, Will did not get called Will the Wise for nothing. Panicking was irrational and useless. It would not help him anyway - besides - everything was actually okay. That was the truth. He was just a boy biking around and it could not possibly be far from a town and -

But he knew something was wrong. He could not hear anything or see anything that was out of place - but he knew. No amount of logic to convince him otherwise.

Instinctively he covered his neck with the palm of his hand.

”Shit!”

He lost the balance of the bike and fell onto the ground with a sharp gasp. The heavy backpack weighed him down even more, hitting the ground with a raucous crash. The asphalt was rough and he could tell just from the intense pain on his knee, that he was bleeding.

The world was spinning. It’s happening again, he thought, this is it. The demogorgon can sense blood. It’s just like it was that day.

He looked around in dismay. The bike was laying on its side just beside him, his right foot still tucked underneath. His heart was beating so hard he could hear every time it pumped. All around him things looked just like they had before. He could not hear or see anything coming from the dark, but the sensation lurking just beneath his skin at the back of his neck did not go away.

It’s somewhere around here, Will was convinced. He struggled his foot out and tried to stand up. Dark red liquid pierced the fabric covering his knee. It really did hurt but more than he was in pain, he was scared.

He grabbed the backpack and started to look around in it as fast as he could, throwing panicked glances around him every two seconds. He did have a knife, the small pocket knife. Where was it?

”Come on, now…” he muttered to himself.

Tucked into the blanket he found the small leather case. He turned it upside down and shook out the folded knife into his palm. The metal was cold and heavy, surprisingly so for its size. Will’s dad had once given it to him. Out of spite Will had refused to use it but something made it impossible for him to throw it away. He unfolded the weapon. The unused surface of the blade was perfectly shiny.

Then he heard a roaring sound approaching - but it wasn’t the roar of a monster - it was the roar of an engine.

It was a car, coming at full speed towards him, where he cowered in the middle of the road. There was no chance they could stop the vehicle in time. With he heartbeat in his throat, he looked up to meet the car’s blinding lights. He impulsively held out his hand, bracing himself to get hit - but then everything stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit weird for me to write because I'm neither American nor Italian - but this scene is actually inspired by a real thing, let me spill out my heart for you here:
> 
> The scene with the Italians is so important for me because I've been there. I'm just projecting my own experience with social anxiety and trauma onto Will and guess what? The only time I found solace growing up was when I interacted with foreigners. That is in fact the reason why I started studying English like a maniac. That's literally what brought me here!(!!)
> 
> At first I didn't understand the logic behind it, because all of my friends reacted the opposite way - they felt nervous whenever there was a foreigner around because that was equivalent to a language/cultural barrier - but for me, it just meant that it was acceptable to be a bit awkward because the whole situation was a bit inconvenient to begin with.
> 
> Foreigners never had the same expectations on me. If I did something that people of my own nationality would normally find "off", most foreigners wouldn't even notice because they are not even aware of these social norms to begin with. They came from something entirely different, another mindset and background, which meant that they never expected us to work in tandem, they were more forgiving in that sense.
> 
> I didn't have any friends in high school, literally not a single one. I was the kid who sat alone at lunch and wondered what the hell was wrong with me - until I went abroad and met some foreign teenagers. I swear - I was a different person around them! I was so relaxed, it was so easy to talk, we had had so much fun... It was the first time I actually felt like a teenager and it was so liberating! For once my biggest struggle was that I was too daring but that was so much better than always feeling like I held myself back in fear.
> 
> This is so dramatic, but that was literally the moment I realized that there was nothing wrong with me - I was just stuck in the wrong environment with the wrong people. It was a life changing moment. I'm sorry for oversharing here but the unfortunate reality is that I still have no friends in my own country so I have nobody else to talk about this with (rip). 
> 
> This is something to keep in mind y'all (not my sob story but that there is nothing wrong with you just because you don't have a perfect group of friends at your local school, that's my point).


	7. Chapter 7

Did it really take this long to die?

Will still had his eyes tightly shut. He still held his hand out, but he could not feel any car against his palm. He held his breath. It was as if time had stopped. Scared to change this, scared to unfreeze the moment and die, Will refused to open his eyes or move at all.

Then he heard the sound of the car’s door opening and someone stepping out, breaking the surreal aura. Will opened his eyes tentatively but quickly closed them again because of the blinding lights. He exhaled. He inhaled. He was alive.

Right before him, the car had stopped, only inches away from his stretched out hand. The lights were shining him right in the face as he sat on the ground. More car doors opened and more people stepped out.

”Will?”

Will hesitantly raised on his feet, blinked a couple of times. He was just about to face the people when another body clumsily bumped into his, so strongly he almost fell over. Warm arms were wrapped around him, held him in a tight grip. Will could not even see who it was, but he knew: it was Jonathan - only Jonathan hugged him like that.

It was strange, because Will did not feel a thing. Looking back at this moment in retrospect, he couldn’t understand how he could not feel happy, but somehow he was just numb, unable to even understand what was even happening. It was like his brain had been turned into a thick dough and despite standing up, he was barely even conscious.

He couldn’t feel the hard surface below his feet, neither the cold air, the bleeding knee nor Jonathan hoisting him off the ground, carrying him away. Everything was so nebulous and hazy, Will could just as well had been dead or dying. It was a sensation he had never quite felt before.

Will could not even remember how he got tucked into the car in between Dustin and Mike in the backseat and how he was wrapped in a blanket and how Mike used his sleeve to wipe away the blood slowly trickling out of his nose.

-

Will woke up with a terrible headache - much worse than the hangover. He felt as if he had been hit by a frying pan or something worse, whatever that could be. His head was pulsing intensely, his mouth felt dry, his body felt heavy, like the skin was made of lead.

A cold, damp cloth was placed onto his forehead. He wrenched the sudden sensation but it was exactly what he needed as it soothed the awful aching.

”He’s awake!” Max announced.

Will soon realized that he was sprawled out on a couch and she sat next to him on the edge, dressed in an old T-shirt and a pair of jeans, looking completely familiar and yet it was a chock to see her in the flesh. Nothing had changed about her since Will saw her last, expect for her hair, now cut in a shoulder length bob.

Will tried to blink the graininess out of his eyes but it didn’t help. Perhaps the car did his him after all? He couldn’t remember anything except for how he fell off the bike and was almost hit. Was this just a hallucination?

Lucas entered the room, carrying a plate of food and a glass of water. He carefully put it down on the table next to the couch. Will’s vision was still blurry but he could swear he saw some tiny hairs on Lucas’ upper lip.

”You have a mustache!” Will noted, voice hoarse and vague.

Lucas and Max exchanged confused looks and burst out laughing.

”You’ve been out for hours and now that’s that the first thing you have to say?” Lucas face-palmed in disbelief, still struggling to stifle himself from laughing at the obscurity.

”You should eat something, Will,” Max encouraged. Will had never in his life been less up for a meal, ”Or at least drink something!” she added, as if she had just read his thoughts.

Will agreed just to make them happy. Going from laying down to sitting up felt like an excruciating challenge, every muscle in his body ached.

”What happened? I feel horrible…” he mumbled. He tried to make his hands hold the glass of water stable as he brought it to his lips but his arms and hands were so weak they trembled at the challenge.

”We’ll tell you about it later, but for now… please just rest,” Max said.

”How did I even get here? Where am I?” Will muttered, confusedly looking around. He soon realized that he was at home, in Maine. He was in the living room. Did he really bike around for days only to end up at the same spot where he started?

If he would have been in a better state he would have been surprised by seeing his friends again, for the first time in ages, but it was so surreal he couldn’t even grasp that it was happening. It was like the world was just happening before his eyes like a movie he wasn’t a part of, leaving him to just accept whatever came along.

”Did the rest hear that he is awake?” asked Max, turned to Lucas.

”I don’t know… I’ll tell them…” Lucas said and left the living room.

Will could hear quiet voices from the kitchen but they were loud enough for him to identify as his mom, Dustin, Mike and Jonathan. Their voices didn’t fit in this setting, they didn’t belong in Maine. It was as if two different realties had melted into one, like a crazy cross-over episode of a TV-show.

A moment later Mike practically ran into the room. He let out a sigh of relief upon seeing Will awake and gawkily kneeled down to put his arms around him. The position was a bit awkward with Will sitting on the couch and Mike trying to find a way to hug him.

”Oh come on, let me do it properly!” Mike whined.

Without a moment of hesitation, Will rose to his feet. His knees twitched alarmingly, making him wince in pain and he was so dizzy, he was about to fall back onto the cushions. Mike quickly pulled him into a sturdy hug, held him upright, struggling somewhat but made it work.

It was Mike’s familiar scent filling his nostrils with every inhale and it was Mike’s shoulder Will had his head rested against, and yet he couldn’t really feel anything. The numbness had still not gone away. Rather than feeling excited about Mike holding him, his thoughts floundered around just trying to understand what had happened to him that made him feel this way.

At first Will couldn’t even bring his arms to wrap themselves around Mike, they just hung heavily along the sides of his own body, but after a while he gathered the strength to at least try to hug him back, knowing somewhere in the back of his mind that it was something he wanted to do despite not being able to grasp that it was even happening.

He understood that they were hugging, but he soon noticed that Mike was practically clinging onto him for dear life, fingers grasping his shirt tightly, he was shuddering and sulking and nothing about this hug was what Will had expected it do be. It wasn’t soft and lovely - it was desperate.

”You can’t do that!” Mike sniffled when he finally let go. Will instantly fell back onto the sofa.

Mike’s eyes were flushed red, glossy and tired. Will had seen him like that before, but every time it was equally overwhelming. Will could only stare, baffled.

”You’re crying…” he mumbled quietly.

”Yeah, what did you expect?” Mike asked, he probably intended so sound more scowling but with the rickety state of his voice it was apparent that he was more sad than angry, ”Jonathan called and told us you were gone - no note - nothing - and then El sees you crying and then running around in the wilderness all by yourself… Did something happen? Were you forced to leave? Were you hurt? Nobody knew anything about what was going on so I feared the worst!”

Mike abashedly wiped away the tears, not meeting Will’s eyes.

Will understood that ’the worst’ was just another word for something related to the Upside Down, although Will himself found that it was even worse to be an anxious overthinker than a perfectly normal boy with an unfortunate fate (meaning: becoming the target for a interdemensional monster).

”El saw me?”

Mike nodded. Will felt his heart sink. He hated that the worst part of Mike’s stream of words was how El had seen him cry, how he didn’t care as much about his family and friends worrying for safety as he cared about them knowing about his feelings.

How could he be so stupid to think he could just run away and disappear in the first place, when Eleven could just put on a blindfold and see everything he did? What if they had seen everything?

”I thought that was against the rules,” Will said lamely.

”Yeah, but she apparently makes her own rules now, remember?” Mike said with a half-hearted chuckle. Will didn’t reply. There was something hanging in the air. Mike opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind.

”Anyway,” Mike said, finally breaking the silence, ”I’m glad you’re safe. I guess we have some things to talk about later, but now you need to rest I suppose…”

”What things?”

A striking fear of having to explain why he left and what he had done throughout the days he were gone pierced through the daze. Although it wasn’t a pleasant way to wake up, Will still appreciated that he had not lost the grip with reality altogether.

The thought of having to look everyone in their eyes and tell them about his inner turbulence, making them worried and fretful again, making his mom feel like she was never enough, was unbearable. On the other hand it was even worse to imagine their reactions if he said that he ran away just to get drunk with some Italian backpackers and sleep outside in parks solely for the fun of it.

”Well, we can’t just ignore the fact that you stopped a car with your hand forever, can we?” Mike said and before Will could say anything more, he had left the room.

-

Will slept through the entire day. When he woke up it was evening again. It was so dark outside the windows that he could only see the reflection of the living room rather than the outside view.

He felt a bit better but so out of place. In his mind he was still riding around on his bike, contemplating how he was supposed to spend the night or where to get some food. He also found himself thinking that it wasn’t too far away from Hawkins but then he realized that he was back in Maine and had the whole way left.

He was back at the start but everything was different. He wasn’t sure how to feel or what to think. Was this a good thing? His intention with going to Hawkins was to meet his friends, solve things and move on - but now that he was in the same house as his friends again he didn’t feel the same way about it anymore.

He was still in the living room at home, buried beneath a bunch of blankets and his face had pillow marks all. From the kitchen he could hear his friends and also his mom talking and laughing. He had expected them to be a lot more grave and upset so hearing them have a good time together made him feel a bit easier. He had missed that sound. The thought of moving on from them made him twitch in discomfort.

The walls of this house offered a different type of safety, not like the hostels where he just stayed temporarily. The furniture were familiar, so was the scent of everything. There were no strangers around, no drunken yelling and sketchy people. This was no temporary stay just for the night, this was his home, he knew that, even though his home in Hawkins still felt more like home.

He struggled his way out of the blankets, noticed that his knee was wrapped in a band aid. Somehow his friends must also have helped him to change into new, comfy clothes but he had no memory of that happening.

Carefully, he stood up. When he sensed that he had balance, he put one foot ahead of the other and slowly made his way towards the kitchen. The door was left on ajar, he opened it up silently and peeked in.

Two large pots stood on the stove. Joyce used a wooden spoon to stir gently in one of them, the lid was put onto the other. The kitchen smelled lovely, rich and fall appropriate. Will loved it when his mom made those dishes, it was one of the best things about the fall season.

Dustin was laughing loudly at his own joke, making the others laugh too, perhaps not because of the joke itself but rather because Dustin’s laugh itself was so funny. Nobody seemed to have noticed that Will had opened the door.

”Hi…” he said shyly.

All eyes were turned to him and the laughter stopped abruptly.

He waited at the door step, feeling too awkward to just step right in and pretend that everything was like normal, even though it certainly appeared to be from a distance. He braced himself for a storm of questions and tautness, angry glares and discomfort.

But instead Joyce dropped the spoon and rushed over to him and pulled him into a hug. She didn’t cry, she wasn’t mad, she didn’t say anything at all at first, just wordlessly looked him in the eyes and by doing so told him everything he needed to know: it’s all good, it’s okay.

Will didn’t deserve her kindness. He almost wished that she would just yell at him instead since that was frankly what he deserved.

”Here, sit!” Jonathan said and pulled out a chair at the kitchen table for him.

Will obeyed without a word. Jonathan himself sat at the other side of the table, next to El and next to Will sat Lucas, resting the chin in his hand, carelessly looking through some photography magazine that Jonathan had bought several weeks ago.

Mike sat on the kitchen counter, amid a bunch of root peels, cans of crushed tomatoes, spices and other random ingredients that they had postponed putting back in the right place. Dustin was leaning against the counter, arms crossed casually over his chest and with his favorite cap on top of his head.

Max was the only one helping Joyce out to get the dinner ready by gathering cutlery and plates from the kitchen drawers. Her shorter hair lightly bounced around every time she moved in a way that it never did before, Will found it rather amusing to watch.

The kitchen was not made for eight people to be in all at once but when Will thought of the shallow emptiness of the Parker’s house, he could only smile at the friendly closeness filling the room.

”We missed you,” Eleven said, catching Will’s eyes.

He could tell that she meant it. When he saw her right before him, he felt bad for hosting so much anger against her. It was like the thought of her was so much worse than the reality of her. She was just a girl trying her best to find happiness in life, just like Will. It wasn’t her fault she fell in love with Mike and heck- Will was certainly not the one to blame her! It was just unfair how she had changed everything and selfishly refused to share Mike, as if he was her’s alone - and furthermore rub it in Will’s face all the time. Maybe it wasn’t her intention to do that, but she sure did anyway.

Will turned his face towards Mike, who was saying something to Dustin. His dark hair was a bit all over the place, strands going in every possible direction, unlike how neatly straightened Will remembered it to be. He wore a soft-looking cardigan that Will knew to be Joyce’s and some fuzzy socks. He smiled but Will could see that he was tired. Despite not looking sleek nor put-together, Will felt a familiar warmth spending inside upon seeing him, a domestic softness that was unaffected by his appearance.

Will turned back to El, realizing that he didn’t answer her. She was looking at him with some sort of emotion that Will had never seen her with before. Was it sympathy? Compassion? Understanding?   
All at once Will remembered again - the car. Right. The car - something had happened - Mike said that they had to talk about… 

”What happened?” Will blurted out.

The others silenced, turning all attention towards him anew. The exchanged looks that made Will feel like all of them had some sort of agreement that he wasn’t a part of and he didn’t like it.

”We can talk later,” El said calmly.

”No, I have to know! Something happened, right? What happened?” Will insisted.

”Will… I think you are the one who have to tell us what happened first of all…” Joyce said. She seemed nervous, as if she didn’t want to force Will to talk but at the same time she was dying to know, ”… but of course, that’s not something we have to do now. I think the food is ready.”

She lifted the lid of the other pot. A cloud of steam emerged into the air. She peeked into it, nodded contently and turned the stove off.

”I’m afraid we can’t all sit here in the kitchen since it’s quite small… Perhaps you can serve yourself food here and then we can have a little… picnic? In the living room? What do you think?” Joyce suggested.

”That will do just fine, mom,” Jonathan said encouraging.

One by one they grabbed plates and cutleries and served themselves like in a school. Will was still not feeling up for eating but once he caught a glimpse of the stew he could feel the hunger raging in his stomach. Thinking about it, it was the first proper meal in a while. The hotdogs and scrawny sandwiches he had bought at various different snack bars along the way were never enough to actually fill him up. 

He balanced his food into the living room. Jonathan turned on the lamp in the roof, to everyone’s dismay. The bright light was way too harsh. Instead he tried to find some more candles that he lit up by tilting them into the already burning light on the table by the sofa.

Dustin grabbed the blankets from the couch that Will had been tucked in and distributed them over the floor for them to sit on. The wooden floor could still be felt through the soft fabrics but at least it was warmer to sit on a plaid and it felt a lot less spartan and more like a picnic.

”As snug as a bug in a rug!” Max said, all excited, once she had made herself comfortable.

”Bug in a rug!” Eleven agreed and smiled contently.

”Do you know what that means, El?” Max asked, raising a doubting eyebrow.

”Ehm… maybe,” she giggled. Max sighed, tilted her head to the side and started explaining.

Mike came in from the kitchen. He sat down on one of the blanket with his plate balanced on his lap. He scooped up some stew on his fork and brought it towards his mouth. Halfway there everything fell off, Mike first realized when he put the fork in his mouth and only tasted metal. Will couldn't stop a subtle laugh from slipping through when he saw Mike’s conspicuous facial expression.

”Oh, shut up, Byers!” he chortled when he caught Will.

Will scooped up some food too (more successfully). It was really good. For a moment he felt at peace, with himself, with the world. Everything was good. He knew that this was just an illusion, an off-cut bubble, in the chaotic reality. It was just a matter of time when the bubble would burst and he would get thrown right back to real life, but just for a moment, everything was good.

-

”Are you kidding me? It’s a great song, who cares?!” Max exclaimed.

”But he’s sooo cheesy! And have you seen his dance moves?” Dustin scowled, mouth full of potatoes whilst simultaneously attempting to mimic the dancing.

”Oh Dustin - speaking of cheesy - what about the never ending stooorrieee ~” Max mocked, half annoyed, half just joking around.

Dustin made a weird, guttural sound, then started coughing violently.

”We - have - talked - about - this - Max,” he gasped, a warning finger in the air. Lucas started hitting him in the back, making him cough even more.

Joyce was the last one to enter the room. She carried some glasses, stapled onto one another in a tower, and some water, and also her own food. Jonathan saw her struggling and quickly got on his feet to help.

”What’s happening? Everything okay?” she asked warily.

”Dustin’s choking, that’s all,” Mike said casually and shrugged his shoulders carelessly to tease Dustin, as if him choking was nothing much to bother about.

They ate slowly, talking and messing around in between each bite. Once Jonathan and Joyce were finished they left the youngsters alone. It felt natural, even though they had not seen each other in a long time - or to be real, the others had seen each other every day at school, it was only El and Will who had missed out on things, and Will even more so because El got updated about everything every day on the phone.

Will really had to focus to keep up with everything that was happening. From time to time things started to feel a bit hazy again and the headache made a revival. For the most part he was just quiet, listening and trying to comprehend rather than contributing to the conversations (which were multiple, all happening at the same time).

They were in high school now, meaning that they no longer spent every day in the same old classrooms in the Middle school building. Somehow, it was soothing for Will to get reminded that things had changed for them too.

Mike and Max took most classes together, they explained, and when they addressed their daily routines and how they often did homework together after school Will couldn’t quite believe it. His doubt was further supported by Lucas and Dustin, who chortled wryly when Max said: ”I’m even surprised myself that we get along so well these days!”.

Dustin was still the nerdiest, he took more advanced classes and also participated in a project that the science club hosted after school and on weekends. Lucas, on the other hand, did his best trying to just get by.

He was not a stupid guy, in fact he was very intelligent, but had this strong feeling of being held back by the school system. It just wasn’t fair and it wasn’t fun, it made him lose his ambition. This realization was irreversible, he couldn’t go back to presenting that school was fun anymore, when all he could think about was how messed up the system was and how it restricted individual development and creativity. All of this he explained with a sensate maturity that was bedazzling to listen to.

All of them agreed that high school was not quite what they had expected it to be. Though people had grown taller and no longer skipped rope at lunch break, people were still the same. Most of the people at high school had, just like themselves, transferred from Hawkins middle school, so there were not as many new people to get to know as they had thought.

In hindsight it was pretty ridiculous how they had expected Hawkins high school to be some kind of exciting melting pot of cool people, when only people in the local area attended the school, which meant that they already knew most of them and also disliked most of them.

Will scraped up the last remaining food. He put his plate on the low table and made himself comfortable. Lucas was now updating him about Troy and Will paid attention closely. He hadn’t seen Troy in a while, but it felt like he had met him just recently. After years of bullying it was as if his voice had wedged itself into his brain, made itself a part of it. Will could still hear Troy’s voice echoing in the back of his mind at times, such as when Jenn showed him her fairy toy.

”I see him sometimes, just grabbing his stuff by his locker or at lunch and stuff… He’s still pretty short, Mike is way taller now. You should have seen his face the first day! Mike just walked up to him and was like ’hey Troy, long time no see’ - and Troy was about to faint, I swear!”

Mike craned his neck proudly, showing off his height, as Lucas said this and laughed. Will wished he could have been there to see it, in fact… he would have done anything to see it!

”He looks childish next to those other guys in his grade. They look like men while he looks like a little boy, maybe their younger brother or something. I think sometimes he gets teased for it. I feel kinda bad about it, like I know what it feels like to get picked on but -” Lucas continued but was interrupted.

”That’s fucking karma! Let him suffer!” Dustin cajoled.

”Right! I hope this makes him realize what an asshole he is!” Mike agreed.  
”I guess it’s unfair to get bullied for something you can’t control, right? I mean, it’s beyond Troy’s control if he’s late into puberty…” Max reasoned.

”It’s not like it was within my control to be born black though?” Lucas made sassy face.

”Yeah and I didn’t choose to have CCD!” Dustin added.

”I can’t do anything about by face either! And what the fuck does frog faced even mean?!”

Will was suddenly dumbfounded. The other tree were trying to make a point and now it was seemingly his turn to contribute. What was he supposed to say? That it wasn’t his choice to be gay either? He couldn’t say that! He frantically searched for something to say that would make sense.

”Right, but regardless, I think that bullying should stop altogether,” was what poured out of him, way too urgent to be natural. He probably said it too loudly too because suddenly it was as if the flow of the conversation was put off and everyone looked at him.

”Right…” Lucas said, slightly confused.

”So anyways, enough about Troy - did we tell you about that Dustin saw mr Clark making out with someone in his car?”

At once, the conversation went back to normal, not leaving any traces of awkwardness behind. Will’s cheeks faded back into their natural shade, his heartbeat slowed down. There was the vertigo again, the feeling of standing next to an endless abyss, that was going to be the end of him.

He and El tried to explain their new life too and Will was surprised himself at how they made it sound so smooth and nice when the reality was so stiff and miserable. Truthfully, Eleven was the one who did most of the talking because Will didn’t know what to say and he couldn’t collect his thought enough to bring himself to say anything that made sense without sounding spiteful.

-

At 11.40 Joyce decided it was time to sleep. Will was actually grateful that she stepped in and told them to go to bed, although it made him feel a bit like a child, because if she didn’t they might have stayed up all night, making up for the time they had spent apart. Not that he didn’t want to hear, but he was still feeling unwell and it was just too much as once…

They changed into night wear and stood in line to get into the bathroom, but since they could not fit into the bathroom all at once anyway so Will decide to get some space and fresh air while waiting instead.

He pushed the door open. It was tranquil outdoors, even though chatter could be heard from inside. It crossed his mind that it resembled standing outside Jackon’s that night, although it wasn’t as intimating this time around. The chatter and vivaciousness wasn’t too bad if he was a part of it, but to be all alone in a crowd without knowing anyone, was terrifying. Perhaps someone else would be as startled by Will and his friends as he was startled by the villagers at Jackons’?

Will left the door slightly open and sat down on a footstep at the stairs leading from the front door to the ground. He took a few heavy breaths, the tiredness had started to catch up again.

”Will,” Eleven called abruptly.

Will looked behind him. Eleven stood at the door step, wearing her pajamas and a toothbrush in her hand. Without a word she stepped out on the front porch and closed the door carefully behind her. She sat down next to Will on the step before Will could ask her to leave him alone.

”Do you… want to talk?” she asked.

”Sure…” he said reluctantly.

The honest truth was of course that he didn’t. He wanted to rest, figure some things out, get his life back together and then - perhaps - he could talk. It was impossible to talk when he had no idea what was going on in the first place. What was he supposed to say anyway?

”I think we are the same, Will,” she said with her characteristic conciseness, straight to the point. 

When he was frustrated and found everything she did to be repulsive, he found her speech unintelligent and thorny, but sometimes he found it to be a likable quirk. In this moment, he wasn’t even sure what to feel. He was too baffled by the fact that she even tried to talk to him in the first place because it had never happened before.

”You mean that you think I have powers too?”

She fidgeted around with her toothbrush and tried to find a comfortable way to sit. With her butt on the top step and her feet just on the step below, she sat like a ball with her arms around her knees. Will waited patiently for her the say something, looked up into the sky in the meanwhile. The sky was covered in a thick layer of clouds, nothing much to see tonight.

”I don’t know,” she said candidly after a long pause.

Will did not ask for any further questions. If she wanted to talk, then she had to be the one talking. He wasn’t in the mood for chitchatting.

”I… I am also alone, Will,” she said.

She looked at him and smiled. It was not an ebullient smile, though the edges of her mouth were turned upwards, there was something woeful about her entire countenance. She looked tormented. It took a Will a moment before he comprehended that she seemed to be reaching out to him, trying to connect, but Will didn’t know what to say or how to react to this.

Eventually she continued:

”I never had friends before. I never had family either, until dad, but now dad is gone too… I try to be happy. I still don’t understand things. I don’t understand what people are doing and I don’t understand every word people say. It’s like I’m from another world. Sometimes it’s difficult. But I try to be happy, still, because… crying won’t help, right?”

Will could tell that she really endeavored saying things correctly. She had never said that much all at once to him. Will felt overwhelmed but also honored in a way. He wondered if she had ever confided the others with this vulnerable side of herself too, Will couldn’t recall ever hearing her speak about her sorrows with Mike on the phone anyway.

A gentle wind made the leaves shake in the trees. Will refused to face her but instead rested his eyes on the view before them. Their bikes were laying down at their usual spot, ready for them to grab in the morning to go to school. Will was bothered by the fact that he didn’t remember putting his bike there, he had no idea how he even got here himself.

”I am also different, Will,” she continued, persistently trying to get his attention, ”But they like me. And you are different, and they like you too.”

”El, perhaps we are both different, but not in the same way. You’re cool! You can flip vans and fight monsters and make things - and people - fly. That’s cool. I’m certainly not cool, so it’s not the same,” Will said, finally giving up on maintaining his silence, ”I’m different but not in a good way.”

”But you survived. That’s cool. And you are kind. You never leave anyone behind. That’s cool,” she objected.

”And yet I am always be the one who gets left behind, so apparently nobody thinks I am not that cool after all, ” Will chortled wryly, sounding remorsefully harsh.

What did she understand anyway? She must have thought that Will had always been in the background because she wasn’t around at the time when he wasn’t. Her presence was literally the turning point that changed everything, didn’t she understand that?

Now, this evening had actually been nice, all of them having a picnic in the living room together and pretending that everything was fine - but one evening could not make up for everything. There were so many wounds that needed to heal and it would take so much time until Will would be fine again!

He could hear Amanda’s advice in the back of his mind - he couldn’t be too optimistic because he would get disappointed. That was obviously not the only advice she gave him that afternoon but it was the one that stuck with him. 

Things were not fine yet. He couldn’t let himself think that every day was going to be like this. It was just a matter of time before things would go back to the way they were - miserable. Mike, Max, Lucas and Dustin would go back to Hawkins while Will and Eleven would stay here, go back to their old routines and tautness. That was reality, he had to accept it.

El descended into silence. It felt like a win for himself when she had to contemplate for a long time to respond to his statement, as if that somehow meant that he was right, but it was probably just due to her verbal disadvantage, like she just could not find the right way of saying what she wanted to say.

”Will… I’m sorry,” was what she finally said. She turned to look at him. After the extended silence he was startled by something so sudden.

”What?”

”I’m sorry. Really sorry.”

”What for? You’ve done nothing wrong,” he said, which he knew was true, as contradicting as it was considering how insensate he had been previously and how spiteful the thought racing around in his head were.

”I saw you. In the cafe. I spied.” she said hesitatingly, posture dwindling with shame.

Mike had already told him that she had seen him. If she saw him in the cafe specifically, it was even worse. Will ransacked his memories, trying to figure out if he had sensed her presence somehow - and then he realized that there had actually been a moment when he had felt unsettlingly observed.

”I thought it was the other costumers who were looking - but you mean that it was actually you?” he asked mirthlessly. He could feel his heart sink all the way to the center of planet Earth.

El nodded remorsefully.

”But then you… did something. I couldn’t see anymore,” she added quickly.

”I felt observed, didn’t like it, so I just pushed it away, I guess.”

Will shrugged, pretending to be unbothered, although it was extremely unsettling to think that someone could spy on him just like that. The feeling of being observed was reoccurring, did that mean she had done it several times? Will didn’t even want to know the answer. In this moment he was more embarrassed and uncomfortable than angry.

”People can’t usually do that, Will.”

What exactly she meant by this, he wasn’t sure. He shrugged again and didn’t even listen properly, too consumed by his own thoughts, desperately reviewing his entire trip in order to figure out just what Eleven could possibly had seen.  
El had started to get a bit impatient by his lack of response. She shifted on the stairs and leaned forward, trying to catch his eyes and grab his attention.

”You feel me when I spy on you. You can feel the Void, right? We can communicate.”

”We did it when I was in the Upside down…” Will remembered.

Eleven had found him. He could feel her presence clearly at the time. He couldn’t visually see her, but he knew that she was there and he heard her voice. It was a surreal experience, but on the other hand everything about getting abducted into the Upside Down was a surreal experience so he wasn’t even surprised when he started sensing a ghost around him.

”Yeah…” She gave him a crooked smile. She looked at him with some sort of tenderness, like he was an old friend in an enigmatic way, ”We’re the same, Will.”

”Weird,” he said finally, this time smiling back at her for the first time. His complaisant gesture seemed to bring some color back to her face.

”Yeah. Weird,” she repeated with a happy grin.

A peculiar tension hung in the air between them, a form of silent understanding of each other, a bond that they did not have with anybody else. Neither of them had asked for their connection to the Upside down, the Void or anything supernatural at all - but at least it was better to not be alone with the experience. 

Inside, the commotion had decreased. Perhaps the others were heading to bed. Did they even know Will and El were talking outside? Will could hear Mike and Lucas laughing at something. They must be awake still then.

Though neither of them said anything it didn’t even occur as an alternative to go back inside to join the others, despite that it had actually started to get cold. This conversation was far from over even though they didn’t know how to proceed from here. Will wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t completely unimaginable that this was both the first and last time he would talk to Eleven alone, in halcyon.

Finally, El inhaled and then said:

”I know you like Mike very much, Will,” as she exhaled, which was not to be confused with a sigh. The deep breath was just for building courage. As soon as the words were out she seemed to hedge away from them, as if she had instantly regretted saying them out loud.

”I guess,” he said tersely, trying to shrug his shoulders to play it off as nothing once again.

His fingers were tingling in weird way, he felt lightheaded and shaky. He squeezed his hands between his knees to not let their trembling show and then he tried to keep a steady gaze straight ahead, not looking at her. But what was the point of holding anything back? If she knew already, what was there to lose anyway?

”Or actually…” he floundered, ”I… I do like him very much. Very, very much.”

Though he was scared out of his mind, he turned to look right at her, dying to see her reaction. She looked serene, there was not much to see. Well, why would there be, this was apparently not news to her anyway? If she had seen him talking to Amanda, she already knew everything.

”Do you… love him?” she asked tentatively.

Will nodded slowly. He was lucky it was so dark outside so she wouldn’t be able to tell his cheeks were so perceptibly red. He tried to keep himself imperturbable but it felt like he was about to explode.

”El, does Mike know? Was he with you when you spied at me? Or did you tell him?” he blurted frantically, not being able to shroud his panic at all just a second later.

”It was Mike’s idea, he was so upset, he wanted to know if you were okay. That’s why I spied on you. But I didn’t tell them everything. I only said that you were in at the cafe and you were sad. And there was a woman there too,” El explained.

”Okay good…”

”You don’t want Mike to know?”

”It-…It’s complicated. He’s your boyfriend now. He’s happy with you, I know that. And besides, I’m not even sure if he likes boys. Perhaps it would awkward between us if he’d find out.”

He didn’t know why he was telling her this. Out of all people he could have this conversation with, Eleven was the very last person he would have picked by choice, and yet it made sense since the made up a third of this love triangle (it wasn’t really a triangle, Will knew, it was just a couple and a third wheel but he hated to look at it that way).

El looked conflicted. Will couldn’t blame him. He would hate it if he was in her position. To choose between her own happiness or someone else’s is just unfair - especially so when both parts have gone through so much and are both deprived of happiness in the first place.

”He wouldn’t think you’re a weirdo. He loves you very much,” she said comfortingly.

”Well, not like… that. It’s different. You love Max too, don’t you? But it’s not the same. You love Mike in a different way, that’s why he is your boyfriend and Max is your best friend.”

Eleven looked confounded. Will didn’t exactly know what she was so unsure about, it was very obviously, at least to him. He gave her some time to think until he decided to help her clear things out. It was probably just a linguistic error, he figured.

”See - when you think about Mike it makes you all fuzzy and warm and it feels like you have butterflies in your stomach, right?” Will gestured with his hands, illustrating the butterflies.

”Butterflies in the stomach?” she asked in disbelief.

”No, no, not actual butterflies! It’s just a feeling. Love. You know? You and Mike have talked about love before, haven’t you? I know you have because I heard it.”

She nodded.

”Yeah, and that’s not the way you feel about Max, right? When you see Max you don’t want to cuddle her and kiss her and hold her hand and such?” Will continued.

”Sometimes I hold her hand?” she said unsurely.

Will was starting to get impatient. How could she not know the difference between love and friendship after all this time? He had literally heard El talk about these things with both Mike and Max so he started to get suspicious, thinking that she was just mocking him because he personally struggled to draw the line between friendship and love, viewing Mike as both at the same time.

”It’s not the same thing, El!” he exclaimed, ”When you hold Mike’s hand it makes you feel all funny inside and it’s special and you don’t want to let go, right? When you hold Max’s hand, it’s just a hand, right?”

She looked down at her hand, brows furrowed. She was making it unnecessarily complicated right now. Will sighed and rolled his eyes. It was even more difficult to talk to someone who didn't understand fundamental things, it just added another challenge to the already draining conversation.

”I’m just making you confused so forget it! My point is just that Mike doesn’t love me in the same way that I love him, because he’s in love with you. That’s the thing. You know this too, you just don’t know how to explain it with words, but it doesn’t matter. We don’t even need to talk about this anymore.”

El did not answer. Will himself was embarrassed by how worked up he got. This was not how he had predicted the conversation to go. It was time to wrap it up now, go to bed, he told her. He stiffly stood up and started heading back indoors, El doing the same thing, following him closely behind.

Will put his hand on the door knob to open it but then stopped abruptly.

"Don't tell Mike about this, okay?" he said, almost menacing.

"Okay."

”Oh, and one more thing…”

There was one thing he had to say before going to bed, something important. He turned to El, looked her in the face. She looked a bit surprise and shy all of a sudden, eyes staring widely back at him. Will took a deep breath, looked away and then back again, more determined.

”Since you heard me at the cafe you must have heard me say some rather horrible things about you. But just so you know, I don’t hate you. I was just really upset, you know? Frustrated. That’s why I said those things. Sorry about that.”

He wasn’t even sure why he said that but since the words just poured out of him so frictionlessly, it was probably the right thing to say. It was organic, natural. Although he was still upset about certain things, he needed to make peace with it in order to move on, that was his motive. If he hosted hatred against her, it was only going to afflict him in the end. There was no reason to keep doing it. He didn't want to be bitter forever.

She was transfixed, seemingly not believing what he had just said. Then she cracked up in the most blissful smile, teeth showing, looking as if she was about to tear up. In lieu of words, she wrapped her arms around him and he did the same thing, more reluctantly but still…

Will just hoped that this could mark a beginning of a new era - a better one.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These early chapters were written some time ago, hence I do feel the need to edit them before posting because whenever I review old stuff I tend to find flaws I didn't notice at the time when I wrote them. I'm trying to edit and post a chapter a day but the later chapters I hope won't be as time consuming, so I might be able to post more frequently.
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> Oh right - I'd also like to add that writing ensemble casts is so difficult ahhh I want to do all these characters justice and I'm doing my best but it's literally impossible to give each character as much love and attention as I'd like to!

The stairs had been uncomfortable to sit on for so long. Will had not intended to be out for so long, he was just going to take a minute off in the fresh air. They slipped in through the door and closed it behind them. The warmth inside felt like hitting a wall, in a pleasant way.

Inside Will’s room there were still low whispers. When Will and El entered the room after brushing their teeth, Dustin and Lucas clammed up immediately.

”There you are!” Max exclaimed, somewhat louder than a whisper.

The lights were turned off but the door, still left open on ajar for the sake of air circulation, allowed some light in, just enough to be able to see where everyone was and to find a sleeping spot.

Dustin and Lucas were laying on the brown rug on the floor, uncomfortably trying to fit into sleeping bags that were obviously from the children’s department, telling by their cute colors and the fact that they barely fit into them anymore.

Will took a wild guess and assumed that Lucas had things to make up for, thus why he slept on the floor while Max was comfortably tucked into Will’s bed. He honestly didn’t know if he liked that someone else was staying in his bed, it felt a bit like invading his space, but he pushed that thought aside and tried to just appreciate that they were all here together.

Next to the bed some of the large couch cushion had been places next to one another, forming a bed-like structure that had been covered in sheets. Some dark hair strands poked out from underneath, witnessing about Mike’s whereabouts somewhere amongst the blankets. He seemed to be the most tired of them all, possibly already asleep, as he didn’t even raised his head when El and Will entered.

”Will, you need the rest the most, do you want to sleep in your own bed?” Max asked politely and Will couldn’t help but to find the question a bit funny. She was ready to get up but Will shook his head. He wouldn’t even mind sharing the bed with her, it would actually be less awkward than sleeping next to one of the boys - but she didn’t know about that of course.

”It’s alright, don’t bother,” he said with a smile, unwilling to plunge into anything contentious, ”I can sleep anywhere, it’s fine.”

”Okay, if you say so! El, do you want to sleep here with me then? You could probably fit next to Mike or with those two to down there, but that’s not as comfortable and they will fart on you all night, so… choose for yourself!” Max said but it wasn’t really negotiable.

”That’s bullshit!” Dustin defended, but Eleven was already crawling in under the duvet next to Max without paying attention to him.

To Will it was strange to see his bedroom so loaded with people. He couldn’t understand they insisted to sleep all together in one room instead of splitting up, some staying on the living room couch and some staying in his room and perhaps some in Jonathan’s room, if he didn’t mind. This couldn’t possibly be the most comfortable way to spend the night but he didn’t want to rearrange everything now when they were already set.

He could stay on the rug with Dustin and Lucas, but that just didn’t seem appealing at all, so uncomfortable… He didn’t even have a sleeping bag so that wasn’t an option (okay, to be completely honest - he did have a sleeping bag but it wasn’t right here in his room at this moment so it didn’t count…)

Will threw a glance at El to see if she was okay with it, but she was too busy whispering eagerly with Max to notice - was it wrong to sleep next to Mike now that she knew how he really felt about him? Well, staying on the floor with Dustin and Lucas when there was spare space on the comfy cushion would just be even more suspicious. He was probably overthinking things again… it wasn’t like they had never had sleepovers before! It didn’t necessarily mean anything!

Will was careful about where he put his feet, trying his best to not step on something or someone. Mike must have heard him coming because he ungracefully rolled over to make more space on the cushions. Will laid down and pulled the blanket around him. It was already nicely warmed up by Mike’s body heat.

”Goodnight everyone…” Will whispered.

The other’s breathing slowed down to a rhythmic, calm pace as they drifted off into sleep one after the other. Will was scared to move. He had his hands on his stomach and tried to not make any physical contact with Mike, which was in fact impossible, huddled together in a small space like that.

Mike was laying on his side, face turned to Will, serenely asleep. Having him so close made it difficult to relax. It would have been so, so easy to touch his face - or drape an arm over his waist - or nuzzle his head into his chest. So, so easy…

The sparse light coming from the door was just enough to make his freckles perceivable too. Will couldn’t help but to seize this opportunity to count them because this could be his last chance. Everything was going to change soon, Will was certain, in one way or another. They might never go back to normal after that.

What if Will just told them, all at once? Not just told them about his feelings for Mike but about everything that was going on in his mind? All cards on the table, the truth out in the open - and then just leave, go to New York, never look back, never again lay his eyes on those freckles again.

Will wanted to touch Mike’s face - just once. Memorize the feeling of his skin, the shape of his nose, the soft curve over his cheekbones and the outline of his lips… like photographing it with his fingers, putting it in an archive in the depth of his consciousness, only to recall when he felt lost because nothing could make him feel at home in the way that Mike did.

But eventually Will was so tired he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. Albeit he had made such grandiose plans for the future and his vision for his life in New York, the final thought before drifting into sleep was that there was absolutely no way in hell he would be able to say goodbye to Mike to part forever.

If Mike was there right next to him, he’d be fine no matter where in the world he was. On the contrary, Will couldn’t possibly envision himself being fine anywhere without Mike by his side. The drugs on the streets would never be able to soothe his agony as much as some freckles on Mike’s nose could.

-

”So, what are we going to do from here?” Jonathan asked. He lifted a glass of orange juice to his lips, put it down again and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

”Will… do you want to go back to Hawkins? Would you feel better there?” Joyce asked, voice both woeful and hopeful at the same time.

Will took a bite of his breakfast sandwich to save him some more time to think. He wasn’t even sure himself. Going back to Hawkins wouldn’t be the same now, not when Joyce and Jonathan lived in Maine and not when chief Hopper was gone and everything was different but still nostalgically the same. The reason why he needed to go back was just to meet his friends, but since they were here in Maine with him already, there was no need to go.

”I don’t know,” he said finally.

It was only the three of them in the kitchen. The others were eating in the living room. It was weird to just be the three of them. It had been a while since their breakfasts looked like this.

Joyce sighed helplessly.

”You know, I would do anything for you, right? But right now I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. You have to guide me. What can I do to help you?”

”I don’t know…” Will repeated.

Joyce and Jonathan exchanged a glance, then looked back at Will. He hated how people had started to do that, they did it all the time. It made him feel like a case everyone had to solve, a patient or object somehow, as if he wasn’t a part of the discussion under the same premises as everyone else.

”Okay but… I know you’re probably sick of always talking about things but… we have to understand, Will! Is there anything you can tell us? We’re so glad that you’re home and fine, we all want to move on and so on… but we can’t just pretend like you didn’t run away!”

Joyce had started to get worked up. Her voice setting always changed when she was desperate or worried. She also had a habit of using her hands a lot more and an uneasy energy in her eyes that amplified how distressed she came across as.

Will looked down at the table, avoiding their eyes. It was so silly - or rather - he was so silly. What had he expected? He knew this conversation was going to happen and just like he had already figured out: there was nothing rational for him to say. There was no evil force that had chased him away or anything - everything was on his shoulders.

He was even a bit upset about the fact that they had just brought him home against his own will. He was already on his way to Hawkins so if they would just have let him finish his journey they would have met eventually anyway - and then he might have had enough time to figure something out, prepare a speech or something instead of sitting here like an idiot, unprepared with nothing to say.

”Look, I’m sorry. I know that I made you worry and all…” he mumbled, searching for what else to say.

”That’s not the point, Will,” Jonathan said tersely, ”It’s just… why? El said that you seemed fine when you went to school together that day. Was it someone at school? Did they do something?”

Will felt pushed into a corner. He didn’t want to talk about it, not now when everything was seemingly fine again. Perhaps he was just being dramatic! Perhaps things were just fine back then too, perhaps he just made everything up? Was it all for attention? Had he become that desperate just because he didn’t have everyone’s attention at all times anymore? What could be more pathetic? Will just hated who he had become.

”You’re not bullied in your new school too, are you?” Jonathan asked when Will didn’t answer.

Jonathan already seemed to have concluded that bullying was the reason. His leaned back against the chair, brows furrowed, clearly upset and angry about this.

”No, no, it’s alright!” Will replied quickly, ”It’s not bullying.”

”Really? But what is it then?” Joyce pleaded.

Will was becoming increasingly frustrated. He didn’t feel like talking anymore. This conversation pointless, it was just like an interrogation and he was a criminal or something. Nothing he would say would make sense but he wasn’t a criminal! It was unfair that they were ganging up against him! He shifted around on his chair, itching to leave but forced himself to stay put for a bit more.

”It’s nothing, mom. It’s alright. Just forget it, okay?” he said.

”No, Will, I can’t ’just forget it’! I’m your mom! It’s my job to care for you! I was so worried! It could have been a monster again!”

Joyce was becoming more frantic. Jonathan gave her a look to tell her to calm down but it didn’t work, it never did once she had started to spiral away into the disastrous mode.

”Will -”

”No. I don’t want to talk. It doesn’t matter. It’s fine now!” Will snapped, pushed his chair back, stood up and left the table with his what was left of his sandwich in his hand.

He left the kitchen and rushed straight into his bedroom, which was empty of people but still looking like a pillow fortress from the night. He sighed deeply and slumped down on the edge of the bed, heart rate increased and adrenaline pumping around in his body, making it feel itchy and restless, like he wanted to yell or break something.

He knew that his mom and Jonathan were probably hurt and worried in the kitchen, wondering what they were doing wrong, why did their ’little’ Will refuse to talk to them - but Will wasn’t little anymore! He could take care of himself! They had to understand that, he thought angrily. How could they still view him as fragile after everything he had gone through? He wasn’t fragile! He was a strong, independent, bold survivor!

But somehow, he was just as confused as they were. When he was younger he used to be able to retain his anger, now it just exploded all over without premonition.

Will wasn’t sure for how long he sat there on the mattress, trying to calm himself down by breathing slowly and thinking about positive things, until Jonathan pushed the door open on ajar and peeked inside.

”Will, I know you’re fed up with us. We’re sorry. We don’t mean to be all nosy and annoying. We just love you. You know that right?” he said.

Just seeing Jonathan, unsurely wait at the door, not knowing if he was allowed to enter just made Will feel a wave of regret wash over him. It dissolved the anger and made him feel soft instead.

”Jonathan, you’re always welcome into my room, you know that, right?”

Jonathan cracked up in a smile and slipped into the room. He closed the door behind him, shutting out the voices from the others in the living room and sat down on the bed next to Will. Although Will was older now, listened to his own music and biked to school on his own instead of letting Jonathan drive him, it was still the same as always. Sitting like this always created an isolated bubble in which nothing but the two of them existed.

”You don’t have to tell me anything. All we need to know if whether you want to go back to Hawkins with the others or if you want to stay here,” Jonathan said serenely.

Will contemplated the idea in his head. Did he want to go back to Hawkins? Yes, he did, he concluded. He couldn’t let Mike disappear out of sight again now. It was worth another try to make things go back to the way they were, even if it was just a temporary condition. Will wasn’t ready to let go just yet.

”What about school…?”

”Fuck school,” Jonathan cursed, ”Do what feels like the right thing to do!”

Will laughed. Everything they had gone through had really given them some perspective on things. Grades was nothing compared to wellbeing and friendship. The thought of not having to go to school made Will feel lighter, like a weight in his chest had been lifted out of his body.

”So Hawkins it is then?” Jonathan chuckled, seeing how Will’s facial expression became perceptibly happier at the thought.

”I guess.”

”Yes or no?”

”Yes.”

”And do you want El to come along?” Jonathan asked.

”If she wants to!” Will said.

He was even surprised himself how the words had come so easy. It didn’t even occur to himself what he had just said until a moment later. He actually wanted Eleven to come along? Turned out he actually did! He couldn’t imagine himself having fun, seizing the opportunity to just hang out with the boys, knowing that El was somewhere all by herself, wondering what her friends were doing without her. He didn’t want her to be put in his shoes, that was the deal. She didn’t deserve that, nobody did.

”Okay. Just let me know when you’re all ready, I can drive you to the bus station.”

\- 

El and Max decided to take the next bus instead, so El could show Max around at their new place (not that there was a lot to see). Will suspected that it was really because Max didn’t want to spend several hours with Lucas on the bus. Will didn’t particularly mind, he was just happy to return to Hawkins and to have all of his friends with him, though he did hope that Lucas and Max could find an end to the bickering soon.

The bus ride seemed endless. Dustin was amused by some of the things they passed (for instance: apparently he knew about some scientist who executed some experiments in a random barn that that could barely be seen from the distance of the bus, and a few miles later he pointed straight out into the woods and claimed that some sicko had conducted several murders there once upon a time… how he could know exactly where amongst the woods and the barns, that all looked the same, these things had happened - or if even even happened at all, remained a secret).

Will was bored of the view already. He had seen enough from his bike. He had his head rested against the window and his eyes closed, trying to make time pass faster. Lucas was asleep next to him. From time to time he snored uglily and a drop of saliva escaped his parted lips. Mike nodded uninterestedly at Dustin’s intermittent lectures but spent most of the time trying to read a book.

The bus propelled through the landscape smoothly, without any unexpected jerks or changes in speed. The engine made a whirring sound that was almost therapeutic. The driver had a radio on low volume in the front that could just barely be heard in the back, where they were seated.

Only seldom, when passing through more populated areas, did the bus stop to let passengers on and off and it was only going to stop for extended breaks on the a few spots. The next stop was going to be at a gas station in Pennsylvania.

-

”Hey, you boys there in the back!” the drive called loudly. He had a hispanic accent, a sloppily shaved chin. He was wearing a uniform that was at least one size too small, his belly slightly peaking through the gaps between the buttons.

They were the only ones on the bus at the moment and also the ones who had stayed onboard for the longest. Although the driver was a bit grumpy, his voice was a reoccurring part of the ride and Will wasn’t startled anymore when he shouted things.

Will was already half-awake but the loud voice made his sleep linger off. He rubbed his eyes and stretched. His back and legs felt stiff. He could barely even feel his toes since he had not moved in so long. His friends around him appeared to be in the exact same condition as he was.

”You have twenty minutes! I won’t wait for you, so be back in time, okay?” the driver spitted.

”Yes, sir, thank you!” Dustin replied. He was the first one on his feet.

With ungraceful steps, like a pack of limping seniors, they made it out of vehicle. Even in the silence outside the gas station, the bus’s whirring echoed in Will’s ears.

The sky had a lovely pink shade. The sun had just set behind some trees but the soft beams still brought light to the sky. Inside the bus everything was dim, just dark with some muted lamps in the ceiling.

”So… Pennsylvania it is, then?” said Mike, looking around, only to realize there was not much to be seen.

The gas station was located right next to the road but there were no cars passing. There was only two vehicles at the station, one which was the bus, the other some old ride with chapped damage above the wheels that was parked near the edge of the asphalted area.

Right ahead of them there was a small store building with an old sign over the entrance that was in such bad shape it was impossible to read what the sign even said. Leaning against the plain wall of the building, there was a woman with a cigarette who was humming to herself.

”Where did the driver go?” asked Lucas absently.

”Bathroom probably,” Dustin said, equally dull.

They stood there dumbly for a good few minutes, all in torpid haze from the bus ride, not quite awake, with their bags hanging heavy, making falling on the ground even more alluring.

”Let’s get something to eat…” Mike said, finally breaking the aura.

He slowly walked towards the store entrance. The others followed quietly, still dragging their feet behind them. The door was manual, something that took them a moment to realize. Mike pulled the door and they went in.

The air was gratuitously cold inside but it was refreshing. The air condition hummed loudly. Some lamps in the ceiling were broken. Along the walls there were refrigerators with a diversity of products. In the center there were departments for snacks and candy. At random places there were empty spaces that had not been refilled. The whole place was very derelict - but then, completely out of place, there was a cashier with heavy makeup, styled hair, a whole bundle of colorful bracelets around her wrists, who was happily jamming along to some music on the radio whilst painting her nails purple.

”Hello there, kiddos!” she greeted happily.

”Hey…”

”Hi.

”Hi…”

”You guys tired, huh? Long ride?” she continued, unbothered by their lack of enthusiasm. She put the lid back on her nail polish and gently blew at her nails to make them dry faster.

”Kinda, yeah,” Will answered.

”So where are you guys from?”

”We’re going from Maine to Indiana,” Will continued.

They started looking around the store for something to take with them on the bus. Will looked for something to drink to begin with. He was way thirstier than he was hungry.

”Well that’s quite a trip,” the cashier noted before she got caught up in her music again, started bobbing her head along to the beat tapping with her foot on the floor behind the counter.

Joyce gave them some money to buy food for, knowing that the kids didn’t have any themselves. Will was the one to pay for their stuff. They left with two plastic bags of snacks, drinks and mediocre bagels.

”Alright then, have a nice ride!” the cashier cheered as they left the store.

-

When the bus stopped at their station was almost lunch time. The night had passed seamlessly, all fast asleep, leaning upon each other, with half-eating chocolate bars on their laps and empty soda cans randomly thrown around them.

Will was wide awake. He had spent the past hour looking out the window with a loving tenderness, writing deep, romantic poems in his head about the wonderful feeling of returning home that he would rather die than than ever say out loud.

Very same second that the bus stopped moving he was on his feet. He had already gathered his belongings so he could get out as fast as possible, which didn’t help since Lucas was still in the way and he was apparently in no hurry.

”Lucas, move!” Will pleaded restlessly.

”Yes, yes, I’m done…” Lucas muttered and finally walked off the bus, allowing Will to do the same.

The large sign above them read Hawkins. Just seeing the sign made Will emotional. It wasn’t even the memories that it prompted but just the feeling - the feeling of Hawkins. The air was easier to breathe and even though the trees looked exactly the same as anywhere else - the ones in Hawkins were just prettier! And the ground felt better to walk on! And the -

”Will? Let’s go!” Mike called.

The others had already walked ahead. Will rushed his steps to catch up. Throughout his childhood he couldn’t really recall any occasion when he had walked this path, he always rode his bike because the way was ”too long to walk”. Today, even with a heavy bag on his shoulders, he wouldn’t have minded walking the way twice, three times, four times - just knowing that he was walking towards the Wheeler’s place made his steps feel bouncy and light.

He noticed that the trees were shifting in reds and browns and yellows around him. Finally he had an answer to the question he had so often pondered, sitting in the back of the history classroom in Maine.

-

Mike unlocked the door. He announced that he was home but no one answered. Karen and Holly must be out running errands or something, or gossiping over a cup of coffee at some friend’s place, Mike explained but everyone already knew since it had always been like that.

Even when empty, the house echoed of life. There was something warm and friendly in the air that felt welcoming and alluring, like it pulled you in. It was the opposite of the Parker’s home that was cold and taut.

Going down into the basement was even more overwhelming, each step made Will feel more like himself again, like he was reconnected to his past, making him a whole person again. He didn’t even mind that the D&D board had been put aside.

Everything about the basement was Mike. The scent was Mike, the way certain things (meaning: the ones he found valuable) were perfectly arranged and cared for, while other things (meaning: everything else) seemed to just have been tossed aside, shoved into places, in a somehow harmonizing mess. It was just so Mike. And the colors were Mike: the dark, earthy shades of the furnishings in the dim light from the lamp in the ceiling, the electric blue shirt hanging on the back of a chair, the various book spines in the shelf…

Will tried to take it all in, let the impressions fill him up. He walked around the room slowly, letting his fingers run across all the edges and corners of all the things. He didn’t exactly know what to do with the feelings. Just feeling them wasn’t enough. He wanted to yell or dance or cry or everything at once and just let the room consume him, digest him if possible. It was an inconceivable feeling.

”You were here this summer, it’s not ages ago, realistically speaking,” Mike noted, coming up next to him.

”I know, but it feels like ages…” Will said nostalgically.

He picked up a pillow from the sofa. It was thick and sturdy, actually not that comfortable, but Will remembered that he had many times used this particular one during long D&D sessions when the chairs had starting to get uncomfortable.

”MIKE!” Dustin yelled from the floor above. Will had not even noticed that all the others, expect for Mike, had dumped off their belongings and left the basement again.

”WHAT IS IT?!” Mike yelled back.

”LUCAS DID SOMETHING TO THE TEAKETTLE, I DON’T KNOW! COME!”

Mike sighed and rolled his eyes.

”I’ll be back, sorry…” he muttered, put a complaisant hand on Will’s shoulder and reluctantly left Will to deal with whatever inconvenience what happening upstairs.

Will couldn’t stop looking at everything around him. It was like he had spent several weeks in another dimension, up in Maine. It was a familiar feeling, resembling returning after being in the Upside Down for a week. His world had reunited with their’s. The excessive gratitude and appreciating of mundane things was just alike as well.

Will walked around the room for a third time, this time focusing on the walls. The film posters were gone, they stood rolled up in the corner with rubber bands wrapped around. All the pictures on the walls were his drawings, he soon realized. So many of them! Will’s heart made a jolt. He leaned in closer. Those were drawings he had given Mike when they were younger. Back then, Will gave Mike drawings all the time, without hesitation, but then when they got older… Will couldn’t even remember when he stopped giving Mike drawings.

All across the walls, spread out in every corner, they draped. Last time Will was in the basement Mike had a few of them distributed amidst the posters and other pictures. When did he put all the new ones up? Why did he put all of those up? He didn’t even have that many of his works on the walls when they were kids!

Will gazed around him in awe. Some of the drawings even had drop-like water stains on them. They did not have that when Will gave them to Mike, he was certain. Was it because Mike had cried whilst looking at them? Was that the explanation? What else would it be? Not likely to be rain anyway… The more the pondered, he more assured he became. Just thinking about it made Will ache in the most amazing way.

Perhaps he had not been gone for that long, as Mike said, but… Mike seemed to have missed him quite a lot too, Will figured - enough to revisit all of his drawings, shed tears all over them and then put them on all over the walls anyway. Not that it necessarily meant anything more than though, but still…

-

A couple of hours later the girls arrived. They were giggly and happy, a feeling which was contagious. El had her hair in a cute braid on the side that Will had never seen with that he assumed Max had done on their way.

The whole day seemed to have a subtle shimmer all over it. Will was still waiting for the moment when he would wrench awake, look around him and find that he was still alone and lost in the woods, followed by the afflicting realization that everything had just been a revelation in yet another dream.

They spent the afternoon trying to organize themselves. Dustin had to go back home to help him mom with something (or else he was constipated again, who knows really?). Lucas had some indispensable homework to do that Max offered to help him with. Lucas contrived his words wisely though in the end it was brazenly obvious that he did not trust Max with this one. The two argued wildly for a moment but once Lucas had left the Wheeler’s, Max admitted that she really wasn’t qualified to help him - especially not since the invigilator caught him cheating on the last test and he was already in a bad spot. Lucas was right to swallow his pride and confide Erica to help him instead, that kid was a genius.

Will, Mike, Eleven and Max stuck around at the Wheeler’s, figuring out how El and Will were going to stay in Hawkins now that the Byers’ old house was no longer inhabitable.

”We could fit all together in here, if you’d like to,” Mike suggested, inspecting the basement.

”Or if you two would like to have some alone time Will could stay at my place,” Max said, eyeing Will and adding: ”If you don’t mind, of course. Or else I’m sure Lucas and Dustin could make space for you too. It’s always possible to switch place too. I don’t know for how long you two intend to stay.”

”I don’t know too,” El said, turning to Will, who didn’t know either.

”Okay but let’s just stay here for tonight, yeah?” Mike said. He said it like a suggestion but the assured undertone in his voice made clear that this was not up for discussion.

”Sure,” Will agreed.

Then they cleaned up on the floor, gathered all the pillows and cushions they could find and created a cosy area for them all to sleep at, in the same way that they had done at the Byers’. Good thing to have it done already so they wouldn’t have to fuss with it in the evening when they would all be tired.

When done they headed out again, this time without their bags and belongings.

”I think we should stay away from public places because we told everyone at school that we’re at home due to illness…” Mike mumbled.

”Right.”

”I was about to say that we could go to the mall, but that of course would not be possible,” Max sighed, ”Jeez, I can’t even believe this summer happened!”

”Crazy,” El said.

”Very,” Max agreed.

They walked without a set final destination, just idly strolling around. Max and El had their arms hooked together and altered between talking quietly between themselves and clearly for Will and Mike to hear as well.

After a while the girls had walked so much faster, creating a distance, that it was only natural for Mike and Will to have their own conversation. Will didn’t exactly know what to say, but luckily Mike took the initiative to say something:

”So how’s school in Maine? Like… how’s school really? Really, really?” he asked.

”Honestly not that great…” Will said casually, avoiding Mike’s curious eyes.

”Oh…”

”… but I guess I manage,” he continued.

He obviously didn’t but he didn’t want Mike to worry - or maybe he did actually, but he didn’t want Mike to be worried because Will rubbed it in his face that he was supposed to be - he wanted Mike to be worried because he genuinely cared that much.

”I miss middle school!” Mike sighed.

”Yeah?”

”Everything was better back then. We were all together and school was easier and everything was just less complicated, you know what I mean? I miss being little!” Mike said.

Will wasn’t sure but it seemed like Mike was holding something back, like his words formed a secret message for Will to understand. Will didn’t say anything, just listened, hoping that Mike would continue but he didn’t. They walked slowly, the sound of their shoes against the grit made a rhythmic sound that filled out the silence.

”Well I miss being little too. I missed being little even back in middle school,” Will said eventually.

”I know. And I was an idiot who didn’t listen. I should have listened, I have realized now. You were right. Now I regret that we didn’t play D&D more and remained kids for longer. Now it’s too late, because now we’re in high school, which makes it official that we’re not kids anymore - but in middle school were definitely were kids! We grew up before we had to, which makes no sense, why did we do that?!” Mike frowned frustratedly.

”It’s okay, Mike, really. There was so much going on, we were not normal middle schoolers to begin with,” Will consoled, though on the inside he was roaring victoriously. Was this an indirect apology?

”But still…” Mike muttered mirthlessly.

He looked down on the ground, kicked some tiny rocks before him. Will seized this opportunity to get a close look at Mike’s face when he wasn’t looking, this time in proper daylight. Will liked the way his profile looked. His face had more defined features now. His nose was more structured, his cheekbones more protruding without the childish fat filling them out.

”Look, Will…I’m sorry. I know I’ve said it before but this time I really - really - mean it. I actually understand what I did wrong now. I was a moron,” Mike said, still looking at the ground instead of meeting Will’s eyes, as if he was shying away,

”Lucas and I have both already apologized to Dustin for, you know… not caring more? He was so excited about his science camp and Suzy and everything but Lucas and I just didn’t care. But honestly, we were even worse towards you. Dustin at least had other friends to hang out with and stuff when we were being jerks…”

Will looked in another direction to conceal his smile that coerced its way to the surface, no matter how hard Will tried to hold it back. He had imagined Mike’s apology so many times in his head but hearing the words coming from him, in his own voice, was just so much better.

”And I remember that you snapped one day, right after El dumped me, and you said the truth right to my face about how selfish I was and how our party was falling apart because of me - but in that moment I just didn’t get it! I thought it was fine, that nothing would change even if I put you guys on hold to be with El all the time. I just assumed that you’d always wait around for me, so when I felt like being with you, or when I needed help with something, I expected you to be there for me if I ever reached out to you - but when you reached out for me…? I didn’t care. Always ran off with El instead. I totally took you for granted! And now in retrospective I can see it but I can’t undo it and it’s just - UGH!”

Mike was out of breath from his long rampage. He was worked up and overtly frustrated, disrupting the peacefulness surrounding the grit path. The girls were so far ahead they didn’t even seem to notice, to caught up in their own conversation (seemingly a funny one because they laughed intermittently so loudly they scared the birds hovering above).

”So… what do you think?” Mike said tentatively when Will didn’t reply right away. When Will finally felt in control of his own facial expression, he dared to look back at Mike, who had lifted his gaze off the ground and was looking right at him unsurely.

”I think you’re a great friend who apologized as soon as you realized that you had done something hurtful,” Will said. Then he couldn’t hold it back anymore, a bright smile cracked through the formalness. Mike was delighted, he exhaled happily and shyly smiled back.

”So we’re good then?” Mike asked.

”Of course we’re good! We’ve been friends for longer than to disconnect just like that!” Will frowned. The fact that he had literally considered to leave everyone and everything behind just a couple of hours ago was thrown into his mental waste department. He was so consumed by the moment and the fact that Mike had just apologized for everything that he entirely forgot about everything that had happened - forgiven and passé - all good.

”Sure thing,” Mike grinned.

Their eyes locked for a moment. Will waited for Mike to make a move and Mike must have waited for Will to do the same, resulting in that the two didn’t hug but it the main point was that both of them wanted to, now that the air between them was cleared and no longer thick of regret and turmoil.


	9. Chapter 9

Dustin and Lucas rejoined the gang as soon as they could. Nancy came home from work worryingly late, and brought some pizza along with her.

”It’s good to see you again, Will,” she said and gave him a hug. Weirdly enough, Will had actually seen Nancy more than the others lately because of her visits to see Jonathan. Then she sighed and excused herself, headed upstairs to finish some work instead of eating with the rest.

They ate together, sitting around the dining table (”You should save the oxygen in the basement for the night, you won’t be able to sleep otherwise!” Karen had warned). Ted wasn’t entirely content to be chased out to the living room to eat but eventually caved in when Karen gave him an angry glare. Their family dynamic remained Will of the Parkers, it was undoubtedly the women who were in charge at home.

”Did I tell about the family I stayed with in Augusta?” Will asked, once Ted had left.

”No, you haven’t told us anything about anything about your… solo trip.”

There was an awkward pause in the lighthearted ambience. The seriousness that had brought them back together in the first place had been long forgotten throughout the day. The only thing that had existed was the present: the pizza, the laughter, the candles on the table and themselves. The rest was irrelevant, it had been shut away into some subconscious part of their brains. Only now was it brought back to the surface.

”Oh, right…” Will said dumbly. He reached for a napkin to wipe his greasy fingers on while thinking about what to do next, where to start. He had already made up his mind that he had to say something at least since he had just attracted everyone’s attention.

”Well I was picked up by a woman by the high way. She saw me and thought I needed a ride. She was going to visit her sister and her family in Augusta. At first it freaked me out a little but they turned out to be really friendly. Her sister let me stay on their couch for the night too,” he explained with striking brevity, just enough to give them what they wanted but without giving away anything more than that.

”She was just some random?” Dustin asked.

”Yeah, at first, I guess. But she’s great. We’ll stay in touch,” Will said.

In the corners of his eyes he could see El with a subtle, knowing expression on her face, completely different from the other’s clueless looks. Will pleaded that she would just stay put for the rest of the dinner and not tell them anything.

”They had a daughter too. Jennifer. Really cute. Full of energy,” Will continued with an artificial easiness, trying to not bring the mood down. Why did he say anything in the first place? Why didn’t he just shut? He deeply regretted bringing this topic up.

”But… like… why?” Mike asked woefully, ”I mean… I’m glad they are nice and all… but why didn’t you just call us or something?”

The air was burdensome and uncomfortable. Mike asked what everyone urged to know but feared to bring up. Max nervously tapped with his foot on the floor, Lucas started mumbling about his homework in an attempt to fill out the excruciating silence while Will fidgeted with his napkin, desperately looking for something to say.

”It’s… actually I’m not sure, to be completely honest…” he mumbled.

”You’re not sure?” Mike asked. He kept looking at Will, a friendly regard, but everyone else around the table speechlessly damned him for not letting it go already.

”It just felt like you were so far away, I guess,” Will shrugged.

Will wasn’t sure if the others understood that by ”far away”, he didn’t just mean in terms of geographical distance. They were so far away in every aspect. They never called, they never visited, they lived lives that Will was seemingly no longer a part of. Will didn’t want to be that blunt.

”Oh, I see…,” Mike said, shifted awkwardly on his seat and then, in a more facile manner, directed the conversation back to the family: ”So they were nice you said, this family?”

”Yes, yes, very. I mean, they just let a dirty stranger spend the night at their house. That’s rather noble, isn’t it? ” Will said, quickly picking up on the new thread.

”That’s totally what Mike did with El though!” Lucas chuckled.

Eleven and Mike looked at each other and smiled at the same time. Will knew that they were both probably thinking ”best thing to have ever happened!”, which felt like an uncomfortable thorn in his soul, even though he remembered that Mike had actually said that befriending him was the best thing he had ever done - which he had said after bringing El home! He felt like an asshole who couldn’t just let them have their cute moment instead of compulsively claiming Mike as his own. 

-

The first few days passed apace, just floated by, transitioned from day to night and back to day again. Will gradually caught up on everything and by the fourth day it didn’t even feel like he had ever left. He was no longer surprised by the sight of his friends and he didn’t obsess with the furniture in the basement like a maniac anymore.

They avoided contentious topics like the plague, like an agreement had been made to cling onto the tranquility of the moment, postponing the difficult things for later - and surprisingly it worked very well! It felt just like normal, more normal than it had in a long time.

The only thing that was different was of course that Will didn’t have a home of his own, but he had stayed so many nights at the Wheeler’s in the past that he could just pretend that this was such an occasion too and that Jonathan and his mom were just minutes away, living their own lives like usual.

But still, it was uncomfortably crowded to sleep all together in the basement. When they were kids it had worked out fine but now they were taller, heavier and in addition to that: two girls, that had not been a part of their past sleepovers.

When Will woke up his back was aching and when he left the basement in the morning he was stunned by the amount of oxygen the air contained upstairs. Perhaps the dreamy aura in the basement was really just a side effect of slowly suffocating? He tried to romanize it, considering it a reminder that he had slept in the basement like he used to, but it was hard to convince himself that it didn’t bother him the slightest. Dustin, Lucas and Max moved out after two nights, heading back to their own places to sleep but quickly returned each morning.

The thought of being alone with El and Mike was a lot worse than reality turned out to be. The three of them talked and had fun without any apparent awkwardness for the most part. Perhaps El and Mike did kiss, but if they did, Will didn’t notice. They didn’t even cuddle excessively either! In a way, Will even felt bad for them. They had not seen each other in a long time either and not that they were finally reunited they couldn’t candidly express their love for each other because Will, also titled ’homosexual wreck’ and ’sample of garbage’, was getting in between.

One afternoon they paid mr Clarke a visit at Hawkins middle school, but they stayed away from the high school building. Seeing mr Clarke was great, though Will would never admit it, mr Clarke had many times filled out the gaping hole left behind his dad. Will had often put an extra effort in to make mr Clarke proud, which was much more rewarding than trying to impress his insatiable dad. When mr Clarke said that Will had grown taller and was looking more like a gentleman by the day, Will’s chest filled up with effusive pride that wasn’t rationally supposed to be there.

They also dropped by to say hello to Steve and Robin, who were preparing for Robin to go to university. They were absolutely delighted when Dustin handed them some chilled coca cola, that they had bought on their way there. Both were wearing ugly old clothes with paint stains all over them, comfortable sweatpants, hair messy and sweaty. Steve also had a stroke of blue color right across his left cheek that Robin seemed very proud of.

Recently they had spent countless of hours going through and clearing out Robin’s belongings, followed by packing all the things she would need, and then finally give her bedroom a total makeover so that her younger brother could move in instead.

”I didn’t know you were going to university!” Max noted.

In the garden outside of Robin’s house there was a table with some old fashioned benches on each side, that they were clustered around. (”Fine, a quick break - but seriously, we have so much left to do, we can’t waste too much time!”)

”Well -” Robin drank a mouthful, ”… originally I wasn’t. I applied for some jobs around here but in the end I figured that I don’t want to work with those things for the rest of my life, you know? Sure, I could work at a cafe or something for a while, or at that geeky film place - but eventually I’ll have to go to collage anyway in order to get to the place where I actually want to go. So I might as well go now instead,” she explained.

”So where are you going?” Lucas asked.

”Sorbonne.”

”Where’s that?”

”It’s in France, in Paris!” Dustin answered, almost in a glaring way, as if that was something everyone was supposed to know.

”France?!”

”Yep, so that means she’ll ditch me here to hang out with some baguette-eating losers on the other side of the Atlantic!” Steve sighed dramatically and dried away a nonexistent tear off his cheek.

”Oh come on! It will be great! You should come along with me!” Robin pleaded.

”To study in Europe? Me? Do I look like a smart person?” Steve laughed sarcastically, ”Not happening, I’ll stay here. Hang out with kids. Do shitty jobs. Get old. Die.”

Will understood by subtext that this was a conversation they had already had many times before because it almost sounded scripted, as if both of them already knew the outcome of this discussion anyway which made their words deprived of effort, lame in away.

Before they said goodbye to leave Robin promised that if something drastic would happen for whatever reason, she would get on the first plane back to the states to help them out. She was not leaving them for good, she said repeatedly. Will didn’t even know Robin that well, but he had decided that she was cool and he considered her a friend, so saying goodbye was actually surprisingly difficult.

The days were filled of small things that meant a lot. Will really enjoyed when they tried to cook dinner by themselves (with Karen nervously checking on them every ten minutes). Will let his friends struggle without saying much because it was so amusing to watch them confusedly read the instructions and use the various kitchen gadgets. The first time they tried to cook the oven started beeping, which almost gave Mike a seizure because he thought the whole thing was going to explode when in reality it was just announcing that it had reached the set temperature.

Will also enjoyed just laying quietly on the couch, just resting in the comfortable stillness. This was something he actually did a lot. In the meanwhile Mike kept reading his book, Dustin and Lucas tried to fix a broken radio and the girls watched TV upstairs. It was quite nice that they no longer had to talk nonstop just to make up for the time they had spent apart. At times Will had been so overwhelmed by the persistent chattering that he had to hold himself back from just yelling at everyone to shut up to prevent his head from imploding.

And a new ritual had started to form too - coffee drinking at the local café! Will never used to do that before, it was just by pure accident that they happened to walk by when the rain started pouring and decided to stop for a moment.

”I have to tell Steve that he needs to apply for a job here so we can get a discount!” Dustin said when the waitress put a large cup in front of him with skimmed milk all the way up to the rim and a generous amount of cinnamon sprinkled on top.

There was something mature about talking over a cup of coffee, Will found, but it didn’t bother him. It was actually really agreeable to sit there and just enjoy the simplicity of each others company, without centering the attention around a game or a toy. Not that he would decline if someone suggested a D&D session, but still - perhaps everything about growing up wasn’t too bad after all.

-

So everything was fine, perfectly serene and merry - or at least it was until the morning of the sixth full day in Hawkins, which was a Friday.

The time was around nine o’clock. Will, El and Mike were heading upstairs. The sunlight was piercingly bright through the windows in comparison to the dim darkness of the basement. Will had to blink and rub his eyes several times just to adjust to the new setting.

They sat around the table in the dining room and calmly ate their breakfast, talking about what to do today. Will felt inspired to go outside since the weather looked so nice.

”You know, I really enjoy having you both here, there’s just one thing on my mind, and that is that I’m really falling behind in school when I’m staying at home so much. I thought maybe I could just drop by at school and get my books so I can study at home. That’s okay, right?” Mike said whilst munching on a sandwich.

”Of course. I really don’t want you to fail any classes before of me or anything!” Will assured.

”Yes. You should study,” El agreed.

”Great. Well then I’ll just -”

The phone on the wall rang loudly. Mike sighed, gave the other two an excusing look and walked over to answer. He lifted the phone to his ear and leaned against wall, eyes rolling annoyedly.

”Yes, this is the Wheeler’s?” he greeted impatiently.

Will and El listened attentively, trying to figure out who it was. As the seconds passed, Mike’s face changed, he looked unsettled, like the person on the other end was saying something strange. He hummed a few times and nodded, as if the other person could see him. The annoyance had dissolved completely.

”Yes, of course. We’ll be there,” Mike said finally and then put the phone back on the wall. Eleven and Will looked at him, wondering. Mike sat down on his chair again, drank some apple juice and explained:

”It’s Dustin. He says we need to come over. It seems serious.”

They quickly finished their breakfast and threw on their jackets. To get there faster Mike rode his dad’s bike, which was the biggest one, with El sitting behind him and Will had his old one (which was too small for Will too at this point, but for Mike it was even worse).

When they reached Dustin’s place Lucas’ and Max’s bikes were already laying on the ground outside. The car was gone so his parents were likely away somewhere. When they knocked on the door they were panting, out of breath from the ride, and with their cheeks flushed in the chilly air.

Lucas was quick open the door. He led them into Dustin’s room, where Dustin had told them to wait but he wasn’t there himself. Since Dustin’s bed had been turned into a study area, books and papers all over, they sat on the floor instead, backs learned against whatever furniture was behind them.

”Do you know what this is all about?” Lucas whispered.

”No, he just told us to hurry,” Mike whispered back.

All confused they waited for Dustin to come back and explain what was going on. A new aquarium had replaced the old one, it whirred softly, filling out the silence. Dustin’s turtles aimlessly wandered around behind the glass. Although they weren’t particularly exiting, Will found that they were captivating to watch, almost hypnotic.

”I’m here!” Dustin called from the living room. A moment later he bursted into his bedroom, making everyone wince in surprise. In his hands he held some newspapers in a cramped grip.

”What is that?” Lucas asked nervously.

”Guys, just look at this!” Dustin said.

With teetering steps he walked up to the bed. He ruthlessly shoved the homework aside and sat down on the mattress. He flattened the newspapers out and held them up for everyone to see. Curiously, everyone leaned forward to catch a glimpse.

On the front page there was a large picture, printed in black and white, slightly blurry, of a girl who was smiling eccentrically. Her hair was done in fluffy curls, heavy makeup on her face, though the picture couldn’t reveal which colors she had used. She must have been in her twenties.

And written in thick, black letters, the headline stated:

’Woman found in dead in Pennsylvania, investigators suspect brutal murder’

Max and El looked horrified but not in the same way as the boys. The picture they were looking at was, with no doubt about it, the cashier from the gas station where they had stopped just a couple of days ago.

”That’s… weird,” Mike started, eyes locked onto the page.

”Right. Furthermore, these papers are not from today. We left the Byers’ last Friday. Later that day we stopped at the gas station,” Dustin said.

”Yes?”

”Yes? Well, that’s crucial information, because, you see - this is the newspapers from the Saturday morning. These were published the very next morning after we had stopped by at the station.”

Nobody said anything, baffled of what Dustin was saying. He was already so far ahead, had everything riddled out, it seemed. Will was more worried because of Dustin’s expression than by what he was saying because he couldn’t really grasp what was happening, but he trusted Dustin’s intuition wholeheartedly.

”Hang on, I don’t get it! You met this girl?” Max asked confusedly.

”Yes. She was the cashier a gas station where we stopped,” Will filled her in, and in an instant Max looked ever more disturbed and El’s brows furrowed in concern.

”Okay. Now look here!” Dustin continued and opened up the papers. He rushed through the pages and then suddenly stopped at one page. He held it up again for the others to see.

Now there was a picture of an investigation scene, with cops and dogs and a crying man. There was so much text, printed in small letters, that Will couldn’t force himself through. His mind was just blank.

”So… they found her dead in the evening?” Max asked, who had apparently managed to read at least the first paragraph that contained the most essential information.

”Yes. A family stopped at the gas station to give their dog a quick walk and stretch their legs. The mother of the family went for a walk in the nearby area around the gas station. Then she finds the girl’s dead in a ditch by the road. This was around 19:30,” Dustin said, in a very structured way, like he was just citing concise facts.

”I remember the sky was really pretty when we stopped. It was around sunset, right?” Lucas said.

”And that means… that she must have died literally right after we left,” Mike concluded.

There was a momentary pause for this to instill. Will looked back and fourth between his friends’ faces, trying to make out what they were thinking or what was an appropriate reaction to this. It was hard to tell what was going on inside their heads, everyone seemed a bit paralyzed, not showing any dramatic expressions.

”But does that necessarily have anything to do with you?” Max wondered.

”Well… the station was very run down. It’s not like there was a lot of people stopping by. There were no other people there but us,” Lucas reasoned.

”What about the woman smoking outside?”

”Mike, just read this. She was not killed by an average person,” Dustin shut down immediately and handed the papers over to him.

Mike swallowed anxiously, knowing that what he was about to read would be bad. As his eyes scrolled across the text he became increasingly freaked out, it was written all over him. When he had finished the last sentence he was much paler, looked like he was about to throw up. His reaction alone was enough said.

”And why would someone want the cashier dead? The article states that she was a brilliant young woman with many friends and a friendly attitude. She was easygoing, a good student with a promising academic future, she worked at the gas station part time. We don’t know her personally, sure, but I don’t think it seems likely that she was involved in criminal gangs or anything like that. Didn’t seem like the type. And she wasn’t extremely rich, so to kill her for money makes no sense either,” Dustin reasoned, words pouring out in a stream.

”Maybe she was just really good at hiding her sketchy businesses?”

”It’s not impossible - but I think it’s unlikely,” Dustin said tersely.

”But there’s sick people out there… Maybe someone brutally killed her just for fun?” Max mumbled.

”That’s true. It could just be a coincidence that it happened right after we dropped by…”

Will reluctantly connected the dots in the brain. He didn’t want it to make sense, but it undeniably did when he thought about it. He shifted nervously, tried to think about something else but the evidence was screaming louder and louder inside his brain.

He had never mentioned that when he was out in the woods, it that feeling in his neck that made him fall off his bike. He could remember that even though there was a big chunk of his memories from that night that were muddled and defused. He had sensed that something was following him. Was it the same thing that had killed the cashier? But if something had followed him… why didn’t he sense it earlier? He had been out for several days at that point! Unless of course…

”Dustin, could I borrow your phone?” Will blurted out, startling the others but also himself because he was definitely not ready for this, he had acted solely on impulse.

”What?”

”Your phone. I need to make a call.”

”Now?!”

”Yes. Now. It’s crucial, it could help us figure things out here.”

Dustin nodded and pointed towards the phone of the wall in the living room. Will got on his feet and walked over while the other gave him some privacy by staying in Dustin’s room but with the door left open.

Will reached into the inner pocket of his jacket. The drawing with the phone numbers was still there, safe and sound. He turned his back to his friends and carefully unfolded the paper sheet so they couldn’t see the drawing. He held it with one hand and called the number to the Parkers’ with the other as fast as he could in order to not change his mind halfway through.

”Hello, this is the Parkers’?”

Will recognized the voice as mrs Parker, that expensive, lofty tone couldn’t be anybody else. He held the phone is a tight grip, feeling nervous and awkward. He wished that it was mr Parker on the other end instead, who was a lot less intimidating.

”Hi, this is Will,” he began.

”Oh, hello, Will! How are you?” she said politely.

”I’m good thanks. How about you? How’s Jennifer?” he continued. This was the easy part of the conversation. How was he supposed to get the vital information that he needed without coming across like a crazy person? Could he just ask her straight out if anything had seemed off since he stayed with them? That would make it sound like he was the one causing it! Will fanatically tried to figure out what to say next.

”Well I’m doing well and Jenn is alright too. I think you inspired her with your art. She’s been drawing every day since you left,” mrs Parker said joyfully.

”Oh, I’m glad to hear that. She’s so sweet,” Will said lamely, he didn't care about that whatsoever right now. He looked around him and took a deep breath. It was worth a try anyway, so tentatively he began: ”Actually… I heard that there were some strange things going on, around where you live. I just wanted to check on you, if everything’s alright?”

He was surprised how natural he made it sound. If she asked any further questions he had no idea what to say, he wasn’t a great liar and he couldn’t refer to any news about inconveniences in Augusta, since there were none.

”That’s so sweet of you, Will,” she said and then continued, ”Well, what we saw was very strange indeed, but everything’s back to normal now. It was frightening to the kids in the neighborhoods though, they’re not used to things like that happening."

Will’s thought were racing and his heart was beating so hard he could practically feel it thumping in his chest. He was onto something. He shifted his weight to the other leg and tried to keep his voice steady when he continued:

”Right, of course it’s frightening. I just heard about it from a friend so I don’t really know much about it… what happened exactly?”

He pleaded with every cell in his body that this would work so he wouldn’t have to get creepy and pushy about it. Just give me the information, he begged, eyes closed and mumbling soundlessly as if he was praying.

”The electricity went out in the entire neighborhood!” mrs Parker said and for a short moment Will just wanted to roll his eyes because the electricity going out wasn’t, in a wider perspective, a terrifying event, it happened regularly in a lot of places.

”… First it went out in a house a few streets down, by the park. Then the house next door went out, then the next house, then the next… At one point the whole suburb was completely out of electricity, it was completely dark! Poor Jenn was so afraid… Then the lights came back on and then they went out again and then they came back on… Our street must have looked like a crazy disco with the lights going on and off like that. Never seen anything quite like it in my entire life!” mrs Parker explained. She now sounded more excited than scared or worried.

Will felt like he was sinking through the floor, into a hazy stupor. Alarm bells rang loudly in his head, making it difficult to think straight. It was too familiar, way too familiar. No ordinary electricity error could cause the whole street to look like a disco like that. Will just wanted to lay down, his legs felt like jelly that couldn’t carry him. He leaned against the wall for support. He tried to collect himself to continue. Inhale. Exhale. Keep going.

”I see. Very weird, indeed. When did this happen did you say?” he asked. He was dreading the answer, he didn’t wan to hear it, even though it was already painfully apparent what was going on.

”Hm… Amanda was still here when it happened so it must have been some time right after you were here! You missed it by just a few hours! I wish you would have stayed to see it for yourself, I must sound crazy when I describe it, but I swear it’s true! ome electricians said that it was just a temporary disturbance caused by a newly employed colleague. He's luckily fired now so everything's been fine ever since,” she said, oblivious to Will’s state on the other end of the line.

Will could have fainted right there but Mike rushed up to support him by sturdily putting his hands on his shoulders to keep him steady. Will’s grip of the drawing loosened up, letting the paper sheet freely fall to the floor by his feet without even noticing. He tried to collect himself but everything was so blurry and hazy it was almost like a dream.

”Are you still there, Will?” mrs Parker called in the phone.

”Y-yes, yes. I’m here. I’d love to talk more, but I have to go, I’m sorry. Thank you again for helping me and all. Please tell Jenn I called. B-bye!” Will forced out and then hung up before mrs Parker even had the opportunity to answer.

Dustin, Lucas, Max and El were quick onto their feet and rushed to Will the living room. Mike put his arm around his waist and guided him to the closest armchair, which Will fell back onto like a dead weight. He stared emptily before him, not even able to process his friend’s faces. Everything was like an eerie nightmare, never-ending, unclear and horrifying.

”Bad news?” Lucas asked warily.

Will nodded slowly, still staring straight ahead into nothingness. The others exchanged some questioning glances and then looked back at Will for answers. Will’s mouth felt dry, his limps paralyzed, but he managed to mumble:

”It’s happening again.”

-

”Before you showed up in the car I had this feeling… like I knew something was coming,” Will said once he had regained his ability to talk properly. They were still gathered in Dustin’s living room, Will centered in the armchair with the rest sitting around him, which made him feel awfully exposed and stared at.

”Was it like the neck-thing?” Lucas asked and illustrated the way Will had a habit of touching his neck when he felt that alarming sensation.

”Yes. Exactly. And then I fell of my bike and I tried to get my knife out of my backpack and then suddenly the car almost hit me, right?” Will tried his hardest to remember. The others listed attentively without interrupting. They just nodded in unison and encouraged him to continue.

”Well… In retrospect I assumed that what I had just felt your presence…”

”But does our presence make you feel that way? With the neck? Isn’t that just the Mind-flayer?” Max asked.

”I’ve never heard you say that you feel our presence that at all?” Mike said, looking at Will desperately trying to understand, afraid that he had missed out on something crucial.

”I don’t?” Will didn’t even understand himself.

”You feel me,” El inflicted.

Eyes wandered back and fourth between Eleven and Will. Will looked up, met El’s eyes and nodded slowly. She knew. He knew. The two of them were a unit on their own, they understood by intuition what the others needed words to explain. He had felt Eleven presence before through the Void, but this was not the same thing. It was that animalistic instinct that arouse inside, the fear and the panic that was so eerie for something that couldn't come from the the world.

”Yes, but it was not like that,” Will said, this time more assured.

”So that means something is following us?” Lucas asked.

The panic spread quickly, making them alternatively freeze in their movements or anxiously twitch. Will could see disastrous scenarios flashing by in his mind and he could physically feel them too. He tried to breathe slowly, counting in the way that the doctors had told him to do in order to calm down. What amount of counting could possibly calm you down from the realization that your worst nightmare was becoming reality - again? 

”No, not really. We are not all being followed. It’s just Will. Right? Because it’s in the places that Will go that strange things happen?” Mike said.

”I haven’t felt anything lately,” El said, looking apologetically at Will, as if she wished that she could share the burden with him.

”But you biked around for several days, didn’t you? Can we really draw the conclusion that Will is being followed because weird things happened in two of the places where you happened stopped?” Max reasoned. She was still the newest addition to the gang and obviously the most oblivious too, less able to see the reoccurring patterns that the rest were more familiar with.

”Max. This is not a coincidence. Something’s going on,” Dustin said earnestly.

”Shit…” Max muttered.

”So… what do we do now?” Lucas asked.

Will shrugged his shoulders. He still couldn’t quite believe it. Something - or someone - really wanted him badly. Why else was he always the victim of the horrors of the Upside Down? What had he ever done to deserve it? He was just a helpless kid when it happened the first time! It was so unfair! Now that he was faced with another disaster he actually didn't mind overthinking, he concluded. Was this a direct result of him wishing for something else to think about? Was this his own fault?

”Should we go back to the gas station to investigate further? The police may have missed evidence that we could find, that could give us a clue about what we’re up against?” Mike suggested.

”It can’t be the Mind-flayer this time…” Will said, but doubt pervaded the room because they all knew very well that they had thought that exact same thing last time too, so of course it could very likely be the Mind-flayer again, conceivably in a new shape that was stronger than last time. To believe otherwise was all just wishful thinking.

”Wait!” El interrupted.

She stood up from the floor. She looked right at Will with a new determination in her eyes that only sparked through when she was ready to combat. Will didn't like it, he had not missed that energy the slightest because he knew that every time her aura changed like this, it meant that something bad was about to happen.

”Will. This time you can fight back,” she said sturdily and Will knew well enough that arguing with her wouldn't change a thing.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so messy I'm sorry, no amount of editing could fix this one ;-;

Eleven and Will were alone in the Wheeler’s garage while Mike went to buy some stuff with Lucas, Max and Dustin. There were boxes of old skiing equipment and rarely used clothes, a large pile of books, photo albums, an inflatable pool for babies and Nancy’s prom dress on a hanger. There was also an excessive amount of random debris laying around. But despite being cluttered, in the middle there was an open space for the car and on the cold floor El had placed a pencil.

”Try it,” she encouraged, looking at him, at the pencil, and then back at him again.

Will sighed. He restlessly fidgeted with the sleeves of his jacket and looked everywhere expect for the task that was ahead of him. If he would try to make the pencil move and not succeed, he’d look so stupid he would have no other choice but to dig a hole in the ground and entomb himself.

”Try it,” she repeated, this time more stubborn, like it was an order rather than encouragement.

”El, I don’t even think I have powers like you do! I have a connection to the Upside Down but can’t do what you can do!” he whined, mentally ready to leave the garage and hedge out of it right away, but the fierce look she gave him made him a bit scared, so he didn’t dare to make the run. In fact, he didn’t even dare to argue with her anymore at all.

He locked his eyes on the pencil. He took a deep breath and held his hand out the same way he had seen her do. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was supposed to do next, there was no proper manual for how to use superpowers, so he just did what he thought was the right way: thought really intensely about the pencil moving. Wished for it do. Demanded it to.

But the pencil remained still on the ground, not moving the slightest. Eventually Will gave up, sighed deeply, let his arm fall back against his body and blushed in embarrassment.

”See?” he said sheepishly and gestured towards at the pencil.

”Again.”

”No,” Will defied.

Why did this have to happen again? Why did the Upside Down keep persecuting him like this? Will was fed up. He didn’t feel like fighting, he didn’t feel like being a part of this at all. Why did he have to get embroiled into this chaos to begin with? It was as if one ripple after another just kept coming and the he invariably had to fight his way through life. It was getting tiring.

Eleven sighed, crossed her arms across her chest. She looked at him stubbornly, tilted her head to the side.

”Again,” she demanded, this time with a less patient undercurrent and a look on her face as if she was telling him to step up, stop whining and get to work.

Will damned his indulgent nature for making him relent so easily. He took another deep breath and repositioned himself, staring almost menacingly at the pencil. One more time he held his arm out before him and with all his might, he tried to coerce the pencil to move, but with with no obedience in return.

He felt weary. And what for? For holding his arm and and wishing for an object to move? That was just fatuous. He ran his hand through his hair, shook his head hopelessly and felt his confidence dwindle to a scarcely existent state.

”This is ridiculous, El. Let’s just gather everyone and figure something out that doesn’t rely on me having powers that I obviously don’t have!” he pleaded hopelessly.

Eleven was quietly thinking, pacing around the garage. The sound of her soles hitting the floor echoed slightly. Then she stopped and looked at him.

”Will. You destroyed the phone,” she said bluntly.

”What?” Will blurted, confusedly. That was not what he had expected her to say.

”When I talk with Mike sometimes I can’t hear him and he can’t hear me. I know it’s because you do something to the phone,” she said.

”I’ve never done that!” Will defended himself.

”Maybe you don’t do it on purpose then…,” she shrugged and started pacing again.

”That’s - what? - no! It’s just the phone that’s broken then. You should tell Jonathan, maybe he can fix it for you,” Will insisted.

”You stopped the car too,” she said, which was a more persuading evidence since Will himself knew that there was no other explanation to what had happened. Jonathan could impossibly have stopped the car in time by just hitting the breaks, and somehow Will was still alive indeed. This reminder made him swallow nervously.

”And your nose. Lots of blood,” El amplified and illustrated the mess with her hands.

Will had no memory of the blood part but when Jonathan drove them to the bus station he had noticed some conspicuous blood stains on the seats. While refusing to concede that it was his own blood, he remained quiet and avoided her eyes, hoping that she wouldn’t push it further.

”What makes you angry, Will?” she inquired instead.

”Why is that relevant now?”

”Because it makes you stronger.”

”Well… I don’t believe that anger makes us stronger. I believe that kindness and compassion makes us stronger,” Will reasoned, impressed by his own choice of words as they made him sound so wise and composed, albeit he wasn’t even sure if he genuinely believed it.

”Then use that instead,” El said.

”What do you mean by that?”

”When you use your power. Use kindness and co… comparison?”

”Compassion,” Will corrected her.

Using his linguistic advantage against her was such a lame way to feel better about himself, he knew that, but knowing something that she didn’t roused something inside, that just for a second made him feel a bit more confident, as if that confirmed that he was in fact not inferior at everything (as if his grammar and vocabulary would be enough to make people love him hah!)

”Yes. Compassion. Think about kindness and compassion when you use your power - if that makes you stronger,” El instructed, unbothered by his complacent attitude.

Will was confused. Exactly how was he supposed to do that? He felt no kindness nor compassion towards a pencil. He instantly regretted ever saying those things, it didn’t even make sense.

”I think about things that make me angry, then my powers become stronger,” El continued when Will obviously didn’t understand her.

”So… I should think about things that I care for then…?”

”Yes,” she confirmed and nodded contently, ”Try that.”

At first he contemplated whether to leave or not. He looked longingly at the closed door, but as much as he wished that everything about the Upside Down didn’t happen, he knew that denying the reality of the situation wouldn’t change anything, running away from it wasn’t possible.

Instead he walked around the pencil, inspected it from every angle for whatever reason he didn’t know, while simultaneously trying to think about something that he cared for, something that he liked. Of course he liked his friends - that was the first thing he came to think of. And his family. And Mike, who he counted as a friend, but who he still kept apart in a category of his own since… yeah. All of those things made him happy. He wanted to protect them, that was his heartfelt wish, although he seemed to have a tendency to hurt them instead.

He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to translate this into sheer power, something that could move the pencil move. But it was worth another try, anyway. And if it would fail… then he just had to persist, it was the only way.

Will stopped, facing the pencil and closed his eyes. He tried to inhibit all doubtful thoughts, shut everything irrelevant out, clear out his mind to allow himself to commit to the task entirely. Then he started reviewing memories, not knowing if it was the right thing to do but it felt right to.

The first thing that came to mind was that Halloween when the party dressed up on Ghostbusters costumes. He let himself slowly descent into the memory, like he was reliving the moment. The texture of the fabric against the skin. The weight of the prop on his back. The excitement of Halloween simmering inside. Feeling flushed of embarrassment being the only ones dressed up but simultaneously the reassuring feeling of unity, that the costumes amplified by making a distinct difference between themselves and everybody else. The warm feeling of belonging. The cold feeling of the air. And of course the first encounter with Max, who at first seemed to be just another girl interloping, but in hindsight was the beginning of a great friendship.

Will dwelled on every detail he could recall, gradually drifting further and further away from the garage. Eleven’s voice was just a nebulous echo from far away. Whatever she was trying to communicate was unperceptive. He existed in his own delirium entirely.

And in the same manner he moved on to the next memory, one after another, letting himself plunge deeper into the bliss of his own mind, with no holds barred. He reviewed scenes and events that he hadn’t thought of in year, memories that had been neglected for ages, only now being brought into the light of his consciousness.

”WILL! STOP IT! ENOUGH!”

It was addictive, really. The sound of distant shouting passed into his ears and then instantly dissolved before it had the chance to interrupt. Will didn’t want it to. The craving for more was insatiable. It was so liberating to let go of the present and its uncertainty, to for a moment just rest in the the embrace of what was already passé, problems already solved, worries proved wrong - 

Like that time on the front porch! Will was so panicked at the time but in the end everything turned out amazing! Mike had blurted ”It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!”, to which Will had answered ”Yes, it is!” and then Mike had asked ”What to you mean?” to which Will had taken a step closer, looked up into those intoxicating, dark eyes without a word but Mike understood perfectly well and then he slowly leaned in… tentatively tilting his head… then -

At some point of brief sobriety, Will realized that half of the things he was reviewing were not even actual memories, but some sort of fabricated versions. They were not real. Phony. Fake. Inaccurate. It felt like a bucket of freezing water had been poured over him. He was violently thrown back into the garage with a loud gasp.

”WILL!” Eleven shouted, this time reaching Will’s consciousness.

And with a loud crash the boxes full of belongings, the photo albums, Nancy’s dress, the inflatable pool… - all of it fell down from the air, hitting whatever surface below with a raucous crash. Something made out of glass shattered somewhere. Then everything went dead quiet.

El was staring at him in a bewildered way, eyes shut wide open, frozen on the spot. Will didn’t dare to breathe. He felt disoriented. How did he even end up in the garage? For how long had he been there? How much time had passed? He had no idea. He felt nauseous and dizzy.

”WILL!” she yelled again, this time blissfully, celebrating.

She ran to him, threw her arms around him and jumped up and down excitedly. Will just blinked repeatedly. He felt numb and exhausted, incapable to celebrate with her. But before he even had the chance to say anything, he felt his knees yielded under his weight and he slumped to the ground.

-

”But since when?! I don’t get it?! Has he always been able to do that?!”

Will opened his eyes, sigh completely blurry. He was laying on a hard surface that he soon realized was the floor in the garage, but his head rested on something soft that he soon realized was a sweater. A ferocious headache that made him grumble in agony.

”Oh, he’s awake!” Mike said with a sigh of relief.

”Wipe a bit more there,” Max said and pointed at the corners of his left nostril.

Eleven had a tissue in her hand that she gently wiped Will’s nose with. Why was she wiping his nose? What happened?! Will was startled, confused. A moment ago he was on the front porch with Mike. Did he faint?! Did they carry him here?

”Did you teach him how to do that, El?” Lucas asked.

”I helped a little bit but no… he did it himself.”

Mike, Max, Lucas and El were kneeled down on the floor while Dustin was walking around the garage whilst shaking his head in disbelief repeatedly, as if he was going crazy. Around them there were several bloody tissues. Max held a tissue box, ready if more was needed.

The lamp in the ceiling was blinding, made his eyes feel like soar, like they were full of grit. His limps hurt awfully. He miserably tried to sit up, but was quickly guided back to his resting position.

”Can you hear us, Will?” Mike asked.

”Yeah…” Will groaned, ailing.

”Wait… El, one more time, just making sure I’m getting this straight… He made everything in here fly? At once? Just like that?” Dustin asked, gesturing wildly towards all the things stored in the garage.

”Yes. This much,” El nodded and measured about two foot (≈ 60 cm) with her hands.

”He has powers! Our friend - our Will Byers - does in fact have superpowers!” Dustin declared loudly but his voice was rickety of doubt and confusion, not the slightest bit convincing. The second later he kept mumbling to himself and shake his head in the same manner as before.

”Well… while this wasn’t entirely unexpected, it’s still pretty crazy. It is a game changer for sure,” Mike said and stroke Will’s bangs out of his eyes for him. They were speaking over his head, not expecting him to say anything.

”Wait… - the porch - ? how…? - I - wait… did we -?” Will floundered, trying to make sense of the situation, looking up at Mike’s face from an awkward angle he had probably never seen him from before.

Mike’s clothes were different. He wasn’t wearing a yellow shirt anymore. And the rain was not pouring outside. And… no… maybe it didn’t even happen! Will’s cheeks burned up, practically feeling like fire was scolding them. He was desperately trying to put the pieces together but his brain wasn’t cooperating the slightest, it was all just random thought floating around, detached from one another, not making any sense.

”He’s so lost right now…” Max said, concerned look on her face.

Will couldn’t see what he looked like, which was probably a good thing, because he was looking like a wreck quite frankly. He was pale and flushed at the same time, some dried blood still on his face, a big bruise on his forehead and drenched in sweat.

”Maybe give him some water?” El suggested.

”Dustin, could you stop doing that and get some water instead?” Mike called, failing to shroud his annoyance about Dustin’s freaked out state.

”Yes, yes, of course, I’ll get water, hang on…” Dustin stumbled. He opened up the garage door, just enough to get out, to hurry off to the kitchen.

He was back in a minute with a glass and an entire jug of water. He poured some water and handed it over to Mike, who tried to get Will into a sitting position. Then Mike held out the glass to Will, whose arm hurt so much he couldn’t hold it, so instead Mike put the glass to his lips and gently tilted it for him.

The water was refreshing but Will’s head was still aching like crazy. He couldn’t even appreciate MIke’s attempt to help him because his skin was so sore any type of touching made him twitch uncomfortably. He gave up on sitting, slumped back down on the floor right away.

”Well… I know you’re not feeling great right now, Will, but I still believe that this is in fact really great news so I think we should be happy. If having one person with powers is enough to prevent those creatures from winning, then having two could be enough for us to win,” Mike reasoned.

”Exactly - because up until now we’ve been even with the Upside Down. We never lost, but we never won either,” Lucas said.

-

Will had no idea how he got there, but when he woke up, he was on the couch in the Wheeler’s basement. The clock on the wall told 7:20 but whether it was in the morning or the evening, he didn’t know, in the basement it was always impossible to tell. He soon realized that he was alone but he could hear chattering on from upstairs and a whirring sound coming from the kitchen. Must be in the evening then, Will figured.

He made an attempt to get up but limply slumped down onto the cushions again. The feeling was familiar, it felt just like when he woke up on the couch in his house back in Maine, as if he had gotten run over by a truck.

He torpidly looked around him, his eyes being the only thing he could move without too much effort. Though still cosy, the basement didn’t seem as magical anymore as when Will first arrived in Hawkins.

Someone was coming down from upstairs, carefully, as if they were tip-toeing, but in the completely silent basement even the subtle creaking in the wooden stairs came across as loud.

”Will?” Lucas whispered, scarcely perceptible. Then, when he saw Will moving, he continued, this time in his normal speaking voice, ”Oh, you’re awake. Great. Dinner’s ready. Do you want some?”

”Just a minute…” Will mumbled, voice feeling hoarse and vague.

”You need some help to get up? Can you move?”

Before Will even had the chance to answer, Lucas was heading over to him to help. With teetering steps they slowly made their way upstairs. The wonderful scent of freshly baked bread was pervading the air, instantly rousing a vigorous appetite. He could hear the voices from the kitchen clearly now.

”Careful, Mike!” Nancy exclaimed.

”I am careful!”

”No, you’re not! Don’t walk around with a knife like that!”

”It’s fine, chill!”

”You almost stabbed me!”

-

Nancy, who for once didn’t have to work overtime, had made a soup with vegetables and a rich broth. The freshly baked bread was delicious both on its own and to dip in the soup. Once Will had some food in his belly, he felt much better, which still meant that he wasn’t feeling great but at least not as horrendous as before.

Mrs Wheeler was having a ladies night out, Holly was spending the night at a friend’s house (”It’s her first time!” Karen had crooned excitedly) and mr Wheeler was watching a game at the bar. The house was all to themselves.

At first they chatted like they normally would, but in a brief moment of pause, Nancy patted her mouth with a napkin and, in a much graver manner, looking at Will:

”Jonathan is on his way here.”

”Oh, okay…” Will said, unsure of how to feel about it. Was that good news? Well, Will missed him for sure but… somehow this made everything official. They were gathering again. Something was about to happen and he didn’t want to burden Jonathan with it now that he was doing so well at his new job.

”I don’t think your mom knows yet. She would get so worried,” Nancy continued. Will didn’t even know that Nancy knew in the first place. The others must have updated her when he was knocked out.

”Yeah, that’s true…” Will said blankly.

It had happened so fast. Everything was fine just a moment ago but then it changed in the flash of a moment. Not even a full day had passed and they were already preparing themselves for something big. Will had not even had the chance to fully comprehend the fact that he had some sort of powers. Since when?! And why?! Everything was incoherent, the only thing he could do was try to hang on tight and do his best to not go nuts.

”But wait hang on…” Will stumbled, trying to grasp what was going on, head still aching and thoughts fussing around in a mess, making it all worse, ”This is happening way too fast…”

”We can’t afford to wait around. The sooner we do something, the better,” Dustin said.

”If we wait, chances are that whatever we’re up against will become stronger.”

”Because speaking from out previous experiences… we know that the monsters grow stronger very quickly. Like at first there was just one demogorgon, right? Then, all of a sudden, there were hundreds. And the Mind-flayer become more powerful over time too. It’s a pattern. We can’t wait.”

The sudden stream of voices and colliding words was overbearing. Everyone asked questions, listed evidence, suggested explanations and theories all at the same time. 

”But… - wait… - yes - but…”

Maybe using powers caused brain damage? Or else he was still just feeling lost from fainting and then sleeping for… he didn’t even know for how long, honestly. Everyone else seemed to be understanding what was happening better than he did. He hated feeling like he couldn’t keep up.

”El, what do you think? Is it the Mind-flayer again?” Mike asked, looking at El, who was deep in thought, barely touching the food before her unlike the rest who gobbled shamelessly.

”I don’t know. I thought… I don’t know. It’s weird,” she said.

”There’s something I don’t get though!” Lucas said loudly and gestured with his hands, demanding all the attention to him, ”How can this be happening again when we closed the gate? Chief Hopper died because we closed the gate, right? So if the gate never closed, then why the hell is chief Hopper dead and the monsters back in town? I don’t get it!”

”Don’t be so insensitive, Lucas!” Max snapped angrily.

”Insensitive?! I’m not being insensitive - these are legit questions that are crucial for our progress! We have to talk about it, we can’t pretend that it never happened!” Lucas argued.

He did have a point. There were aspects of the previous events that had never been fully addressed. One of the major points that no one dared to touch upon, was chief Hopper’s death - or rather, the probability that he was actually alive, somewhere, somehow.

Will had been commonly regarded as dead, but he wasn’t. And El, was believed to be dead for 553 days precisely, but she wasn’t dead either. Nobody wanted to get their hopes up, nobody wanted to be disappointed so they agreed to assume the worst - but Lucas was right. They had to question what actually happened in the Russian base. Did the gate ever close? If it did, was there a new gate elsewhere? Was Hopper dead or in need of help somewhere? There were millions of questions but no actual answers.

”Sure, but maybe not right now?”

”Then when? We all agree that the sooner we can act, the better. We have to -”

”Let’s wait until Jonathan’s here. Maybe we should talk to Will’s mom too after all, she’s the one who was actually there when the gate closed!” Dustin said.

”Yeah - IF the gate closed - that’s my point!”

”But now Will has powers so we have a better chance of winning now, right?” Nancy interrupted on a more optimistic note, looking back and forth between everyone around the table, searching for agreement.

”True.”

There was a short pause in the chatter. Everyone was trying to digest what was being said, organize themselves mentally. Will was still feeling lost, like he was catching the conversation from the other side of a thick glass. He didn’t contribute with anything, he couldn’t comprehend anything. He was just watching his friend’s mouthes move, their hands gesture, the portions in the bowls gradually shrink and then suddenly grow again with another generous ladle from the pot.

”I don’t understand why they follow Will,” El stated, not answering Nancy. She looked at Will, as if he had an answer, which he obviously didn’t. Will felt uncomfortable by the attention, he awkwardly took a bite of the bread and looked down at the table.

”There is another thing I don’t get though,” Dustin said, drawing the attention away from Will, ”If Will is persecuted by something from the Upside Down… why haven’t we seen anything? He’s been here in Hawkins for like a week. If he was followed, the monster should be here already, right?”

”Right. The electricity stuff happened just hours after he left that family, and then the cashier died just hours after passed. By that logic - the monster should have arrived in Hawkins just hours after we did. But it’s been a week and… nothing!” Mike gestured the emptiness with his hands, leaned back against the chair and sighed hopelessly, seemingly annoyed by their sparse understanding.

”Unless it’s just a mistake…” Will said quietly, being the first thing he had uttered in a long while.

”But it can’t be! You said it yourself, you felt the presence of something! Your neck! Remember?”

”Right…”

”Maybe the monsters are afraid of Hawkins?” Max suggested.

Nobody answered at first, contemplating the idea. The only thing Will thought was that if he was a monster, he would not want to be in Hawkins, since there were people there who had over the years become something along the lines of ’professional monster-fighters’ - not that they necessarily had a lot of experience but most people had none at all.

”Maybe…” Eleven agreed and nodded slowly.

”Did anything ever haunt you in Maine?” Mike asked, turned to Will, ”I mean… you lived there for a while. Did you ever notice anything out of the ordinary?”

”No, I don’t think so. I was actually surprised by how normal everything was…” Will said, voice still vague. He tried to figure out in hindsight if there were any alarming moments that somehow slipped by without him noticing, but he couldn’t recall any such instances at all.

”Maybe it was because of El? The two of them lived together up there. Maybe the monsters are afraid of them when they’re together?”

A sudden awareness roused. A clearness coerced its way through Will’s tangled, nebulous mind. In a systematic way he checked all the boxes in his brain and then the pattern was apparent.

”Maybe that’s it…?” he said thoughtfully, drawing all the attention to him, ”The weird stuff started happening when I left. Never happened before and nothing’s happened since we reunited the other day.”

They needed a moment to instill his words. Then, Lucas was the first one to start nodding, at first tentatively but then more rapturously, and the rest joined him in, excitement simmering in the air as they concluded that it did actually make sense.

”We have to take this theory with a grain of salt, of course, and we have to be prepared for sudden turns - but for now, just to start somewhere - let’s assume that this is the case.”


	11. Chapter 11

It was the morning the following day. Pedestrian grey clouds hung low in the air, a light drizzle made everything feel damp and it was windy in a way that mercilessly pierced its way through the layers of clothes.

Since it was Saturday and there was no house free from parents or siblings, instead they found themselves cluelessly drifting around outside, which was perhaps even more suspicious than whispering secretively inside, but Mike’s parents were not exactly known for paying attention.

”Maybe we could test this theory by separating them? To see if anything happens?” Max proposed, voice taut as if she was clenching her jaw due to the cold. Her hair was frizzy and the weather condition had created a laughable amount of volume, making it look like an auburn cloud or a bird nest. This was certainly not her most elevated state, making Will wonder if she ever missed sunny California at times like this.

”Are you crazy?! We can’t gamble around like that just to ’see if anything happens’. That’s the most certain way to get someone hurt!” Mike snapped right away.

Max gave him a glare and looked like she was about to argue back but Dustin quickly interfered with his own opinion before she had the chance to say anything:

”I think Max’s idea is good, but maybe not right away. Will should learn how to master his powers properly before we can do that to minimize the risks. We don’t want to use ourselves as monster bait until we’re fully prepared for the monsters, right?”

This made both Mike and Max shut up, both still eyeing each other with a childish annoyance, Will almost expected them to start sticking out their tongues to each other or start wrestling on the ground.

”Will needs to practice first,” El agreed.

Will didn’t look forward to yet another round of the physical backlash that apparently seemed to follow when using powers. He had just recovered from yesterday’s practice, and it had not yet fully dawned on him that he actually possessed powers. It was insane! And though things had cleared up the slightest, there were still more questions than answers. Will tried his best to just roll with it and not think too much, just accept that he apparently had powers in the same way he accepted that it was windy outside because if he started analyzing it he would most likely go bonkers in no time.

”Good point!” Mike said, seemingly content as if this confirmed that he was right, but then threw a pitying glance in Will’s direction, as if he had read his reluctant thoughts. In a less self-absorbed way he added: ”I’m afraid there is no way around that, is there?”

”What do I know?” Will muttered, words muffled by his scarf which covered a substantial part of his face. Nobody seemed to hear his comment, which annoyed him since he was literally the person they were talking about here.

”Where though? We need somewhere private, somewhere calm,” Lucas said thoughtfully.

He looked around him as if he expected the perfect place to be right here. The only thing to be seen was some trees, a couple of houses along the side of the road, the gardens and the old post office that had been transformed into a daycare center for seniors. There were no other people outside aside from moody dog owners who had no other choice but to go outside.

”And preferably empty to avoid breaking anything!” Dustin added.

Will wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck and nuzzled his nose into the yarn, not contributing with his own thought on the matter. He frankly didn’t care right now, he really wanted to get inside as soon as possible, wandering around like this was madness.

”How about Hawkins sports hall? It should be empty, since it’s Saturday,” Mike suggested, ”I’m sure mr Clarke wouldn’t mind us being there. We’ve used it once already, remember?”

”That’s actually a good idea.”

”Right. But what should we tell mr Clarke? I’m sure he’ll ask why we need to be in the middle school sports hall and we can’t say it’s because we don’t have any at our high school,” Lucas said.

There was a pause when all of them thought carefully about their options. Mr Clarke knew that they were weirdos and science nerds but to purport that Will had superpowers that he needed to practice just seemed too far off, unless they could somehow play if off like a joke.

”Actually… why don’t we just tell him straight up?” Lucas speculated, whose thought had apparently not gone in the same direction as Will’s at all. He looked at his fellows for approval, a lighthearted spark in his eyes as if this solution totally made sense and wasn’t a big deal.

”Tell him everything, you mean?” Will blurted, eyebrows raised.

”Yeah, I mean, why not?” Lucas shrugged, smile spreading on his face, ”He’s been involved since the very beginning without even knowing it! He was the one explained the whole thing with interdimensional gates to begin with! He literally made us understand that the Upside Down was even a thing!”

”That’s true,” Will noted and everyone seemed to be thinking the same thing.

”He helped us look for you, found clues that led us to Hawkins lab, told us how to build the sensory deprivation tank, had a demogorgon die in his classroom and he led us onto the Russian by explaining the science of magnetism!” Lucas counted convincingly on his fingers to amplify his point, ”Honestly speaking though, he has helped us with so much more indirectly. Where would we be without him?”

”And we blew up his radio when we were looking for Will. I’m sure he has some unanswered questions about that,” Mike remembered.

”I’m sure he has some unanswered questions about a lot of things. It’s pretty insane how so many weird things have happened right in front of him and he has never asked about it! Is he really that oblivious?!” Lucas laughed, gesturing wildly with his hands.

”Mr Clarke is not oblivious! He’s a genius! I think he’s just really fucking chill! Chillest man alive - doesn’t make a big deal out of anything!” Mike chortled.

This made everyone crack up. Will’s appreciation for mr Clarke was abounding. Aside from helping them with concise tasks, the most important thing mr Clarke had ever done for them was to give them a chance, shown them support and enthusiasm, never once telling them to get over it or give up on their ambitions, even when they didn’t make sense.

”One of his students disappeared, fucking died - we had a moment of silence and funeral and everything - and then he just showed up again and mr Clarke was literally just like ’okay, hello, welcome back, good to see you’, which a pretty remarkable reaction if you think about it!”

Dustin’s imitation of mr Clarke made everyone howl expect for Will. Mike and Lucas contributed with their own over-the-top versions too, mimicking how mr Clarke would react if he ever encountered a demogorgon (”oh, hello, nice to meet you, are you my new student? hm… you look a tad strange but it’s okay, diversity is a beautiful thing, yes, yes! please have a seat! you’re from another dimension, you say? how fascinating! do you have photosynthesis where you come from?”)

Will tried to laugh along but something felt strained inside. It was what Dustin had said that lingered on, still gnawing inside. He had a funeral - an actual funeral. That could be laughed about now, but it was immensely disturbing to think about - the world was about to move on without him, leaving him behind, entombed in the ground, a rotting corpse and a used-to-be person the world would never remember.

He wondered what it was like, did people cry in despair over his death? Did they care? He knew that his friends and mom doubted the whole thing, they knew that he was alive somewhere - but Jonathan - he genuinely thought he was dead for a while. That was crazy to think about. He was dead to Jonathan. He was dead to Jonathan. He was dead to Jonathan. No matter how many times Will thought about it, he could never quite instill that it actually happened while he wasn’t there to witness it.

”Oh, and another one - Mike introduced El as his Swedish freaking cousin - then they started dating!” Lucas shrieked, clapping his hands, gasping for air, leaning onto Dustin for balance as if he was about to keel over of laughter but Dustin was in the exact same state.

This was enough for Will to crack up too. He chuckled more subtilely but it was impossible to resist. The the view of Dustin and Lucas floundering around like two hysterical drunks in the middle of the day made it even better. El didn’t seem to understand the point but after Max quickly explained what was funny, she laughed too. The only one who didn’t was Mike.

”I’m sure he’s just trying to be polite, minding his own business and all of that - but secretly I’m sure he thinks ’what the fuck is going on here’ about a billion times a day!”

”So in conclusion - it’s time for mr Clarke to hear about what’s going on?” Mike interrupted formally, ignoring Dustin’s guttural laughter, that was just about to settle down when Lucas reminded him again about how everyone in Hawkins must believe that Mike’s dating his cousin.

”Yes, I think that’s a good plan and then we ask him to unlock the sports hall too, so we can use it,” Will said, being the only one who had actually listened.

”Great,” Mike said with a grateful smile before turning to Lucas and Dustin, ”WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?! IT’S NOT THAT FUNNY, OKAY?!” but this just aggravated it, making them laugh even more.

-

The door opened somewhat reluctantly. Mr Clarke stood inside, clad in a fuzzy robe with a belt around the waist and slippers, hair a little messy and a mug of reeking hot coffee in his hand. He looked confused and also embarrassed by the sudden visit, that he certainly had not expected a Saturday morning but since he had already opened the door, it was too late.

”Oh,” he said and scratched his head, ”It’s you.”

Shoving him out of the way to get inside was alluring. Will held his fingers crossed, hoping that mr Clarke would ask them to come inside, offer them something hot to drink. Standing outside was tormenting and the drizzle had turned into larger drops that gradually soaked through the layers. Will’s hair was already dripping wet, sticking to his forehead and allowing drops to slide down the back of his neck, making him shiver every two minutes.

”We… ehm… do you have a minute?” Mike began.

Mr Clarke shifted uncomfortably, threw a quick glance behind him. There was someone else in there, footsteps could be heard, the refrigerator opened and closed and a female voice was humming cheerfully.

”I’m afraid that right now, in this very moment, I actually don’t,” he said apologetically, ”But how about on Monday? My last class ends at 15:30. After that I’m free.”

The awkward pause that followed said more than words ever could - they needed him to listen - now. Waiting until Monday wasn’t an option. They needed to operate fast, making sure to stay one step ahead of whatever was chasing them (at least that’s the argument they used to justify this surprise-visit, but the biggest motivation was probably that their conversation had just made them really keen to see him)

”Mr Clarke… is there any chance you could meet us later today? It’s a bit urgent,” Max asked, putting on her most pleading eyes.

Mr Clarke shifted again. He avoided their eyes and sighed, unsettled. He was overtly conflicted, probably not wanting to let them down but at the same time it was Saturday and he might have had other plans. He looked like he was about to turn them down when Will stepped up and said:

”It has to do with the thing that happened, when I disappeared.”

After hearing this, mr Clarke’s face changed completely, from being troubled to being inquisitive. In that moment they knew that they were about to win him over. Once mr Clarke sensed some sort of curiosity, nothing could stop him. He wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing that there was something peculiar to explore and figure out within reach, that he had not yet put under scrutiny.

”Oh. I… I see,” he said, eyes glowing of interest, ”Well… I guess I could see you after lunch today. If you could come back then, that would be splendid.”

”Absolutely, mr Clarke. Thank you,” Will said politely.

”Good. See you then!” mr Clarke greeted and was just about to close the door when Dustin quickly said, also with pleading eyes and his nicest voice setting:

”We need to get into the middle school sports hall. Could we borrow you keys?”

-

Coming inside felt amazing, albeit the sports hall was infused with sweat odor. The sounds of their shoes against the floor echoed in the spacious room. A tracksuit jacket and a water bottle had been forgotten on the small grandstand. The basket ball hoops appeared to be set further down than how Will’s recalled them to, but perhaps that was just because he had grown taller himself. When standing in the middle of the hall, each wall and the ceiling were so far away that it felt like standing in an endless vacuum. It was belittling, a little spooky almost.

”So here we are,” Mike noted blankly.

He didn’t get a reply at first, as they were too busy trying to instill the new environment. Will rubbed his hands together, trying to get them back to their normal temperature. Max climbed up the grandstand and picked up the bottle. There was only a mouthful of water left in it, that she carelessly poured out right on the floor.

”Will could practice with this,” she suggested, voice echoing through the air.

”That will do,” Will said limply.

He wasn’t excited about it at all, to practice. To his dismay he had also realized that the discomfort following the usage of power, might never go away. Eleven had used her powers regularly for several years of her life and she still collapsed of exhaustion from time to time. Did he really have to accept that morbid headache as a solid part of his life from now on? The thought sparked a plaguing consternation in his chest that made it impossible to rejoice having superpowers, though in some remote corner of his brain he felt a bit proud to finally be an asset to the team, not just a burden.

Max handed the bottle over to El, who inspected it for a second and concluded:

”Maybe… we need something bigger?”

She looked at Will to seek his approval but Will stubbornly avoided her eyes. The bigger the object, the more effort, he thought frantically, hoping that someone else would object to this idea so he wouldn’t have to do it himself, as it would make him appear like a weakling - but at the same time of course, what was the point of practicing his powers on an empty plastic bottle when the monster he was supposed to fight would surely be of a greater magnitude?

”Dustin, could you unlock the storage room?” Mike asked.

Dustin rattled the keys in his hand and tried to find the right key. Mr Clarke had said that the key to the storage room was long and narrow. As Dustin was looking for it he walked up to the door that was on the opposite end from the entrance. He put the key in and wiggled it around until the door unlocked with a satisfying click.

The rest of the gang joined him and stepped into the smaller room. Unlike the main hall, the storage room was cramped and cluttered. There were rackets, balls of all sizes, colorful bibs, cones, skipping ropes, hoops, portable goals, trampolines and mats for yoga, gymnastics and whatnot.

”What do you reckon, Will? How much can you take on?”

Will’s eyes slid from one object to other, quickly evaluating whether it was a good one or not. Not too easy, not too hard, was his requirement. He ran his hands over a gymnastics plinth, which was probably the heaviest object in the room, aside from that one, huge mattress in the furthest corner in the back of the room.

”Let’s not overdo it first thing, yeah?” Mike said with an undercurrent of worry when he saw Will’s hand on the plinth.

”How about this - we take some lighter objects and some heavier ones, and then Will can just work his way up gradually?”

After all agreeing that it was a good approach, they started pulling and pushing all sorts of props out of the storage room. Will was feeling increasingly nervous, now more so in fear of disappointing his anticipating friends than the physical backlash.

”Should we stay back?”

”Let’s just go over there, let them concentrate on their thing…”

Lucas, Dustin, Max and Mike sat down on a bench on the side. Eleven and Will remained in the center of the hall, now less empty with all the stuff surrounding them. Will couldn’t concentrate. His eyes kept going back to the small audience on the bench, who were watching his every move attentively.

”Focus,” El said, noticing his uneasy body language. She tried to catch his eyes, once she succeeded she held them steady, not letting them look anywhere but at her. She had that familiar aura of embattlement again that made Will feel like prey, more or less. She was a lioness, he was a mouse baby, such was his impression at least.

”Now you choose. Kindness and compassion, remember?” she said.

He took at deep breath to collect himself. He tried to shut out his friends on the bench but it was difficult. The more he tried to not think about them, the more he thought about them. He had just picked a blue bib as his first object but once he was about to get started, Mike’s face in the background distracted him.

”Focus,” El reminded.

Will closed his eyes and held his hand out towards the bib. The second later Max squeak excitedly, throwing his concentration off again. El gave Max a look that made her quickly apologize and gesture a zip closing her mouth.

One more time. He closed his eyes and held out his hand. He breathed slowly and tried to shut the present reality out, preparing himself to plunge into that hypnotic, dreamlike state that he had been submerged into in the garage. He didn’t know what to call it, he wasn’t sure if there was any word for it or if he was literally the only person in the world (aside from Eleven possibly) who had ever entered that stage of delirium.

He started at the same spot where he had started last time - halloween - the Ghostbusters costumes. He tried to envision it in the same way that he had done in the garage, with all the details and impressions that made the memory come to life again. But then Mike sneezed, throwing the aura off, making Will open his eyes again, startled by the sudden sound.

”Sorry! I’m so sorry!” Mike excused.

”Maybe we should just leave them alone?” Dustin said, ”We can just grab coffee at that cafe again instead and wait for them to finish?”

”Yeah, maybe that’s the best thing…” Max mumbled.

They stood up from the bench and started walking towards the exist when Will exclaimed:

”Wait!”

They stopped and turned around. Will wasn’t even sure what he had stopped them for but now that he had their attention it made sense. Of course they couldn’t leave, just like that! Because in a real situation, they would most likely be nearby when Will would have to use his powers. The whole point was to prepare for the real deal, wasn’t it?

”I have to get used to do it with you around, right?” he said.

Agreeing that it made sense, they went back and took a seat on the bench.

Will repeated what he did previously. He didn’t focus on the bib itself but on those things that made him so happy that they literally accumulated strength inside. This time he didn’t get interrupted. He was soaking up in the memory of Jonathan helping him build Castle Byer’s when El called:

”That’s enough, Will!”

He opened his eyes and before him the bib was peacefully floating down to the ground. The light fabric landed on the floor without a sound, but the moment it did his friends started cheering hysterically and El smiled brightly.

”Byers! What the hell?! What is this?!”

Lucas did some weird dance and waved his arms around in the air. Max and Dustin looked happy more than anything and Mike had a look on his face that Will didn’t even know how to describe, whether it was some sort of proudness, astonishment, tenderness or total disbelief was impossible to tell - perhaps it was everything at once.

Will didn’t even notice that he was smiling beamingly too. This was the first time he had ever witnessed his own power, the times before he had been knocked out unconscious and woke up without any memory of it happening.

Curiously, to check it was really true, he brought his fingers to his face and wiped under the nose. Then he held his hand before him to see - and indeed, on the tip of his fingers there was a moist layer of blood. He couldn't even believe it. It was crazy! In lack of better ways to express the feeling, he started laughing - first tentatively and then louder. He did it! He really did!

Victoriously he held his bloody fingers in the air and the cheering intensified even more, as if he was a sports champion who had just made the winning goal in the world cup final. Before he could process it happening, Lucas hugged him, Dustin hugged him, Max did, Mike did and El did, all at once in one big bundle.

From there, Will moved on to a ping pong racket, a tennis racket and a basketball. He made the rackets fly two times each. When he tried to make the basketball do the same thing, it instead rolled away across the floor, leaving him confused but not disappointed since he had after all made it move, though not in the direction that he wished.

Only one delicate drop of blood had trickled from his nostril so far and he was scarcely exhausted - perhaps because the feeling was just fraudulently overlooked because of the roaming enthusiasm and addictive validation - but that was not a thought that had even crossed Will’s mind. He felt elevated, on top of the world - or at least he did until El snapped him out of it by suggesting:

”Maybe something heavy now?”

Will watched the basketball roll longingly, like he was saying goodbye to an old friend. The ecstatic spark extinguished and was replaced with graveness, but he knew that she was right. It was time to move forward to the next challenge. There was a reason why he had to learn those things, it wasn’t just for fun and to repair his confidence.

Will looked at the gymnastics plinth that Dustin had rolled out. In PE Will used to like playing around with those, but now it looked like an intimidating mountain, heavy and sturdy.

”The things in the garage were heavier,” El consoled, noticing how his face dropped.

”Maybe…”

”It’s true. You can do it,” El continued and smiled encouragingly at him.

He knew that he could do it, but he was afraid nonetheless. He remembered the feeling from the garage as intoxicating. It felt good at the time but waking up afterwards was scary. It was like he had lost the grip with reality, with no perception of time or room. There were unsettling gaps in his memory and even his own body left out of place, as if it wasn’t entirely his anymore. He didn’t want to feel like that again.

”We’re here. We’ll take care of you, no matter what, okay?” El said.

Will nodded slowly. There was no point to argue. It needed to be done.

He stopped at a comfortable distance away from the plinth. He closed his eyes once more and did just what he had done previously. The thoughts started spinning away, pulling him along with him. He tried his hardest to erase the present, shut the sports hall and its obtrusive smell out of his system. Instead he soaked himself up in the memory of what the summer air smelled like, the grass and the florals mixed with the scent of sunscreen and hot asphalt under the blazing sun because it made him feel alive and strong.

Will had never been typical summer child. He didn’t enjoy going to sports camps and going to the pool. He didn’t like sunbathing and walking around shirtless either, but he did love the summer for sure. He loved to sit in the shadow underneath some tree, just reading for hours, or staying up late, biking around in the gentle warmth of the night. He loved the animals too, the birds and the butterflies, the hares and the deers that he sometimes spotted in the distance. Being surrounded by all the life made him happy - and of course, when it was summer vacation he could spend all day, everyday with his friends instead of walking around in the school hallways, hoping to not get bullied.

The party’s habits never changed much, they were still nerdy kids who preferred to stay indoors, but occasionally in the summer they used to go on small adventures. Will remembered that it was in the summer that he introduced Mike to Castle Byers for instance.

At first Will thought that Mike was just confused, but he later realized that Mike’s remorsefulness was more actually because he had been a bit scared to head up into the woods like that. Mike never admitted that though, instead he kept telling Will that everything was okay, probably thinking that Will needed to hear it, which in this case he absolutely didn’t. The effort was cute though.

Will had made everything perfect, hoping that Mike would be impressed - and he was! Once the makeshift fort appeared before them, the uneasiness melted off and Mike was astounded by what he saw.

”You made this?” he had asked.

”Jonathan and mom helped me,” Will had answered timidly.

That didn’t make Mike less impressed, to him the castle was incredible. When Will had draped the curtain door aside, Mike was speechless. With the mattress on the floor, the blankets, pillows, comics, toys, the small bench that was being used as a table, the jar full of snacks and the drawings - the place was practically a home! At least it felt like it when they were that young, like the place was ready to move into permanently, equivalent to having an apartment of their own.

They had spent the entire day there, neither of them wanting to ever leave. They ate the snacks, drank the juice they had brought with them, played and talked for hours. It was with reluctant, woeful steps they headed back home in the evening, after Joyce had peeked in through the curtains and told them that it was time to, tapping meaningly on the dial of her wrist watch.

Castle Byers had always been Will’s own place, the halcyon place to which he could withdraw whenever he needed to, to breath and clear his head. At first Will wasn’t sure that he wanted anybody else, not even Mike, to know about the castle, but he never regretted the decision to show him.

In the years that followed the castle had persisted to be his safety zone, maybe even more so after Mike was introduced to it. Whenever his mom and dad were altercating violently at home, he could sneak out there, and he never had to cope with the sadness and anxiety alone for long, because as soon as Will didn’t answer on his radio speaker, Mike knew exactly where to find him and came rushing with his backpack full of candy and toys.

Somehow, when reliving all the good times from Castle Byers, the perishing realization that those times were passé wedged itself into Will’s consciousness, causing him to float closer to the surface in from the hypnotic immensity, leaving the deep depth that he had dwelled in for, what felt like a lifetime, but in reality was only a couple of minutes.

But the feeling lingered on, like in a thin veil, he was still wrapped in the dreamy haze, but simultaneously, in some part of his brain a clearness had penetrated through that made him aware of his surrounding and he opened his eyes just slightly.

His friends were staring, transfixed and quietly. Though the sight only flickered by like a sudden flash, it was enough for Will to see that the heavy plinth before him was teetering back and fourth, swaying uncertainly in the air just about two inches (≈ 6cm) above the floor below.

He was losing his concentration, the plinth started wobbling, one corner of the bottom hit the floor with a raucous thud, then bounced up into the air again and insecurely continued to stay afloat. Will tried to descent back into the bliss of the memories. He closed his eyes again and tried to let go of the present, but to his dismay the nostalgia of Castle Byers didn’t abound him in the same way as before.

Behind the plinth, further away, sitting on the bench, was Mike. He stood out, in lieu of being nebulous like everything else, he was crisp and clear. Then it dawned, as if it was the first time Will saw him, that Mike wasn’t gone. He wasn’t. He was right there. On the bench. Mike existed in the present too, not just in the remote memories of his childhood. He was right there! Right there!

Feeling confident in this new approach, Will decided to let the memories go. Instead he shifted his attention onto the real Mike, the present one, and tried to rouse the same, overwhelming, energy by soaking up in the sight.

Mike looked tense and simmering with excited at once. He was nervously twisting his hands but the rest of him was as still as a statue. He wore a knitted sweater in a brown and grey palette. Underneath he wore a button down shirt, the collar peaking up over the neckline, looking a little messy and unadjusted. His dark hair, damp and tousled, strands peaking out in random directions, and his bangs needed a trim, swept aside to not get into his eyes. And oh, those eyes! So dark one could barely tell the difference the iris and the pupil, but so full of life and in no way monotonous. The drawing that he had made was good but did not do the real deal any justice, it didn’t capture the stellar quality.

Will had destroyed parts of the castle already, out of frustration that it was no longer the same that it used to be. The castle was a part of a childhood that no longer existed - but of course, the castle could adapt, if he just wanted it to. He was in charge of it. It could be anything he wanted it to be.

Spending time in Castle Byers was perhaps not passé after all. It could be the present, just as well as it could be the future. He could change the interior, get rid of the toys and the comics, drag Mike there, create new habits and rituals more suitable for their older age - teenage stuff! If he would have been in a sober state, Will would be reasonable, realistic, he would have neglected this idea, but now that was not the case. He relented into this fantasy, like it was a drug, he let it run free without curbs.

Not just in his mind in the shape of a thought, but also in his guts, in his chest, heart, knees, ankles - anywhere - everywhere - he filled up with the idea. Himself, Mike, Castle Byers. It generated some sort of energy that made Will feel stronger, like the thought of it was a glue that put the shattered pieces of himself together again, made him whole.

The makeshift fort restored, in lovely condition, no leaking holes in the roof construction, new pictures on the walls, magazines but no comics… sitting on the mattress amidst the pillows and blankets, comfy and cosy with the burly fall winds shut outside with a proper door instead of the ragged cotton curtains… Mike’s lips tentatively brushing against his owns… it could be real! it could be the future!

The plinth was hoisted further into the air, still not far aloft and still swaying from side to side, but less so than before. Will could feel the heft, it was blearing his hand, making it hard to resist dropping the object. El must have noticed, as she quickly stretched out her own hand and relieved some of the weight off Will. She carefully guided the plinth down to the floor.

When the burden of the weight was no longer there, Will sighed exhaustedly and fell on his knees onto the floor, breathing heavily and feeling an alarming vertigo overwhelm him. El was quick to check on him and the rest came rushing over from the bench.

”Will, are you okay?” El asked warily.

Everything was spinning and he felt like he was about to throw up, but he nodded anyway.

”Hold on… here!” Mike dug in his pockets and held out a tissue to him, but he unfortunately couldn’t bring himself to grab it, arms hanging limply along the sides of his body.

Mike wiped his nose, a little clumsily and burly. The tissue got stained quickly but they had completely forgotten this aspect of the training, nobody had any spare tissues at hand. Instead Mike reached over and used the sleeves of his jacket instead.

Will’s body felt so heavy it made him keel over, too suddenly for anyone to prevent him from hitting the floor with a ruthless thud.

-

When Will woke up, it was just about lunchtime. Mr Clarke was going to show up sometime soon, unless of course he had abruptly changed his mind because something more interesting had caught his attention. Doubtable though - what could be more interesting than hearing some details about the biggest mystery to have ever afflicted the lame town of Hawkins?

”I’ve got it figured out…” Will mumbled, not exactly sure who he was saying it to or if he was just thinking out loud to himself - turned out it was El, who happened to be sitting next to him, right on the floor where he had passed out.

”That’s great, Will. You learn fast,” she noted proudly.

”Wait…” Will struggled to collect his thought, ”How did you learn how to do it…?”

He was tired and vague, but it was not quite as bad as when he had stopped the car and made everything in the garage fly. He could talk. He could think. He could move his limbs. It just felt like he had a terrible fever, a headache and some tingling numbness in his fingers - with other words, he didn’t feel great exactly - but on a gamut ranging from shitty to help-i’m-about-to-die-shitty, it was an improvement.

”I was forced to. Bad men. Lab,” she said, an undercurrent of sadness merging through rather than pride and gratification. She never learned because she wanted to protect her friends or do good things in the world, she was used as a weapon by evil people, Will knew well enough. No matter how much her life had changed since, she would never get vindication for those years in the lab.

”Oh right, yes, I remember…” Will said, voice hoarse. He groaned at a sudden ripple of pain in his right arm. His fingers cramped uncomfortably. El looked pitying at him. She had some dried blood underneath her nostril too, witnessing about her own usage of powers.

Dustin and Mike were collecting the items that Will had practiced on and put them back into the storage room. Lucas and Max were talking quietly but intensely, sitting on the grandstand with their heads leaned in together. Will really hoped they were finally solving out their relationship problems, once and for all, so they could bring the bickering to an end.

”But… if you got your powers because you were in the lab… where did I get my powers from?” Will inquired. He closed his eyes, resting on the hard floor, but paid closely attention to what El had answer - which wasn’t really an answer - but still.

”I don’t understand. I don’t know,” she said desolately, ”I know about Eight. We met before. She was in the lab also but… I don’t know about One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Nine, Ten… I’m Eleven. That’s all we know, right?”

”Maybe the bad men just happened to like the numbers eleven and eight? Are you sure that there are more people like you?” Will reasoned.

He wasn’t sure why he was trying to have this conversation right now. It was difficult enough already, his current condition didn’t make it any easier to think rationally regarding heavy topics.

”Not like me - like us,” El corrected.

Will opened his eyes again, looked up at El. He couldn’t fathom anything at all. Trying to make sense of the things that he knew was like trying to solve a puzzle with the majority of the pieces missing. Apparently they were the same, in some twisted, batty way - but how and why - an enigma of its own kind.

”I don’t get it…” Will sighed.

”Hello?” mr Clarke’s voice suddenly echoed.

He walked in through the door, now dressed in immaculate clothing and with an energized quality in his gait, looking a lot more like himself. When he saw his students in the hall, he stepped and inquisitively looked around him.

Dustin and Mike were just finished cleaning up. The hall was just as empty as when they had first arrived. The space was gratuitous for just six adolescents to hang out. And furthermore, why would you ever want to spend your free time in the sweat odor, if not because you truly needed the sports equipment? Will could understand why mr Clarke was confused.

”What was it that you needed in here?” mr Clarke asked, not having an inkling about what had just happened in there and what he was just about to find out.

Then his eyes fixed on Will, sprawled out on the floor with an ailing look on his face and El sitting next to him with a bloody nose.

”Did you have a fight?!” mr Clarke blurted in surprise, wholly misreading the situation.

”No, mr Clarke, it’s fine! They’re fine! And we’re so grateful that you could come!” Dustin said and walked up to greet mr Clarke properly.

A moment later when they were all gathered on the grandstand (Will trudging over with difficulty, headache intensifying whenever he moved). For a second Will doubted this decision, wasn’t it extremely selfish to embroil mr Clarke into the mess? He didn’t owe them anything, he had helped them enough already. It wasn’t a transient project, this deal with the Upside Down. Once involved, he wouldn’t be able to back out. He’d be put into danger, he could even become a target himself because of his knowledge and connection to the Party. They could still avert this risk by not saying a thing.

”Is this not an odd place to talk?” mr Clarke said, clueless once it was apparent that they were not doing any scientific research involving the sports equipment. Dustin was ready to start talking but Will inflicted:

”Guys, in this really a good idea?”

”What do you mean?” Mike asked queasily.

”I mean… aren’t we being selfish for involving him?”

A conflicted silence fell upon them. Mr Clarke looked back and forth between them, desperate for an explanation, frustrated by the margin between himself and the students. Will found it almost laughable that for once he was a part of the common understanding whilst someone else was left out.

”Well… it’s a bit too late to turn around now, isn’t it?” Mike shrugged.

”No, it’s not. That’s the thing. Once we tell however, it’s irreversible…” Lucas reasoned thoughtfully.

A shared shame hung in the air. How could they be so impulsive and selfish that they completely forgot to investigate the risky aspects of telling mr Clarke? In a moment of exhilaration it had seemed to be a great idea - for themself. For themselves mr Clarke was undoubtedly an asset - but to mr Clarke? There were no benefits for him in it, aside from satisfying his curiosity - but was that reason enough to put his life in danger?

”Hey, what is all of this about? I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think it is. And even if it is - I’m sure I can handle it,” mr Clarke said affably and nodded to convince them further.

Another moment of tautness and remorseful glances exchanged. Then Mike took the initiative and spoke up on behalf of everyone:

”Mr Clarke… This is a special case. I’m not sure it’s a good idea to involve you. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. This was all a mistake. Sorry.”

Will half expected mr Clarke to get upset because they had lured him out of whatever plans he had, all for nothing. The other half of him expected him to keep inquiring, trying to understand despite their sudden resistance. But that was not his reaction at all.

Mr Clarke only sighed, which he did more so out of concern than frustration. His aura radiated something sombre that Will couldn’t quite wrap his head around. He scratched his mustache whilst contemplating what so say next. Then, after a deep inhale, he began:

”You know, I’ve been a teacher for many years. I’ve had many students - but I’ve never had any students quite like you. I have the alacrity of a child, I love a challenge - and you - you always challenged me. All your tricky questions, your insatiable curiosity and passion for science - I always thought it was amazing! A teacher’s dream!

Most of my students frankly don’t care. They’ll learn as much as they need to pass, no more than that. Their lack of enthusiasm does get to me at times, I have to admit. It was truly a shame that you graduated, my job was much more fun when you guys were around! Perhaps it’s morally wrong for a teacher to have favorite students - but we’re only human, aren’t we? It’s only natural that we connect more with certain students than others, no?” mr Clarke said cordially, eyes locking onto each one of them as he spoke.

Max and Eleven didn’t seem to entirely understand the vastness of what mr Clarke was saying, but the four boys were so flattered they were transfixed at the spot, chest abounding with gratitude, joy and affection, the turmoil about the Upside Down and conflicting regarding if it was right to involve mr Clarke completely forgotten. Too occupied trying to instill what had just been said to them, they were unable to produce an answer so Mr Clarke continued:

”Now it seems like you have reached that age when you want to take care of yourselves, and you urge to take responsibility, you are more concerned regarding the consequences of your actions - something along those lines, am I wrong?”

It was a rhetorical question, mr Clarke did not expect an answer. Still, the teenagers surrounding him shook their heads impassively, looking like a bunch of bobbing-head figures.

”The second best thing about being a teacher - aside from sharing my own passion with the students and hoping that they find it as interesting as I do - is seeing my students grow. Not just age - but grow, mature, develop - such things. And I think that you have reached the inevitable stage of growing up, in which you want to break away from adults so that you can become one yourself. You want to stand on your own legs, figure out who you truly are, who you want to be -”

In this moment Will felt a sudden ripple of discomfort, sensing that mr Clarke was especially directing this comment to him. Whether it was actually the case or not, he’d never know, but to mr Clarke is must have been amusing to see the youngster’s facial expression, because all of them seemed to be thinking the exact same thing, evasively looking in another direction to feel less addressed.

”… - and you want to develop your own perception of the world, rather than getting told how to feel about things. It’s a natural part of growing up to feel that way. I’ve witnessed this countless of times! But I will tell you something, something that many adults even fail to understand - and that is: You can be an independent person but still ask for help.”

Will wasn’t sure where this speech was supposed to lead. Perhaps mr Clarke had misread everything? Well, there was no way he could possibly grasp the significant magnitude of this case - which Will dared to say was a lot more extreme than most teenage issues, that did normally not include fatal monster battles and evil Russians.

”So, to conclude all of this, I want to say - You can still rely on me. You never hesitated to reach out to me before, why would you now? Reaching out is not anything to feel abashed for. Maybe it feels immature and unnecessary to ask questions - but in fact, it will help you grow even more - into something better as well. Adults who always try to do things on their own, always refusing help and advise, also tend to be the most myopic, unintelligent ones. So if there is anything I can do for you - just let me know. I’m here for you. Yesterday, today and tomorrow,” mr Clarke finished with a complacent smile, satisfied to have wrapped it up so nicely.

Everything said with a warm quality that made the sports hall feel like a cosy living room with a crackling fire place. Will almost wanted to ask if he had practiced the speech beforehand, but knowing mr Clarke and his equivocal way with words, chances were more likely that he had just spoken from heart, without a script or prepared material.

Perhaps it was entirely mr Clarke’s intention to speak his way into their hearts, ease them up, to make them open up about this ”super mysterious and totally dangerous”-thing. Well, if it was was his intention, he had succeeded for sure, because without saying a word to one another, they had changed their minds again, deciding to include him after all.

Once the captivating spell was broken, an erratic chatter unleashed. All of them trying to fill him in at once - about everything! Will was rambling about how he got kidnapped by a demogorgon, Mike and Lucas were explaining the Mind-flayer-issue, Dustin was explaining everything regarding the Starcourt mall and the Russians, El tried to explain the whole deal with Hawkins lab and Max filled her in when she struggled to find the words.

Mr Clarke was so overwhelmed he could only nod frantically and hold on for dear life. It took them a long while before Mike finally yelled at them to shut up and start over. Then, step by step, starting from the very beginning in chronological order, they filled mr Clarke in about everything had happened. They made sure to never stop talking, afraid that if they did mr Clarke would start questioning their story if he was given the opportunity to.

After saying goodbye some time around dinner time, he trudged off with a perplexed, drowsy look on his face that was difficult to read. In the end, they were actually not sure whether he actually believed them or not - or maybe he just struggled to wholly comprehend all the information, which they didn’t blame him for. Either way, he had agreed to meet them again and he kept his word: ”I’m here for you”, though he could only now start to fathom just what he had agreed what he had promised to help them with.


	12. Chapter 12

Mr Clarke had generously confided them with a universal key that could unlock most doors in the middle school, only the teachers private offices and storage rooms with valuable special equipment were inaccessible.

Will responsibly put it in the pocket of his jacket. When he did so, he was struck by the queasy realization that the drawing he made wasn’t there. Last time he had it was when he called the Parkers at Dustin’s house, as far as he could recall. Well, it wasn’t the right time to worry about that now, anyway, he persuaded himself. He was just concerned regarding the possibility that someone else would find it and somehow be able to decipher all the emotions he had projected onto the paper - but even worse would still be if the drawing was lost forever, since all those phone numbers were written on the other side.

It was murky and placid outside. It was dark all around when they left the sports hall. The rain had turned into sleet that swirled around in the air as the winds blew. Will desperately tried to keep the thought of his successful training and the merry ambience from the sports hall vivid in his mind -  
but the wet lumps repeatedly hitting his face did nothing to invigorate him whatsoever. If it would have been actual snow, dazzlingly beautiful, crisp snowflakes - then Will could have felt excited about it - but it was still too early to get in Christmas spirit and he was way too tired.

They shambled off towards home, hunched down to avoid getting sleet in their eyes, jackets wrapped tightly around them (why didn’t they take their bikes? bad decision…). Will, Mike and El curtly said goodbye to the other three and kept going in silence, all of them in such a petulant mood because of the weather, there was no point trying to have a conversation. They would have hurried to get home as quick as possible, but the merciless precipitation slowed them down instead.

It took them a long while to get to the Wheeler’s. The warm glow radiation from the windows had an equivalent impact on Will as an oasis in the desert would have had. It was like a revelation witnessing about a better world, in which he wouldn’t have to freeze and be miserable (Will wasn’t even sure whether it was actually been a helpful strategy to imagine himself as suffering vagabond who had wandered around the world in solitude to find himself, but only a liar would claim they never overdramatized mundane struggles to make them less boring)

Once stepping inside, he felt like a new person, all the negativity melting off at the same rate as the sleet did. A scented candle was burning on the bureau in the hallway. Light emerged from the other rooms, gently lighting up the entrance just enough to see but remaining cosily muted.

Will took his shoes off and immaculately placed them aside, unlike Mike who ruthlessly kicked them off, not caring the slightest about the dirty traces they left on the floor. He also shrugged vigorously, making water drops splash in all direction, Eleven winced aside with a squeak. Then he hung his jacket up on a hanger and rubbed his hands together.

”What the hell was that? Why is it snowing already?” Mike muttered under his breath.

It was inevitable to hold back laughter. Will tried to shroud it by faking a sudden cough, which only made him choke and cough for real. He couldn’t help it.

”What is it, Byers?” Mike muttered and had to try his hardest to not get entrained in Will’s amusement, failing to do so by letting a subtle chuckle escape his lips upon seeing Will’s expression.

”Oh, it’s just - no - it’s nothing - it’s -,” Will stumbled, still coughing and tearing up because of it, ”Oh, god…” trying to catch his breath, ”You totally looked like an unhappy puppy when you did that!” he said, referring to Mike’s shrug specifically, but in hindsight there was actually something about his aura altogether that resembled a puppy.

”Really?” Mike chortled and ran his hair through the wet hair and there was something about the way that he did it that made Will want to lay down on the floor and scream.

”Just forget it, it’s nothing!” Will said, trying to sound casual though a sudden ripple of unease had struck him. Why did he say that out loud? Was it gay to call compare someone to a puppy? Abashedly he turned away to hide his face, pretending to look at something else.

”Oh, there you are!” Karen crooned cheerfully, coming into the hallway, to Will’s relief.

She wore a bright colored tracksuit had her makeup half-done, holding an eyeshadow palette in her hand and a brush in the other. The second later her face dropped and with a horrified voice she exclaimed ”Look at you!”, eyeing the three gawky teenagers, soaked and chilled to the bone. 

”Where have you been? Have you been outside all day?! I thought you were at Dustin’s! You’ll get sick! Come here so I-”

”Mom, it’s okay, chill!” Mike rolled his eyes but his hands were still of a reddish hue and shivered suspiciously, which Karen of course took notice of.

”No, you’ll get sick!” she reiterated, ”Go take a hot shower and change into dry clothes - all of you. I’ll make you something hot to drink!”

Then she hurried off to the kitchen, after quickly throwing a glance in the mirror on the wall and hastily applying an eccentric shade onto her other eyelid.

-

”Ladies first!” Mike had said with a percussive gesture, but El had kindly resisted.

At first Will had thought it was because she wanted to show affection, to let him unfreeze first, but once Mike had headed upstairs with his towel and El and Will were left alone, sitting on the couch in the basement - it was blatant what her true motive had been.

Will wrapped himself up in a blanket, tucked his feet in securely. Eleven brushed her hair, melted sleet drops dripping quietly as the brush ran through the strands. She had changed into some comfortable loungewear, a purple set that Nancy had gifted her at some point.

Will waited for her to say something, assuming that she did actually have something on her mind since she had so niftily cleared Mike out of the room. The blanket was slowly heating him up, he could feel his toes again.

Once done untangling her hair, she put the brush away and turned to him.

”Will,” she said, grabbing his attention.

”Yes?”

”You know back in Maine?”

”Yeah.”

”When we talked?”

He nodded. She adjusted herself on the cushions and locked her eyes onto him in an obtrusive way that made him want to yield away, but remained still anyway.

”You said it was different,” she said.

”What?”

”Max and Mike.”

”Yes, I remember saying that, I think…”

A brief pause, just a little too long to be natural, until she broke the silence by saying, quietly, barely even perceptible:

”I… I don’t understand, Will.”

She looked pleadingly at him. There was something puzzled, sombre about her. She seemed to be seriously conflicted about something. Will damned himself, it was probably his fault for not being able to explain it properly, he had probably just made her confused. He had been both tired and agitated that night after everything that happened. He hadn’t expected his rambling to stick with her like this.

”Ehm… so… what about it is that you don’t understand? I’m sorry if I was unclear, you know, I -”

”The difference. What is the difference?” she articulated each syllable clearly.

Will was baffled. Did she seriously not understand the difference? After all this time? It must be some sort of linguistic issue, she was probably just unsure of how to define each word with other words, but at heart she knew.

”You mean… you don’t know the difference?” he stumbled, trying to not sound accusingly or disdainful, but she looked panicked still.

Will shifted his position. He took a deep breath. Just how? How was he supposed to explain this right, without making her more confused? And furthermore, how much time did he have? Knowing Mike right, he wouldn’t loiter around in the shower, knowing that two other people were waiting for him to finish. The very last thing Will wanted, was for Mike to suddenly trudge into the room when he was explaining the difference between love and friendship and frankly - Will was not even the ideal person to explain it to her in the first place!

”Ehm… well… You know what friendship is, don’t you?”

”It’s someone you’d do anything for. You lend them cool stuff. Comic books. Trading cards. Never break a promise,” she cited stolidly.

”I guess you could say, that’s one way to put it, sure…” he said and nodded unsurely. He personally wouldn’t define the word ’friendship’ by those words, but if it made sense to her then why not? There was no right or wrong, was there?

”El, what do you think love is?” he asked her, tilting his head slightly to the side in a questioning manner. He tried to be serene, just wanting to receptively ask her for her own thoughts on the matter. Asking her all the question would be a more efficient way to help, since that would give him an idea of what was actually going on inside her head.

Eleven thought for a moment. Will didn’t stress her, though he was increasingly concerned about the whole ”what if Mike comes?”-issue.

”Love is to make someone happy. And to make someone feel safe. Trust. Not breaking promises,” she said.

Will nodded again. Well, she wasn’t wrong, he reasoned - but it wasn’t quite what Will himself would define love as (was there even a way to define love to begin with?). The way El described it to be like, could just as well just be a close friendship.

”El, I understand that you’re confused. The way you look at love is practically the same way as you look at friendship,” he noted.

”Yes?” she said unsurely.

”Well… It’s not quite the same. There’s a difference, because nobody is in love with everyone they are friends with… ’Attraction’. Have you heard that word before?” he asked her.

”Maybe?”

”Do you know what it means?”

She looked uncertain but nodded slowly anyway. Maybe she had heard it before, briefly understood because of the context but had never gotten it explained to her properly, Will assumed.

”Okay so ’attraction’ is the key difference, I would personally say. Attraction is like… well, there’s actually many different types of attraction now that I think about it…”

Will realized this was going to be quite the lecture, but he couldn’t leave Eleven to be conflicted and struggling forever, someone had to explain it to her. He took a deep breath and began, in his most professional voice:

”Attraction could be to feel a close bond to someone - a connection. You feel like ’I want to be around this person because they mean a lot to me’. That could be either romantic or emotional is some other way. Attraction could also mean that you like the way someone looks, like ’that guy is handsome’ or ’that girl is cute’ - you know what I mean?”

Eleven nodded, deeply concentrated. Will found it rather hilarious how they had taken on such distinct roles as teacher and student, but he remained serious and continued:

”And there’s physical attraction too. Maybe you want to be physically, that means ’with your body’, close to someone. Hugs, cuddling, holding hands, random touching - things like that.”

She nodded sturdily and hummed. Will could tell how she was taking notes inside her head, making sure to memorize everything he said. Will really hoped he said things correctly now, he’d feel terribly bad if she got it all wrong - again - because of him.

”Okay, and then there’s kissing too, of course. Normally people want to kiss people they’re in love with, but there are exceptions. Some people like to kiss their friends too, just for fun, while some people don’t want to kiss anyone at all. So remember, there are exceptions to everything. It’s a bit confusing - for everyone - not just for you,” Will added with a chuckle, that made El lighten up a little.

”So… Is attraction the same as love?” El asked.

”I guess - yes - kinda - but like I said, it’s confusing,” Will said.

”So if I want to be… ’physically close’ to someone… that means I love them?”

”Maybe you love them, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are in love with them. There’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.”

El looked distressed at this point, staring at Will like he wasn’t making any sense. Will himself felt like he wasn’t making any sense either so he couldn’t really blame her but to him it was so evident, so why was it so hard to explain?

”I know it’s weird! It’s so confusing! But somehow, you just know! In your heart!” Will exclaimed as he gestured with his hands and then continued, more ardent than before, desperate to make her understand:

”It’s like when you look at Max - maybe you think she’s pretty? - well, I’ll admit that I think she’s pretty anyway - but I’m not ’attracted’ to her! I don’t feel this need to touch her and kiss her and I don’t have this feeling inside that makes me wish she was mine - and only mine!”

Eleven nodded again. Will wasn’t sure whether it was because she actually understood what he was saying or if it was because she was straight up scared to admit that he still didn’t succeed to make her comprehend the gist of love.

”How about this - when you sit next to Mike, how do you feel? If Mike was sitting here on the couch with you, and I wasn’t here, how would you feel?”

”Happy?” she said carefully as if she was afraid that her answer wouldn't satisfy him.

”Right. But how would you feel about Mike? What are your feelings towards him?”

”What do you mean?”

”Like… Would you feel this strong, super strong, feeling that you want to touch him? Touch his hair, put a hand on his chest, nuzzle your face into his neck…?” he said, feeling an alarming heat in his own body just thinking about it.

”I like to touch his hair and -”

”This is not the same thing as ’liking to touch his hair’! Heck - if you like to randomly touch hair you could touch my hair if you’d like - but would that make you feel the same way as touching Mike’s hair?”

Please say no, please say no, please say no…, Will pleaded inside his head.

”Ehm… do you want me to touch your hair?” El asked confusedly, obviously not getting the point.

Will was running out of ideas. What was he supposed to say? He rubbed his face with his hand, ashamed about loosing his cool. He took a few deep breaths and tried to collect himself again. Calm. Will the Wise, right? What would Will the Wise say?

There was one more thing that Will had not yet addressed. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to plunge down into such an intimate discussion with someone he’d have to live with for, most likely, years to come. But perhaps it was the final puzzle piece missing that would make her understand?

”Don’t you ever feel like you want to touch Mike so badly that you just…-” he gestured an unbearable frustration with his arms, ”It feel like you are going insane! You want to touch him, be so close to him, like it’s never enough! It’s like your heart and your body are always screaming for more! At first you just want to put your hand on his chest but then it’s like your brain says ’but what if he wasn’t wearing a shirt?’ and then you can’t stop thinking about it! And you just want to yell ’take your shirt off, I’m dying over here’ but then you can’t do that because it’s weird but it’s driving you crazy - completely nuts - because it’s never enough! It’s like a force inside that is just screaming for more, more, more - all the time!”

Eleven laughed at Will’s theatrical expression. She had probably never seen him quite like that. Will was normally the quiet, shy guy in the gang, so much so that his friends wholly forgot that he actually had feelings at all, it seemed. Will himself felt embarrassed but liberated at the same time. It felt good to not hold anything back although his cheeks were burning and he wanted to hide somewhere for a while.

”You know that feeling?” Will asked her directly, out of breath from his erratic ranting.

”Ehm… I don’t know, maybe… but I do miss him when he’s not close, that’s true.”

There was something so angelically genuine about the way she said it that made a tenderness Will didn’t know he could feel for Mike’s and El’s relationship, rouse within. She definitely felt something immense for Mike, Will didn’t doubt that for a second. He just couldn’t figure out the true nature of those feelings, and seemingly El couldn’t either.

”Okay but… do you understand what I’m trying to say? any of it? am I making any sense at all?” Will sighed hopelessly.

Eleven was quiet for a moment. She fiddled with the fabric of her pants and avoided his eyes. Then she looked up, looking unsure and relived at the same time. She stroke a hair strand out of her face and said:

”I think I understand what you mean.”

”So… now you know the difference between Mike and Max?”

”I don’t feel like ’more, more, more’. I just want to be close. I don’t want to be alone again,” she said candidly and curled up into a ball like position, holding her own knees to her chest.

Will could imagine how haunting memories flashed through her mind in this moment, like a dark veil they draped over her, they pulled her out of the cosy basement and right back to the callous lab halls. It was written all over her face.

And Will understood. Of course, he did - it totally made sense! She was deprived of closeness and affection, so she clung onto whoever could offer it to her, which happened to one Mike. Mike was abounding with compassion, kindness and he had a natural instinct to protect the ones he cared about so he was the perfect person to attach yourself to. He was also a strong leader figure who could guide you when you didn’t know where to go yourself. Will jumped onto this conclusion like it was the only explanation, just because it seemed to adequate.

”I get it, El, I get it,” he said repeatedly.

He felt a twitch of shame. How could he be so ignorant, so insensitive? How could it take this long to fathom something so fundamental? How could it bypass him so invisibly? And furthermore, how could Mike not realize this himself? Couldn’t he tell how El wasn’t actually in love? She didn’t even know what love was! She was clueless!

”Oh, God, El - I get it! I’m sorry for not getting it earlier!” he exclaimed and ungracefully hurled himself forward to give her a hug. She didn’t seem to understand what was going on but she seemed happy upon hearing that she was finally understood.

Creaking steps in the stairs announced Mike’s return.

”Hey guys, sorry it took a while!” he said.

He wore his towel around his hips, his skin had a reddish flush from the hot water and his hair was still wet, making delicate drops of water trickle down his neck, his chest, his abdomen. Will could only think ”if you only knew what we just said about you” and he was sure El did the same thing. Both of them followed him with their eyes as he picked up some comfy clothes and dragged them into the small bathroom to get changed. Will held his breath the hold time.

Once he was gone, El gave Will a furtive look and giggled.

”Are you dying now?” she asked.

”Yes, I am as a matter of fact dying right now,” Will answered hazily, urgently wishing someone could punch him in the face to snap him out of it because he knew well enough just how foolish he must have looked and how defenseless he was against the force putting him in that state.

-

Will always loved to take hot showers, it somehow always made him feel better. Once he stepped into the hot water a lewd thought crossed his mind, a thought he quickly rejected and instead proceeded to vigorously scrubbed his skin, hoping that the shame would get flushed down the drain along with the water.

There was steam on the mirror above the sink. In the shower there were multiple bottles of shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, shaving cream and whatnot. Some of them looked swanky, nice bottles with pictures of beautiful women with silky smooth hair on. Joyce never used any such products. They never had multiple choices at home either, there was just a body soap and a shampoo, universally used by everyone in the household.

Will wondered if he’d ever get used to Mike. Some day in the future, would he be able to stay composed, unaffected by Mike strolling around without a shirt on? - or would he forever feel like an asthmatic disaster? Will hated it and loved it at the same time, these feelings that roused. 

He hated it because he wished so dearly that he could have felt it for someone else - why couldn’t he just love a cute girl from school instead? - but he also loved it because it was in some way a blessing that he had someone who he loved so much in his life. What would life be like if there was no one to love? What if he was only surrounded by people he felt repelled by? That would not have been a better way of life so he was grateful to have such amazing people around him.

But still, he considered the possibilities of finding another way to trigger his powers. To plunge deep into all those repressed, forbidden feelings was only agitating them. It made them slip into his mind even when he didn’t want them to and afterwards he couldn’t unsee the things he had envisioned in the otherworldly delirium state.

He squirted some shampoo into his palm and rubbed it around in his hair, unnecessarily harshly. He squeezed his eyes together, let the mixture of water and bubbles stream down his face.

Was he obsessed, or was this how all of his friends felt? Was this how Dustin felt about Suzy and how Lucas felt about Max? Was this how Mike felt about El? Will wasn’t sure, because he had never ask them about it. Every time they brought it up, the topic of love and dating, Will rapidly tried to deter it (”Can we play D&D now?”).

Of course, he missed their days role-playing in the basement, but he wasn’t as obsessed at he likely came across in the eyes of his friends. He was just uncomfortable because he couldn’t understand his friends in the way that they understood each other. He didn’t want to get it thrown in his face, again and again, that he was different - but was he actually that different?

Will continued to wash his hair, his body, even though he knew he was already ready to go. El was wanting for him to get done so she could shower too. Karen had made them something to drink and eat downstairs. Though he knew those things, he couldn’t bring himself to turn the water off and leave. Taking showers was equivalent to taking a break from the real world outside, it was incredibly therapeutic.

It was a radical idea really, that Will had not thought of before - the likelihood that he was after all not that different. The things he felt - perhaps they were not actually lewd and gross - but very normal feelings that most people experienced? Will couldn’t deny that there was a very high probability that his friends craved to feel the soft, supple hills and valleys of a girl’s curves as much as he urged to feel the muscular solidness of a guy’s body. The feeling itself was the same, it was only the object of desire that varied.

And still, amidst these thoughts, Will couldn’t stop doubting the whole thing - was it even real? Did he feel this way towards Mike because was genuinely in love or was it just a desperate fabrication because Mike happened to be the only guy around who showed him any affection? In an alternative universe in which Will had endless of options, would he still pick Mike? What if Will’s urge to touch Mike was only because Mike was the only one within reach to touch?

Will forced himself to turn off the water. He stepped out of the shower cabinet and reached for his towel that hung on a hook on the wall, quickly so he wouldn’t change his mind. The towel was rubbed across his skin and his hair, the texture feeling rough, like it eroded the surface layer of his skin away to reshape him somehow.

Will didn’t like the thought at all, he regretted ever thinking it. If it was true then his suffering had been all in vain - all the conflicted thoughts and the panic that followed realizing his feelings for Mike, the agony of having to hold himself back all the time in order to not let the truth slip out… but what if it wasn’t the actual truth? No, it couldn’t be!

But when put under scrutiny, the similarities couldn’t be denied - the ones between Eleven and himself. Will stopped drying himself with the towel for a moment to look up into the mirror above the sink. He wiped the condensation away, just enough to see his face but it felt more like a stranger was looking back at him.

Mike found El alone in the woods in the same way as he found Will alone on the swing. Mike had helped El to get back on her feet, kept her the company, stood up for her, he made her feel better despite everything - just like he had done with Will. She needed him to function. Did Will need him to function…?

When he didn’t have Mike’s full attention, when he was left on his own he turned into this contemptuous, jealous and judgmental, reckless person - he didn’t even recognize himself. He had blamed it on puberty, excused it with ’I’m a teenager’ - but maybe the reason Will had lost himself was because every thing he had been, and everything he had done for so may years, was somehow in relation to Mike. Mike was his frame of reference, he was the one to held him together when he couldn’t hold himself together - so without Mike he was scattered into pieces.

When talking to Eleven it had seemed so apparent, once it clicked Will understood the nature of their relationship dynamic perfectly - but what about himself? - did he even understand his own relationship to Mike?

-

At first Will had been excited regarding the thought of having some alone-time with Mike while El went to shower, but when he headed downstairs to the basement he felt petrified, appalled in a way he would never have expected to feel. He repeatedly tried to persuade himself that they are close friends, nothing’s changed, it’s just like it used to be… - but when he was faced with the choice whether to sit on the couch with Mike (now wearing sweatpants and a sweater) or sit by the table, he chose to sit by the table.

Mike seemed a little surprised at this, which agitated Will even more. Mike had expected him to down on the couch, because Will always sat down as closely as possible, it was like a prewritten script they had followed for so many years.

Mike immediately got on his feet and walked over to the table, pulled out a chair on the opposite side from Will and sat down. He inquisitively eyed Will, searching for a sign of something.

”Anything wrong?” Mike asked.

Anything wrong? Yes, of course something’s wrong, Will thought.

He had been orbiting around Mike like a needy satellite for so long Mike had to ask if something was wrong because he sat down at the table in lieu of sitting down right next to him, although the table was literally just nine feet (≈2,75m) away. If Will would have chosen to sit in the other end of the room, as far away as possible, it would have been justified to question it, but nine feet was not a far distance - that was a perfectly normal distance.

”Everything’s good,” Will said curtly, evasively looking away.

Mike didn’t seem to buy this, but with a casual shrug he accepted it for an answer, deciding to not push it further. He leaned on the table, resting his chin in his palm, looking tired.

”What a day, huh?” he said.

Will didn’t feel like talking. He couldn’t see Mike for Mike anymore - all he could think about was how he could have let himself become so dependent on someone who was nowhere near as dependent on him.

Did Mike understand the impact he had in Will’s life? Was Mike aware what he was capable of doing to him? He could put him together, break him apart, give him strength (literally!!!), make him weak… Mike could do whatever he wanted to Will and Will had nothing to set up against it, he could only accept his fate in return and plead for Mike to show mercy.

Mike looked defeated when Will didn’t answer. He tapped restlessly with his foot on the floor and hummed a little song to fill out the heavy silence (or to catch Will’s attention, he wasn’t sure). Will continued to stubbornly avoid his eyes and did his best to pretend to just be exhausted, not in the mood to talk. His thought were spinning around like crazy, one heavy realization after the other hitting him like a baseball bat in the back of his head, making it difficult to even sit up straight rather than slumping down on the floor in a puddle.

”Tired?” Mike asked.

Will nodded shortly.

Will couldn’t remember any interaction with Mike quite like this one. In a way it felt wrong, because some part of Will was dying to talk to him in private (”you have so seize this opportunity!” a desperate voice in his head echoed) - but for that particular reason, he felt powerful for resisting. 

Wasn’t it a bit messed up how Will was always eager to see Mike, aways eager to talk to him, incessantly thinking about him - when Mike could just come and ago however he wished?

Will had never been mad at Mike - not really. He had been frustrated and sad - but never mad. He had only once confronted him, and when he did - ”It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” - Will was only more devastated afterwards, didn’t feel the slightest empowered by speaking up.

Mike opened his mouth to say something but quickly shut his lips shut again, looking uneasy and conflicted about what to do.

”Will… did you and El talk about anything while I was gone…?” he asked.

This time Will looked up. Mike was looking at him. A shard of light reflected in his eyes, making them look glossy and almost teary (Will wasn’t sure, maybe it was just the lightning).

”I guess,” he said and shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

”Have I done anything wrong…?” Mike asked quietly.

Will didn’t what Mike and El had talked about anything while he was in the shower. El couldn’t possibly be thinking all the same things as he was thinking. Will wasn’t even sure whether she actually understood in the end or not, he had been so captivated by his own realization he wholly forgot to explain it out loud to her.

”What do you mean?” Will asked, trying to sound cold and unaffected by Mike’s timid expression, although it was tugging at all sorts of heartstrings and made him want to cry inside.

Mike shifted uneasily on the chair. The light from the lamp made his facial features stand out more, shadows enhancing the chiseled nose bridge and the cheekbones in a way that the daylight outside didn’t. His face was all angles and shadows now. Will couldn’t grasp that the person in front of him was the same Mike he knew years ago. Of course he knew how they’d all grown and matured, mr Clarke had beautifully reminded them about it earlier, but as they sat on opposite sides of the same old table, in the same old basement, with the same old furnishing surrounding them - it was even more apparent how they were the only ones who had changed.

”It’s just… I don’t know… It feels like I’ve missed something, because El was really… not like El, you know? All serious, not saying much…? And now you’re also… not acting yourself! Since when are we awkward like this? Did I do anything wrong?” Mike foundered unsurely.

-

That night when the lights were out, Will stayed awake, staring in the dark for a long time. He couldn’t find a comfortable position, couldn’t stop thoughts from galloping in all directions, jerking him awake with new theories every two minutes, never letting him drift off into sleep.

He knew that he wouldn’t be able to maintain a stout wall between himself and Mike - for practical reasons - but more importantly because he couldn’t bare with the thought of pushing Mike away. The only thing Mike had ever done ’wrong’ was spend time with his girlfriend - which wasn’t even a sin to begin with. It wasn’t Mike’s fault Will was unable to make other friends - and besides, Mike had already apologized for it altogether! So it wasn’t Mike’s fault, he concluded. Will held no hatred towards Mike. It was unfair of him to be so cold.

Was he even mad at Mike to begin with? Maybe not. He wasn’t mad a Mike - he was mad at himself for letting Mike be the gist of his existence, the backbone of his identity. He was mad that his entire life had been built around Mike and that he was so dependent on him he couldn’t even function on his own.

What Will couldn’t envision, was how he was supposed to move on. How was he supposed to create new routines? How was he supposed to love Mike without letting it spiral out of hand into a desperate obsession? He wanted to hold Mike in a tight embrace - not let his soul get intertwined with Mike’s, in an inseparable, suffocating knot - there was a big difference in theory but in practicality it was difficult to maintain a distinct standpoint.

Will rolled over. Mike was snoozing tranquilly next to him, laying on his stomach with his face tilted to the right, cheek on the pillow. Will was afflicted with an urge to stretch out his hand, touch his face. Was that an obsessive thought? No, it wasn’t, Will figured a moment later - it was a perfectly normal yearning, something anybody could experience if they liked someone.

Will hoisted himself up, leaning onto his elbow. Will glanced at the other two’s faces. Closed eyes, mind far away in some dreamland perhaps. Their breathing was steady and rhythmic, calmly inhaling and exhaling. Fast asleep.

This was the absolute opposite of what he had planned. Will tried so persuade himself out of it, repeatedly telling himself that is was wrong, reckless and downright disrespectful to El, who was unknowingly resting just an armlength away.

But heck, he thought, if he was going to get take a step back - then why not say a final farewell to his insanity by doing what he had always dreamed of, so he could finally let it go? Go back to the start in order to have a new start, wasn’t that what his intention all along?

Will took a deep breath, heart beating eccentrically.

Then he leaned down and placed a tender kiss on Mike’s forehead. His skin was soft and warm but surprisingly mundane. There were no fireworks, the world remained the same. It was just skin against skin, human against human - a simplicity that Will had craved so dearly, it was more than sufficient. Regardless of what the future held, Will would at least have kissed Mike once. It felt like a wound sealed up, healed from within.

Will couldn’t keep his mouth shut even though he bit his lower lip to prevent himself from cracking up in the biggest smile. In the end he had to give up, allow the edges of his mouth to stretch as far as they liked, teeth showing and everything. He wanted to laugh too but this he had to restrain in order to not wake up the other two.

For a while he just sat there, still leaning uncomfortably on his elbow, looking around the basement with some kind of euphoric high afire inside of him. He must have looked like an idiot, lucky thing it was dark all around.

When he could finally compose himself, he nuzzled back in under the blanket as discreetly he could. He faced Mike, who was still laying pitch still, unknowing of what had just happened. 

”How could I be mad at you when the only thing you’ve ever done wrong is being so damn cute?” Will whispered, so quietly it was practically just his lips moving but without any sounds coming it.

Some part of Will wanted Mike to hear. He pleaded that the kiss would appear in his dreams or slip into his subconsciousness, where could silently dwell until the right moment - and then explode into undoubtable clearness, letting Mike know exactly what had happened one day when Will was hopefully strong enough to take the consequences of it.

Will wanted him to know. Regardless of how Mike would feel about it, Will would finally be set free. The yearning was growing stronger by the day. Amanda knew, Eleven knew. Will could let anyone know, he could tell Dustin, Lucas, Max, his mom, Jonathan, mr Clarke, the fucking demogorgon - but it would never be enough until Mike himself knew. It was inevitable. He had to tell Mike - someday, somehow. He already knew and he had known for so long, it was just simmering inside, waiting, waiting, waiting for the right moment to come along…

But to let Mike know was the equivalent of dissolving the last wall between them - so before Will could do that - he needed to figure some stuff out.


	13. Chapter 13

At breakfast the following morning nothing seemed out of order. Mike must have felt awfully observed while eating his sandwich and drinking his coffee as Will kept looking at him, searching for signs or aberrations in his behavior. He didn’t notice any, to his disappointment. He wondered if Mike was just pretending to be oblivious or if he actually didn’t have a clue.

Luckily, the tautness of the previous evening was gone. Mike might just have shrugged it off, thinking ”maybe he was just in a bad mood yesterday” and honestly speaking Mike was not the right person to judge someone for being a little moody either.

Will also glanced at El a couple of times, without noticing anything different about her either. In a way he was even more worried she would somehow find out that he had kissed Mike rather than Mike finding out himself. She knew that Will liked him already and she handled it lightheartedly, but Will doubted she’d appreciate it if she knew he had gone as far as kissing him. Although she was perhaps not in love with him, Mike was still her boyfriend.

After the breakfast Will and El agreed to go practice some more in the sport hall while Mike joined up with the rest to head over to Steve’s place to update him about what was going on. Steve’s reaction had come a bit unexpected, everyone before him had been terrified to hear the news but Steve had looked oddly relieved to hear about the abnormalities (”This is a sign from above! It’s God - he’s telling me I shouldn’t work at the garbage central!”). They then hurried off to get some books from school so they could study at home.

Everyone was still firmly committed to the theory that as long as El and Will were together, nothing was going to happen. Will felt uneasy about how they had so much faith in a theory they didn’t actually know for sure was true. What if a monster suddenly emerged out of nowhere, catching them off-guard? What if a monster attacked the group at Steve’s while the only two with powers were a substantial distance away?

They were dwelling in a peculiar in-between stage knowing that something was happening but at the same time… nothing was actually happening. There were no further evidence of turmoil or disaster. They idly followed casual routines, they talked about normal things, they walked and biked around Hawkins incessantly without ever noticing anything out of the ordinary…

The local stores had started to sell some Halloween themed products and outside of their new favorite cafe there was now an arrangement with pumpkins of various sizes. Kids played in the gardens, happily throwing the colorful leaves in air, playing hide and seek and laughing hysterically whilst jumping in muddy water puddles. Running-late people hurried down the streets in the morning, weary people lumbered back home in the evening. In public spaces teenagers could be heard ardently chattering about everything from homework, movies, music, relationship issues and future plans. The walls in the school hallways were as usual filled with posters announcing upcoming activities, poems from English, artwork from art class, the mandatory dick doodles, maps, motivational quotes and American flags draping in the entrances.

Blatantly, nothing was out of the ordinary - it was almost painfully ordinary.

At some point Will even doubted the whole thing altogether. Maybe it was after all a coincidence? They didn’t have that much evidence after all, and the only evidence that couldn’t be explained with something earthly, was Will’s intuition. Electricity errors happen, murders happen - but the capital F Feeling, the tingling sensation in the back of his neck - that couldn’t be explained with anything else but something related to the Upside Down - so Will kept on practicing dutifully.

Regardless of whether it was actually going to be put to use or not, he was excited for the fact that he actually had powers - who wouldn’t?! He still couldn’t grasp why he had them, since when they had been there, how he never noticed before etc, etc - but it was hands down the coolest thing that had ever happened to him! Going to another dimension sounds cool in theory, but in Will’s case it was just a very unfortunate thing that afflicted him, he didn’t become any cooler because he got dragged into the Upside Down - having superpowers however was really awesome, but completely useless unless he learned how to control them properly.

Will hoisted this, hoisted that, he pushed things across the floor, he bended an iron pipe (perhaps a detached part to a trampoline or something), he ripped a bib apart midair and a whole bunch of other things. He tried to avoid thinking too much about Mike in a romantic context. He had so many treasured people in his life, so many good memories that didn’t need to get fabricated to bring him happiness. He could manage without Mike’s love, he kept telling himself; sitting next to him in Castle Byers without ever leaning in for a kiss wasn’t a failure - it was friendship, and Will quite liked it that way too.

Will’s nose had started to get sore and scabby from the frequent wiping, but when he put the bloody tissue in his pocket on their way home, he felt like it was a trophy, the ultimate token that he had succeeded and that wrinkly paper was infused with all of his confidence.

When Will and El came home in the afternoon Jonathan’s car was parked outside of the Wheeler’s house. The vehicle was so muddy the license plate couldn’t be read, but Will still knew it was him.

”It’s Jonathan,” El noted.

She and Will both ran up to the door, opened it and as soon as Will saw him, he almost hurled himself onto Jonathan, going for a surprise hug from behind while Jonathan was trying to take his shoes off.

”Woah, easy, Will!” Jonathan chuckled, almost falling over. Then he turned around and gave him a proper hug, pulling El closer to embrace her too. Nancy, who leans against the wall nearby, smiled sweetly at the sibling scene.

”Was the drive okay?” Will asked.

”Yeah, it went fine, took a bit longer than I expected it to, but it’s alright,” Jonathan told. He sounded weary, dark circles underneath his eyes witnessed about the lack of sleep he had gotten, ”The worst thing was constantly worrying about you. It’s of course unfortunate, all of it, but when everyone’s gathered together we’re stronger, right?”

”I guess so,” Will said, but he knew very well that it was true. If there was after all a threat out there, if they were actually heading into battle again, they had to stick together. Without each other to rely on, they wouldn’t even have survived it past the first demogorgon.

Jonathan had brought a big weekend bag, packed so tightly the zipper was about to burst. He told them he had the car full of necessities, tools and weapons that could be handy. He had also bought a whole load of fireworks (”The man who sold them to me was suspicious, didn’t want to sell them to me at first, must have thought I intended to do something sketchy with them, make a bomb or something. I told him my family came from Macedonia and they wanted me to buy fireworks for an ethnic holiday thing. Made up a whole story - pure bullshit! Can’t believe he actually believed it! I don’t even know where Macedonia is!”).

He hurled the bag off the floor and struggled his way upstairs to Nancy’s room while she followed him closely behind, fully alert, ready to help if Jonathan needed it. It almost looked like Jonathan was going to fall backwards at one point but luckily he found his balance again and managed to keep going.

Jonathan and Nancy had happened so fast, practically from one day to another, but somehow it seemed to natural Will couldn’t even recall the two ever being strangers. Will also had to admit that he had thought of it before, how Nancy would be the perfect girl for Jonathan. Nancy was sweet and caring, uncomplicated - well, until she displayed her fierce superwoman qualities anyway - and Will knew she would get along with Jonathan, who always despised the artificial, drama seeking people from school. It was a perfect match.

”The others were here just a moment ago but they left again,” Nancy said, coming down the stairs again but seemingly without the intention to stay down stairs. If they were around, Will would have noticed. When together they always filled the house with noise, all the way from the basement to the top floor. The house was peacefully still at the moment,

”I wrote them a list and sent them off to buy groceries. I have to say I’m impressed by your appetite! I thought the stuff they bought last time was going to be enough for several days but I was very wrong about that!” she laughed.

There was a new sort of energy radiating from her. Despite being overworked and worried, she was practically beaming. It was enchanting to see some healthy color on her face, she had looked rather gloomy recently. Will wondered if it was Jonathan’s arrival or something else, whatever it was he hoped it would last.

”Okay,” Will nodded.

He hadn’t even thought about school in a while. All of his books were left in Maine. He could swear not a soul had even noticed his absence, neither the teachers nor the students. His mom was probably thinking about him non-stop though, a realization that made Will twitch in guilt.

”You know this already, but I’ll say it again - just make yourself at home. If you’re hungry, just take whatever you want! And the TV’s all yours!” Nancy said over her shoulder as she headed back upstairs.

Will hurried off to call his mom right away, using the phone in the kitchen. He made sure to put a lot of emphasis on how well he was doing, how happy he was, only telling her about their new coffee habit, how beautiful Hawkins was at this time of the year and how nice it was to see mr Clarke again after so long. He intentionally dwelled on those things for so long, squeezing out all the insignificant details, in order to give her the impression that he had told her a lot of things although he had left out a substantial part of what his days actually consisted of since going returning to Hawkins.

”Love you, mom!” he said as they were about to hang up.

”Love you, Will! Tell Jonathan and El I love them too! Take care of yourself and each other, okay? Try to eat some real food too, you can’t live off snacks and sugary drinks, you know! And coffee is addictive so be careful, you don’t want to end up like me! You need proper nutrition, real food, now when you’re all growing so much! Protein, carbs, vegetables, whole grains -”

”It’s fine, mom, we eat real food too!” Will interrupted, somewhere in between a sigh and a chuckle. She would go on forever if he didn’t stop her.

”Okay, okay, just making sure… Oh, right - please say hello to Karen from me and tell her I’m so grateful she’s letting you stay at their place! Now, I know you, El and Jonathan are all so well mannered, I’m not worried at all, but just remember to say thank you for everything, okay? It’s very nice of the Wheeler’s to let the three of you stay with them!”

”Sure. I’ll tell her. Love you!” Will made another attempt to wrap it up. It was always like this, moms always found a way to keep talking, there was always something more to say.

”Love you, Will!” This was followed by a long silence, until Will finally hung up. Joyce would never hang up on him, not even when she was busy at work and had other things to do.

He felt a bad for not letting her know about the important things that had been going on lately but how was he supposed to tell her that he had superpowers over the phone, just like that? And how was he supposed to tell her that he was likely persecuted by a monster again without making her loose her mind up in Maine, not knowing if he was safe in Hawkins? It was better to leave her out of it, he concluded.

After the phone call Will and El made themselves some tea and sat down in the living room. They settled for a rather lame TV show that was already ten minutes into the episode. Will was exhausted, when he left the gym he had felt descent but now everything was catching up. He could feel himself sinking further and further into the armchair’s soft cushion. The TV show’s monotone voices and the intermittent crackling static was slumberous. Before Will had even finished his tea he fell asleep.

-

When he woke up Eleven was slumbering on the couch next to him. The weather report was airing on the TV, the meteorologist announcing that the temperatures were expected to drop soon, probably staying below freezing several nights in a row. Will rubbed his eyes and sat up.

The house was still quiet. Will couldn’t even hear Jonathan’s and Nancy’s voices upstairs. After the long drive Jonathan might also have needed a nap, he figured, or else they had left the house for a walk or something.

He wondered what time is was. The clock on the wall told it only 16:30, although it felt a lot later. Will wasn’t even sure at what time exactly he and El had left the gym, only that it was in the afternoon, and yet it felt like it was ages ago.

Will stood up from the armchair and stretched. He felt heavy and his knees ached a little when he walked out of the living room and the muscles in his arms felt tense, but lumbering down the stairs into the basement was manageable despite everything.

The basement had turned into a junkyard over the course of time since they had moved in. There were clothes everywhere, soda cans and empty bags of chips (Will actually found himself questioned if they ate enough proper food when seeing just how much snacks and sugary products were distributed all around, it looked like confetti).

And when Will tried to make himself a cup of tea the other day, there were no cups in the kitchen cabinets because every single one of them had been brought down into the basement and no one ever brought them up again. There were also stains on most of the blankets and there was a peculiar scent in air that was probably just teenage sweat mixed with food and old basement, but it could possibly also be a sign that something was rotting somewhere, which was so gross Will didn’t even want to think about it anymore.

Will always tried to be a guest of good demeanor. He committed to a routine of folding his clothes and cleaning up after making a mess - but somehow the basement still looked the way it did. Will wasn’t sure how it happened and he didn’t even notice the transitioning - suddenly it was just a chaos all around for some reason.

None of the others seemed bothered by it but Will felt abashed. He didn’t want to be a burden to the Wheeler’s and he feared that Karen would one day get sick of it and ask everyone to leave (not that it was likely to happen, but still). Either way, Will tried to clean a little bit whenever he had the opportunity, but every time Mike was around he carelessly waved around with his hand and called: ”No need, Will, it’s chill! We’ll take care of that later!”

But since Will was alone for once, he seized the opportunity to clean a little. He started by picking up some clothes from the floor. Some of them were Mike’s, some were El’s and one cardigan Will recognized as Dustin’s. He folded them and put them away on a chair.

Mike’s school backpack was thrown onto the table. It was unzipped and the folders and books were sticking out - expect for one book that was placed on the table instead, right next to the backpack.

Will curiously walked over to the table. He put the soda cans he was carrying down on the wooden surface and looked down at the book. On cover there was an illustration of a figure in muted, soft colors. The title read: ’A boy’s own story’, written in large letters. The authors name was Edmund White, which was written in smaller letters below the title. To Will’s surprise, the entire backside of the cover was painted over with thick, black paint so the summary could’t be distinguished.

Aside from the vandalized backside, it particularly eye-catching in any way, Will just thought it was odd that all the others books and school supplies were in the backpack while this one wasn’t, but that of course could be explained by something as uninteresting as that Mike had picked it up to read for an assignment and before he had time to do the rest of his homework, Nancy told him to go to the store.

Will aimlessly opened it a few random pages. The book was in good condition, not very old. On the inside of the cover there was a red stamp with Hawkins high school's logo. Mike must have borrowed it in the school library then, Will thought and he didn’t know why he even cared. His ambition to stop obsessing over Mike was going poorly at the moment.

Then, just as Will was going to close the book and put it back to go back to cleaning, a green note peeked out amid the pages. Will slammed the book shut just in time so the bookmark didn’t fall out. Then he carefully opened the book again at the page where the note was.

On the page there was a paragraph that was underlined with a red pencil.

’There was no way to defend what I was.  
All I could fight for was my right to choose my exile, my destruction’

Will read it and then reread it again, and then again and again. Did it mean something? Maybe Mike just thought it was a cool quote and decided to underline it, nothing more about it, but Will couldn’t keep reading it.

Since he didn’t know the context, it didn’t make sense, yet he found that the quote spoke to him on a personal level. It felt as if the words were calling for him. He shrugged and closed the book again. He placed it back on the table. Ridiculous! He was looking into it way too much. It was probably just a random book Mike read for class.

-

It had become Tuesday already and Will was in an elevated mood for some reason. It just felt like good day so he and El decided to have some fun before going back to practice. Their friends thought it was a good idea and they decided to stroll around in the stores near the centre for a while.

They were not the only ones out shopping but the stores were mostly empty. If they spotted someone they knew, the quickly plunged into the fitting rooms to hide and tried not to laugh or be suspicious.

Eleven tried on a turtleneck almost identical to Max’s, but in a different color. When she stepped out of the fitting room Mike nodded approvingly and gave her a thumbs up. She bought it and ripped the tags off to immediately wear it which made Will frown, before realizing that he would probably have done the exact same thing.

Lucas bought a pair of warmer shoes. His sneakers did look pretty miserable at this point, muddy and decrepit, the soles barely even attached to the canvas fabric anymore. The salesman in the store only laughed when he saw them and offered to give Lucas a discount if he wanted to buy a pair of new sneakers from the enlisting summer collection too, but none of them fit unfortunately and there were only a limited range of sizes and models left.

When Lucas scanned the shelves he suddenly reached for a a pair of sexy heels. He held them up to show Max and with a striking smile and his most irresistible, alluding voice he asked:

”How about these?”

”Are you serious?” she scowled in response. She then proceeded to quickly grab El’s arm and pulled her along, out of the store. They were just out of sight when they suddenly rumbled back in through the door again.

”And just so you know, we won’t go far!” Max glowered, probably mad at the fact that she couldn’t just run away with El freely until they knew if their theory was true or not. After that they left again.

”You’re an idiot, Lucas, do you know that? Can’t blame Max for dumping you all the time honestly!” Dustin said stolidly when the door closed behind the girls and the bell above jingled.

”Oh, come on, it was worth a try!” Lucas whined and put the pumps back on the shelf.

”If you wanted one of those girls with lots of makeup and high heels, why did you court a total tomboy? She’s more badass than all of us, seriously!” Dustin waved his hand in the air, gesturing his desire to slap Lucas, but he only chortled in return.

”El is also more badass than all of us, isn’t she?” Will added and he wasn’t sure why.

He sat down on a bench and restlessly watched the other three idle around in the store. The place wasn’t huge, they had already looked at everything but kept strolling around to look again, in case they had missed something. The salesman was writing something at the computer behind the counter. He looked up from time to time to see if they needed any help, which they didn’t. The store was empty aside from them. Some instrumental music was playing on low volume from a speaker near the ceiling.

To this the other boys hummed in unison.

”Yeah, she was pretty much a guy when we first met!” Lucas remembered.

”Anyway, Lucas, I think you should accept that Max isn’t a sparkle-sparkle kind of girl. Just a recommendation, because I assume you still want her to stick around, right?” Dustin continued in a very formal and concise voice.

If Dustin would just stop wearing those daffy caps and childish tees with comic prints on, he would get mistaken for being much older than the rest of the coterie, Will had noticed. Maybe it was because he spent more time around older people, but somehow it had always been that way. He was kind of an old man with lots of knowledge but simultaneously a twelve year old who laughed at immature jokes and took cartoons too seriously.

”Why place girls in categories like that, Henderson? Can’t girls be tomboys and like sparkle-sparkle at the same time? Wear practical clothes sometimes and dress up in heels and a dress sometimes? Why restrict yourself to fit into a predetermined type when you can just create yourself freely and do whatever you like?” Lucas inquired, derisively mimicking Dustin’s shrewdness and Will was actually surprised at how intellectual he sounded although he was just messing around.

”You’re so full of bullshit! You want Max to wear heels because you want to see her in them, it’s nothing deeper than that!” Dustin scowled.

”That is possible, but do you have any proof that she doesn’t secretly want to try it too?” Lucas teased, making Dustin roll his eyes and sigh.

-

In the third store they visited, was one of the oldest stores in Hawkins, run by two sisters who had inherited the business from their grandma. It had started as a small boutique in which their grandma and her employees handmade items using luxurious fabrics and lots of love. Things had changed a lot since then.

The store was now clustered, clothes hanging disorganized on racks and laying in large piles on a table in the middle. Anything could be found in there! There were so many colors, fabrics and textures, there were items for all age groups and it an impressive gamut of styles. Walking in through the door was like entering a psychedelic dream and there was a strong scent of sticky, sweet perfume everywhere that only enhanced the overwhelming experience.

The positive thing about the store that drew people in, was the prices, because just like with everything else, they varied. There were items for only two dollars and there were items for over three hundred as well. There was something for everyone.

Will tried on a pine green sweater but he already knew it was too expensive for him, it was just getting a bit boring to loiter around in store after store without trying anything nor buying anything. Even if he wasn’t going to buy it, it wouldn’t hurt to try it on, he figured, although he knew that was a trap countless of people before him had fallen into.

As he carried the item towards the fitting room (it wasn’t even a room, it was just a small area with floral curtains shielding the view), he could see his mom’s face, her ’yeah, it’s really cool’-smile that was too often overshadowed by a concern related to money. Will always felt terrible every time it happened. He didn’t need new clothes anyway, he assured himself, he liked to wear Jonathan’s old ones.

”Let us see, Will!” Mike called.

Will was in the fitting room, looking in the diverse mirrors offering him a view of himself in angles he normally couldn’t see. He looked straight ahead into one of the mirrors, an antique one with majestic embellishments. The sweater did look nice on. The green brought out the contrasting red undertone in his hair and the sizing was right too.

He shyly draped the curtains aside and stepped out in the boutique. Mike was looking at some knitted scarfs hanging on the wall but then immediately turned his head to Will. Lucas and Dustin also looked up from what they were doing.

”Looks cool!” Dustin commented.

Will felt coy by having them look and even inspecting him. He wasn’t sure what to do, he felt rather dumb. He didn’t feel like swirling around and posing like Max and Eleven always did (they were probably doing it in this very minute but in another store, still keeping their distance from the boys).

”Hang on…” Mike said and quickly walked up to and stretched his hands out so Will so suddenly it made him wince back, ”No, stand still! Let me just…”

Underneath Will wore an old button down shirt that he didn’t bother to take off, instead he just tried the sweater on top. Will held his breath as Mike fiddled with the collar of his shirt. Mike took his time so eventually Will couldn’t stop himself from exhaling too loudly.

”You can breathe, it’s okay!” Mike said with a subtle laugh, making Will feel his cheeks heat up violently, ”The way your shirt looked underneath didn’t do the sweater justice, you know what I mean?”

Mike was still fiddling. Will wasn’t sure what was taking so long and why this was so crucial. Sure, the button down looked a bit frumpy but it didn’t deter them from being able to see the sweater properly. It was taking too long, Will concluded, way too long. It was as if Mike really dwelled on it, adjusting the shirt again and again even though it already looked fine.

Then Mike stopped for a second. He still held Will’s collar lightly between his fingers but he lifted his eyes from the fabric to look at Will’s face. He was too close. It was only when they were really close their height difference and freckles were that apparent. Will was petrified and without even noticing he held his breath again.

”You have asthma or something?” Mike teased, looking very amused.

Lucas and Dustin could probably not hear it from where they were standing and they were not even paying attention anymore. Dustin had returned to look for suitable presents for Suzy and Lucas was checking out some band tees on sale.

Will was speechless.

”Sweater looks good anyway. I like it. Nice color. Fits great over the shoulder too!” Mike said, now louder, finally let go of the collar and took a step back. He nodded approvingly before turning back to the knitted scarfs but before he turned his face away, Will could see that Mike struggling to stop himself from cracking up in a grin.

Will was still speechless.

He plunged back into the fitting space, pulled the curtains around him and right away he could feel a funny stirring inside. It was overwhelming in an unbearable way. Will didn’t know what to do with the feeling. He was stuck just standing in the shielded space with a stupid look on his face, cheeks heated and heart beating furiously in his chest. He avoided looking in the mirrors because he felt like an idiot, he didn’t want to see himself in this state.

Did Mike just…? Will felt like he was going insane. His thoughts were racing but simultaneously his mind was completely blank. It took him a while to collect himself. On the other side of the curtains Mike asked:

”Do you want to get it, Will?”

His voice sounded completely normal now, as if nothing had happened, but Will wasn’t fooled. He was in fact, without a doubt, one hundred percent sure, extremely positive, very convinced - that Mike Wheeler had just flirted with him.

-

Another couple of days passed in the same demeanor:

El and Will would practice in the garage or head off to the junkyard throughout the day, then, once the school day was over and all the middle schoolers went home, they used the gym. Although they spent a lot of time practicing, they still needed to be humble for the exhausting effect it had on them. Sometimes they laid next to each other right on the floor in a half-unconscious state without moving or saying a single word for up to an hour, sometimes they sat with their backs against a wall and drowsily talked whilst waiting for their strength to return.

It was Friday again, which marked two weeks since they left Hawkins and also two weeks since the cashier died. The newspapers had published some short follow-up reports about the case, but there was no substance to them. The meager paragraphs only restated the things already known and ended with the same phrase (’the case is still under scrutiny by the police’). It seemed hopeless though, just how was the police supposed solve the case? Two weeks had passed and most evidence of crime would be gone at this point already. The most disturbing thing was that the police couldn’t find any clues at all within the first 48 hours either - not a trace!

But instead of taking the investigation into their own hands… - they mutually decided that it was time for a coffee break instead. Adequate reaction, huh? Will couldn’t believe it himself. The thought of running into a monster was ruthlessly shoved aside, it didn’t even cross their minds apparently, but Will once again found himself questioning everything without stating his concern out loud. It was just ludicrous how normal and how messed up everything was at once.

Rather than addressing the murder case and the Upside Down, ”people from school” was commonly regarded as their biggest threat at the moment. Since most people were either at work or in school the risk of running into someone they knew was significantly lower at this time of the day, which made them conclude that it was ”safe” to go grab a coffee despite everything.

When they walked in the waitress welcomed them back with an amiable nod when she passed by, balancing some reeking cups on a tray. They sat down at their favorite table next to the window and started looking through the already familiar menu.

Will sat with the window on his left, with Dustin sitting on the opposite side and Mike on his right. Next to Dustin, Max was making herself comfortable, taking her jacket off. El sat on Mike’s right and facing her, was Lucas. All six of them fit perfectly at the table (though the table was very crowded underneath, with twelve lanky legs struggling to find a comfortable position amidst each other and the table’s steel legs as well).

For the first time in a while, the sun was peeking through the veils of tenuous clouds. The rays beamed beautifully and made Hawkins light up with optimism. The people passing on the other side of the window glass idly walked at a slower pace, taking their time to pay attention to their surroundings and talking to each other, rather than petulantly rushing from A to B as quick as possible to escape the rain.

”It’s Halloween soon,” Eleven noted impassively, noticing the newly added Halloween-themed options on the menu. She traced the outline of the cartoon ghost sitting next to the words ’Do you dare to take on our Halloween challenge?’, written with creepy, black letters.

Will wasn’t sure how he felt about Halloween anymore. Was that a good thing? When he was little he used to love it, best holiday of the year. Then the Upside Down… happened, and consequently halloween became something unpleasant. But now? He wasn’t sure how he felt, so maybe that was an improvement. Nothingness was better than PTSD seizures at least.

”What does ’halloween challenge’ mean?” Max asked, looking down on the menu.

Out of nowhere the waitress had reappeared, standing next to the table with a small note book and a pencil, ready to take their orders. Her hair was in a sleek bun and she had a professional posture, straight in the back and with a polite smile on her lips. She wore the cafe’s signature pink shirt with a black apron layered on top. Will struggled to imagine her ever looking any other way.

”The halloween challenge? It was actually a friend’s idea to add it to the menu. Costumers love it. It’s really fun, you should try it!” she said eagerly.

”But what exactly is it?” Mike asked.

”Okay, so it’s basically a game. We will give you some ’secret pastries’ to share. Some of them are actually really good, some of them… maybe not, but what do I know, maybe you’ll love them? I can’t tell you what’s in them because that’s the game - you have to guess. If you get them all right, you get your next order for free!” she explained, sounding like she was following a script or had said the exact same thing so many times it had become an automatic habit to say those words in that exact order.

”And if we don’t get them right…?”

”Then you won’t get your next order for free and you’ll have to write your name on the board over there, the one on the right” the waitress said and pointed towards a black chalkboard on the wall next to the counter. The board was split into two by a white line. On the right side it said ’SUCKERS’ and on left side ’NOT SUCKERS’.

They were all thinking the same thing - Robin. Robin had something to do with this, must have been her idea. It was just like the board she used to display the statistics of Steve’s (non-existing) love life. It was actually a hilarious idea so it could be reused without feeling old. Subtilely bullying people was never going to get old, it wasn’t the same thing as the messed up bullying Troy engaged himself in.

After discussing it for a minute or so, they decided to order it. It was the most expensive option on the menu, but if they’d split the cost it wasn’t too bad. They ordered some drinks too, Will really craved some coffee, which he made sure to let everyone know (adult points!). The waitress scribbled everything down and hurried off to tell her coworker what to make.

”Her friend must be Robin,” Dustin said confidently, once the waitress was gone, ”Remember how she had a board like that at Scoops Ahoy?” They all remembered.

”When is she leaving for France anyway?” Max asked.

”A week or so,” Dustin said and shrugged carelessly but there was undoubtedly an undercurrent of sadness underneath the surface. Will felt sorry for him. Dustin had really become close friends with both Steve and Robin. Will didn’t even know exactly how and when it happened, but he could totally understand how important their friendship was.

”Does she know?” Will asked.

”About everything? No. Steve agreed, it’s better to keep her out of it. She really wants to get out of here, doesn’t want to spend a day more in Hawkins than she absolutely needs to, it would be wrong to involve her in all of this now,” Dustin said.

”Yeah, I get it,” Will said with an understanding smile.

Dustin took his cap off and ran his fingers through his curls. Then he smiled back in such a strange way, Will couldn’t pinpoint what he was trying to communicate.

”Guys, what do you think is out next step? How do we move on from here?” Mike asked suddenly. The way he confidently leaned on the table and the tone of his voice was strikingly leader-like, Will wondered if he did it on purpose or if it was just his personality that subconsciously made him carry himself that way.

Everyone turned their heads towards Mike and waited for someone else to answer, but nobody did. Perhaps this was the reason why Mike always had to take on that role, nobody else did, so without him they’d just sit around and wait for the rest of their lives.

”I mean, we have to do something, right?” Mike continued, he gestured with his hand and put extra emphasis on ’something’.

”I think it’s up to El and Will what’s happening next,” Max said.

Will and El looked at each other. Made sense. They were waiting for Will to learn to control his powers. Before that was out of the way, nothing else could be done either.

”I think we’re pretty ready?” Will said unsurely.

”Yeah, Will is stronger. We should move on,” El agreed.

There was a moment of silence. Move on to… what? What was the next step? They still didn’t know anything. How could they prepare themselves for something they didn’t know anything about? And how were they supposed to learn about the things they didn’t know?

All of a sudden Will missed them just having coffee without having to think about difficult things and make crucial decisions. The tranquility was an illusion, but it was a nice illusion that would have been nice to dwell in just for a bit more, something he realized in hindsight.

”Our theory -” Max recalled ”- We have to test it.”

”The one about Will and El?”

”Exactly. We still don’t know whether it’s actually true or not, so we have to test it. That’s a good place to start. We have to separate Will and El to see if anything abnormal happens.”

Max sounded assured and structured when she proposed this idea. She looked back and fourth between the other’s faces for approval. Will noticed how Mike looked subtilely bothered, as if he was clenching his jaw tensely, but everyone else seemed to agree without a fuss.

The next step was to reality-check their theory. Will felt tingly, he was nervous, scared even, but he was also eager to find out the truth. It was honestly getting a bit boring to practice in the sports hall. He didn’t want Hawkins to get invaded by monsters, of course, but he had a yearning desire to use his powers. He wanted to do something with them, now that he had them!

-

A moment later the waitress returned, this time with another waiter aiding her. They carried trays filled with pastries and the drinks they had ordered. Carefully they put everything down on the table. There were several different kinds. Some of them looked like buns, some like traditional cake, some were creatively shaped into creatures and on a desert plate there was also an eye-catching green pudding wiggling around. The options could barely fit on the table. Lucas had to quickly save one of the cakes from getting pushed over the edge when the last plate was squeezed in. The waiter also handed everyone a spoon.

Will looked at everything with a child-like excitement. The eccentric colors and the way faux-eyes had been placed on top of the buns to make them look like monsters was very amusing. He even felt a bit sad about the fact that they were going to eat them, he didn’t want to destroy the creations.

”What the hell is this…?” Dustin giggled and leaned over to take a closer look at the pudding. Max, who sat closest to the plate, gave it a light push and the goo started wiggling again, making Dustin giggle even more.

”Okay, so do you all want to play on the same team or divide into smaller teams?” the waitress asked, ”Since you are six people it’d be perfect to split into two teams of three, but if you want to remain friends perhaps it’s better to stick together as one!” she added with a chuckle.

”One team is better, yeah?” Lucas suggested, looking at the others.

They settled for one team. The waitress hurried off to fetch a board with a paper sheet attached to it. The paper listed the different pastries with two blank rows next to each option for them to fill in with their answers. She handed them a pencil and once more repeated the task: to guess the ingredients (”You don’t need to write the basic stuff like sugar and wheat, focus on the flavors that make them stand out instead. You’ll know what I mean once you try them. Good luck!”)

”Will’s handwriting is the nicest,” Dustin said and handed the board with the paper and the pencil to Mike, who handed it over to Will, who somewhat hesitatingly accepted it.

”Alright, let’s do this then!” Mike said eagerly and rubbed his hands together.

-

Will decided to try out one of the buns first, the one dyed with red food coloring and plastic batwings stuck into it. Unhappily he spooned out a part of it, making it lose it’s shape instantly. When he put the spoon in his mouth he was surprised by a strong flavor of citrus, that he had definitely not expected because of the red color. There was no doubt about that one, Eleven and Lucas both agreed that it was citrus, probably lemon specifically but could also be lime. Will wrote the answer ’lemon’ on the sheet.

Max suddenly started coughing after tasting one of the cakes. After a few frantic gulps of her latte she managed to spit out: ”Chili, one hundred percent - chili!” which made everyone laugh.

El soon discovered that one of the buns tasted like vanilla, which consequently lead to that everyone wanted to try it and have seconds and thirds. Like a herd of starving animals they threw themselves over the vanilla bun and not a crumb was left behind.

Most of the options were not delicious, but not necessarily disgusting either, best described as weird and random - but it was fun to see everyone’s reactions and there was something exciting about not knowing what to get - like a surprise! Will quite enjoyed it.

They decided to taste the green pudding together. They scooped up some of the goo onto their spoons and after counting to three they put it in their mouths at the same time. The pudding was the most difficult one so far. Mike opted for another spoon because he couldn’t tell by the first try.

”Is it spinach?” Will suggested.

”No, don’t get fooled by the color, it’s not spinach!” Dustin said, brows furrowed in concentration.

In the end they concluded that it could possibly be basil, which was the closest to an answer they managed to get. Will wrote it down but with very small letters, in case they’d want to scribble it and write something else later, which they never did.

There were many options and they were six people, but after a while Will felt full and didn’t feel like eating anymore. The weird flavors and the thick, creamy consistencies rapidly became unbearable. He wasn’t the only one to feel that way, but they were still determined to finish - and win - which made them feel under pressure and increasingly edgy.

”That’s totally not cardamum - it’s rosemary!” Mike said, waving his spoon around, almost hitting Will with it.

”Are you kidding me?! It’s fucking cardamum! I swear, you white people don’t know anything about spices!” Lucas exclaimed loudly.

”That has nothing to do with it!” Mike scowled.

Will only laughed. There was no point to interfere. Max rolled her eyes and then her eyes met Will’s for a second. ’They’re morons, right?’, she communicated without words and Will nodded in return. Will didn’t know how and when it happened, but he felt pretty close to Max. He was of course never repellingly obsessed with her like Dustin and Lucas, and he never hated her as much as Mike, but Will had never intentionally taken any initiative for close friendship either, and neither had she. He made a mental note to remember to talk to her more someday.

”Will, write cardamum!” Lucas demanded, looking pleadingly at Will, ignoring Mike’s violent objections. El timidly moved Mike’s tea cup further away from him so he wouldn’t accidentally hit it and spill tea everywhere.

”Will, it’s rosemary! I know it’s rosemary! My aunt’s addicted to rosemary, she puts it in everything, so I would know!” Mike persuaded and nodded vigorously at Will.

Will held the pencil in a tight grip and was ready to write something but he wasn’t sure what to write. He just laughed and shook his head in confusion.

”Come on, Will! You know I’m right on this one! I know more about spices than Mike’s aunt, that goes without saying!” Lucas put his hands together in a begging gesture.

”What the hell do you know about my aunt anyway?!”

Some other costumers curiously turned their heads to their table to see what the commotion was all about. Some chuckled at the scene despite not understanding what was happening. The cafe staff had smug smiles on their faces and were amused by watching them struggle.

With a furtive grin on his face, Will started writing down ’cardamum’ for an answer. When Mike caught a glimpse of what Will was writing, he gasped offendedly, reacting like it was an unforgivable betrayal. Will started laughing immediately and Lucas victoriously threw his fist in the air.

”How -?!” Mike began dramatically, looking at Will as if he had just stabbed him. Will wasn’t sure if Mike was about to cry or laugh, it was honestly difficult to tell.

Suddenly Mike thew his hand out to grab the paper, before Will could even finish the word. Will held onto it tightly, tried to protect it while still laughing. It turned into a full on wrestle session. Mike managed to steal the paper and was just about to scribble ’carda’ to write ’rosemary’ instead, but Will stole it back and held it out, as far away from Mike as possible. At this point Mike couldn’t hold back his laughter either.

”Guys! Watch it!” Max scowled when Will accidentally slammed his elbow on the table, making a raucous sound as the porcelain rattled and Dustin’s empty cup fell over, but Will couldn't help it.

”HEY!” El called. She tried to stop Mike’s wavering but he didn’t care the slightest.

”IT’S ROSEMARY! I SWEAR! IT’S ROSEMARY!” Mike screeched repeatedly while Will desperately tried to protect the paper.

Lucas was incessantly yelling the opposite, insisting that is was cardamum, but Will didn’t even care which flavor it actually was, he was just caught up in the moment of wrestling, as if himself and Mike were the only ones in the entire world. It was so silly but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t even care if the other guests looked at them like they were crazy, he just wanted the moment to last forever.

When he had the opportunity, Will turned his back to Mike as a shield, put the paper down on the other side, as far away from Mike as possible. Then, as fast as he could, he whipped out the pencil and tried to finish the word, while Mike frantically tried to find a way to reach around him to stop it.

Will had just finished the last letter when Mike managed to throw himself forward in an attempt to grab the pencil out of his hand.

Time stood still for a second when their hands touched. Will wasn’t sure if anybody else experienced the same thing or if it was just his own universe that froze. Mike’s warm hand had come out of nowhere and it stayed for what felt like a billion years but it was probably not even a full second. Maybe it would have lasted for longer if the waitress hadn’t approached in that same moment, smug grin on her face and her arms crossed over her chest.

”Are you done? Or do you want to fight some more?” she asked.

Mike slowly leaned back to his own seat. Will straightened up, feeling tousled and hot. Without a word he handed the answers over to the waitress, Mike didn’t attempt to stop him. He just looked down at the table, out of breath, seemingly in his own world, possibly embarrassed as well.

The waitress read through their answers and nodded intermittently. Then she handed the paper back and said:

”You did a good job, but you didn’t get them all right. The green pudding is not basil, it’s coriander. And cake number 2 is not blueberry, it’s actually blackberry. And this one’s also wrong - it’s not redcurrant but lingonberry. But don’t worry, most people get those wrong.”

Disappointed silence.

”And the answer is cardamum. It’s not rosemary, sweetheart,” she apprised and winked at Mike.

Lucas cheered loudly and did a little dance, making everyone - including Mike - laugh again.

They remorsefully wrote their names on the board, underneath the word ’suckers’. Max niftily came up with the idea to write their names so tinily and in indecipherable cursive so no one could tell it was them (this was actually not just to dodge the humiliation - it’d be a catastrophe if a teacher from school happened to drop by and found out that their ’extremely sick’ students were in reality just eating pastries instead of dying in a contagious malady)


	14. Chapter 14

Since they had decided to conduct their experiment, Will and El ended up biking to the junkyard for a while afterwards, even though they had originally planned to not go. This could potentially be their last practice, which should rationally have been Will’s main concern but ever since Tuesday, Will was intermittently afflicted by guilt and distress when he found himself alone with Eleven. Whenever she was in a great mood it became particularly bad and this was one of those times.

They parked the bikes aside and started looking around for some object appropriate to practice on. There were plenty of options of different materials and weights. 

El had a light bounce in her gait and swung around with her hair in the gentle breeze as she inspected the junk laying around. She had left her jacket unzipped to show off her new turtleneck, which she had worn practically every single day since she bought it because she was so proud of it. Maybe her cheerful state was perceived as more effusive than it actually though just because Will was so hyper-fixated at it, it was impossible to see past it.

”You liked the game?” Will asked, feeling a restrictive tightness in his chest despite trying to sound casual.

”Yes, it was fun!” El replied as she pulled at a heavy metal piece sticking up from the pile of debris and abandoned goods, but it wouldn’t yield in to her effort.

It would have been so much easier if El wasn’t so happy because Will didn’t want to rip her happiness away from her. How was he supposed to proceed from here? What was he supposed to say? Was he even supposed to say anything? Maybe he was mistaken? Maybe it was just a prank? Maybe Mike didn’t mean anything by it? But in some way Will couldn't escape from the feeling of obligation - he owed El to let her know about his suspicion at least.

It would be a disaster if she found out way later that Mike and Will actually had something going on while they were still a couple. Did they have something going on though? Maybe they didn’t! Bringing this topic up without being sure in the first place would make Will look pathetic, as if he tried to squeeze out the uttermost from the smallest thing which was another reason to just pretend it never happened.

Well, it was a relief that they were about to train because that meant they could center their attention around something else and they only needed to talk when addressing what to do next and how to improve. Will didn’t have to make up his mind about the Mike-issue yet, he could postpone that until later when he had hopefully become more assured.

”Will?” El said and turned around to look at him.

”Yeah?”

”You need a challenge so how about that one?” she suggested and pointed at a derelict bus.

The bus had always been there and the thought had crossed his mind before, but it seemed so absurd he always neglected the idea immediately. The bus was several times bigger than the gymnastics plinth in the gym. It was an entire bus! But on the other hand… how awesome wouldn’t it be if he actually managed to hoist an entire bus into the air? That would totally give him a superhero status! A bus! A whole bus! That was equivalent to Eleven’s iconic van flipping if not cooler!

”Sure!” Will said eagerly.

-

After several attempts Will was running out of energy. His nose was dripping annoyingly but the vehicle had only rattled without leaving the ground. He couldn’t do it. He was disappointed but not surprised, he didn’t expect it to work in the first place - which according to El was the very reason why it didn’t work, but once the doubt started nagging it refused to stop, it only escalated for every failed attempt.

He sighed deeply and leaned against an old car frame without windows and wheels. For a moment it felt as if the metal was going to cave in but once it was apparent that it didn’t, Will allowed himself to relax.

”It’s okay. You did good,” Eleven consoled.

”I heard you flipped a van once,” Will stated impassively and wiped his nose again.

Eleven didn’t reply to that. She hated it when he portrayed himself as inferior by pointing out her success, something she had never expressed out loud but Will understood because of her lack to response every time. She pretended that she didn’t hear and continued to aimlessly walk around the bleak area, not even looking in his direction.

Her figure threw a long shadow over the dead grass. The sun was hanging low on the sky and the clouds looks soft and blushed. The junkyard looked surpassingly beautiful for being, well, a junkyard.

”This is a weird place,” she noted.

”It is,” Will agreed.

”Why do people leave their cars and things here?”

”No idea.”

El walked up to the bus and with a large step she stepped in through the broken door at the front. Will could see her walking around in it through the windows. The vehicle floundered and creaked as she walked, which only aggravated Will’s feeling of failure since it apparently didn’t take much to make it move.

After a moment of rest, Will decided to join her. He felt like an old man when he limped over to the bus and just barely managed to get into it, limbs being lame and strengthless, didn’t obey his will.

Inside there were several seats missing. The few ones left were frayed and out of order, detached from the floor and randomly distributed. The roof was damaged, the steering wheel was stained and crooked. Will could with a scarce margin stand up without hitting the ceiling.

”We were here before -” Eleven commented as she looked around, ”- when you were in the Upside down.”

Will slumped down on one of the seats. It was wobbly and not particularly comfortable. He didn’t even know why he felt the need to get on the bus in the first place, it was a poor decision, he concluded.

”We should probably go home soon,” Will stated, but the thought of getting on the bike and push the inert pedals all the way back to the Wheeler’s wasn’t the slightest bit alluring, if anything he just wanted to sleep.

El sat down on another seat. It creaked uncertainly but she didn’t react to it. She then shifted her position, making the seat creak again, and looked out the window with an uncertain look on her face.

”Will?” she finally said.

”Uh-huh…” he replied drowsily, eyes half-lidded and dull.

”Can I tell you something?” she asked tentatively.

Will slowly opened his eyes a bit more. His attention was his way of saying ’yes’, although he knew very well that he was not ready to have a conversation right now, he wouldn’t be able to comprehend whatever she wanted to say. Will damned his brain for not being able to recover faster - he didn’t even make the buss fly so his body didn’t even have a proper excuse for being like that!

”Maybe we can talk later instead…” she said quietly, more to herself than Will, and instead she gestured with her finger to tell him that he had something on his chin, ”Blood.”

Will sloppily wiped the half-dried blood with the sleeve of his jacket, not even bothering to use a tissue and then let the arm fall heavily down his side. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes again. Before he could protest he fell into a knocked-out slumber.

-

Eleven waited patiently until Will felt better again, then once he woke up they decided to head home. Will was feeling much better although his arm was a little numb still, and he wasn’t exactly bouncing with energy but it was enough to bike home.

It wasn’t yet dark but the sun had disappeared and all around there was an odd in-between light, which was difficult for the eyes to get adjusted to, so Will found himself peering once he stepped out of the bus. It appeared to be a smooth filter applied to everything, that made colors and shapes blend seamlessly into one another, not revealing depth and outlines as clearly as usual.

They grabbed their bikes off the ground. The seats were lightly damp but mostly cold when they sat down. The moment they started moving forward Will was struck with a heartfelt yearning for the Wheeler’s house. The thought of sweatpants and some food was incredibly alluring, it infused him with some more energy right away.

The ground was uneven and bumpy for a while as they rode off onto the bewildered path leading from the junkyard to the road. Will was delighted once they reached the road because the asphalt felt so unbelievably smooth in comparison, almost like flying, when the wheels rolled over its solid surface.

They turned right a parting and continued straight forward. There was no traffic and it was serenely quiet. They only approached one couple walking their dog, aside from that they were completely alone for a long while.

”Maybe you don’t remember but before I wanted to tell you something,” Eleven began, still slightly out of breath from the rough part, glancing back and fourth between the road in front of her and Will.

”I have a vague memory of that,” Will said stolidly, although he didn’t recall any such thing at all.

Eleven was searching for the right words and Will just enjoyed the stillness in the meanwhile. On his right they passed row of houses. A warm light radiated from the windows and a lovely lantern was lit up and placed on the stairs by the entrance outside one of the houses. 

”I talked to Max,” she said and Will was waiting for her to say something more in addition to that but the second half of the sentence never came, which frequently happened when talking to El, so he didn’t know why he even expected full sentences at this point.

”Okay… and what did you talk about?” Will said, nudging her to keep going.

”Feelings. We talked about feelings. Max also said that ’in love’ and ’love’ are different, like you said before,” El said and smiled gratefully at Will, which he considered himself unworthy of since he had done a terrible job at explaining.

”Could Max explain it to you?”

His hands were getting cold. He tried to sneak them into the cuffs of his jacket but the jacket sleeves were too short. When he stretched his arms out to hold the handlebars his wrist and hands were mercilessly exposed to the chilly air. He discreetly started pedaling faster so they could get home faster.

”Kind of. I think I understand the difference, but I’m not sure what I feel. Do you understand what I mean?” she said.

”Yes, of course. I don’t understand what I feel either sometimes.”

Eleven laughed at this. She seemed to be in a light, happy mood. Whatever she was going to tell Will, he was certain it wasn’t anything grave, it couldn’t possibly be that she knew about Will kissing Mike that night, which made him feel less tense. 

”Max said sometimes you need space to think.”

Once again, Will expected her to say something more, but she didn’t. A bit impatiently he kept trying to make her tell the whole thing:

”Okay - and what happened next? What do you think about that?”

Eleven didn’t seem to notice his frustration. She was looking straight forward and biked peacefully as ever (she didn’t speed up when Will did, so he was forced to slow down again in order to not ride away ahead of her).

”Maybe it’s true. I know my best friends are very important to me because when I can’t see them, I feel sad - but when I can’t see my classmates in Maine, I feel still feel okay. It’s weird because when I’m having lunch with my friends in school, I feel happy. I like them. We have fun. But when I don’t see them in a while, like now, I don’t miss them all the time. They are not important like my best friends. Now I know that because we have ’space’. Before I didn’t know - I thought all friends were the same,” Eleven said.

This time Will was impressed by how much she said all at once. Now he was the speechless one who didn’t know what to reply but he also didn’t want to kill the flow by not saying anything.

”Oh, I see,” was the only this he said in the end.

”Max helped me to understand that,” she then added humbly.

The road curved to the left. They were not far away from the Wheeler’s house now. It suddenly stuck Will that he wanted them to properly finish their conversation before going inside. It could be the last time in a while since they were planning on taking the next step in their mission and wouldn’t get time by themselves when practicing anymore.

”I’m still not sure if I love Mike, or if I’m in love with Mike, but like Max said - maybe I need space to know?” she said thoughtfully.

”But when you broke up with Mike that time, wasn’t that to give you some space…?”

As far as Will understood Eleven and Max were doing just fine on their own, it was Mike and Lucas who got frustrated and stressed out. Will always thought the whole point of the breakup was for El to gain some independence, get some ’space’ to figure out herself or something because Max told her she was supposed to… but then, somehow, they got back together and Will wasn’t even sure when and how it had happened.

”I don’t think it was space, because… I still thought about Mike all the time, maybe even more than when he was my boyfriend. And I wanted him back all the time, even though I said that I didn’t need him anymore. And we were acting like girlfriend and boyfriend who had a fight - not a couple who broke up, we were never ’done’ with each other,” El said, now more gravely than before, ”Max helped me to think but I actually see it like this too. It makes sense.”

Her brows were furrowed and her voice setting made it sound like she was almost mad at herself. Will didn’t know what to say. He had never heard her talk about the breakup properly. He had only seen how she ruthlessly ’dumped his ass’ and joyfully went shopping instead in lieu of spending the whole day making out with Mike.

”I need space in my brain! Do you understand what I mean? Not space like this-”, she let go of one handlebar and gestured the distance between her bike and Will’s, ”- but space inside my brain!”, she pointed at her head to amplify, but Will already understood exactly what she meant anyway.

”How are you going to do that…?” Will inquired unsurely.

Whatever her secret manual for creating brain-space, he needed some of it too, although it seemed impossible now. Mike’s maybe-but-maybe-not-flirting had caused Will’s feelings to swell considerably, to a size so vast they could barely fit in his body anymore. Dignity, independence and well-being were all inferior to the yearning for himself and Mike together. If Mike wanted him, all he had to do was let Will know and albeit Will wished that he could have put up a fight, make Mike work to win him over if he wanted him, Will knew that it wasn’t going to happen, realistically speaking.

”I already told Mike I need a break, I need space to think. I want to understand. If I don’t understand it, it’s not real, right? Our relationship, I mean,” El reasoned with pleased expression on her face, giving Will the impression that she had thought about this and knew that this was the best solution, free of regret and inner turmoil.

”You’re smart El, do you know what?” Will blurted.

She stared at him, eyes wide open in surprise, looking like a clueless doe. Will laughed gently and elevated:

”You’re smart. Really smart! Maybe you don’t know how to say things because you’re struggling with the language, but I think that makes you use your words in a smarter way. You explain things so concisely -”

”Concisely?”

”It means simply, straight to the point. You make difficult things sound easy. That’s a gift! Honestly, I’ve probably learned more from talking to you than you’ve learned from me!”

Eleven cracked up in a bright grin. Seeing her so flattered and happy made him want to continue but he decided not to because he felt a bit coy about pouring out all his thoughts and praise at once. He didn’t even contrive what to say before saying them, the words just streamed out frictionlessly, he really meant it and he couldn’t even believe it himself - she had grown so much on him in such a short time.

It was gradually getting darker. The hazy in-between light was fading away. The street lights were the only light source now and the houses they passed from time to time. For a while they rode without saying anything. It was a friendly, warm silence, but then the road turned to the left again and Will knew they’d soon be at the Wheeler’s. The house was just a minute away.

”What did Mike say then, when you told him you wanted a break?” he asked, picking up the conversation as if the pause never happened.

Eleven had strained expression, as if she was trying to look serious while stifling a grin but since she looked straight forward, it was difficult for Will to read her face.

The house was approaching right in front of them. There were shadows moving in the kitchen window. Will was becoming increasingly desperate, wanting her to answer his question. El’s hair billowed in the wind and she looked almost too merry considering the circumstances, and when she replied her voice was easy and light, not the slightest bit troubled.

”He said he needed to think too,” she said with the same brevity Will had just a moment ago praised her for, but now it felt like suffocating because she didn’t say anything more.

Will urged to ask further questions but they just rolled into the Wheeler’s driveway. He wanted to ask her to wait, suggesting that they could stay outside just for a little bit more to finish this properly, but something about the way she quickly stepped off the bike and hurried up to the door signaled that the conversation was over before he had the time to say anything.

When the door swung open and Mike welcomed them inside, Will felt weird all throughout his body, and it wasn’t because of the practice in the junkyard. There was something hanging in the air, a thick aura of some sort, but maybe that was just Will’s impression because when he looked at Mike now, he knew that there was nothing holding him back anymore aside from himself.

”How did practice go?” Mike asked casually.

He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. His jeans had a hole at the knee and he wore an old, black tee rather than his usual, lurid colored shirts. It was probably not intentional but he looked really cool, much edgier than usual. The only thing that ruined the vibe were his fuzzy socks that he insisted on wearing all the time.

”It was alright…” Will mumbled for an answer.

He felt incredibly self-conscious as he hung his jacket up and took off his muddy shoes, as if he was observed - which he actually was, because Mike was following his every move from where he was standing, Will could see it in the corner of his eye.

”Did you practice too, El?” Mike asked and turned to her instead. 

”Just a little bit. I want to save energy,” she said as she put her jacket on the hanger. She had to redo it several times because the jacket kept slipping off the already full hook. The whole entrance was full of shoes and outerwear since there were so many people staying at the Wheeler’s.

”That’s good. You shouldn’t wear yourselves out more than necessary,” Mike said.

Will couldn’t notice any apparent awkwardness between them. When did they decide to take a break? Will had no idea until a moment ago, he never suspected it before. Sure, they didn’t make out whenever Will was around, but he had been so sure they did it as soon as he left the room.

”We’re making chicken with mashed potatoes,” Mike informed when they walked into the kitchen. Will could have guessed it by the smell.

On the stove there was a large pot with potatoes boiling below a lid. There was a smaller pot too with some kind of sauce that Nancy gently stirred. The kitchen was so crowded it felt a bit overwhelming. The simmer of voices and movement and the sound of the oven was altogether too much, so Will greeted everyone and quickly dodged out again. Instead he decided to hide in the serene living room for a while, from where the commotion could still be heard but from a comfortable distance.

He languidly slumped down in the sofa and sighed. It had been a long and eventful day. Lots of socializing too, which was fun of course, but also tiring. Being sleepy in a cosy sofa was much nicer than being sleepy in an old, abandoned bus in the middle of nowhere though.

Just before he dozed off again, he suddenly remembered that he totally forgot to tell Eleven about what happened in the store last Tuesday, which made him jerk awake again, but the following second it struck him that she probably didn’t want to hear about it anyway at this point since she was on a Mike-detox.

He felt relived by this since he didn’t know how to tell her in the first place. Like… it could just as well just be Will who overanalyzed everything and made it appear like it was something more than it was, just because he so desperately wanted it to be.

Mike used to be really affectionate when they were kids too, he never hesitated to wrap his arm around Will’s shoulders or anything, so it could just be a revival of their old habits. It didn’t have to mean anything at all, in fact. Will just couldn’t wrap his head around why it happened now since it was ages ago Mike did any such remarks. Maybe he craved affection and closeness and since Eleven wanted a break and he was now turning to Will in lack of better options? Mike was really clingy after El’s (believed) death after she killed the demogorgon, so it could be a logical explanation.

But there was one thing that objected to this: Eleven said Mike needed to think too, which implied that it was a mutual decision to take a break. What did Mike need a break for? What did he have to contemplate? He loved El, didn’t he? Only a few months ago he had expressed his love in an almost Shakespearian ’love greater than life’ kind of way, so unless he was bluntly lying about it, it seemed unlikely that he all of a sudden just got over her like that.

So, Will reminded himself yet another time: perhaps Mike didn’t mean anything, he just wanted to help his friend look his best - adjusting a collar was in no equivalent to confessing or implying of romantic interest. Playfully wrestling didn’t have to mean anything either.

There could be a billion different reason behind why Mike needed some space to think. Will couldn’t assume that he knew every single thing about him, maybe he was involved with things Will had no idea about! (this potential made Will cringe in discomfort and he regretted that he ever thought it).

Will shrugged and hurled himself back on his feet. He rubbed his hands over his face and slapped his own cheek a couple of times. He’d think himself to death if he stayed on the sofa and it wasn’t the slightest bit relaxing anymore.

Instead he rushed down into the basement and went into the tiny bathroom, closed the door behind him. Then he turned the tap on and splashed his face with some cold water.

Will had to slow himself down, he couldn’t jump onto conclusions - it was like setting up a trap for himself to fall into and get hurt consequently! He had bigger issues to be concerned about, he shouldn’t waste his time fussing around ludicrous issues like this.

Monsters! The Feeling! The Upside Down! Electric malfunction! Dead cashier! Superpowers! Chief Hopper! Russians! He tried to think about distastes and morbidity and loss, but those thoughts just refused to stick in his brain, dissolving before he even had the chance to finish the thought.

The only thing he could think about was what was going on right now regarding Mike, El and himself. He couldn’t help but to think that the puzzle pieces fit together a little bit too well, when he looked at everything from an overview. This realization rang alarmingly loud inside his head, he couldn’t stop it and every time he tried to force himself to stop thinking about it, it just bounced back with a force twice as strong.

It was the timing! - the mere timing made Mike’s remark appear contorted, like it was something else than what it looked like on the surface! Wasn’t it just too felicitous to be a coincidence? Practically the same moment Eleven and Mike decided to not be a thing anymore, there was a change in Mike’s behavior toward Will. Could that really be a coincidence?!

Will turned the tap off. He put one hand on each side of the sink and let his head hang heavily for a moment. Parts of his hair had gotten wet when he splashed the water and the strands were not sticking onto his forehead with drops trickling down his face.

He looked up into the mirror in front of him.

”Why do you have to be like this?” he thought angrily, ”Why? Things are though enough already, why do you have to make everything worse for yourself?”

He splashed some more water but stopped abruptly when there were steps coming down the stairs. The wood creaked a couple of times. It must be one of the guys, Will figured, because if it was one of the girls, it would have sounded less like heavy thuds every time they took another step.

”Will? Are you here?” Mike called.

Why him out of all people? Will quickly dried his face on the hand towel next to the sink and pulled himself together. He opened the bathroom door on ajar and stuck his head out.

”Are you okay?” Miked asked warily.

Will feared he didn’t look as composed as he hoped he did. Well, he had at least not cried so his eyes were not irritated and his cheeks were only lightly flushed because of the cold water. Either way, he tried to mask any signs by smiling back at Mike as naturally as he could.

”Yes, I’m fine,” Will replied.

Somehow, the thought of Mike was more intimidating than seeing him in real life. He wasn’t a beholder of any destructive powers and he was much easier to wrap the head around when he smiled and gawkily teetered across the floor in his fuzzy socks, in comparison to the inconceivable and daunting version of himself that Will had painted out in his head.

Mike wasn’t that malicious, he wouldn’t intentionally mess around with Will’s feelings for the mere fun of it. Mike had always been the one who cared the most about Will’s wellbeing, it didn’t make sense to think that he was suddenly a huge asshole. Well… aside from everything that happened once he started dating Eleven… but he had already apologized for that, Will had to remind himself. He didn’t want to mistrust Mike forever, he had to move on!

Mike was just a guy when it all came down to it, and he was Will’s best friend no matter what. Although things had changed and they had both aged, it was still the same Mike who Will used to play D&D with for hours and geek out about movies with. Mike was just Mike! Good old Mike! Sure, he had done some hurtful things, but in comparison to how many times he had healed Will with his kindness and warmth, the hurtful things were outnumbered by thousands! That thought filtered out the anxiety and worries momentarily. Mike was just Mike.

Will closed the bathroom door and stepped out in the room.

”Food’s ready in five,” Mike said without looking up.

He was searching for something. He lifted the blankets and clothes, searching for something. He finally found it in between the couch cushions, the book. He held it up triumphantly and Will chuckled at the expression.

”Found it!” he said and waved around with the book.

”Which one is it?” Will asked.

He did’t want to admit that he knew already since he had creepily investigated it himself four days prior. Mike didn’t seem to have noticed that anyone had moved it once he came home after buying the groceries and he didn’t intend to expose himself.

”It’s called ’A boy’s own story’,” Mike said, looking down on the front page cover with the figure and then looking up again at Will with interested eyes, ”Have you read it?”

Will shook his head ’no’. Mike looked a little bit disappointed.

”Why is the backside painted black?” Will asked and pointed.

”Just vandalizing, I believe,” Mike said with a shrug, but Will sensed he was lying because the carelessness felt artificial, ”I wasn’t the one who did it.”

There was a reason why the backside had been overpainted, Will was sure. Honestly, wasn’t it a very random to vandalize by ruining a book so nobody could read the summary? It would have looked less suspicious if there was a doodled dick or something of the same character.

Will wasn’t a big fan of demolishing (a scrawny ’hello’ in a bathroom stall was the only things he had ever done and he felt extremely guilty about it afterward), but he was sure that if someone felt like vandalizing, it would not be done like that.

Will didn’t care as much about it before, but now he was getting curious since Mike specifically brought it up like this.

”Is it good?” he asked.

”Yeah. I really enjoyed it. Finished it yesterday,” Mike said and flipped through the pages.

Will was dying to ask about why that one quote was underlined but managed to refrain himself from doing so. Maybe Mike had underlined it because it held sentimental value to him or something? It was a pretty dark quote (Will couldn’t exactly remember what it said though) so chances were Mike didn’t want to share it with anyone, which only made it even more interesting.

And furthermore - since when did Mike talk about fiction so stiffly? Mike liked books or movies he was usually really excited about it, he’d be bouncing around and chattering about the characters like a maniac for weeks afterwards. That was a trait he had displayed recently as well, when they went to the movie theatre at the Starcourt mall, so it wasn’t because ’he’s an adult now’. 

The whole thing made Will extremely inquisitive. He felt like Sherlock Holmes. The more someone tried to hide something, the more curiosity is fueled. Will knew that if he didn’t get the truth now, this would turn into a source of overthinking and misery later.

”I think you would like it. You could borrow it, if you’d like?” Mike looked up at Will suggestively held the book out. Will accepted it and immediately started looking through the pages, trying to find the underlined quote but it was hopeless without any bookmark revealing which page to find it at.

”What is it about?” Will asked.

Mike walked over so he was standing right next to Will. They both leaned against the table. Their arms brushed against one another, but despite that Will couldn’t stop thinking about it, but he remained composed and didn’t do anything drastic. Doesn’t mean anything, just a coincidence, he told himself repeatedly like a mantra.

”It’s by Edmund White,” Mike said digressively and ran with his finger over the letters on the cover.

”What is it about?” Will repeated, ignoring Mike as much as Mike had just ignored him.

Mike put his hands at the table surface and turned his face away again. Then he turned back to Will, opened his mouth to say something and then shut it, then turned away yet another time. For a brief moment he looked a conflicted more than anything. Will waited, full of anticipation, expecting to hear something striking.

Then Mike turned to him and opened his mouth to say something once more, now he had a hesitant, almost frightened expression on his face, and Will could swear that he was half a millisecond away from actually saying something this time - but then his expression suddenly changed and the only thing that slipped out was a lame:

”I think dinner’s ready.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here my Byler-starved fellas, have a small dose of fluff!

Nancy had strictly told everyone to rest throughout the Saturday. They needed to be in their very best condition for Sunday, because in the evening they were going to do it. Because of this they were not going to practice, run around in town or do anything draining. That was the last thing Will managed to grasp before going to bed last night.

When Will woke up it was almost time for lunch, but he wasn’t the only one whose day hadn’t jumpstarted at dawn. El was still in bed but she was awake. Mike was sitting at the table doing some homework, still wearing his night clothes and a conspicuous bedhead.

”Hi…” Will mumbled.

”Oh, you’re awake,” Mike noted, looking up from his notebook.

Will had lost the count of how many times people had said that to him lately. His exhaustion and frequent naps were almost embarrassing at this point, it felt like he slept literally all the time and made everyone wait for him in the meanwhile - unless they were having the time of their lives, seizing the opportunity to have fun while Will was knocked out. This was something he would never know about and since both alternatives was equally bad, he wasn’t even sure that he wanted to know.

”We thought it could be nice to make some brunch together, what do you think?” Mike asked, a hopeful spark flashing in his eyes, like this was something he was really eager about.

”Sounds brilliant to me,” Will yawned and rubbed his eyes.

When Will crawled out of bed he noticed that he was already wearing clothes, but he switched into some more comfortable ones before heading upstairs. This was going to be a lazy day, which he actually really looked forward to. The practicing really took its toll on him, not even Eleven used her powers that frequently! 

Mike was searching through the kitchen drawers when Will came upstairs. He ransacked the refrigerator, taking anything that could be used to make brunch. There were some takeaway leftovers and a glass container with sausages in for instance. Will just leaned against the counter and moved out of the way whenever Mike needed to reach something.

Bright daylight lit the kitchen up but the thin layer of clouds covering the entire sky wouldn’t let any sunbeams penetrate through. Mike had opened a window which allowed the fresh scent of post-rain to enter the room.

”What are we making?” El asked and inspected all the things Mike had brought out.

”Good thing about brunch is that there are no rules, right? We can make a little bit of everything and if we don’t finish all of it now we could just eat some more later,” Mike said.

He handed El a knife a plastic cutting board. She looked a bit confused but accepted them. Then he pointed at a cardboard package of mushrooms on the counter and said:

”Could you cut some of those in thin slices?”

She nodded and started cutting, carefully so they wouldn’t get too thick. She looked deeply concentrated as if she took this task very seriously, didn’t want to mess it up. In the meanwhile Mike cracked some eggs into a bowl and stirred around with a fork.

”Is there anything I can do?” Will asked.

”You could slice those,” Mike said, looking over his shoulder and pointed at the container with sausages, ”I thought we could make an omelette.”

Will pulled out a wooden cutting board from a drawer and a knife. He knew where to find everything, over the years he had learned to navigate pretty well in the Wheeler’s kitchen. He started slicing the sausages with ease, unlike Eleven, whose preciseness made her ridiculously slow 

”I’m done,” she finally said and looked up for the first time since starting.

”Put them in here!” Mike instructed.

She balanced the mushrooms on the board and poured them into the bowl with the eggs, satisfied smile on her lips that was actually really adorable. She still perceived the world differently, didn’t have the same references and core values, although she had adapted in many ways. Cutting mushroom was apparently a huge deal whereas snapping necks and flipping vans wasn’t by her standards, for instance.

”Very good!” Mike complimented, putting his hands on his hips and nodding approvingly.

Will couldn’t help but to chuckle at the way he said it, it made it sound like he had major expertise in mushroom-cutting and El was his apprentice. Mike didn’t seem to notice Will’s reaction, he just remained serious, not seeing the humor in this - which made it even more laughable.

Mike always managed to slip into the leader role somehow, even in situations when he didn’t have the most knowledge. Will happened to know for fact that he was the best cook amongst the three of them (the reason he wrote cardamum for an answer when playing the game was in fact not because Lucas claimed to know more about spices than Mike, but because he actually knew it himself). The only reason Will followed Mike was because he liked to.

”What now?” El asked.

”Maybe you could put that in the microwave?” Mike pointed at the leftovers, which was really just two untouched containers of rice and a box with some scrawny pieces of chicken with a spoonful of peanut sauce. He continued to stir around in the bowl with eggs and mushrooms, although there was no need to do that.

”No, actually -” Will interrupted after a hasty idea sparked in his mind.

He put the knife down and turned around. Mike was surprised by the sudden objection and it made Will crack up in a teasing smile. It wasn’t scornful or anything, just playfully teasing. He wanted to try something.

”How about this instead: We put the rice in a frying pan - ” Will gestured with his hand and proceeded to talk with a sturdy voice ”- and then we pour the eggs and mushrooms over the rice. Then we throw in the sausages and maybe some veggies, if we have any. That’s more filling than just an omelette.”

”Okay!” was the only comment Eleven had about the matter.

Mike looked a bit speechless but smiled dumbly and nodded. Will was still not sure if Mike understood that he was just messing with him, challenging their usual habits, almost like a role-play. For a second he was afraid Mike didn’t get the hint, but then Mike saluted in a formal manner, stifling back a laugh, and said exactly what Will had hoped for:

”Sure thing, chef Byers!”

Will also laughed but quickly pulled himself together into a comical sternness. He grabbed his wrist with the other hand behind his back, kept his posture straight and sturdy, neck craned to minimize the height difference between himself and Mike. He also tried to keep a straight face, in an attempt to look as intimidating as possible, but failed miserably, making both himself and Mike crack up.

Will felt as unacquainted with this role as Mike felt with his, and they both knew this. It was like a stupid play-pretend thing but at the same time Will felt invigorated by being in charge. Though it felt unnatural and he knew that he was going to slip back into his shy propensity soon enough, it was empowering to prove to himself that he was capable of being in charge, even if he didn’t like to be.

Eleven didn’t seem to understand what was so fun about it. She looked between Mike and Will questionably, trying to figure it out, but they didn’t explain it to her because that would ruin the fun.

Mike placed a frying pan on the stove and turned on the heat, then he took the takeaway containers and scraped down the rice into the pan. He looked at Will every two second with an exaggerated nervousness, pretending to be afraid that Will was going to kill him if he did it wrong.

”Very good, Wheeler!” Will said in the same voice setting as Mike had used towards El earlier but with a fair amount of artificiality and irony. He pushed Mike out of the way, grabbed a wooden spoon and started stirring around in the rice, breaking it out of its solid shape from the cylindrical containers.

”You can pour on the eggs and mushrooms now,” Will instructed.

Mike did as he was told and stepped back immediately afterwards. Will continued to stir around, making sure the moist rice didn’t stick to the pan. In the meanwhile Mike went ahead and finished slicing the sausages.

Eleven just watched Will with great interest. She had never properly seen Will cook, although he sometimes did at home when Joyce and Jonathan came how late from work or if he just felt like it. He actually enjoyed to cook. It was relaxing. Besides, afterwards there was always a reward - food! 

”Chef Byers, the sausages are ready!” Mike declared.

”Put them in the pan!” Will commanded.

Eleven still didn’t understand what was so funny. Will felt a bit sorry for her so he tried to communicate ’I’ll explain later’ using only his body language and eyes, but he wasn't sure whether she understood or not.

Will also helped himself some spices. He seasoned using the spices he recognized from home, the ones he knew worked well together. He also added some vegetables and garlic cloves. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure what dish he was making. He just threw in a little bit of this, a little bit of that and in the end it would still work out somehow.

Mike stared, dumbfounded and with a baffled grin on his face. Will even concluded that he, in fact, seemed pretty impressed and that made Will feel all sorts of things.

”What the hell, Will?” Mike blurted, slipping out of character, ”Since when…?”

Will didn’t answer, pretended not to hear or something, he didn’t feel like explaining. He just wanted them to see what he could do and enjoy it. Instead he asked them to set the table, which they did obediently. The food was ready within a couple of minutes. The entire frying pan was put on the table. They sat down and helped themselves.

Eleven was the first one who tried it.

”It’s good!” she said once she had swallowed her first bite.

”I didn’t know you could cook, Will. This is great. You should totally cook more!” Mike said in between the bites.

Will shyly dodged the compliments but he was glad to hear them say that they liked it. He was quite satisfied himself. He was obviously not a natural talent or anything, he was just an ordinary guy who didn’t want to starve so he learned how to do things and sometimes it turned out great and sometimes a bit mediocre but rarely uneatable. The main reason why El and Mike were impressed was surely because they were both hopeless cooks themselves (El thought putting Eggos in the toaster was equivalent to cooking, enough said). 

Everything had been peaceful throughout the morning and everything was still fine now, or it was fine anyway, up until Will felt something brush against his foot under the table. At first he didn’t think too much about, it was probably just an accident. He kept chewing and talking like nothing happened.

”Can you teach me how to cook?” Eleven asked.

Something brushed against his foot a second time and this time it remained on the spot - which was literally on top of Will’s foot. Will pulled his own foot back, still without thinking too much.

”Sure! I’m not a professional or anything but I can teach you what I know at least,” Will said. 

He tried to focus but the foot kept finding its way back to his, again and again even though he pulled his own foot away every time. It was clearly not an accident, he realized at this point, but he tried to keep a straight face and not make a scene about it. Neither El nor Mike seemed to notice anything. They talked like nothing was happening and Will was trying to concentrate on the topic, which was practically impossible at this point.

But no matter how unbothered they seemed to be about it - it had to be either Mike or El! Who else could it be? They were the only three at the table! Will didn’t want to look under the table either because it was weird, but he kept trying to look at their faces to figure it out. Whoever it was, that person was trying to communicate something and he didn’t understand what it was.

”Do you think there will be a new mall in Hawkins?” Mike asked thoughtfully and stabbed a mushroom with his fork.

Will could feel that the sock was of a thick material, it wasn’t just a normal cotton sock, but he couldn’t remember which type of socks the other two were wearing because… well, why would he? He didn’t have a sock-fetish. The only time he really noticed socks was if had an eye-catching color or a conspicuous texture but right now he couldn’t even see the socks under the table so it was hard to tell. Will felt like an idiot for gravely analyzing socks as if it was the most crucial thing in the world, but he didn’t have a choice, did he?

”Maybe they don’t want to make a new mall here because they think the new mall will burn too,” Eleven said, sounding a bit desolate about it.

Actually, it could be Mike’s socks brushing against his foot, now that he thought about it. The texture felt quite fluffy - but on the other hand, it was pretty likely that El had a pair of similar ones since she liked cosy things but it just didn’t seem like an El-thing to do, which made Will dubious. She had never tried to communicate with physical hints like that. If she wanted to let Will know about something she could just send the message straight into his brain, right? Will wasn’t entirely sure if that was actually possible but still… Besides, wasn’t the foot a bit too big to be Eleven’s? 

”Yeah, that’s true. I kinda miss the mall though. Very unfortunate those Russians had to ruin everything - and the Mind-flayer of course. I mean, why did they have to create a base at the mall? Couldn’t they had chosen another place?” Mike sighed, ”What do you think, Will?”

Will was almost startled at this directed question, he had not paid attention at all to what they were talking about. He blinked a couple of times and tried to recall what was the last thing he had heard them say.

”Ehm… who knows, really? I think that -” the foot had started to move caressingly against his own, ”- it’s unlikely to assume that there will never, ever, in history be another mall in Hawkins, but -”

Mike was looking right at Will. He wasn’t staring, just resting his eyes on him while his chin rested in his palm and his head was lightly tilted to the side in a moonstruck way. He had a subtile smile on his face, barely conceivable, but Will could tell and it was just enough for him to realize that it was Mike who was messing around under the table.

”- I do think that… ehm… well, it might take a while before they open up a new one,” he finished, each word strained and unnatural. Will couldn’t think clearly at all, the words were empty, solely uttered because he felt pressured to at least say something.

He wanted to pull away his foot again but at the same time he didn’t - because was Mike’s foot and it was amazing. Mike, with his stupid but adorable cosy socks, was literally cuddling him under the table! Why did he have to do it like this though? Why now? Right here?

Will threw a glance at El, but she didn’t seem to notice anything. She was obliviously talking about how she wished that she had the opportunity to watch movies in the theatre like the rest of the gang before the mall burned down and munched her food in between the sentences.

Will felt his cheeks heat up. Half of him wanted to shove El out of the way so he could flirt with Mike in peace, the other half of him wanted to shove Mike out of the way so Will could focus on what El was telling them. Right now she was talking to literally nobody because Mike and Will were focusing on each other rather than listening to her. This realization sparked an unexpected anger. Will quickly made up his mind and kicked Mike’s foot away. Mike flinched in surprise and his dreamy expression was replaced by a horrified one.

Will didn’t want Mike to get the wrong idea, he wanted to be with him, he really did - but not right now! Didn’t he understand that?! Why did he have to make that hurt facial expression?! It made Will feel terrible. He carefully felt his way over the floor underneath the table and once he found Mike’s foot he rubbed it gently in an absurd attempt to apologize.

’I’m so sorry, Mike’s foot, for not cuddling you - I do want to cuddle you but not right now, please don’t be mad at me, we can cuddle later, please?’. So many times in the past Will had judged lovestruck people so many times for doing weird things, not acting like themselves and all of that… but here he was.

Mike’s eyes widened in surprise before a relieved smile spread on his face. His reaction was so blatant El must have noticed, but somehow she didn’t. She kept talking, facial expression now of a more distressed nature and Will had not even noticed that she wasn’t talking about the movie theatre anymore.

”Maybe the Russians will try to open the gate again. Last time we stopped them, but what about next time? What if we can’t stop them again?” she said, poking around unhappily with her fork in the food.

”Ehm… well, it wouldn’t be a good thing, I suppose?” Will fumbled, hoping that he had heard her right and his response made at least a little bit sense albeit he wasn’t even aware of what he was saying.

He truly felt like an unethical, shallow, rude idiot for not listening to her. She was onto something so important and she deserved to be heard - but Will was a slave to his own body and its raging hormones, he couldn’t help it! It wasn’t fair!

Mike started nuzzling his foot against Will’s again and Will was still trying to apologize-cuddle Mike’s foot using his own - which meant that it was now two-sided. This was biggest breakthrough in Will’s life, he decided at that moment, the discovery of his own superpowers were inferior to this - everything was inferior to this! It was inundated by all sorts of feelings. Butteries in the stomach, dizziness, nervousness, simmering energy and something alarmingly feverish that he didn’t really recognize but it was really powerful, impossible to ignore and both amazing and scary at the same time.

Mike’s delighted smile faded away, replace by something hazy that was really, really hot, although Will didn’t know why. He threw another glance in Eleven’s direction but she still didn’t seem to notice that the two other people at the table were about to explode at any moment - or at least Will was.

Will could only pray that his own blush wasn’t as apparent as he feared it was. He drank water just to hide his face because he suspected that he looked so stupid, but his hands were trembling so much he could barely bring the glass to his lips, which probably made him look even more stupid than his facial expression.

It was becoming unbearable, this subtile but still undeniable flirting. It was just a sock against a sock, they just lightly brushed against one another again and again but without leading to anything more than that. Maybe he did have a sock-fetish after all, Will thought, why else did he react like this? Where did all those feelings emerge from?

”Sorry, gotta go to the bathroom!” Will abruptly snapped, interrupting Mike, who was saying something in response to Eleven that didn’t make sense anyway, and quickly left the table.

He practically ran downstairs and plunged into the bathroom. He slammed the door behind him and locked. He even checked the door was properly locked twice before considering himself safe. When the door refused to open, he limped down onto the toilet lid with a deep sigh of relief.

Now that he was alone, he didn’t need to hold anything back. He let himself smile and feel his chest with his hands in lack of better ways to express what he was feeling. Underneath the fabric of his T-shirt he could feel his heart thumping and there was an intense energy emerging that he didn’t know what to do with, it was just boiling within.

He couldn’t believe it, it was like a dream, yet it felt like the realest thing that had ever happened, like this was his true nature, untamed and wild. It was like his instincts had completely overpowered his sense of social etiquette, manners and logic. This was so real! Crazy and scary because it was so uncontrollable - but real!

His brain was rushing, searching for words to explain what was happening, but it was just a stream of malarkey and cheesy things and none of it made sense. Rational explanations didn’t match with the experience because it was so vast, so overwhelming and absolutely nothing about it was rational.

’What the hell?’ was the only sane thought Will had managed to produce throughout his entire internal monologue. Well, that and ’Is it allowed to be this turned on by a guy with stupid, fluffy socks?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After I post the chapters I always notice some errors (usually a word missing/a word that doesn't belong that slipped through the editing). I keep thinking 'okay, I need to fix that later' but then I postpone it or forget where I found the error. I don't want to overlook those things because it makes me feel like I'm not doing my best, it's just a bit difficult and time-consuming to search for a single word in a chapter with thousands of words...
> 
> If those errors bother you when you're reading I will of course try to fix it asap, but if you don't mind I intend to just keep editing the coming chapters rather than the already published ones until I have enough motivation to put the entire work under scrunity. How do you feel about it? Does it interrupt the flow of the reading?


	16. Chapter 16

Max bursted in through the door at 14:30. Will didn’t know she was coming to visit but Mike and El apparently knew because they were not surprised when she showed up at the threshold, not even knocking before entering.

”Remember - nothing too exhausting!” Mike reminded the girls as they walked upstairs.

”Spending time with boys is the most exhausting thing a girl could do so don’t worry, Mike, we’ll be fine!” Max snapped sassily over her shoulder.

”Yeah, yeah, whatever!” Mike waved it off nonchalantly with his hand.

This left the two of them alone, Mike and Will, and they were both extremely aware of this. Will wondered if Mike had planned this all along or if this was a lucky coincidence that Max happened to come over. Honestly though, Will wasn’t even sure was he intended to do now that they were actually alone which made him a bit uneasy. Were they going to pretend it never happened? Were they going to get candid? Will had no idea what Mike had in mind, all he knew was that this could be the best opportunity he’d ever get to actually talk since he had a valid reason to bring it up.

”Basement?” Mike suggested.

They walked down into the dim basement in silence. Will found himself holding his breath again. The steps creaked familiarly and everything else about the basement was familiar too, except the aura. Something was different but it was impossible to see it or touch it, it could only be felt in the guts, a strong tension.

Will slumped down on the couch and Mike sat down next to him, arm resting on the back of the seat and with his knees turned towards Will. Will’s heart was beating so fast, full of anticipation and nervousness because judged by Mike’s position - something was about to happen, he never sat like that usually - or maybe he did? Will wasn’t sure, maybe he was just so hopeful that he desperately looked for signs that could indicate something.

”I hope you don’t mind, but I’d like to talk about some stuff…” Mike said with an uncharacteristic hesitation. He fiddled with a pillow while he said it and avoided looking at Will.

”Sure!” Will said, trying to not sound too eager but ruthlessly failing.

Mike took a deep breath. If a stranger who didn’t know Mike would see him, they wouldn’t be able to tell, but to Will it was very obvious how nervous Mike was. It was something about his posture, his voice and his gaze, that seemed unusually fragile .

”I…- I mean… Look, Will, I have to start this whole thing by saying that I have no idea what’s going on, okay? No idea. I’m literally so confused!” Mike said.

”It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

Will didn’t say that he was vastly confused too, which was entirely Mike’s fault to be fair. Will even found himself questioning this set-up, as if Mike didn’t entirely deserve to be this nervous since it was his conspicuous actions that had messed up the serenity to begin with. Everything would have been like usual if Mike just refrained from shamelessly flirting without premonition like that.

Mike opened his mouth to say something and closed it again. He had the same conflicted look on his face as when Will asked about the book.

”I… Man, why is this so difficult?!” Mike sighed and rubbed his face with both hands in frustration.

Will waited patiently but he felt sweaty and tingly all over. He was so eager to hear what Mike had to say that he started envisioning alternative outcomes in his head, putting the words in Mike’s mouth almost, hoping that his prediction was correct and prepared himself to hear Mike actually say it, which he naturally didn’t. Instead Mike said:

”Look - I… I know I’ve been like all over El for a while and… well, I already apologized for that but… I feel like I never really explained why, because up until recently I don’t think I ever understood it myself, you know?

He wasn’t expecting Will to say anything in reply so Will just nodded for Mike to continue. Mike swiped his overgrown bangs to the side and exhaled heavily again.

”I mean… I liked her. I really did -” Will immediately noticed how he was using past tense but didn’t dare to interrupt to ask about it so instead Mike continued, ”… but I talked to Nancy about the whole ’Steve or Jonathan'-thing and she made me look at it a bit differently, I guess.”

Mike took a deep breath and shifted the position on the couch. The pause was unnecessarily long but Will still remained quiet, just looking curiously at him and trying his best to not loose his cool.

”Okay, so - Nancy told me that she wasn’t really in love with Steve. She never was. It was just something she convinced herself because she felt like she was supposed to and if she didn’t have feelings for Steve, something had to be wrong with her or something. Like, Steve is handsome, let’s just admit it, and he was popular in school and he was the right balance between charming and bad boy, you know what I mean? Objectively speaking - Steve was the perfect guy. When he developed feelings for Nancy, she thought she had to seize it like a gift!”

He was rambling at an unnecessarily fast pace but his voice was more stable now and the words streamed seamlessly, only with barely perceivable pauses to breathe and think before continuing. He had also started to gesture with his hands as if that was helping him to get the words out. 

”Steve is great though. I see why he was popular. I’m glad Nancy got him intertwined with us - just look at how happy Dustin is whenever he’s around!” Will said.

”Yes, I know, I’m glad too, but that’s beside the point!” Mike said and waved it off before continuing:

”The crucial point is… Nancy only dated Steve because being Steve’s girlfriend made Nancy feel better about herself. Nancy said that it made her feel cooler, more desirable, more confident… she got invited to parties, people knew her name… - she was no longer an invisible nobody when she had Steve around!”

Will actually felt a bit uncomfortable hearing about Nancy’s feelings and inner conflicts. He had never really thought of her like that. For the most part, Will only recognized her as Mike’s sister and Jonathan’s girlfriend - a persisting figure in his life, sure, but he struggled to fathom her personal struggles and experiences unrelated to anybody else. Who was Nancy when she was just Nancy, not a sister, boyfriend or friend? Will felt uneasy by how he scarcely knew her, even after all those years. Wasn’t that the ultimate proof that her yearning to be seen and grab people’s attention was adequate?

”Is it a bad thing to be an invisible nobody though? I mean, we were outsider nerds too,” Will said, pushing the discomfort aside.

But the moment after saying it, it bounced back with the realization that Will himself had suffered immensely because he was so unseen. Being completely overlooked was in no way comparable to choosing to stay in the background whilst still being surrounded by a clique of amazing friends. Neither was being shy the same thing as being invisible.

”No, I guess there’s nothing wrong with it, but there’s this expectation that everyone should strive for popularity and stuff, right? You’re a weirdo if you stand out and don’t follow the group, right? No offense to Jonathan, he’s amazing, but people in general… well, they don’t think he’s normal!” Mike said and looked unsurely at Will, hoping that he wasn’t upset.

When Will only laughed and admitted that it was entirely true, Mike eased up and laughed too. Even Jonathan himself knew that he was commonly regarded as a weirdo. Teenagers worst fear was to become like him - a lonely, scrawny guy who drifted around, seemingly aimlessly, with only a camera for company. Jonathan didn’t care about it, never did. He disliked people in general as much as people in general disliked him. It was perfectly balanced.

Mike collected himself and continued, now at a more natural pace, less taut and nervous:

”So when Nancy dated Steve, she felt like she became a better person. She told me that she secretly wanted to be closer to Jonathan even when she was still with Steve, but she felt like it was the wrong thing to do. If she stuck around Jonathan, she would automatically become a downgraded version of herself - a complete failure - and she knew that people were going to judge her for it, give her a bad reputation and stuff.”

”Do they judge her for it, since they are a couple now, after all?”

”That’s beside the point!” Mike said curtly, failing to shroud a mild frustration.

”What is the point then?!” Will asked, also getting frustrated because he didn’t understand why this long lecture about Nancy was so important, when all he wanted to hear was about Mike’s own feelings.

Mike took another deep breath. He shifted his position yet another time, looked away from Will and then looked back and started over again.

”The point is… that I…” he clammed up and looked away again.

Will wanted to tell him to just spit it out but that would have been rather rude since Mike was already struggling. Instead he tried to put on his most gentle face in order to make Mike feel less intimidated but the intensity most likely sparked through anyway.

”It’s…- look, here’s the thing - I’m just not sure anymore about my feelings towards El. And the reason why I wanted to tell you about Nancy… is because I think I might have fallen into the same trap as she did. I wanted to be in love with El and I wanted to because it was the right thing.”

Mike looked at Will with pleading eyes. Will could tell that he was thinking ’please understand, please understand’. Will didn’t understand though. Why would it be the right thing to fall in love with a mute girl without hair, who showed up out of nowhere and was certainly going to get them involved with a whole lot of trouble?

”Why was that the right thing, I don’t get it… Everyone told you to leave her behind. Now in hindsight we’re all glad that you wanted to help her, but in the very beginning nobody wanted you to be involved with her, so what made you feel like it was the right thing?” Will asked softly, trying to not sound accusing or judging even though Mike’s logic didn’t make sense at all.

”Don’t you get it, Will?”

Mike’s voice was so frail Will wouldn’t even have recognized it if he didn’t literally witness the words coming out of Mike’s mouth. It was just like a soft, pleading whisper. Mike was looking at him in a desperate way but Will didn’t get it.

”I’m afraid not, Mike, I’m sorry,” Will answered.

Mike’s face dropped. He clicked with his tongue, let his eyes wander around the room, seemingly looking for the right words to say. 

”Okay, maybe it wasn’t the right thing, I admit - but it was the rightest thing at the time.”

”There were plenty of girls at school though. I’m sure if you’d wanted to -”

”But I didn’t want to!” Mike snapped like a sudden burst, ”That’s the problem!”

Will was startled by the unexpected shift in tone. He stared at Mike in chock, and what made him even more chocked was how Mike’s eyes started tearing up. Mike cussed at himself and tried to blink it away but it just kept coming and then the tears started trickling down his face. He abashedly wiped them away and leaned his head backwards to make it stop.

”Mike?” Will called warily, unsure of what to do.

”It’s okay, it’s okay…” Mike said repeatedly, maybe more to convince himself than to convince Will.

”We don’t have to -”

”I want to tell you about this, okay? I really do. It’s just a bit difficult,” Mike said.

Will sat back against the couch without saying anything. He let Mike take his time to compose himself again. It just took a moment because Mike decided to keep going although he was still crying.

”I guess there’s no point holding anything back now, is there…?” Mike stumbled, voice rickety and vague, ”Loving El was the rightest thing at the time, that’s why I convinced myself that I loved her, because the alternative was to admit that I loved someone else - someone who was far more wrong for me to love.”

Mike hid his face with his hands. When he removed his hands they were wet, which he dried off on his shirt with a disgruntled look on his face. Then he inhaled deeply, and in a rapid stream he explained everything without pausing, tears still running down his face:

”Within the same week you disappeared and El showed up - it fit so perfectly that I thought it was just meant to be, like it was fate! It was like some invisible force took you away from me and told me to love El instead! And sure, she was a risk, she was bald, she was mute and everything about her was inconvenient and disturbing - but she was a girl! And I just thought that even though everything about HER was wrong, if I could just learn to love her - that at least meant that there was nothing wrong with ME!”

Will felt clammed up and overwhelmed. He couldn’t even process everything but in some way everything made so much sense he didn’t even need to process it - he had already experienced he exact same thing and he had done it too, he knew too well what Mike meant. So many times had Will ransacked himself, trying to find at least a tiny, tiny clue that could be attract for a girl, and if he found it he’d try to squeeze as much as he could out of it, without ever properly falling in love.

All the misery and internal hatred was still easier to cope with than the feeling of being all throughout wrong. To think that Mike understood him, made Will feel both relieved beyond words and extremely woeful because just the thought of Mike suffering as much as he did was more agonizing than the suffering itself.

”Mike…? You know that I’m gay, right…? And I like you a lot…?” Will whispered, barely perceivable. He wasn’t even sure if Mike had heard him or if he even wanted him to hear him, but then Mike stared for a second, eased up, wiped the tears away.

”I always suspected it,” Mike answered equally softly, ”… and I think that scared me even more, because I knew that there was nothing holding me back but myself.”

Now the tears started mercilessly streaming down Will’s face, they came out of nowhere and there was nothing to do. He tried to wipe them away but just like Mike, he had to give it up. It quickly escalated from just silent tears to ugly and violent sobs and he was trembling and choking and gasping for air as if he was literally drowning in tears.

The words were out. They were out. Will was more overwhelmed by his own words than by Mike’s confession, because this was bigger than Mike. This was Will’s freedom, the freedom he had longed for since forever. This was a breaking point, there would forever be a before and after now. This was a new beginning. Will had just been reborn in a sense.

His real life started now.

It took them a long while until they were capable of speaking again. Eventually the tears stopped streaming and their breathing went back to normal. Only then did it actually dawn on Will what had just happened.

”Will…?” Mike was the first one to break the silence (it wasn’t really silence, it was just a speechless mess of sobs and choking and whines)

”Yeah?” Will replied.

”The thing I did before -” Mike waved lightly with his foot, ”… I know it’s stupid, it’s just… I wanted to try it. I was curious… and I don’t know if you noticed but in the store before and -” Mike stumbled and abashedly scratched his head.

”I can inform you that I did in fact noticed and I thought I was going to die - literally die!” Will exclaimed and gestured wildly, making Mike laugh. It was delightful to hear laughter again rather than sobs, although they still looked messy, both of them.

”Really? I’m terribly sorry about it,” Mike chuckled, without seeming the slightest sorry.

Mike leaned back against the couch more casually than before. He moved and talked more like himself now, voice only a bit more hoarse than usual. It felt familiar and nice, which made Will feel more relaxed too. The most difficult part was out of the way. It could only get easier from here.

”It’s weird, you know, because I really did convince myself I was in love with El. When I said all those cheesy things, I truly meant them at the time. I literally brainwashed myself. I told myself that although my love for her wasn’t real at first, it had somehow become real over the course of time so it didn’t matter how it all started. It was like I completely forgot what genuine feelings felt like, so I truly believed that I was in love and everything was perfect,” Mike said thoughtfully, at a much slower pace than before.

Will could remember all the phone calls and excessive complimenting. Now that he thought about it, it didn’t seem entirely real. Something about it always came across as forced and unnatural. Even though Max and Lucas broke up every two days, their relationship felt more true. Will didn’t have much experience or anything, but it was like Eleven and Mike’s relationship was so perfect it had to be artificial. Will was afraid the reason he thought that was because he was jealous, but even now he still thought it was a legitimate observation.

”What made you realize something was off?” Will asked after a moment.

”It was actually when Jonathan called and said you went missing just recently. It just reminded me of when you went missing the first time and that made me think of when El showed up and what actually happened at that time. I had refused to think about it for so long but then all of a sudden, I remembered about it and from there it was a rollercoaster, oh boy!” Mike wiped some non-existent sweat off his forehead and Will laughed at the expression.

”So all the memories came back?”

It was so soothing to just talk like this, Will could have kept going forever. Everything started making so much sense, it was like the wounds caused by wondering and making assumptions just healed little by little. Even if Mike would have said that he was truly in love with Eleven, Will would still appreciated the unguarded candidness.

”You bet - and all of them at the same time! I thought I was going crazy. It was like it just dawned on me that nothing was real, just a sick round of play-pretend. I have to admit I was not in my best condition there for a couple of days… It wasn’t fun at all,” Mike said more gravely.

Will couldn’t even envision what it must have been like. Did Mike mean that he was angry, sad or confused? Did he lock himself up in his room or did he cry on someone’s shoulder? Was he overwhelmed or just empty? Did he stay up all night unable to sleep or sleep around the clock? Did he eat ice cream on the kitchen floor or loose all his appetite? Thinking about it Will had actually never seen Mike in any such state. Even in the roughest of times Mike managed to keep himself pulled together and kept going, making sure to take care of his loved ones - but who took care of Mike when he couldn’t take care of himself?

”… But the outcome was that I remembered how real my feelings for you were, which was both daunting and liberating. It was never forced with you - on the contrary, those feelings couldn’t be stopped by force no matter how much I tried.”

Mike smiled timidly at Will, which was the sweetest thing ever but simultaneously it felt like getting kicked in the guts. He wanted to take a photograph of this sight because it was so wonderful. Never, never forget this, he pleaded to his brain.

”And now…? How do you feel about… things?” Will asked hesitantly.

By things he meant himself. He wasn’t even sure why he asked. He didn’t want to hear the answer if it was that Mike had moved on and realized that his feelings for Will was something of the past, but at the same time he was dying to know and the ignorance was forever but a rejection could be overcome.

”I’m confused, there’s a lot of things going on I suppose,” Mike said hopelessly.

”I mean… how do you feel about me?” Will corrected.

”Oh, about you? Less confused, but still confused,” Mike chuckled but Will couldn’t see it as a joke, he needed a proper answer.

”Is there anything that could make you less confused?” Will demanded to know.

”I don’t know. It’s just happening so fast, all of it, maybe all I need is time… It’s like I have to rediscover myself completely. It’s a long process, can’t be done in a second…” Mike said.

Will was silenced by this. Time? Well, it made sense. Will also felt like time passed apace and he could barely keep up with the sudden turns, but at the same time he had spent so many years waiting and thinking and wondering, that he had reached a point where it was useless to proceed in the same manner. He needed to change something in order to pull himself out of the same loop. He’d never reached any conclusions, no matter how much he thought.

”Mike, you said that you were curious and wanted to try things out, right?” Will began tentatively.

”Yes?”

”Well… I’m not expecting you to suddenly understand yourself perfectly and exist in harmony with the universe or anything… I just want you to know that if you do want to just try things out and just… you know, see how you feel about it, then I’m down for it,” Will said.

Will’s cheeks were heating up and he evasively looked away. What he had just said could be interpreted in so many different ways, he just hoped Mike wouldn’t be repelled by it, which luckily he wasn’t. Mike also looked a bit embarrassed, a pinkish hue spreading across his face.

”Oh… yeah, okay.”

”Just to be clear - I’m down for it even if you’re not sure about your feelings. It’s not like I have a lot of experience with anything either! I’ve never even kissed anyone! In that sense you know a lot more than I do!” Will rambled.

”Sure. I’d love to,” Mike replied with a coy smile.

Will chuckled, twisting his hands nervously, cheeks burning. He did’t know where to look and what to do. He wished that he could sink through the cushions and disappear because he felt like such a dork but at the same time he really wanted to sit there next to Mike and be shy with him. There was something so lovely about it, despite the awkwardness.

They sat in the embarrassed silence for a while. What were they supposed to do from here? Will didn’t know anything. He had no experience whatsoever! Was there a manual for how to be in love and how to approach someone you liked? Were there any guidelines? How could he best avoid making a fool of himself?

Mike tentatively shifted his position. He seemed to be trying to play it off like it was nothing but at the same time Will could clearly see that he was suggesting something by the way he moved. The one thing that gave him away the most was the look in his eyes.

Will nervously shifted too, shuffling a bit closer by scarcely an inch. In case he had misread Mike his subtile movement wasn’t overly apparent, it was safe. His heart was pounding vigorously and he could feel his hands tremble slightly. When he had suggested the two of them trying some things out he didn’t necessarily mean right now, right here, but if Mike was down for it then so was he. Just the thought made him feel all tingly and stupid.

They were sitting close enough so that their legs briefly brushed against one another. The couch wasn’t huge, so it could have been a natural body contact. The reason it was unnatural was the way both of them stared at their legs, hyper fixated in a way that could only mean that this touch was not an accident.

Will slowly, slowly let his hand crawl over to Mike’s leg. Will held his breath in the meanwhile. He let his hand rest on top of Mike’s thigh, a safe distance away from his crotch, and yet it fueled a feverish simmer inside.

”Will?” Mike whispered, pleading for his attention.

Will pulled his gaze away from the leg and redirected it to Mike’s face. Mike had a hazy look, eyelids looking heavy and his cheeks flushed, as if he was tipsy. The most crucial thing Will noticed about Mike’s face, was how incredibly close it was to his own. Will could practically feel Mike’s breath on his own skin.

Regardless if Mike himself was aware of it or not, it was a matter of fact that there was nothing platonic about the tension that hung in the air. They were not just messing around, this was not just experimenting or trying things out. This was realer than that.

Will was the first one who started tilting his head. Mike did so right afterwards. They were already so close together all they had to do was close the final, minimal distance between them.

-

It was moist and wet and bit weird, to be honest. In addition to that there was also two set of teeth, which was a problem Will had not predicted. But even though it was a bit sloppy and not exactly a perfected Hollywood-kiss, it was still the most amazing thing. Who could have thought that a dim basement with clothes all over the floor and a half-eaten chocolate bar squeeze in between the cushions could be turned into a romantic setting?

When Will could feel Mike tentatively brushing his tongue against his own, he suddenly felt a bit unsure. Were they going too far? Was this too sudden? A disturbing wrench of self-consciousness made him jerk awake, made him hyper aware of his every move in a way that made it impossible to relax. He didn’t know how to kiss properly and adding tongue only made it more difficult - not to mention moister and wetter and weirder and most likely a whole lot sloppier too!

Will tried to subtilely yield away but Mike just gently guided his face back to his own. Mike seemed to really be enjoying it, even if it was a bit messy. His eyes remained closed and sometimes he cracked up in a little smile in between the kisses which encouraged Will to keep going. Mike had more experience, this was for sure not his first kiss, so Will decided to let Mike lead the way, he probably knew what he was doing. Maybe it was just a matter of getting used to it?

He let Mike use his tongue and after a while Will started getting a hang of it and started enjoying it more himself too, although it still felt a bit alien to have someone else’s tongue moving against his own. The sensation didn’t quite resemble anything else he had ever experienced before but once he stopped thinking too much about it and just let it happen naturally, it was actually really enjoyable.

Will barely consciously lifted his hand off Mike’s thigh and placed it on the side of his neck instead, pulled him in closer. They were tangled up in a cluster of limbs, not even aware which leg belonged to themselves or the other at this point. They could only feel skin against skin and soft fabrics against soft fabrics, melted into one another like a singular unity, as if everything that was Will’s also belonged to Mike and everything that was Mike’s also belonged Will.

Mike held him by the waist and pulled him in closer so his body was pressed against his own. He could constantly feel Mike’s muscles moving under the shirt and it was awfully hot, but Will had already decided that they were not going to have sex because this was pleasurable enough already. This was possibly the first time ever that Will didn’t find himself craving more. This was exactly what he needed and it was exactly what he got, which brought him to a peaceful state that he never knew actually existed.

-

It felt like it went on forever but in reality it didn’t. The session came to an end and suddenly they found themselves just sitting on the couch next to one another, out of breath and rosy cheeked (both from crying and blushing) with swollen lips, happy and baffled, unable to comprehend what had just happened. Then they just looked at each other and started laughing in sheer bemusement, as if they were both thinking ’what did just happen’, but in the best possible way.

Once they had composed themselves Mike got up and walked over to the table. Will followed him curiously with his eyes. Mike picked up the book that was placed there and teetered back to the couch.

”You remember that you asked what it was about?”

Will nodded.

”It’s about homosexuality,” he said bluntly.

Will’s inquisitiveness was soothed by hearing this, although the book didn’t seem anywhere near as interesting now in comparison to what had just happened. If Mike would have told him when he asked about it, it would have been a huge deal, but now it wasn’t even surprising anymore.

”Why did you underline that quote?” Will asked, not even caring about exposing his creepy investigation. All cards on the table, right? 

”So you did see it?!” Mike asked, surprisingly happy.

”Was I supposed to?”

”I don’t know if ’supposed’ is the right word but I did hope you’d see it. Left it on the table for you to find. I thought you knew about the book. I wanted you to see that I was reading it because then I guess I thought it would be easier to tell you or something… pretty silly, I know… I made it unnecessarily complicated, didn’t I?” Mike scratched his neck.

”I’m the king of making things unnecessarily complicated, I sure won’t judge. But yes, you did make it unnecessarily complicated - especially since you already knew I liked guys, more or less anyway. Like, what did you think I was going to say?” Will chuckled.  
”I don’t know… I don’t think it was because I was afraid of your reaction honestly. I just thought talking about it with someone else would make it so real, if you know what I mean? As long as everything stayed within my own head it was practically like it didn’t exist.”

”Yeah, I’ve thought the same thing…”

”But when I read the quote I just couldn’t get it out of my head and I wanted you to read it too. I just didn’t know how to let you know without actually saying anything. ’There was no way to defend what I was. All I could fight for was my right to choose my exile, my destruction’. Quite beautiful, isn’t it? But sad too, of course. It’s bittersweet,” Mike said.

He knew the quote by heart. The book was closed and resting on his laps. He traced the letters with his fingers and didn’t look at Will as he spoke.

”What were you thinking when you read it?” Will inquired, ”Was it a part of a bigger context or did you just like this particular part?”

Will never knew that Mike read literature for any other purposes than entertainment. He had never mentioned it before. He loved his science fiction, fantasy, action and comedy, but since when did he read books with existential undercurrents?

Will wasn’t sure he liked this new discovery because it made him feel like he didn’t know Mike as well as he thought he did. On the other hand though, Mike didn’t know Will as well as he thought either. Another possibility could be that they knew each other as well as two people could know each other and that gap was just a result of having their own separate brains and living two separate lives, which was an inevitable part of being human. Maybe it didn’t mean that they were not close but just that they were two individuals? Will wasn’t sure what he thought about it. It was an unsettling realization that everyone, not just Mike, lived their lives even when he was not around to witness it.

”I just liked this part, I think - not that I didn’t like the rest of the book or anything, but this part just stuck with me in a different way. The exile, the destruction… it’s love. You can’t change who you are, you can’t change your sexuality, even if it’s wrong and it’s going to destroy your life. All you can do is hope that you’ll find a person you love so much they make it feel like it’s worth it.”

Will was stunned to speechlessness. He just stared at Mike, who was still not looking at him. When he finally turned his head to see Will’s reaction, he just smiled and looked away again, shyly. Then he changed his mind and looked at Will one more time, now more assured.

”Now that I think about it, I don’t think I am confused, I’m just really scared. I don’t want my life to be wrong and I don’t want it to be destroyed… but I love you, Will and I despite that I’m afraid of what’s going to happen to me and what the future is going to hold if I go down this path, I think that you’re worth it,” Mike said.

Mike shrugged his head in disbelief, as if he couldn’t believe he just said that, maybe because it was so dramatic and cheesy but also because he couldn’t believe he said his thoughts out loud with no holds barred. His cheeks flamed up into a distinct blush again and he had a dumbstruck smile on his face. Once he realized he rubbed his face with both hands, pulled himself together and started rambling:

”Love makes you crazy, right? It is true. I’ve done so many stupid things because of it, now that I think about it. Seriously! I told El that love makes you crazy, as if that was the explanation why our relationship was so chaotic, when in reality our relationship was just a symptom because I was crazy about you, if that makes sense? Well, of course it does’t… that’s the point, isn’t it? It makes you crazy - nothing makes sense!”

He threw his arms up in frustration at the end, making Will chuckle at the expression. He had said those things with an undercurrent of amusement, as if it was so weird it was comical, but then he sighed and leaned back against the cushions, looking troubled, as if he was pondering something or was afflicted by a sudden remorsefulness.

”It’s okay though, because if we’ll go crazy, we’ll go crazy together, right?” Will said quietly.

”You remembered about that?!” Mike blurted, eye widened in surprise, snapping out of the gloominess instantly. He looked excited more than anything.

Will just slowly nodded. Of course he remembered! He had thought about it so many times. At the time Mike had seemingly referred to his own ’hallucinations’ of El and Will’s insight view into the Upside down, but something about the way Mike said it and the way their eyes met made it awfully obvious that the words had another meaning, although neither of them seemed to understand it at the time.

”So crazy together it is, then?” Mike asked.

He leaned in towards Will tentatively and in lieu of answering, Will closed the gap between them and kissed him, which said more than words could ever do.

-

After spending so much time in the basement they really needed some actual daylight and fresh air. They went upstairs to make themselves some coffee, which they intended to drink on the front porch. Will had brought up a bundle of blankets from the basement so they wouldn’t freeze.

El and Max were already in kitchen. El was pouring a mixture into a cake form while Max whipped some frosting in a bowl. There were bags of wheat and sugar and cocoa placed on the counter, as well as some smaller containers and packages. Half of the content seemed to have ended up everywhere but in the bowls, making the kitchen look like a complete mess.

”What are you making?” Mike asked and craned to see.

”Chocolate cake,” El replied.

”Nancy said it was okay,” Max added.

Will found a spot on the kitchen counter where he could sit without getting wheat all over his pants while they waited for the water to boil. He kept wondering if the girl’s could tell if anything was different. Did the kissing leave any physical traces? Did Mike and himself subconsciously behave unlike how they usually did around each other? Could they see how both’s eyes were irritated from the salty tears?

It didn’t appear so. They were too busy baking the cake, didn’t even glance at Mike and Will. They were so oblivious Will almost felt an urge to tell them himself, just because he was so excited about it. He didn’t do it though. Instead he restlessly dangled with his legs and watched them bake in peace. Besides, he felt a bit sorry for Eleven. He really hoped she was going to reach the conclusion that she was never actually in love with Mike either so she wouldn’t get hurt. If she reached the conclusion that she was in fact in love, Will wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. That problem he decided to postpone until later because right now he just wanted to soak up in the bliss.

”We’ll be just outside,” Mike said, while carefully carrying the two cups from the counter.

They wrapped themselves in the blankets and sat down on the porch. It was chilly but very refreshing so Will didn’t mind. The cold soothed his eyes and the oxygen rich air made him realize just how poor the air quality in the basement really was.

The tea was still too hot to be drunk. Will stirred idly with the spoon and looked straight ahead. Jonathan’s car was parked on the driveway, the Wheeler’s car was gone. Will hadn’t even noticed them leaving.

”Do you think we should tell everyone?” Will asked.

Mike thought for a moment and didn’t answer. Then he sighed and said:

”We don’t need to yell it from the mountain tops, do we? Maybe someday we could tell a few, carefully chosen ones if we feel the need to.”

”Lucas and Dustin have to know, it’d be weird if we kept this a secret, wouldn’t it?” Will reasoned.

The four of them were a quartet, they stuck together. Sure, Mike and Will had known each other for longer, but Will couldn’t imagine a life without the other two. Their differences and similarities created the perfect dynamic. Would that dynamic be changed now?

”I suppose. I’m just afraid it would be even weirder if they knew.”

Will tried to sip the tea while thinking about the pros and and cons of telling them. He couldn’t imagine them ruthlessly ditching Will and Mike because of what they had, they were too close for that, but perhaps awkwardness was inevitable. Perhaps they’d be on edge all the time, looking for signs or overanalyzing. Maybe friendly remarks like a casual hug or a handshake would suddenly be something tense and uncomfortable?

Max’s and El’s laughter could be heard from inside. It was contagious, Will couldn’t stop himself from chortling too, upon the sound of their hysterical horse laughs. It was such a distinct contrast between the cheerfulness inside and the graveness outside.

”I think it’s too early to say anything at all to anyone. Let’s just enjoy this, you and I, for now at least,” Mike said, ”Besides, we have other things to worry about right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what y'all came for, huh? I hope you liked it. It was fun to write anyway.
> 
> In case you didn't know 'A boy's own story' is an existing novel, written by Edmund White, first published in 1982. This is a bit embarrassing to admit but I have actually not read it, despite using it as a vital reference in my own work. I really tried to find some lgbt-litterature that I had actually read and was familiar with but none of those were available back in the 80's, so I couldn't use them...
> 
> I believe the reason for this is because homosexuality was still a taboo topic, there were simply fewer books of that nature published at the time and I didn't know any of those. I settled for 'A boy's own story' because it was a famous one, which meant that it was more likely that Will/Mike would actually read it. 
> 
> The point I'm tryin to make is that I was aware of the general theme of the novel but not the details. I thought the quote fit perfectly here but I don't actually know the whole story behind it or how White intended the quote to be interpreted. (This is why Mike doesn't address the context either hah my shrewdness is striking at times, isn't it? no?). If my own interpretation of the quote is wildly inaccurate, please just ignore it...
> 
> On another note though - just look at how times are changing! Future writers won't have this problem because with the increased amount of representation it will be so much easier to find references! And the internet too - thank whateveryoubelievein for the internet! I can't even imagine what it must have been like to grow up as queer without being able to find solace in internet-communities (like ao3!!) and with the sparse amount of representation in mass media. 
> 
> Okay, now I'm just rambling here... Have a nice day! Seeing that people are reading my work and like it makes my day so I'm really grateful for your support. Wish you all the best!


	17. Chapter 17

The Sunday passed apace. Everyone did what they’d usually do: eat breakfast, brush their teeth, watch some TV, take a walk… but as the evening approached, so did the consciousness of what they were about to do and suddenly nothing felt like usual anymore.

The time was 20:30. They had just finished a light dinner and were now heading out, this time with Nancy, Jonathan and Steve. They had to wait until it got dark outside so they wouldn’t attract any unwanted attention, but they didn’t want to wait for any longer than necessary.

It was dark outside but the street lights lit up the way. Jonathan was driving with Nancy sitting at the passenger’s seat next to him. She had a stuffed backpack on her lap, filled with medical stuff like plasters, painkillers and bandages, as well as all the torches and knives they could find (Karen and Ted didn’t notice a thing. Holly was the only one who asked why all of them were leaving. ”Because we’re doing an experiment,” Mike had answered curtly. Holly didn’t question it further.)

El, Max, Dustin, Will and Steve were squeezed into the backseat. Mike and Lucas were struggling in the trunk, surrounded by firework packages, the baseball bat with nails in it, an old rifle that coughed hoarsely every time a bullet was fired and a random iron pipe Steve had found in the garage.

Jonathan had turned on the radio to ease up the mood. He tapped on the steering wheel with his thumbs and tautly hummed along. Nancy smiled encouraging at his attempt to make them feel better but it was useless. Everyone stiffly sat in silence with stern looks on their faces. Will felt the discomposure accumulating in his chest. He didn’t feel ready at all now that it was actually happening. He kept his eyes locked on the view outside the window. What if it was the last time he saw the streets of Hawkins? What if he was currently heading right towards his own death? His real life had just begun and now it could all come to an end before he ever got the chance to actually live, it wasn’t fair.

They had settled for the middle school. They didn’t want to be at a public space with people coming to and fro invariably, but heading right out into the woods was a bad idea since it was difficult to run away amid the fallen trees and the rocks shrouded underneath the leaves. The middle school building was familiar, all of them had spent years of their lives walking around in the hallways, they knew the space perfectly and since it was Sunday night it was completely empty.

There were some other convenient aspects too, such as the many doors that could save them time, the classrooms could be used to trap monsters, the benches and bookshelves could easily be used to block the way and there were many places to hide.

Will could feel the weight of the keys in his pocket. They felt heavier than usual.

Now, none of them actually knew what to expect. There was a probability that nothing was going to happen, perhaps the effort was all in vain, but they had to be prepared for the earnest risk that they were luring a monster out of the shadows and they really wanted to avert disaster. Either way they were going to ascertain whether their theory was unfeigned or not. That was the main point for all of this.

Jonathan turned into the empty parking. It was partially lit up by lamps but the light only reached a small ratio, leaving the rest dark. He drove as close to the entrance as he could. When the car stopped and the sound of the engine silenced, it was as if everything became real.

Jonathan opened the trunk to let Lucas and Mike out. Surprisingly, neither of them had complained at all on their way there. Mike only stretched and started helping out with the carrying of firework packages and weapons right away.

”Hey, let me take some,” Will said when Mike ungracefully tried to balance the boxes on top of each other. It looked rather heavy too. Will held his hands out to help but Mike quickly shook his head no and somewhat strained he breathed:

”Save your strength for later instead!”

Will felt useless and pathetic standing on the parking lot with his hands empty while the rest could barely walk with the heavy loads in their arms. Eleven looked mutually lost. She made eye contact with Will and walked over to him with loitering steps. She had her hands stuffed into the pockets of her pink sweatpants. She didn’t look anything like the sultry warrior girls in revealing armor outfits that were commonly seen in comics.

”Ready?” she asked.

”I guess,” Will said lamely.

He didn’t know what else to say. It was inexorable anyway, he didn’t have a choice but to be ready now. Then after a brief pause, Will was struck with the realization that this was probably just as daunting for her as it was to him. Why didn’t that occur to him earlier?

”Are you ready, El?” he asked.

”I guess,” she said equally lamely.

Her posture was straight and solid, she kept her head up and gave semblance of being perfectly composed and ready, but Will could tell that her assuredness was phony. She was too composed, too stiff, too calm. Her eyes looked distant, as if she wasn’t really there. Something was happening inside of her, but she wouldn’t let Will in. With a twitch of guilt Will realized that she was probably just trying to be strong so he didn’t have to be.

”Hey, El?” Will said softly.

El looked at him, less absentmindedly.

”You know… It’s only to test the theory and we’re well prepared. This is not like before. We’re the ones in charge this time. We specifically planned this and we have more experience now. Even if a monster from the Upside Down would crash into the building, we’d still definitely win!” Will said.

He tried to sound confident but his doubt was still awfully apparent. He didn’t even believe it himself. His voice wobbled unsurely and he noticed how his hands were trembling. He quickly put his hands into his pockets to conceal it. Was that why she had her hands in the pockets too?

Eleven smiled scantly at his attempt to encourage her.

While they were talking the others had finished carrying the stuff from the car to the stairs by the entrance. It was an entire pile of things and yet Will knew that some of the load was still left in the trunk. If a police officer would catch them, they’d be doomed for sure and since chief Hopper went missing they couldn't rely on him to help them get away with it.

Jonathan started handing out lighters to everyone and read the firework instructions out loud. Steve held his favorite bat and swung it in the air a couple of times to practice while listening (at least Will hoped he was listening) but everyone else stood frozen like statues, carefully paying attention.

”Will! The keys!” Mike called and gestured for him to come once Jonathan was done.

There were sparsely any lights inside the building. Only the dim lights above the emergence exits and some classrooms were lit up because someone must have forgotten to switch them off when leaving. The entrance was pitch black. When Will tried to look in through the doors he could only see his own reflection. 

”We should totally name our monster fighting squad something,” Steve chuckled wryly without looking at anyone in particular, ”’America’s saviors’, ’The legendary Steve and his fellows’, ’The Downside Ups’ or something, you know what I mean?”

He laughed miserably. It was stupid but the gallows humor was surprisingly efficient to ease up the mood. While Will unlocked the door they blurted out suggestions and laughed at them consecutively. ’Mr Clarke’s angels’, ’The demodog snacks’, ’The unlucky union’ and ’The Traumatized Fuckers of Hawkins’ were some of the contributions.

”We need a signature pose and a logo too!” Dustin exclaimed excitedly.

”Hey, hey, hey - if we make it official like that it’s only implying that we want to continue to do this forever, right? Let’s not make this a permanent part of our identities. We want to bring this to an end as soon as possible, don’t we?” Jonathan objected maturely and picked up some boxes off the ground.

”Oh, aren’t you a fun person, Byers…” Steve muttered bitterly under his breath so only Dustin and Lucas could hear since they were standing closely. Both of them chortled but then quickly shut up when Jonathan glared at them over his shoulder.

Will took a step back and pulled at the door. It swung open with a creak. The hallway stretched infinitely in front of them. It was impossible to see the end of it. It was just dark, endlessly dark and still.

Mike smoothly slid in past Will. He stretched his hands out and felt along the walls until he reached the light switch. The ceiling lights flickered and lit up one by one. The hallway became visible but the school building’s countenance was still unfamiliar. It was so desolate it reminded Will of the times when he saw the Upside down’s version of the place, it was equally murky and lifeless.

”It’s so weird to see it like this,” Will stated bluntly.

He took some dwelling steps further into the building. Behind him the rest poured in, arms full with as much as they could carry. With raucous thuds the objects were dropped onto the floor. Dustin groaned as he went outside again for another load. Will only looked around and instilled the environment.

”You guys think mr Clarke is going to be mad at us?” Lucas asked. He wiped the sweat on his forehead after putting down two firework boxes on top of the growing pile.

”We’re saving the world. I’m sure he doesn’t mind,” Dustin answered.

Once all the things were inside, they gathered in a circle. At this point Will was only feeling numb. He wasn’t afraid or nervous anymore, he just couldn’t comprehend what was happening. It was as if his mind was elsewhere and his body was left behind as an empty shell.

”Okay… so it’s time to really put it to the test… -” Jonathan began awkwardly.

”- And just to repeat the plan: we split up in two teams. One team with stick around El, the other team with stick around Will,” Nancy quickly overtook the role as the speaker, making Jonathan crack up in an amused grin. She gestured towards El when she said her name and towards Will when she said his name. Her voice was strikingly clear and concise. She looked at the others, who nodded at what she said.

”To begin with we can stay within the school building. If nothing happens, we proceed to move one team to the sports hall. If everything is still fine by then, we’ll have to move outside,” Nancy continued, ”… and we’ll keep one team here so it’s easier to measure the distance.”

”We’ll stay within Hawkins this time. If nothing happens, we may have to test it again, but with larger distances,” Jonathan added.

Now everyone turned to Will and El. They were the main players in the experiment.

Will hated that the whole point was to separate them. Now, more than ever, he wanted to stay close to her. He wanted to have her nearby in case something would happen. He didn’t want her to fight on her own and he also didn’t have enough faith in his own abilities to fight on his own. What if something actually did happen? Something terrible? If they were far apart, they were more vulnerable - all of them.

Will also hated to know that everyone in his team secretly wished to be in El’s team. Nobody wanted to be with the one whose powers were obviously inferior. He couldn’t offer the same protection, and chances were he wouldn’t be able to save them. She was a veteran, he was a novice and everybody knew this even if they pretended to not be bothered by it. The thought of someone getting hurt because of his failure hit Will like a massive wave, all at once. It was a sudden burst that exploded with very scarce premonition. Of course he had thought it before, but now it was becoming real. It was actually happening. This could be the night his friends died because of him.

His eyes started uncontrollably flickering around and his heart rate increased rapidly in a terrifying way, not at all in the the exciting way as when he and Mike kissed. When he saw Jonathan, Nancy, Lucas and Mike turned their heads towards him, his breathing completely lost its rhythm, it became faster and heavier by every inhale and exhale.

”Wait - no - hold on!” he blurted frantically and held his hands out in a ’stop right there’ gesture. He shook his head ’no, no, no’ and started backing away with stumbling steps, almost falling over.

”Will?” Nancy said with a questioning look on her face.

”This - no - it’s not - hang on!” Will felt the panic accumulating in his chest.

He knew the feeling. He had experienced it before, he knew what was coming and yet he had no power to stop it. He felt like he was imploding and exploding at once. He was nowhere but also everywhere, like his body dissolved almost. His hysterical breathing made his mouth felt dry and the oxygen deficiency made him dizzy. The floor felt wobbly, the walls were caving in, the sounds of voices became unbearably loud but at the same time he couldn’t hear anything at all.

”WE CAN’T DO THIS! LET’S NOT DO THIS! WE CAN’T! DO THIS! STOP!”

He had intended it to sound composed and rational but instead he practically yelled it. He even made himself flinch at the sudden burst. He couldn’t believe it was even coming out of his own mouth, he didn’t even know his body was capable of producing a sound like that.

”Will, take it easy! Calm down! It’s okay! It’s okay!” Mike pleaded.

He reached out to put his hands on Will’s shoulders like he usually did when Will was in despair, but this time Will only winced backwards so vigorously he fell to the floor. Mike looked devastated and conflicted and confused and tender and downright scared, all at the same time.

”Will? Can you hear me?” Jonathan called.

Jonathan rushed over and kneeled down next to Will, who was half laying down-half sitting up on the floor. Will could see that it was Jonathan but he couldn’t comprehend it. He couldn’t appreciate the words of kindness, couldn’t process what was being said to him, he could just as well had been all alone in the entire milky way. Everything was blurry and spinning and the only thing Will could think of was the unbearable feeling of not being able to breathe, like he was suffocating.

Max covered her mouth with her hand and clung onto Lucas’ arm in a tight grip. Eleven was so transfixed she couldn’t produce any words or actions at all. Dustin was explaining what was happening in scientific terms, in an attempt to calm everyone down, but the words poured out of him in a manic stream (”… it’s because the fight-or-flight part of the brain kicks in and it causes an adrenaline rush and…”) that only contributed to the madness.

”Will? Can you hear me?” Jonathan repeated.

”Will, it’s okay, we’re here…” Mike fumbled desperately.

Mike kneeled down next to Jonathan and put a hand on Will’s shoulder. From the position he was in he couldn’t move away. Mike’s intention was of course just to calm him down, but to Will it only aggravated the panic, like it poured acid into an open wound.

”WHAT IF YOU DIE? WHAT IF YOU DIE? WHAT IF -”

Will choked whilst hysterically yelling. He started coughing and his hyperventilating breathing was harshly interrupted. He felt even dizzier, he started swaying uncertainly back and forth but managed to still sit upright. Jonathan moved up so he could offer better support.

”Ehm… guys… should I call someone? Do we need an ambulance?” Nancy asked warily.

”… actually panic attacks are momentary and usually only last less than ten minutes! so this means that he’s soon going to calm down and…” Dustin rambled.

”He’s right. They don’t last forever,” Steve commented.

He was the only one who had actually listed to Dustin’s lecture and also the one who was seemingly the least affected, although he did look pretty nervous, shifting around invariably and looking anywhere but directly at Will.

Once he had stopped coughing, Will regained the ability to breathe a little. His breathing was still too fast and way too frantic but it became more manageable. The feeling of dying gradually faded away.

”Well, look at that - he’s calming down!” Steve said confidently and pointed victoriously (his finger was shaking) at Will, who was still practically crawling around on the floor.

”Will? Can you hear us?” Jonathan called again.

Will managed to nod. Jonathan and Mike both let out sighs of relief.

”It’s okay, Will…” Mike consoled quietly.

Will remained on the floor for a while even after calming down. He tried to breathe deeply and slowly whilst counting rhythmically, like he had been taught to do at the hospital when his PTSD from the Upside down was still haunting him around the clock.

”Water!” Nancy remembered and dug around in the backpack for a bottle.

She handed it to Will, whose hands were now stable enough to hold it and bring it to his lips. He drank generously and then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Then he just slumped down into a laying position on the floor, trying to gather himself again and waiting for the last ripples of panic to fade away.

”I’m so sorry, guys…” he pleaded abashedly, covering his face with his arm.

Their staring made him want to seek shelter in a distant cave somewhere. If they doubted his capacity before, it was surely ten times worse now. He couldn’t even commence the operation before breaking down into a crisis! Why did this have to happen now?

He sat up again once the dizziness was gone. He still didn’t want to look at the others, didn’t want to see their facial expressions right now. Why did he have to be the one in a responsible position? Why couldn’t someone else get those stupid powers and be in charge of this instead? Why couldn’t Mike have powers so Will could just be his supportive sidekick, since that was obviously a dynamic that worked perfectly for everyone? This was just absurd! Will Byers - a guy who couldn’t even take care of himself - suddenly responsible for everyone’s safety?! This setup was doomed to fail!

Will rubbed his face with his hands, let his fingers pull at his hair and shook his head from side to side, keeping his face turned down to the floor all the time, yielding it away from the staring eyes. He tried to choke back the tears although he could that thick lump in his throat. All signs of weakness only made him feel worse as they only further proved his uselessness. 

”Do you think you can do it? We could postpone it. We don’t have to do it today if you don’t feel ready!” Jonathan said as he noticed Will’s agony.

”He will never feel ready,” El said bluntly.

Will looked up for the first time.What? She, if anyone, Will didn’t expect to doubt his abilities! She was the one who said he was stronger! If she didn’t believe in him they wouldn’t even be here in the first place! He didn’t know what to say. He just stared.

”… because it’s not normal to feel ready to do something dangerous. Maybe someone will get hurt and only bad people like it when someone get hurt. Will is not a bad people. I never feel ready too, because I am not a bad people.”

Now everyone was staring at her instead of Will. She had a fierce look in her eyes and stood with both feet sturdily on the ground. Her presence radiated power and filled up the whole building despite her petite frame, it was like she was loud without making any sound. She never failed to fascinate.

”… but we have to do it anyway. If we don’t do it, maybe a lot of people will get hurt instead. And good people don’t want a lot of people to get hurt. We don’t have a choice.”

-

Will only needed a while to gather himself anew. What was weird about the attacks was that despite their vast force and intensity, they dissolved as quickly as they exploded, and mostly they left no traces behind but the memory of it, the obnoxious shame and remorsefulness (”was there anything i could have done differently? was it actually that bad or did i act unnecessarily dramatic? did i just pretend since i’m fine again now? everyone has been through hardships but they don’t react like this so they must think i’m just a whiny loser who wants attention at this point…”)

There was something surprisingly nice about Eleven’s briskness. She didn’t baby him, didn’t sugarcoat anything. If it was already decided that they were going to do this no matter what, Will had no other choice but to compose himself somehow and stop trying to yield away. He simply had to have faith in himself, try to make the best thing out of what he had.

Will’s team waited outside the English classroom on the second floor while El’s team slowly made their way towards the library at the very opposite end of the school. Mike and Dustin had tested the radio speakers and noted that they worked perfectly and the batteries were fully charged.

Will and Mike sat down on a bench and waited tensely for a signal. Will’s anxiety was gratuitously intense in relation to how still everything was. The corridor was serenely quiet but Will was expecting a monster to emerge from the walls at any second, making him unable to relax. Despite trying to sit still and take it easy, his leg bounced annoyingly against his will.

In the meanwhile Lucas idled around back and fourth outside the classroom, practicing his slingshot aiming. When Will questioned the slingshot’s mortality rate Lucas confidently declared that it had actually served a vital part in battle before and should thus be considered a useful weapon, even it it wasn’t necessarily made for killing. Will didn’t have any objections to this.

Besides, Lucas did actually have a knife in his pocket as well and there were firework boxes distributed in the hallways so no matter where one found themselves, they’d have at least some fireworks at hand.

Jonathan leaned against the lockers and stared into the air before him, probably nervous and pondering but without displaying it on the outside. He had never seen Will use his powers. Perhaps he had not even instilled the fact that the powers existed yet, even less so could he imagine Will actually use them. Knowing Jonathan right, he was currently thinking about how to save his younger brother and the rest, merely out of habit, completely ignoring Will’s (doubtable) capacity to fight using actual superpowers.

The radio speaker sparked statically, snapping them out of their own heads. Mike brought the speaker closer to his face and pushed a button.

”This is Mike. Can you hear us? Over!”

”Mike?” Dustin’s voice called, ”We’re outside the library. Everything clear over here. Over!”

”Everything clear over here too. Over!”

-

When first location didn’t result in anything, El’s team proceeded to move over to the gym. Will had given them the keys so they could get in.

The waiting felt endless. Will kept staring at the radio speaker in Mike’s hand and just pleaded to hear a sign. Mike noticed and consolingly stroke Will’s back to make him relax a little but his gaze kept shifting around and he swallowed too frequently, making him seem just as nervous.

”Shouldn’t they be there already?” Will asked warily.

”Time feels like it passes slower when you’re just waiting. It has only been seven minutes,” Jonathan said and looked at his wrist watch, ”We’ll have to give them some time.”

In a way it felt liberating to be so far away from El - not because he wanted to - but because just the mere thought of having no other choice but to stay close to someone was encaging. He didn’t like to be forced to stay within a specific ratio from her and he was sure she didn’t like it either. There had been a myriad of occasions when El wanted to stay at Max’s place and when Will just wanted to take a walk by himself to clear his head - but then it struck them that they couldn’t because they had to stay close. It created an unnecessary frustration and tension between them.

After another few minutes the speaker sparked again.

”This is Dustin. Over!”

”We hear you. Over!”

There was a muffled sound of voices coming from the speaker. At first Will flinched, assuming that what he heard was something unwanted, but then he realized that it was just the team talking to one another from a moderate distance away from the speaker, which the microphone caught up on.

”Everything is fine over here. Over!” Dustin said.

”Everything is fine here too. Over!”

”We were just talking about if we should wait a little before heading outside. Maybe it takes a while for the monsters to realize that they have a chance and show up? Over!”

Will’s team looked at one another and then nodded, agreeing.

”Yeah, that makes sense. How long? Over!” Mike inquired.

There was another stream of unrecognizable, static voices when the other team contemplated and discussed. Then Dustin’s voice returned:

”How about forty minutes to start with? Over!”

”Okay. Keep us updated. Over!” Mike said.

The speaker went back to lifelessness.

Mike sighed, leaned his head back against the wall behind him and closed his eyes. He was already getting impatient, Will could tell. Frankly, he was getting bored too and they had not even spent half an hour on the experiment. It could take the whole night, he realized distressfully.

Will quickly interrupted his thoughts of boredom, convincing himself that it was in fact splendid news that everything was so tranquil and unexciting. The alternative was much, much worse. He just felt a bit unlucky because while his team were just waiting, at least the other team got to move around. And on top of that the other team had Dustin and Steve, so they could not possibly be bored.

But there was a legitimate reason why Will’s team stayed in school - because it was safer. Out in the wilderness anything could happen, so it was safer to let El, whose powers were more reliable, to be responsible for the team outdoors.

The clock kept ticking at the same pace as ever. Second by second, minute by minute.

Will looked around him but saw nothing new. It was the same lockers, scrawls on the wall, trashcan, posters and lightning. No new sounds to be heard, no new scents to be smelled. Everything remained exactly the same.

Lucas eventually got sick of aiming. Instead he slumped down on the bench next to Will with a discouraged groan. He held the slingshot lamely in his hand, the alacrity and energy had slipped right out of him. He looked tired and bored.

”Hello? Hello? This is Dustin. Over!”

The speaker’s mediocre sound quality sounded like angel’s singing. Will, who was getting increasingly drowsy, jerked awake in a flash. It felt like several hours had passed but it was apparently just forty minutes.

”We hear you. Over!” Mike replied with a newly lit spark of energy.

”We have no news over here. Everything seems fine, still. Over!”

”Same over here. Over!”

”We’ll get in the car instead. Steve will drive us towards the pumpkin patch now. We’ll stay at the locations we talked about along the way. The first one is behind the church. We’ll stick to the plan, everything seems fine so far. Over!” Dustin said.

”Sure. Over!”

The speaker went back to its pestering silence once again.

Will leaned his head on Mike’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He didn’t even care if Jonathan and Lucas saw it because wanting to make the unglamorous bench a little bit more comfortable wasn’t suspicious or anything, at least that was he told himself when the self-consciousness arouse.

”How long does it take to drive there?” Lucas asked.

”Not too long, probably fifteen minutes or so,” Jonathan answered.

Fifteen minutes in addition to the previous forty minutes made an hour, Will calculated. He tried to shut that out and just get some rest, be glad about the fact that he could rest on Mike’s shoulder without anything interrupting and that nobody was hurt.

-

It had started to get a bit ludicrous. All those weapons and commotion for nothing! The other team drove further and further away from the middle school, stopped and waited intermittently, while Will’s team just altered between being restless, drowsy, bored and slumbering.

A few times Dustin’s voice called and told them that everything seemed fine, to which Mike drawly replied ’yeah, same here, over’ every time, like a broken CD stuck on repeat until he finally gave to speaker to Jonathan instead.

Will knew that they wasn’t supposed to fall asleep since that completely defied the purpose of being ’ready and prepared’, which had been their entire motive behind staging this experiment, but it couldn’t be helped. Jonathan promised to wake the younger ones up if something happened. He was the only one who was still somewhat alert.

The clock was 00:23 when Dustin reported that they had finally reached the pumpkin patch. After another long while of waiting, he returned to the speaker once more.

”Seems like our theory has been proved wrong. Over!” Dustin said.

Will opened his eyes and lifted his head to hear. He gently woke Mike and Lucas up, who both looked confused and still half asleep. Will nodded towards Jonathan and the speaker.

”We can’t be fully sure of that yet. Perhaps a bigger distance could lure them out? Nothing outlandish happened before Will reached Augusta while El was still at home. That was a significantly bigger distance than from school to the pumpkin patch. Over!” Jonathan said reasonably.

The members of the other team contemplated again. Will could hear Nancy’s voice asking El what she thought about it and Steve objecting with the reminder that the plan was to stay within Hawkins this time. Everything else was just muffled sounds and static. 

”That is true. We may have to redo the experiment. But for now, shall we consider ourselves done? Over!” Dustin said.

Jonathan looked up at the three younger ones at the bench, concerned and pitying. Any more waiting and they’d throw themselves out the window, it must have looked like.

”Sounds like a good idea to us. Over!” Jonathan said.

”We’ll head back to school then, see you in a moment. Over!”

Will stood up on his feet. His back was aching and his joints felt stiff. Rather than packing the car full of useless weapons they should have brought something padded to sit on, some snacks and maybe a book to kill some time, he thought in hindsight.

”Because the weird things started happening after you that family in Augusta, right Will…?” Jonathan said thoughtfully, as if he suddenly started doubting it.

”As far as I know, yes,” Will said.

Will had looked at everything retrospect and put everything he could recall under scrutiny several times. He was sure, but Jonathan’s doubtfulness made him feel uneasy. They had already talked about everything, they contrived everything beforehand. Why was he suddenly reconsidering it?

”But hold on…” Jonathan furrowed his brows and looked bothered.

”What is it?” Mike asked warily.

”That’s the problem isn’t it? Weird things started happening after you left Augusta - as far as you know,” Jonathan said and looked right at Will.

Will didn’t know what he was supposed to say because he didn’t know what Jonathan was implying.

”What do you…?” he fumbled.

Jonathan started pacing nervously whilst thinking. Lucas, Mike and Will were equally confused by this sudden change in demeanor. They exchanged questioning gazes between themselves without saying anything.

”You didn’t even know that the things happened in Augusta, right? You found out way later through a phone call, that’s what you told us, right?” Jonathan asked.

”Yes?”

”That means that potentially something could have happened earlier later too, but you didn’t know about it. You obviously didn’t sense the monster at the time. What if something started chasing you the same moment you left home without you being aware of it?”

Will didn’t like that thought.

”But that was the point of this experiment, wasn’t it? We just proved that nothing happens with small distances like this, so it can’t be,” Lucas objected.

Jonathan clammed up for a moment and stopped pacing. He scratched his nose and kept thinking in silence. Lucas looked at Will and Mike for support. Both of them nodded in agreement.

”Yes, that’s true…” Jonathan said but he didn’t seem too sure about it.

-

While they waited for the other team to return, they started collecting the firework boxes and brought them back to the entrance. Walking around made Will feel more energetic again and he was delighted to finally have something to do.

It was pretty fun to just walk around in the empty hallways. The echoing sound of their footsteps, the endless corridors, the abandoned lifelessness despite so many traces of life and recent activity, created a mysterious aura that could easily had been straight out of a book or movie.

”Did we put any boxes in the science classroom?” Will asked.

”Yes. You could go get it, if you’d like? There’s one outside the equipment room too, on the way there,” Jonathan said, voice strained from carrying the heavy load.

”Sure.”

Then he walked off towards the science classroom. He felt excited about it because he could perfectly recall the feeling of going to one of mr Clarke’s lessons. It made him wish he could just be a middle schooler again. Since he was constantly at the hospital or at home after returning from the Upside down, it was like he missed out on so much of the experience.

When he walked around the corner he could see the red firework box laying on the floor right outside the equipment room. He quickly picked it up and kept walking towards the science classroom.

The door was unlocked and it swung open effortlessly.

The scent of the room was earthy and old. There was a sample of a beaver skeleton on the top of a shelf and old-fashioned pictures of plants and insects on the walls. Everything was just like he remembered it, except the emptiness and the night view on the other side of the window glass.

Will looked at the clock hanging on the wall. He decided that he could afford to look around before bringing going back to the entrance. The other team wasn’t even there yet so nobody would have to wait for him anyway.

He put the box down and took some dwelling steps towards his old desk. It was smaller than he remembered it to be. When he sat down at the chair he noted how he had less space for the legs. The nostalgia was bittersweet.

There were some calculations on the board and mr Clarke had written ’do not erase!’ next to them. Will could envision him standing there, talking ardently about biology and life and science and how everything tied into one another in a perfectly harmonized circle of life. Was it God’s will? Was it a lucky coincidence? Was it fate? Will remembered how fascinating he found it when mr Clarke talked about those things even if he couldn’t grasp the vastness of it.

When it all came down to it Will’s survival was just a result of a series of events that tied into one another at the right time, involving the right people. Take one event away - and everything would have failed, resulting in his death. Mr Clarke’s knowledge had played a significant part in that reaction chain. Without him, where would Will be?

And on another note… where did mr Clarke get his information from? Will had never thought about it before. He had always viewed Scott Clarke as some sort of almighty source of knowledge, who just magically knew everything for some reason. But of course mr Clarke wasn’t the beginning of knowledge! He must have learned everything he knew from someone, who learned it from someone, who learned it from someone… 

Will left the bench and hurried up to mr Clarke’s desk at the front.

There were a bunch of paper laying around randomly on the top surface and even more things in the storage departments below, on both sides of the chair. Endless of articles ripped out of newspapers, analytical essays from great scientists, student’s tests and grades, information about a meeting, messy calculations on post-its and a list of book titles… Will felt ashamed for being so brazen, but he couldn’t resist looking through some of the things.

The cabinets were filled with folders that he lifted out of the shelves and put aside on the floor. Most of them were colored and marked with things like ’need to be graded’, ’graded’, ’homework’ and so fourth. Will didn’t care much for them.

But in the very back, behind all the other folders, there was one that stood out. It was in terrible condition, much older than the rest. The edges were frayed and there were stains on it. It was so full it couldn’t even be closed properly anymore. Instead there was a sturdy thread wrapped around it like a present that held everything together.

Will reached for it and brought it out. It was dusty and repelling to touch.

He made space on the desk surface and put it down. When he carefully wiped some of the dust away it revealed ’1967’, once written with a black marker but now faded to a barely distinguishable light grey.

Will looked around him. Of course no one was looking, but it really felt like someone was staring. Will could almost hear someone say ’you are a bad kid, you should respect privacy’, but that was just his own conscience.

He carefully unknotted the ribbon and put the thread away. He took a mental photography of how it was tied around the folder so he could recreate it perfectly when he was done. Then he opened the folder as delicately as possible. The paper quality was frail and he didn’t want to tear anything.

The first thing he saw when he looked down the blank front page of a paper bundle with a thumbtack holding them together. Will opened the the bundle to the next page and found himself looking at a machine written document with a picture attached to it. 

It looked like a birth certificate almost. It stated the place of birth, weight, length, blood type, close relatives and a bunch of other personal informational. The picture was of a poor quality in comparison to the newer cameras but it was perfectly conceived that it was a little girl, no more than three years old, Will estimated.

He quickly skimmed through the information. It revealed that the girl was generally quiet but had a violent reaction to pain. She had ’limited consciousness of her environment’. Some of the notations Will found to be a bit strange. The weirdest thing though, was that despite all the information, the document did not once mention her name.

He flipped to the next page, which revealed another similar document but instead of a girl it was a boy, probably five years old. Will turned to the next page and the next again. Then he opened the paper bundle closer to the end and it seemed like every single page looked like a birth certificate of some sort - without a name.

He put the papers away and looked at the things underneath.

First thing he saw was an explanatory illustration of something Will couldn’t tell what it was. There were mathematic formulas and words written in, what must have been, a foreign language, although the letters didn’t resemble any language Will knew of. It almost looked fictional, like someone had just randomly come up with it and called it ’elvish’ or something, but rather than beautiful, aesthetic letters, those were very plain. Either way it was pointless for Will to try to make sense out the illustration. The complexity was beyond his understanding.

He searched through the folder aimlessly. He didn’t know what he was looking for, he didn’t know what he was looking at. Maybe he did wish for something to complement the documents regarding the children, but since mr Clarke was a good man he didn’t doubt for a second that everything was in order. One explanation could be that the children were hospital patients and mr Clarke used to be participating in a medical research project back in 1967 and the lack of names was just for privacy reasons.

Almost at the bottom of the folder Will suddenly stumbled across something that caught his attention. It was a photography of high quality paper, perfectly smooth and undamaged, the colors a bit old-fashioned but still nice looking and crisp. 

There were a bunch of men and women lined up in front of a building. Mr Clarke was standing on the side. He was one of the many people dressed in white lab coats. He didn’t have a mustache so Will didn’t even recognize him at first. He was younger too, probably the youngest in the picture. He looked like an intern, perhaps newly graduated. It was when Will looked closer than he noticed some logos in the picture - on their coats, on a notebook a woman was holding and in a reflection in a window it was perfectly clear - they were at Hawkins lab.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> This chapter is to begin with a bit sprawly and incoherent, but also a bit more sexual than the previous chapters. It's not particularly explicit, it's just a conversation about sex, but I don't want anyone to read this and feel uncomfortable so I wanted to let you know beforehand.
> 
> I'm just trying to depict a natural part of growing up, which at least in my option is vastly different from portraying 14-year olds as sultry objects for a pedophile's gaze, so I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way.
> 
> This was your warning! Take care!

”Will?! Will?!”

Lucas voice was calling from the corridor outside. Will became aware of his surrounding again. He had almost forgotten that he was just supposed to get the box and return right away. What time was it? Were the others back already?

”I’m here!” he shouted back.

A second later the door was pulled open and Lucas stumbled in. He started rambling about that Jonathan wondered why he took so long, but then he suddenly stopped in in tracks. He stared at the mess of folders and papers Will had brought out.

”What are you doing?” he blurted.

”Lucas, come take a look at this…” Will said.

Lucas walked over so he stood right behind Will, who sat on the chair by the desk. He craned his neck to see and at first he didn’t seem to understand what was so interesting. He could only see a bunch of random papers. Then Will held up the picture for Lucas to see.

”It’s from Hawkins lab, isn’t it…?” Lucas asked.

Will nodded and without a word he pointed at the young mr Clarke. It took a moment for Lucas to get it, but then it dawned on him what he was actually looking at.

”Holy shit!” he gasped, ”It’s mr Clarke! He worked for dr Brenner?!”

”I don’t know. I really don’t understand. And look at this!”

Will reached for the documents with children. He started flipping through the pages and just shook his head in disbelief. Lucas furrowed his brows in thought.

”So many. I don’t get it. And there’s so much information about them - but no names!” he said.

Lucas grabbed the bundle and to take a closer look. He mumbled out loud as he read. He, just like Will, found some of the information stated a bit strange, making him read them again and look at Will, hoping for an explanation but all Will had to offer was a clueless shrug.

”You think they’re like El? They don’t have any names so perhaps they have numbers instead?”

”I suppose it makes sense, but what do I know? This was back in 1967 though, so El wasn’t even born at the time. It makes we wonder just how many numbers there are out there. Maybe these kids were used for something else?”

”This is quite a discovery, Will. We literally talked to mr Clarke a couple of days ago! If he was personally involved at Hawkins lab, why didn’t he give us the information when we specifically told him about it? He acted like he didn’t know anything. Was that reaction fake? Did he just pretend?”

”Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it? What if they hurt him or something?”

”Nothing would surprise me about those people, they’re pure evil!” Lucas frowned.

Will pushed the chair back and got back on his feet. He still held the picture and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. Mr Clarke was smiling so happily and despite looking differently, he still radiated the same warmth as he did now.

”I refuse to believe that mr Clarke is an evil man,” Will said bluntly.

”Yeah, I can’t imagine him doing brutal experiments on kids, it’s impossible. There has to be an explanation. We’ll have to talk to him as soon as possible.”

”But then he’ll know that we - or I, more correctly - looked through his stuff. And he’ll know that we conducted an experiment in school. I don’t think that’s necessarily a good idea to talk to him about this…” Will reasoned.

Will started putting everything back into the folder, making sure that everything looked duly and the papers were put in the right order. For a moment he was afraid he had forgotten how everything had looked when he found it but if mr Clarke hadn’t touched this folder in ages then he probably didn’t remember exactly how he had organized the papers either.

”Where’s Jonathan and Mike?” Will asked without looking up.

”Waiting by the entrance.”

He closed the folder and started tying the thread around it in the same way that he found it. He was a bit hesitant about putting it back. He wanted to keep it so he could investigate it further, hopefully in peace, but he knew that it was wrong. It was a better idea to just inquire mr Clarke about it someday and let him explain everything personally, he tried to persuade himself.

After putting everything back into place, they grabbed the firework boxes and left the classroom. They walked down the stairs towards the exit in silence.

Everyone was gathered when they walked in, except for Dustin, Jonathan and Max who were carrying weapons to the car outside. There were only a few boxes of fireworks left on the floor, everything else had been carried away already.

”I’m actually a bit disappointed, I have to say. Relieved - but disappointed,” Steve said.

”You guys got to move around at least! It was so boring to just wait here!” Mike complained.

”But let’s remember that even if we didn’t encounter anything, we can still consider the experiment successful because we did get our answer - as long as El and Will stay within Hawkins, the distance is not large enough to lure any monsters out!” Nancy said rationally.

Will and Lucas looked at each other. They were thinking the same thing: the folder in mr Clarke’s desk was probably the biggest discovery of the night. Everyone deserved to know about it because it could be a crucial clue that could lead them to very root of the enigma regarding the Upside down.

Lucas coughed to catch everyone’s attention.

”Will found something rather interesting in mr Clarke’s classroom,” he began once everyone were listening.

”What?” Mike asked bluntly.

Lucas looked at Will for him to continue. Will didn’t feel comfortable holding a speech in front of everyone but he tried to anyway. He told them about the nameless children, the illustrations and the foreign language, the photography from Hawkins lab and mr Clarke’s presence in it.

There was a pause when everyone was trying to instill what he was saying. When he said it out loud it sounded rather stupid and random, but the vastness of finding the folder was a crystal clear memory in his head. It was real - he had found long forgotten files tracing back to Hawkins lab! This could be a turning point. If they could figure out the meaning behind the documents and decode the writing, perhaps everything would make sense?

”Wait… what? Scott Clarke, our teacher, was a member of Hawkins lab crew?” Mike fumbled in confusion, gesturing with his hand.

”I swear, I saw it too. It’s crazy!” Lucas said quickly, in case they didn’t believe Will.

”I put everything back where I found it. Should I have brought it along…? I thought it was better to just ask mr Clarke himself. We won’t be able to understand half of the things anyway, he’ll need to explain it to us…” Will said.

”On the other hand though, the folder was forgotten in the very back. I don’t think mr Clarke would even notice if we did borrow it…?” Lucas suggested.

-

The car was crowded once again, but this time it was lively and cheerful. Jonathan blasted some music and everyone who knew the lyrics sang along (Mike didn’t know the lyrics but he sang along anyway, terribly off-key but still).

Will held the folder in a safe grip and couldn’t think about anything else. He couldn’t let anything damage the papers inside. He distressfully wrenched away whenever Max, who was sitting next to him, swung around her arms when dancing. He leaned towards the window on the other side as far as he could. He didn’t want to tell her to stop dancing, but he’d never forgive himself if he let her accidentally tear anything.

Jonathan didn’t want anyone to walk home in the dark. He even drove all the way to Steve’s house to drop him off, to everyone’s surprise. Dustin was dropped off on the way to Lucas’ place, and outside the Sinclair household both Lucas and Max got off and said goodnight.

Once there was enough space, Mike was allowed to sit inside the car instead of in the trunk, much to his delight. Mike, Will and El sat comfortably in the backseat while Nancy and Jonathan sat the the front and the car suddenly felt oddly spacious.

Jonathan parked on the Wheeler’s driveway and they decided to just leave all the fireworks and and weapons inside the car since they were going to redo the experiment later anyway.

”Hah! Can I say I lift weights now?” Jonathan chuckled as he locked the car.

”Some more experiments and you’ll be ripped like the Hulk!” Nancy joked, hitting Jonathan on his shoulder with a closed fist.

Just before they opened the front door both Nancy and Jonathan made sure to tell the younger ones that they did a good job tonight. When Mike objected with the argument that they technically didn’t do anything, Nancy reminded him that being able to stay put and be patient are actually valuable skills.

The clock was way past midnight, almost 03 in the morning. The house was completely quiet. Karen, Ted and Holly were fast sleep since long ago. In order to not wake them up, Mike, Will and El tip toed all the way from the front door down into the basement (which unfortunately creaked despite their efforts). Will put the folder on the table and switched off the lamp.

”Good thing to know that you can move freely within Hawkins, right?” Mike whispered to the other two as they were crawling underneath the blankets.

”Now I can have sleep-overs with Max again!” El whispered back.

The warmth of the blanket and the softness of the mattress felt like heaven in comparison to the bench. The basement, despite its messiness and odd scent, felt so domestic. The aura of the lifeless, empty hallways in school drifted further away until the basement had wholly consumed them in its cosy embrace.

It only took a moment before Mike’s hand found its way to Will’s, well shrouded underneath the duvet. Will wanted to stay awake just to appreciate it, but before he knew it he fell asleep anyway.

-

The anticlimax from last night’s experiment really took the edge off their alacrity regarding their theory. Everyone found themselves thinking the same thing ’nothing happened, so what’s the point?’, despite their attempts to keep themselves engaged by reminding each other that this was just the first attempt. But the new sense of doubt had also sneaked into their brains - what the previous events were just coincidences after all?

Instead, their attention had been redirected towards mr Clarke’s folder. It was obnoxiously real and very eye-catching. The folder would have been a vital discovery either way, but fact that it involved mr Clarke only made it more interesting.

Mike had shoved all his school work aside and the table in the basement had been turned into an investigation area. Will had carefully put the documents and pictures next to one another so they could get a proper overview of what they had found. The ceiling lamp above the table lit everything up just nicely but they had to be careful when leaning over the table or else they’d hit the brim of it (Mike already had several times).

Dustin was taking a closer look at the strange language. His gaze wandered back and fourth between the instructions and a book about linguistic history. He turned the pages and scowled under his breath. None of the languages in the book resembled the one used in the document.

Max peeked into the book over Dustin’s shoulder. Her gaze wasn’t as grave or concentrated as Dustin’s, it had a more curious lighthearted appeal.

”It kinda look like that, doesn’t it?” Max suggested and pointed at a page.

”That’s Hebrew,” Dustin said curtly, ”I also thought it was Hebrew at first but it’s not. The letters look somewhat similar but it’s definitely not the same. It’s not Greek either. My guess is that Hawkins lab came up with a secret language so nobody but themselves could read the instructions and recreate their inventions.”

Dustin hopelessly put the documents back on the table. He closed the book and shrugged as if to say that there was nothing more they could do about it.

”So how do we decode it?” Will asked.

”We could ask Robin. She was the one who figured out the Russian’s secret message.”

While they were discussing, Will noticed how El was captivated by the paper bundle with the children and didn’t say a word. Her eyes scanned through the pages and sometimes she dwelled on one for a bit longer, brows furrowed in thought, stern look on her face.

”Do you recognize them, El?” he asked.

She didn’t answer him. She flipped to the next page and let her finger run over the picture of a small child. She had tan skin and the little hair that she had was dark and fluffy. She was dressed in a dress with lace around the neckline and had a headband with a bow on her head.

”Maybe this is Eight…” El said quietly.

The document stated that she was born in 1964 and that she came from London. This didn’t ring any bells to Will of course, but the more El read the more assured she seemed.

”This is Eight,” she declared once she had finished the entire page.

”Does that mean that all the kids in here are numbers…?” Will asked.

Their friends were still looking at the illustrations and tried to analyze what they were and didn’t pay attention to what El and Will were talking about. Once again it was like they existed in their own world of mutual understanding, a unity of their own.

”I don’t know… maybe not everyone, they are so many…” she replied doubtfully.

Will estimated that the bundle consisted of forty pages or so. It was the thickest bundle in the folder. The rest of the files were attached to one another in groups of at most ten pages or else they were just independent sheets.

”If so many kids had superpowers, people would know about it… someone would find out and it’d be on the news, I’m sure. They wouldn’t be abduct this many without anybody noticing, right?” Will said.

El hummed thoughtfully. She flipped to another page and yet another one. Will had already reviewed those documents so many times he knew who was coming next. This page was a girl with pigtails, the next page was a boy with a large gap between his front teeth.

”Will, maybe you are a number too…?” she said eventually.

The thought had occurred to Will before but every time it just seemed so crazy he always shut it down with a ’it can’t be!’ and let it go. If Will was abducted and tortured like El was, he would surely have memories of it - which he didn’t.

On the other hand it was also a bit strange to consider that he might have been born with powers but it took him fourteen years before realizing it. He couldn’t remember ever moving around objects using his mind when he was younger. Did that mean that it didn’t happen or did that mean that someone intentionally made him forget it ever happened? The other potential was that he wasn’t born with powers, maybe he somehow developed them over time or someone - or something - gave the powers to him for some reason. This however was nothing he had any memory of either. 

”Well, who knows…?” Will mumbled, but he already had the answer to that.

Hawkins lab knew.

-

In the end the curiosity was too much to handle, or else it was the boredom that got the best of them. They blamed mr Clarke himself for cajoling their impatience and desire for knowledge in the first place to justify this unplanned visit.

They put on their outerwear and asked Jonathan to drive them to Hawkins middle school. The bunch were dropped off and the parking, where some cars were parked and parents were waiting to pick up their kids. It was hard to believe that this exact spot could look so spooky at night. The memory of the school from last night barely even seemed like a part of the same reality, it was like a dream.

Children with colorful backpacks poured out of the entrance. The clock was 15:10 so most of them had just finished. They were chattering lively and said goodbye to their friends. Hugs exchanged. Friendly slaps on the back. See-you-tomorrows. Some went to get their bikes instead of getting in a car.

Will noted how young the kids looked. He didn’t recall being that tiny in middle school! They were so short and scrawny most of them, but with some baby fat softening their faces. Will felt like a giant walking into the building, but it was nothing compared to how tall Mike looked next to the twelve year olds.

”Did our voices sound like that when we were middle schoolers?!” Lucas hissed as they just passed a group of boys by the lockers, talking in high pitched, cute voices about basketball practice. Mike mimicked their voices, sounding ridiculous whilst doing so, making everyone laugh.

”Middle school feels like ages ago, it’s crazy…” Max sighed.

”I’m not even kidding, I was like 4’10 (≈147cm) back then. Now I’m like 5’10 (≈178cm)!” Mike said unnecessarily loud, ”I recently found an old jacket I used to wear all the time and the arms only went to down here! I was so disappointed!” Mike marked at the middle of his forearm and chortled, not sounding disappointed at all, just proud if anything.

Will knew, and he was pretty sure his friends knew too, that they were squeezing the most out of this because it was somehow empowering to walk through the corridors surrounded by tiny people looking at them. The younger ones looked kind of impressed for no particular reason but it made Will feel more confident, unlike how he used to feel back when he was one of the shortest, scrawniest boys in their grade. Sometimes Will had been downright scared when walking in those hallways because when the big, athletic guys bursted through, he felt like he was going to get crushed if he stood in the way. Unless he was with his friends, he always stayed close to the walls and tried to pass unnoticed.

Maybe it was haughty and arrogant to make themselves feel better by laughing at someone else but it wasn’t mean laughing, Will reasoned, it was just amusing because they were indirectly making fun of the younger version of themselves. And just like they grew up, all the current middle schoolers with their high-pitched voices would eventually grow up too - and then they could laugh at the younger ones and be nostalgic! It was a cycle. Redress at its finest. All good in the end.

”We did get all the fireworks, didn’t we…?” Will suddenly remembered when walking past the equipment room where he had picked up a box yesterday.

”Yeah, we checked before leaving,” Mike said.

They knocked on the science classroom’s door. There was an AV-club poster taped on it that Will didn’t even notice yesterday.

”Just a minute!” mr Clarke’s voice said from the other side.

A moment later the door opened. Mr Clarke looked immensely surprised by who he found waiting outside. He held a large pile of papers and radiated general stressfulness. Poor man was probably sick of them already since they showed up all the time and demanded to inform him about all sorts of absurd things, Will thought.

”Hello there. I was just wondering when I’d see you again. I’m afraid I’m a bit busy right now but… ehm… I’ll check my calendar! Come in!”

It was weird to think that Will had been inside that classroom so recently, because the ambience in the room was entirely different now than it had been at night, despite that everything looked just the same. The daylight beaming in through the windows lit the room up nicely. There were no unsettling shadows and dark corners anywhere.

Will threw a glance towards mr Clarke’s desk at the front to see if anything seemed off, but it didn’t. He did do a good job recreating the mess to look just like how he found it before leaving. The only thing he noticed that was different was a pencil he had accidentally dropped on the floor but forgot to put back on the desk. Mr Clarke probably didn’t even notice because the pencil had rolled in underneath the desk and didn’t appear to missed the slightest, but Will felt a nervous twitch in his chest upon the sight.

”I just gave my all my eight graders a test on ecosystems. Have to correct them until Friday. Caught three of them cheating! They’ll have to redo the tests later. They must have spent so much time planning the scheme I can’t help but to wonder why they didn’t just spend that amount on time studying instead… This is an enigma for us teachers. I personally find it as fascinating as I find it troublesome,” mr Clarke rambled.

He sat down by his desk and put the pile of newly written tests aside. He had a satchel bag put on the floor next to him that he dug around in for a moment.

His visitors were lined up and waiting rather awkwardly. They were of course a bit disappointed that they couldn’t stay to talk (El had the photography in a safe department in her bag, ready to bring up if the right moment would come), but at the same time the decision to drop by was very impulsive and they didn’t even know exactly what they came for in the first place.

”Ah, here it is!” mr Clarke said pulled out a large moleskin calendar.

He opened it and started searching for an empty space.

”I have some free time on Wednesday at 08:00 to 09:30. My morning class is cancelled. But that’s a bad timing for you, I suppose…” he mumbled and then he abruptly stopped and looked up, ”Aren’t you supposed to be in school right now?”

”It’s complicated, mr Clarke,” Mike answered on behalf of all of them.

”Oh, I’ve heard that many times before!” mr Clarke chuckled, without seeming particularly alarmed.

When it came down to it Mike, Max, Lucas and Dustin didn’t have any excuses for not going to school. Most of the time they didn’t do anything crucial throughout the days anyway, so they wouldn’t miss out on anything if they went.

”We want to keep El and Will company,” Max explained.

Will and El had spent a substantial part of their days by themselves whilst practicing, so Will knew that couldn’t be the full truth. It had actually never struck him that they were skipping school just for the sake of not going to school, but when confronting the situation, there was no other explanations to it.

”How about bringing Will and El to school then? I know the teachers at the high school, we have regular meetings together about Hawkins education and collaborate in certain fields. They’re good people, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. Two students more is better than four students less. No one worthy of the title teacher would disagree with me on that,” mr Clarke suggested optimistically.

He turned back to the calendar and hummed. Will could see even from a distance that there were scarcely any empty spaces. Eventually mr Clarke closed the calendar and leaned back on the chair.

”Could you drop by my house tomorrow some time around six pm?” he asked.

They looked at one another and then nodded in unison.

They excused themselves for showing up out of nowhere - again - as they were leaving. Mr Clarke wasn’t bothered by that but really encouraged them repeatedly to go back to school as he was following them to the door, putting emphasis on how intelligent they were and what a shame it’d be it they didn’t get into uni. Before they left, they promised to go back to school, making him smile and do a little thumbs-up.

”Did you actually mean it?” Will asked once the door was closed.

Somehow Will felt like the promise did’t apply to himself and El as much as it did to the other four though since they didn’t even attend school in Hawkins officially and going back to Maine was not an option before everything was safe and sound.

They walked back towards the exist. There were still some kids around but it was emptier than when they came. Will felt less like a celebrity now. Was it morally justifiable to hang around in the middle school hallways just to boost one’s poor self-esteem? Or was that just too pathetic?

”A promise means you cannot break it!” El exclaimed, seemingly a bit upset that this was even a topic of discussion. She glared at the others.

”But we can’t return all of us at the same time! It’s unrealistic that we all got cured at once! People are going to realize that we were just faking the whole thing! We’ll be in so much trouble!” Lucas whined.

Will sensed the undercurrent of reluctance. Lucas was far behind before they even staged the life threatening illness and stopped going. He was going to have a hard time making up for the time lost. Will felt really bad for him but he soon realized how far behind he was going to be once he returned to Maine and started feeling bad for himself instead.

Dustin was the only one who had actually studied ambitiously despite not being in school physically. He could easily return without too much fuss. This was apparent because he was the only one who didn’t seem overly remorseful about this promise.

Once they started talking about Will and El joining them when returning to school, the mood eased up. They were excited to show them everything and create a temporary reality in which they were all together again. Will hated that it the keyword was ’temporary’.

-

They had to walk all the way back to the Wheeler’s since Jonathan drove them there. When the road parted at one spot, Max and El decided to go to her place instead. Will felt a bit uneasy about it but he persuaded himself to have faith in their experiment - it should be fine. Nothing happened yesterday, why would it now? And yet Will wished that they had a weapon of some sort, just in case…

He looked around them queasily for a while after they parted, but everything did actually seem fine. It was bright daylight and, although few, there were other people around, so why would a monster suddenly attack now? It just seemed unlikely. Will decided to relax, which was of course easier said than done, but he soon had other things filling up his mind.

As soon as the girls were gone out of sight, Mike turned to Lucas with a smug grin, as if he had waited for this opportunity all day. His gait changed into something a bit ridiculous, like he was walking to the beat of some music, swaying around playfully.

”Max stayed at your place tonight,” he noted.

Will thought he was the only one who noticed but he had been waiting for someone to mention it, he just didn’t want to be that person.

”Wasn’t first time,” Lucas said nonchalantly.

”Wasn’t first time she stayed at your place or wasn’t your first time… you know?”

Will only passively listened, the question wasn’t even addressed to him, yet he abashedly looked away. Maybe it was because Mike was the one saying it, maybe it was just the situation altogether. At one point he made eye contact with Dustin, who pretended to not care whatsoever, just rolled his eyes, but was overtly curious despite his efforts to hide it.

Lucas just chuckled. Maybe he was blushing, maybe he wasn’t, it was hard to tell since his skin tone didn’t reveal it, but his coyness displayed itself in the body language anyway because suddenly his casual mannerisms looked a bit taut and unnatural and his facial expression was so unbothered it had to be artificial.

”Come on, man, that’s not an answer!” Mike complained.

”What do you want me to say?!” Lucas blurted defensively.

”Something! Come on! Either you did it or else you didn’t!”

”It’s none of your business anyway!”

Mike appeared to give it up, throwing his hands up in surrender, but the smugness didn’t leave his face. He carelessly kicked a rock on the ground and didn’t look at Lucas anymore.

The silence that followed was extremely loud. The conversation was far from over and they all knew it. They were just waiting for Lucas to cave in and give them the answer that they wanted. It was almost like an agreement: if Lucas doesn’t talk, then we shall not talk either.

Lucas did seem conflicted but didn’t want them to have their way, so he stayed quiet for another couple of minutes. It started to get unbearable. Then he suddenly stopped.

”FINE! We did it! Now what!? What are you gonna do about it?! Sue me?!”

Mike, Dustin and Will cheered victoriously. Will didn’t even know why he cheered, he just did it because Mike and Dustin did. Whether they were celebrating Lucas surrendering and giving them the answer or the answer that he actually gave, maybe they didn’t even know themselves.

Either way Will liked the brotherly, friendly ambience the cheering created. It felt like a matured version of their ’boy’s talk’ when they were younger. Back then they only teased each other about finding a girl in their grade cute or if a girl asked if she could borrow a pen (that was the closest to flirting they ever got before they met El and Max). Things had upgraded since.

”No, we’re not gonna sue you. We just wanted to know,” Mike said.

”And that’s not creepy at all!” Lucas said sarcastically, making them laugh but not apologetic at all.

”Seriously, Lucas, it’s not a weird thing. We’re buddies, right?” Dustin said.

Lucas just muttered something for an answer. Dustin’s opinion was always more important to him than Mike’s because they always bickered anyway. 

Will didn’t know how he felt about it - if he even felt anything at all. Lucas was still Lucas and Max was still Max. It was just an unfamiliar thought, that his same aged friends had started having sex. Thinking about it was one thing but to actually do it with someone else…? Pretty insane. This meant that they had officially entered that stage in their lives, or Lucas had anyway. Will felt, as usual, lightyears behind but he thinking about the kiss made him happy.

And besides the fact that he had kissed Mike (!!!), it also meant that he had kissed someone. It was stupid and Jonathan had so many times told him to not compare himself to others, but it was inevitable to not feel left out when his friends had experiences that he couldn’t relate to.

”So… how was it?” Mike swept his bangs aside and looked at Lucas in a more serious way than before, seemingly wanted to actually hear an honest answer.

”It was cool,” Lucas replied so casually he might as well have talked about a movie or a vacation.

”Dude, what’s with the lame answers? This is a big moment! Give us some details!” Mike pleaded.

Will felt more shy about Mike’s yearning to hear about it than Lucas revealing sparse details.

When they were still nerdy losers playing D&D around the clock, sex had never been a topic they talked about. It was just not a part of their vocabulary, it was nothing they thought or cared about. In hindsight some of their favorite movies and comics had some sultry aspects to them (princess Leia’s outfit for instance), but they didn’t even notice at the time. Didn’t even cross their mind.

Now, all of sudden, they were hyperaware. Since when? Will didn’t even know himself.

At some point new thoughts and ideas started sneaked into his own awareness, little by little, but did it do the same thing to his friends at the same time? Will never dared to say anything or discuss it with them, but that was more mostly due to the fact that his awakening wasn’t like a normal boy’s, which he had realized very early. It just seemed like a forbidden thing and he tried to resist instead of allowing himself to be interested, afraid that it was something gross or disturbing to think about.

Making out was one thing, but he couldn’t imagine Mike thinking the same lewd things that he frequently found himself thinking - but since he was apparently so eager to talk about it, it was only presumable that he had a dirty corner in his brain too. This realization Will wished could have dawned upon him another time, because it was definitely a turn-on and it was not a brilliant timing.

”You want details, you perv?! I told you we did it, that’s enough. It’s weird to talk about it! ”

”It’s not weird!”

”Then you tell us instead! Have you done it with El, huh?” Lucas snapped.

Will looked up from the ground and locked his gaze onto Mike. A moment too late he noted how obvious it must have been from someone else’s perspective that Will cared more about Mike’s answer than Lucas’ but nobody seemed to notice because they were too busy focusing on Mike.

”We never did it. I don’t even think she understands what sex is, to be honest,” he said casually.

Will wouldn’t have been mad if they had done it, but he felt relieved anyway. He had a corny fantasy about them, someday in the future, doing it for the first time together. He didn’t even know how two guys were supposed to do it but he had some ideas in mind. He felt so abashed by the mere thought, he looked down at the ground again and tried to focus at the asphalt’s plain color instead.

”What about you, Dustin? You and Suzie, have you done it?” Lucas asked, without thinking is was the slightest bit weird or awkward all of a sudden, now that he wasn’t the one getting examined. 

”What’s happening between us, stays between us,” Dustin said shortly.

This made Lucas and Mike groan disapprovingly, in unison, as if they were teaming up against Dustin now. Will found the drastic turn amusing but didn’t join them. This topic was too dangerous, it made him feel vulnerable. One slip of the tongue and he’d be exposed, he couldn’t take any risks.

”Suzie doesn’t give me ’wanna fuck’-vibes. She’s the type who will ask you to come over to her place and then you just do homework all night instead!” Lucas chortled.

Dustin frowned at this and seemed genuinely offended. He muttered something under his breath that not even Will, who was walking right next to him, could hear properly.

”We’re in our first year of high school, guys…” Will said vaguely and intended to say that it was normal if someone would rather do homework than have sex, but the words got stuck in his throat and he never said them out loud (was that a gay way of thinking? did straight people sleep around like maniacs in their freshman year?)

It was the first time he said something in a while, so despite the low volume of his voice, it attracted their attention immediately. Mike smiled at him in a consoling way as if to say ’it’s okay, we know, we’re just messing around’. 

Will was relieved that nobody asked about whether he had done it or not, but at the same time he kind of wished that they didn’t so bluntly assume that he didn’t have any experience. What did they know anyway? Maybe Will was secretly hooking up with someone in Maine? Sure, it was unlikely but still…

”I think Lucas still owes us some details though, since he has so kindly admitted that he has actually done it,” Mike said, teasing tone back in all its glory, eyebrows wiggling and everything.

Will was thankful that he shifted the attention back to someone else. Was it intentional? Did Mike try to save him from the discomfort? Or was it just because he genuinely wanted to hear about Lucas? Hard to tell, but it didn’t matter anyway. 

Lucas sighed and rolled his eyes at Mike’s stubbornness. He knew that Mike wasn’t going to give up, he never did once he had made up his mind about something. That trait was both a blessing and a curse. Will was glad he wasn’t the victim this time.

”Okay, so: she had stay at a someone else’s house, or else she wasn’t allowed to leave so late because her stepdad didn’t want her to walk home alone at night. When she told me I thought she was implying something, so I asked if she wanted to stay at my place. Now, she seemed a bit surprised by the idea so I think she originally planned to stay with El at your place, but then she was like ’sure’,” Lucas told.

The other three waited for him to continue.

”… So we got to my place really late but we were both running on adrenaline so we didn’t feel tired. My parents and Erica were asleep. At first I was like ’what if they wake up’ and I was so on edge, but like… we didn’t do it all the way, if you know what I mean…? Just hands. Doesn’t make any noise unless you want it to.”

”Didn’t do it all the way? But you said-”

”We’ve done it before. This wasn’t the first time. This was like… fourth time maybe? I don’t know. Depends on what you think counts as doing it.”

”What?!” Dustin blurted.

Will threw a glance over his shoulder to make sure nobody was walking right behind them and could overhear their conversation. Luckily there wasn’t. He wanted to hear about it, he was curious, the openness surrounding them didn’t feel as safe as the basement. With the dim lightning and the windowless walls, the basement was a perfect spot for talking about private things, it was like an isolated bubble.

They had walked for a while already but they wouldn’t be at the Wheeler’s for another fifteen minutes or so, Will estimated. They were walking slower than usual too, just strolling practically, so maybe it’d take even more than fifteen. He wished they could hurry up but his friends didn’t seem to care as much about the setting.

”What’s it like then?” Dustin asked.

Will was surprised at Dustin’s question, he didn’t hide behind Mike’s interest anymore. That made Will feel more confident too for some reason. If not even Dustin was going to play it cool, pretend not to care, what was the point? Will stopped staring at the trees and looked at Lucas instead, more bravely this time.

Lucas shrugged.

”For me? It’s great. I mean, it’s better to do it with someone else that to do it, you know… by yourself,” Lucas gestured with his hand but immediately regretted it, making him cover his face in abashment.

”We all do it, it’s fine!” Mike and tapped consolingly on Lucas’ shoulder.

”Don’t you think it’s a bit weird to admit that you jack off and touch my shoulder with your hand at the same time?! Gross!”

”Why are you so jumpy?! Jeez! It’s not like I did it two minutes ago!” Mike sneered and pulled his hand back, made a gesture that said ’what’s your problem?’.

Will threw a glance towards Mike’s hands and for a brief moment he imagined what they’d look like wrapped around a dick, but he quickly snapped himself out of it. Asphalt, asphalt, asphalt. Why did his brain have to be like this?! Why couldn’t it just behave like a normal brain and stop thinking about those things against his own will?

It was like his brain was a battlefield where logic, moral and consciousness fought erratically against hormones, feelings and identity. He was genuinely scared of what could potentially happen if he one day lost all his self-control because his brain displayed some alarming tendencies. Oh… but what if Mike also had a disobeying brain and thought about those things…? Asphalt, asphalt, asphalt. Wow, the color of asphalt is so interesting, isn’t it….? Much more interesting than thinking about Mike doing dirty things, hah! Asphalt, asphalt, asphalt…

Will took his scarf off and wrapped it around himself again, this time making sure that the knitted texture covered as much of his face as possible, shrouding his embarrassment. He probably looked a bit ridiculous but if someone asked about it he could just blame it on the cold (it was actually cold so it wasn’t a lie).

”You said that it was great for you,” Dustin said blankly, nudging Lucas to keep going.

”Oh, right,” Lucas remembered, ”Well, it’s great for me… but for her…? I’m not sure honestly. I don’t think she hates it but I’m pretty sure I’m not doing it quite right either. She seems to enjoy it more when I just touch her than when I actually… - Guys, this is so awkward, please, can someone else say something embarrassing about themselves? I don’t want to be the only one who’s talking!” Lucas wailed, putting his hands together in a pleading gesture.

”But you’re the only one who has done it! We don’t have anything to say!” Mike objected.

”Keep going! It’s fine!”

”Fine! So where was I…? Well, it’s frustrating because I do my best and it’s still not enough to make her feel good. I think she’s a bit too nervous when we do it, which makes it even more difficult, she needs to relax more to enjoy it. I ask her if it feels okay or if it hurts and every time she says it’s fine but I still don’t know for sure… The female body is so complicated and confusing. There’s no way to know how they feel since they don’t get boners and stuff. There’s no sign like ’now she’s close’ or anything! Looks the same all the time!” Lucas frowned in frustration.

”You have to find the clitoris,” Dustin said formally, in a matter-of-fact kind of way.

”And what the hell is clotoris?” Lucas muttered.

”Not clotoris - it’s called clitoris! Have you never heard of it a clitoris?! It’s literally the most sensitive spot on the female body! For most women it’s the only way to actually reach an orgasm! Read a fucking book, Lucas!” Dustin exclaimed annoyedly.

”I do read but I don’t read porn novels!”

”It doesn’t have to be a porn novel! I read about it in our biology textbook. There is a chapter about human anatomy and the reproductive organs. Very interesting actually!” Dustin said.

Lucas rolled his eyes at Dustin’s smartness but he must have known that Dustin had a point, because he didn’t argue with it. Instead he just shifted the focus, making the conversation less about himself and more about sex in general.

As they got closer to the Wheeler’s Will also found himself staring less at the ground and feeling a bit easier. He had been so tense because he was afraid that someone was suddenly going to ask him directly about his gender preference, but nobody did. Something in his guts told him that it was because they knew already and didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but it could also be a lucky coincidence. When he thought about it… it was almost too lucky to be a coincidence, because throughout all the years that he had known Dustin, Lucas and Mike none of them had ever confronted him about it although there were plenty of rumors about his sexuality going around in school and stuff. The only time was ”It’s not my fault you don’t like girls”. Literally the only time. It was like a silent agreement to not bring it up.

Said agreement made it possible for Will to actually be a part of the conversation, albeit not as eagerly as Lucas and Mike but Will was never as talkative as they were. Dustin also contributed with comments every now and then but just listened for the most part.

They talked about being frustrated, awkward boners, peer pressure and a bunch of other things that Will couldn’t understand how Mike could address so freely without ever outing himself. He somehow managed to niftily leave out pronouns and gender specific terms, never saying ’girlfriend’ or ’boyfriend’ and switched them out for terms like ’someone that you like’, ’significant other’ and ’partner’ instead. This was the first time Will noticed Mike doing this, but in hindsight he realized that Mike had done this in the past as well, which made his heart jolt for some reason.

Just before they arrived at the Wheeler’s, knowing that the conversation was going to end in just a matter of seconds so nobody could ask any further questions, Will admitted:

”I do it too. Masturbate I mean.”

This made the other three roar victoriously since all of their previous attempts to make Will admit it had failed. Will didn’t even feel particularly embarrassed by it. He just laughed along with them and felt like a very normal teenager for once.

-

The boys spent the rest of the day doing nothing particular, which was a rare occasion these days. Will couldn’t even remember a day when the four of them, all together, just hung out like that. Not that he hated Max and El, but the original Party was still sacred somehow.

They watched a movie on the TV, listened to some music, talked and gobbled any food they could find in the house that didn’t require any cooking. Nancy looked extremely alarmed by the sight of them eating cereal right out of the package. It was Mike’s idea to pour the milk directly into their mouths instead of using bowls, because he didn’t feel like doing dishes.

It wasn’t even Will’s idea to play D&D, it was Dustin who suggested it after finding the game while looking for a CD. It was unclear whether the suggestion was ironic, meant as a joke, or if he was serious. Either way the boys decided to play some, even though they didn’t have any great campaign in mind or anything.

They put the mysterious documents back into the folder and put it aside. It felt very symbolic to do so, since they literally put the only sign of the Upside down out of sight in order to return to their favorite childhood activity, to the time before their lives got interfered by chaos. But maybe Will was the only one who thought of it that way, he wasn’t sure.

Then they started setting up the game in the same way that they used to, they didn’t even need to think about it, it was like an instinct deriving from the past was reawakened.

It was weird to play it again. It didn’t feel the same way as it used to, despite that everything was set up the same way. The rules were the same, the figures were the same. The one thing that made it feel different was the voice in Will’s head that nagged about how immature it was and how lame his theatrical acting was. That self-awareness had never been there before and Will was horrified by it. Did this mean he was officially not a child anymore?

But after playing for a while (which in D&D terms meant a couple of hours), they managed to find a middle ground. They knew that it was childish and that they looked stupid when they acted out everything that happened, but instead of being abashed by it, they decided to laugh at it. It was fun - hilarious even! Dustin’s interpretation of a distressed old lady from the village made them laugh and gasp for air because it was so brilliant. 

Will liked this new take on the game. He didn’t even miss the old, captivating intensity - he liked the way they approached everything with a more lighthearted and comical undercurrent. And despite that things were different, they were still very much the same. The best thing about playing D&D was never actually the game itself, it was how the party spent so much time together how their minds got intertwined when they let their imagination run wild side by side. It was a wonderful unity.

Dustin and Lucas headed back home in the late evening. Just as they were about to leave, Dustin had stopped to say: ”This was a great day, guys. Let’s do this more often, yeah?”, to which everyone agreed.

It was like everything had healed throughout those hours they had spent together just the four of them. It was like they had found their way back home again, back to one another. A strange thing about being human is how it’s not enough to get to know someone once, because the truth is that everyone will change over time. The best friend’s you ever make are not the ones you like and want to get to know once, but the ones you like so much you’re willing to put in the effort to get to know them again and again because you feel so connected to them just can’t let them go.

The party had relied too much on their past experiences together that they forgot to maintain their closeness and make new experiences to connect them. That’s the reason why they had drifted apart. But when they stood there, all four of them, looking happily at each other, Will knew that this was just the beginning. From here they were going to get to know each other again as the new versions of themselves they had grown to be. 

-

Once Dustin and Lucas had left Will and Mike went back into the basement. It suddenly came across as very quiet and a bit empty. The D&D game was still set up on the table and mr Clarke’s folder was long forgotten on the shelf.

”I have something that’s yours,” Mike said.

He walked over to his school bag and opened one of the smaller departments. Will couldn’t see what he was bringing, but as soon as Mike turned around he handed Will a folded paper and Will immediately recognized it - it was the drawing he made at the Parker’s. He unfolded it anyway just to look at it again. There was a subtile crinkle running across it but it was still in good condition. He was delighted to have it back mostly because the phone numbers were written on the backside.

”Thank you. Really. I thought I had lost it forever!” Will stumbled.

”You dropped it at Dustin’s that day when he showed us the newspapers,” Mike said, ”I forgot to give it back to you. I remembered just now because it’s us playing D&D, right?”

”That was the intention at least. I made it in Augusta when I stayed with that family.”

”It’s good. That’s not a surprise of course, you’ve always been good at drawing, but still…” Mike complimented.

”That kid Jenn had some amazing art supplies. It was so much fun to try them.”

”If you could write the phone numbers down somewhere else, we could put it on the wall, if you’d like? This basement is officially the Will Byers art gallery!” Mike chuckled and gestured towards the walls covered with drawings.

Will copied the phone number on two separate paper sheets, just to be sure, and put one of them in his backpack and the other in his pocket. Just the thought of the drawing getting ripped in half or disappearing forever made him immensely nervous. Without the phone numbers he had no way to contact Amanda.

Mike let him pick the spot. Will moved some of the other drawings to make space on the wall right above the table. Then he fastened it with a tack and made sure it hung straight.

When done, he took a few step back so he could look at it from afar. He liked to see it on the wall. It stood out amid the older drawings. This one was more sophisticated and diligent. And Will liked that his tradition of gifting Mike drawings carried on, it felt like the ultimate act of intimacy - but with that being said though, Will didn’t mind at all when Mike tipped his chin upwards and leaned it to kiss him a moment later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm about to ramble again, don't mind me...
> 
> Being 14 was such a weird age honestly. Some people were very sexual already, had actual sex, dated around, made out in the hallways and whatnot - while some people had never done any of those things. Out of those who had didn't have any experience, I believe the majority of them longed for experience while a few didn't care. There's no right or wrong, if you ask me. It was just a messy age because people were so different. Some people were still kids while some were so mature and some were somewhere in the middle - all squeezed together in one grade.
> 
> A general thought that everyone seemed to think was "I'm the only one who's still a virgin" etc when in reality most people were still virgins at the time. Everyone felt like they were left behind, underdeveloped and miserable and nobody wanted to talk about it because it was shameful to admit, resulting in that the only ones who ever talked about sex were the ones who had already had it.
> 
> There's been a lot of debate in the Stranger Things fandom regarding Will being "a late bloomer" vs gay. I personally see a strong connection between the two. It's difficult to develop when you're queer because your development isn't going in the direction that you/society wants it to - hence why a lot of LGBTQ teenagers would rather stifle their sexuality than live it out, explore, learn and develop like straight kids commonly do.
> 
> It's of course not wrong to take it slow if that's what people want for themselves, but a whole lot of queer teenagers try to convince themselves that they are late bloomers, hoping that one day a guy/girl is going to attract them so they can finally experience their sexual awakening - when in reality they already have a sexuality, but they neglected it.
> 
> Okay, those were my thoughts. I'm done.


	19. Chapter 19

They did not go to school the next day despite their promise to mr Clarke. After considering Lucas’ point they had agreed that it was better if they returned one by one, rather than as a pack. Dustin had volunteered to be the first one to go back but he wanted to do it on Wednesday instead so he had some time to prepare answers (lies) in case somebody asked questions about his extended absence.

But they went to mr Clarke’s house the follow evening, as they had agreed to.

Will had brought the entire folder along, just in case. It was put in a plastic bag and then the plastic bag was put in a structured leather bag they had borrowed from mr Wheeler in order to not crinkle or damage anything even if it would start to rain. It didn't seem likely that it was going to rain though, if anything there would be snow. It was almost freezing already. The wet cold had been replaced by a crisper, dryer cold. By the time they were going back home after tonight meeting there was surely going to be a thin, delicate layer of ice on the water puddles on the ground.

He had unofficially become the owner of the folder. The responsibility was immense but at the same time nobody else seemed as appropriate to care for it, aside from El. Everything regarding Hawkins lab was more relevant to the two of them than the rest, but because Will found the folder it seemed right to assign it to himself alone.

The documents, the coding and the photographies were so eerie and incoherent they seemed like mere rubbish at first sight and yet it was so apparent that they alluded towards something crucial, something that could potentially change everything. To Will, the yearning to understand had grown so strong it was rapidly turning into an obsession. It was nagging in the back of his mind all the time. He couldn’t even fathom how he had just neglected the discovery the previous evening to do something as silly as playing boardgames.

Mr Clarke’s house looked welcoming when they spotted it from afar. Reek emerged from the chimney. When they got closer they could hear some jazz music was playing inside. Mr Clarke’s shadow and movements could be seen through the windows. It looked like he was jamming along to the tunes.

They knocked at the front door a couple of minutes past six pm. He should be expecting them since they, for once, didn’t just show up au hasard. Mr Clarke soon turned down the music and came to get the door. When he opened it he just smiled brightly and made a polite gesture for them to come in.

The most distinct impression Will sensed was the lovely aroma of food that filled the house all throughout. The jazz was still playing in the background. The food and the music were fused together with the sound of crackling fire and the scent of burned wood. Will couldn’t see the fireplace put he assumed it was somewhere in the living room. That explained the warm temperature inside too.

”You can hang your jackets over there,” mr Clarke pointed at a row of hooks on the wall.

It felt a bit strange to see him in such a relaxed, homey setting, but it was less alarming than when he opened the door clad in only a robe. The main reason for it was probably that to the students, mr Clarke was so strongly connected to his role as their teacher. Anywhere that was not in school made him look out of place.

Will took his jacket and scarf off. Then he looked around him, unsure of what to do with the bag. Was it weird to carry it around indoors? He didn’t want to leave it unwatched, but reluctantly did so anyway. He hid it carefully concealed under the outerwear. In case (was he getting paranoid at this point?) someone would burst into the house to rob mr Clarke or whatever, at least the bag wouldn’t be the first thing they’d spot and run away with.

”I hope you don’t mind seeing me like this. I figured this was the least stressful way to talk. I always get interrupted by something when I’m at work. You are not the only ones who knock at my door unexpectedly!” mr Clarke chuckled amiably.

Will wanted to take a look around but at the same time he didn’t want to be rude and nosy, which was weird since he had literally looked through mr Clarke’s belongings and even stole some vital documents just recently. He had to make up for that somehow, didn’t he? 

From the spot he was standing at, in the small room just inside the entrance, he couldn’t see much. There was a just closet and a shelf for shoes, a small bureau with a mirror hanging above. Everyone could barely fit in the room without bumping into one another every time they moved. He also noted that the walls had earthy, neutral colored tapestry and there were some framed family photographies on the wall, first thing to be seen when coming inside.

There was a picture of mr Clarke holding a fish, standing with water up to his calves, wearing shorts and a casual T-shirt, with a beautiful scenery in the background. Another one was slightly blurry, as if it had been taken whilst moving, showing a kid playing with a fluffy dog. An Asian woman occurred in several photos, Will assumed that she was mr Clarke’s girlfriend. He particularly liked one photography of a younger mr Clarke wearing a dazzling suit, making funny grimaces with another man in occasion wear who was holding a champagne bottle.

When Will looked back at the present mr Clarke, who was currently complimenting Dustin’s outfit, he just couldn’t envision the man ever being involved with Hawkins lab. He was a good man. For a second he doubted it altogether - maybe it wasn’t mr Clarke in the picture they found in the folder? Maybe it was a person who just happened to resemble him? That did still not explain why mr Clarke had the folder inside his desk though.

”Jen is not here at the moment, she’s celebrating her sister’s birthday, but she kindly prepared some food for us before leaving. Are you hungry?” mr Clarke asked, clapping his hands together.

A moment later they found themselves sitting around an oak table in the kitchen, eating a stew. Mr Clarke didn’t seem to think it was the slightest bit weird to have dinner with a bunch of teenagers. Will didn’t know what his friends had done when they visited mr Clarke previously, while he was practicing with El, but whatever it was it had successfully made mr Clarke their personal friend.

Dustin seized the opportunity to ask mr Clarke about an assignment he didn’t know how to proceed with. Mr Clarke gladly advised him what to take into consideration and how to elevate his work. This part of the conversation was particularly boring and almost a bit uncomfortable because nobody else but Dustin and mr Clarke were that keen on studies right now.

After mr Clarke asked how Nancy and Jonathan were doing, they ended up in a long memory lane rampage because mr Clarke remembered so many great things about both of them. He looked at Will with a sweet smile and said:

”I knew you were Jonathan’s brother right from the moment I saw you. I suppose both of you resemble your mother, but I think what made me realize right away was just something about your energy. You’re independent, both of you. Like to do your own thing and all of that, it was lovely to see two kindhearted individuals with such strong character. Never loud, only vivid. Very intelligent too!”

Will felt unworthy of the praise, it wasn’t even accurate. Well, in Jonathan’s case most of those things were true. He was a maverick while Will was just struggling. Will was never independent. At times he was almost like a parasite praying on other people’s strength because he didn’t have any. He opened his mouth to object but before he even had the chance to, mr Clarke put his hand in the air to stop him.

”And humble, very humble!” mr Clarke added to the list.

Mr Clarke said that he was more surprised to find out that Nancy and Mike were related. They didn’t look a lot alike when they were younger, but lately Mike’s face had started to resemble Nancy’s more with its prominent bone structure. Mr Clarke also noted how vastly different their personalities were, but everyone else around the table (except for Mike himself possibly) knew how outdated that statement was.

The friendly malarkey was nice and serene, but Will was impatient. He wanted to address the reason why they were there. He didn’t want to waste any time talking about insignificant things. When Mike went for seconds, Will had to restrain himself from kicking him under the table. It wasn’t until everyone had finished that mr Clarke put his hands together and looked at them inquisitively.

”You wanted to talk to me for a reason, I presume?” he said before adding: ”I do in fact also have something to tell you about.”

They looked back and fourth amid themselves. They had already planned what to say and yet it felt awkward to actually do it. Besides, mr Clarke’s comment made them awfully curious to hear what he had to say too. They dwelled for so long mr Clarke decided to continue either way:

”I cleaned the attic the other day. I found some things. And I have to put emphasis on this - I am not exactly sure of what I’ve found.”

Will tensely paid attention. It was tempting to run out, get the folder and slam it on the table in front of mr Clarke and demand him to explain. El seemed to be thinking the same thing because she had that fierce glow in her eyes, she wasn’t up for friendly chit-chatting right now.

”How about you tell us first?” Mike suggested.

Nobody objected to that, so Mr Clarke showed them to the living room.

There was indeed a fireplace located in a corner. The fire threw a gentle, warm glow across the room. The various objects (substantially science stuff, such as large telescopes and such equipment) threw unnatural shadows all around. The bookshelves were stuffed as full as they could be. The living room was truly infused with mr Clarke’s persona. Will couldn’t have imagined his home to look any other way.

Mr Clarke asked them to take a seat with a gesture towards a couch with checkered upholstery and a matching footstool. They made themselves comfortable while he went to get the thing he wanted to show them.

”What do you think it is?” Dustin whispered.

”Could be anything!” Mike whispered back.

”He said that we probably knew more about it…”

Then mr Clarke reappeared on the threshold with a medium sized cardboard box. He put it down on the floor next to the table with a heavy thud. Will curiously craned his neck to peek into it. The box looked like it was full of old nonsense but that was exactly was Will had hoped for. It was like spotting a puzzle piece and immediately knowing where the connecting piece was and how they fit together.

”Okay, so this is what I found,” he said without displaying any particular emotion in relation to it.

He pulled out an antique chair that stood in the corner, placed it next to the low table and sat down. Then he leaned forward and started hoisting the content out of the box. He frowned at some of the things, held them up for everyone to see, shrugged cluelessly a couple of times and finally leaned back against the back of the chair.

There was a notebook, two stuffed animals, a paper wrapped package in the shape of a rectangle, another notebook, a leather pen case, some gloves and some paper bundles. Mr Clarke seemed to have wiped most of the dust off already, yet everything appeared to be covered in a thin layer and the smell of old attic was very obtrusive.

"Voilà," he said, made a half-hearted gesture with his hands towards everything that had been placed on the table.

”What is all of this?” Mike asked, brows furrowed in confusion. He picked up a glove and dangled around with it before dropping it back on the table.

”I’m afraid I don’t know. This might be the first time in my life… but I’m not even sure I want to know,” mr Clarke said gravely.

He glared at the pile of things as if he found it repulsive, as if he disavowed everything, didn’t want to see it, didn’t want it to be there. This reaction made Will extremely inquiring. He had never seen mr Clarke make that facial expression. Even if he claimed to not be sure of what he had found, it was still awfully apparent that he at least had an inkling about it, or else he wouldn't have made that face.

”May I…?” Will asked and tentatively reached for the thicker one of the notebooks.

”Of course!” mr Clarke said quickly, ”Please go ahead! Take a look!”

Will grabbed the book and sat down on the footstool again. Mike sat next to him and watched curiously. El reached for the stuffed animals and Max reached for the leather case. When Max opened the case a couple of colored pencils could be seen as well as a hardened, discolored eraser. She dug around in it for a bit but the pencil case didn't seem to hold any significant clues, was Will's first impression based off Max's plain reaction. 

”I may not personally want to know what we’re looking at here, but I do recognize that understanding these objects could be a vital discovery - not just for you, but for everyone. That’s why I would like you to take a look. As strange as it is, I believe that you are the only ones in the world with expertise in this field,” mr Clarke said thoughtfully.

Will opened the notebook. He immediately realized it was a diary of some sort. Each page had a date noted in the top corner but it didn’t address the year. Most pages only had a few words scrabbled onto them while some were completely filled. Some pages had been ripped out too. There were plenty of empty pages, towards the end. The paper had turned into a slightly yellow hue and the leather cover was so dry and stiff it creaked when Will forced the book open.

The handwriting was a sloppy cursive but Will was sure it was English. He spotted the words ’later’, ’morning’ and ’maybe’, but the lettering was so incomprehensible it could just as well had been a foreign language at first glance. It did not look like the secret language in the other documents though, it was practically the opposite of the clean cut strokes and angles.

”Did you write this?” Will asked.

Mr Clarke looked troubled. He reached out to take the notebook away from Will. He held it in his hands and looked through the pages in the same way that Will did previously as if to check one more time before answering, as if he would for some reason think anything differently this time compared to the first time he looked at it. Then he sighed and gave it back, threw his hands in the air as if to say 'no idea'.

”My guess is: yes. When I studied to become a teacher I had to learn how to write more neatly but when I was younger my handwriting was… let’s call it ’creative’. Throughout all my years in school my teachers always told me my handwriting was incomprehensible. What I don’t understand though, is why I can’t remember ever writing it…”

”Was it a long time ago?”

”I believe the notebook Will is holding is from 1967. That other one is from 1966. Sure, it was a while ago, I must have been… wait, I was born in 1948… so… nineteen? Yes, I must have been nineteen - so yes, it was a pretty long time ago - but not ages ago, I’m not that old, if I may say so myself!” mr Clarke said.

Will searched through the pages, looking for the indication regarding the year. He found it at a random page in the middle of the cursive writing. 1967. It was almost like the number was mocking him. In a book filled of unreadable scrabbles, the only thing that made sense was the number 1967. It was enough for Will to understand that this was somehow connected to the other documents, but it didn’t answer any of his questions.

”Can you read your own handwriting? Can you read this?”

”Unfortunately not. I think I could figure it out somehow if you'd just give me some time, but when I said my handwriting was creative - I really did mean it. It never looked the same, it changed every time my mood changed or the weather changed and depending on the topic I was writing about and the time of the day… And the more my teachers told me to stop it, the more I wanted to do it!” Mr Clarke chuckled at this.

Mike leaned closer to look at a page. He peered at the writing and mumbled to himself as his eyes wandered from left to right, from top to bottom. Will handed him the book so he could take a closer look. When he reached the end of the page he straightened up and said:

”Honestly, it’s not that bad… I can read this.”

”That’s because your handwriting is incomprehensible too, Mike!” Lucas said and rolled his eyes.

”Hey! That’s mean!”

”It’s true though…” Will chuckled. He rubbed Mike’s arm consolingly for a second, before quickly pulling it back again when realizing that everyone was watching.

This time around Will was the one who leaned in as Mike kept flipping through the pages. He stopped at some pages for a bit longer than others. He looked deeply concentrated intermittently, but sometimes he just skimmed through with ease. Everyone was completely quiet as they watched him read.

”Would you like to try some Korean candy?” mr Clarke suggested abruptly.

Before they even had the opportunity to answer, he was on his feet and went out into the kitchen. The sound of kitchen cabinets opening and closing could be heard vaguely over the crackling fire.

”What does it say, Mike?” Max asked quietly, as if she didn’t want mr Clarke to hear.

”On this page he’s talking about how excited he is and how much he’s appreciating an opportunity he’s been given. He says he’s looking forward to working hard and moving on to the next chapter in life,” Mike said thoughtfully.

”What does that mean? Did it state what he’s going to do?” Lucas asked.

”No, not on this page…”

El was still captivated by the stuffed animals and didn’t seem the slightest interested in hearing about the notebook. Will noticed how she hadn’t stopped staring ever since she spotted them. She held one of them in a tight grip, almost angrily and stroke the faux fur tenderly at the same time. The contrast was batty, it made her look crazy, especially since the fireplace was reflected in her eyes, making them look literally glowing.

”El?” Will asked warily.

For the first time she looked up. She had a stern facial expression but there was something woeful about it as well. She held the toy up for Will to see, but he didn’t understand what she was trying to communicate. It was just a stuffed animal, a zebra to be precise, not particularly cute or anything either.

”I have one like this, but it’s a lion,” she said stoutly, ”It’s from the lab.”

Mr Clarke reentered the room with some small packages of candy. The bags had Korean letters on them and the content was undefinable. He handed them out to the adolescents and sat down on the antique chair again. Will suspected that this was an attempt to make the ambience a bit lighter, it was so heavy it was crushing, or perhaps to interrupt the hyper fixation on himself. It didn't work that well. Will literally could not care less about exotic candy right now. He couldn’t even pretend to care. When Mike passed him a bag of lurid caramels, he just put it aside right away instead of trying them.

Instead he reached for the paper wrapped package on the table. It was heavy but not solid, yielded as he held it. He sat back on the footstool and started unwrapping it. Mr Clarke had probably not looked into it before either because the wrapping had stiffened and showed no signs of anybody unwrapping it.

What he found was papers - lots of papers. Will started searching through them. They were incoherent and dated to anywhere between 1967 and 1970. Some of the lined sheets didn’t even have any text on them, just a bunch of ugly doodles, like stick figures and poorly drawn animals. It looked like a student who got bored in class had made them. Most of them were smaller than a full paper sheet and had rough edges too, as if someone had just ripped a paper in half.

”Mr Clarke, did you make these?” Will asked and held up a drawing of, what he thought was, a human being holding a giant chicken leg.

”I'm afraid I don't know."

Will looked down at the work and picked up another one as well. He decide to assume that mr Clarke had made them but it seemed a bit ridiculous that a nineteen year old would draw some poop, give it teeth and call it art. No background, no details… nothing. It was frankly as waste of paper. Maybe mr Clarke made them when he was drunk or something? On the other hand there were plenty of ugly doodles on the walls at school that looked just like that so it could just be a result of boredom in class for sure.

Will gathered all the drawings in a pile, put them aside and kept looking through the other things.

Then he suddenly froze on the spot when spotting a bundle just like the one he had in the bag. He didn’t even need to open it to realize what it was. It was documents with more children. The first page when opening it said: Participants - 1971.

El pulled her gaze away from the stuffed animal, looking directly at Will instead. The moment later she almost threw herself off the couch and kneeled down next to him to see better. He could feel his fingers trembling already. This was what he had been looking for. This was what they came for. Will wasn't even sure whether that was true or not, but now that he held the papers in his hands it felt like he had found exactly what he wanted to find.

”Is that…?” Mike began.

Will nodded assuredly before even hearing the full question.

It looked just like the other documents, with photographies and information but no names. The difference was that most of these children were born later than in the first one. Nobody in the other document had been born later than 1966. In this one, most kids were born between 1967-1970 but Will had already spotted three kids born in 1971 and it made him feel dizzy and he tensely clenched his jaw.

Will almost didn’t dare to turn the pages properly. Mike had to do it for him several times, when he was so bewitched he couldn’t make himself do it. Before Mike flipped the pages he asked if Will was ready, and despite that he wasn’t ready at all, he still nodded. Eleven watched with the same intensity as himself. She barely even blinked.

When they got to the fourteenth page, Will suddenly gasped sharply and ruthlessly hurled the paper bundle away from himself by impulse. El was quick to throw her arms around Will, not caring about the documents getting wrinkly when they hit the floor.

”It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay…” she repeated like a hymn and held Will tightly, as if she was afraid he might fall apart if she didn’t. She couldn't even possibly had caught a glimpse of what the fourteenth page held, but she seemed to know well enough already. She kept saying that it was okay and rocking a little back and forth whilst doing so, as if she was trying to put Will to sleep.

But Will didn’t feel okay at all.

Dustin was the one who got on his feet and picked up the documents from the floor. He sat back down and tried to undo the folds that had been made in the concussion, Lucas curiously leaning in to see. They sat down at the couch and started flipping through the pages, searching for what had made Will react so violently. When he got to the fourteenth page, all three of them looked up at Will in distress.

Mr Clarke was stunned beyond words, not understanding anything of what was going on at the moment. He looked confusedly at the younger ones, hoping for an explanation but without receiving one. He nervously shifted around on the chair, sucked on the caramel in his mouth and just waited. The crackling fire in the background and El's consoling was the only thing to be heard, everything else was awfully quiet - and yet Will's mind was louder than ever.

Everything was a lie.

His entire life was a lie.

Nothing he ever knew was real.

Those were the only three things that hit Will over, and over again and the impact was so vast it made him feel like he was keeling over, crashing into pieces, losing his right to call himself human. He was just an object - an object who was being used for someone else’s interests. For so long he had clung onto that tiny possibility that there was another explanation, he had clung onto it so dearly, he never even cared to prepare himself for the much larger possibility - that he had at some point been a victim of Hawkins lab experiments. He wished that it could go back to the way everything was just ten minutes ago.

But he couldn’t go back to the way it was. There was no way to erase the memory of turning from the thirteenth page to the fourteenth page, to find himself from the past looking back at him.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short but angsty. It contains suicidal themes so don't read it if that triggers you.

”Will, you should get some sleep, alright? There’s nothing more we can do today anyway. I’ll do my best to transcript the diaries tomorrow, I promise,” Mike pleaded.

Will was petrified. He sat as still as a statue on the couch with the documents in a cramping grip. The lamp in the ceiling had been switched off but a smaller lamp still lit the basement up enough enough so he could see everything clearly. He hadn’t turned the pages even once. He kept staring at the fourteenth page, eyes dry and irritated because he didn’t even want to blink. He had stopped crying long ago.

He had read it so many times he knew it by heart. It stated his weight, height, his birthplace, his personality, strengths, weaknesses… things Will didn’t want them to know. He never gave them his consent to know but they apparently didn’t care for that at all. They just helped themselves as if Will was a buffet table, taking everything they wanted to take. Their gluttony was repulsive.

Why? Why? Why? Why?

The thing that made him the most furious was how the document mentioned his parents and Jonathan. If they wanted to disrespect him, that was one thing, but to involve his family was crossing the line - and yet there was nothing Will could do about it to claim his justice in this matter either. All he could do was stare at the page, hoping that if he just glared at it enough it would somehow magically change, vanish before his eyes.

It was a long time ago, Hawkins lab was already shut down, mr Brenner was gone… There was no one left to hold responsible for this. There was no one Will could take out his anger on. Will wanted to kill the person who dared to mention Jonathan’s name in their disgusting documents but the only trace left behind whoever it was, was the documents.

It was cowardly to use a defenseless child. Will didn’t even have a chance to fight back, to resist. He was an object, he was their toy, they tool. He hated it, he hosted a powerful abhor against it that he didn’t even know he was capable of feeling. He couldn't even try to understand the purpose of this because it didn't matter. He knew well enough already that Hawkins lab didn't have any good intentions with anything they did, even if they pretended to. Everything they did was solely done in favor of their own interest. That was apparently the only thing that mattered.

Will didn’t even know that they had ruined his life until now. He had lived in a lulled oblivion his entire life, believing that his biggest trauma was his father and growing up as gay - but none of that mattered compared to how he had been a literal tool for evil people’s interests and had somehow forgotten everything about it - just like they wanted.

Eleven was aware of everything that happened to her. She was permanently damaged because of it, she would always have to live with her memories, nothing could ever make up for all the years she lost to the lab - and yet Will was jealous.

His entire life was a lie. He had been traumatized too, but didn’t even know about it. He had lived his life as happily as he could, which was wrong because he didn’t want to be happy after what they did to him. He wanted to be angry, because if he was happy, wasn’t that equivalent to accepting the way he had been treated? Did that mean he was content with being a tool?

”Will, Mike is right, you should sleep…” El said softly.

She tried to linger the papers out of his hands to put them away, but Will snapped them away from her before she could do so.

”No!” he exploded.

Mike looked genuinely afraid of Will’s change in personality. He sat down on the edge of the couch next to him and reached out with his hand to put it on Will’s shoulder but Will yielded away. He didn’t want to be consoled, he didn’t want their kindness. He found humanity altogether to be repelling. He didn’t want to be touched. More than anything he craved to hide in an isolated capsule where nobody could see him, touch him or harm him or make him feel inferior anymore.

”This thing is making you crazy! I understand that it’s chocking but -” Mike didn’t know what to say. He hesitated for a second before quickly snapping the documents away from Will, too brusquely for Will to be able to stop him, ”Will, don’t let them destroy things more than they already have. What good could possibly come out of this? We'll figure something out. It's going to be okay."

Seeing Mike with the papers in his hand turned the simmer into a boil. Will had spent hours staring at the page in a transfixed manner, mind empty and callous, not feeling anything at all ever since the crying stopped. Now everything dawned once more, it became real. The truth had been kept away from him his whole life and when he finally had it even his closest ones tried to take it away from him again. Will couldn’t even think clearly anymore, everything was nebulous and so chaotic it didn’t make any sense. The thought were overpowered by untamed feelings.

"It's going to be 'okay', is that what you're saying?" Will spitted and got up from the couch. He walked towards Mike in an almost menacing way, making him flinch back impulsively, "How will it ever be okay when -"

"Will, what is happening?! Please talk to me! Talk to us! Seriously, what's going on right now?!" Mike frantically pleaded. He tried to pull Will into a hug but Will just wrenched out of it. Mike made another attempt, this time not stopping when Will tried to push him away. It almost turned into a wrestling session, but not at all in the same way as the playful, flirty one at the cafe when they tried the Halloween pastries. Eleven pleaded for them to stop but was completely ignored.

"How - is - it - ever - going - to - be - okay?!" Will practically yelled, this time not angry or disdainful but just desperate, pained. He wanted to let Mike hold him but he still kept trying to keep his distance, pushing him away every time he got too close. He swallowed the tears and tried to turn the sadness into anger instead, he was so done with being sad and whiny. Anger made you more powerful, didn't it? That's what Eleven said. Maybe she was right.

”Leave me alone!” Will hissed, which made Mike back off immediately, look on his face as if he couldn't believe it. Will didn't know why this comment suddenly meant so much when repeatedly pushing him away didn't. Will didn't mean it like that. He didn't mean it any more than he meant his attempts to maintain the distance between them. They were all acts of desperation and despair.

Will froze for a second, not knowing what to do. Take it back? Cave in? Cry? Yell? Where was he supposed to get all those feelings out without making a mess, without hurting anybody else? He didn't even trust his own voice anymore, it was better to just not say anything at all just to be sure that he didn't say anything more that he would regret afterwards.

Without thinking he stormed out of the basement. Mike and El looked terrified at the burst. Mike opened his mouth to yell something after him, but it got stuck in his throat and he was frozen on the spot, looking after Will as he disappeared out of sight with panic in his eyes.

Will grabbed his jacket and put it on on his way out the door, hurrying as much as he could in case they were following him. He slammed the door shut behind him, not caring if anybody woke up because of it. It felt like a bomb was ticking inside, it was going to explode at any minute. He had to get away from here as quick as possible, hide somewhere where nobody would find him in blown up pieces. It was pitch black outside but he didn’t care about that either. He grabbed a bike off the ground and kicked off into the night. He didn’t feel bad about it, too imbued with adrenaline, anger and panic. Maybe not the right thing to do - but the rightest.

But what was the point if everything was unreal? Why even try to do the right thing when the whole world was just wrong? What if his life was still scheme? A staged theatre? A social experiment? What if he was still a part of Hawkins lab’s research and he was just their puppet? Will was happy, genuinely happy. Things were going so well! He had never been so at peace with himself - and now an alternative reality unveiled itself and shattered everything.

Somewhere in the world there might in this very moment, a scientist might sit with their finger on top of a red button reading ’delete’ or ’destroy’ or something equally morbid, and if they felt like pushing it Will would not be able to do anything to stop it because he was just an object, helpless and vulnerable. It would hurt less to think about it if he didn’t have all the beautiful things in life that he had. All the wonderful people, the memories, the places… the more things he treasured in life, the more he had to lose. He didn’t want to lose everything, didn’t want it to be snapped away from him.

He pedaled as fast as he could. The cold air burned in his lungs as he panted and his legs ached, but that was exactly what Will wanted. He kept pushing it until he started feeling lightheaded. He didn’t know where to go, which instantly lead him towards Castle Byers. When he reached the end of the forest he got off the bike and threw it aside. Then he practically ran straight towards the darkness amid the trees. It was difficult to be fast, no matter how much he tried to move forward. The fallen trees, slipper leaves and rocks slowed him down and Will cussed at them for deterring him.

It was almost impossible to distinguish the fortress, but Will found his way by intuition. He had walked around in this part of the woods many times before, in various mental states, not rarely in the same distress he was currently in.

The sight of Castle Byers made his heart drop. It was so derelict and gloomy. The curtain door laid lifelessly on the ground, the walls were damaged and without even looking inside, Will knew that everything was damp and gross. Will had destroyed vast parts of it previously and had never returned to fix it, which he deeply regretted now as he realized that not even his only safe place on Earth had any halcyon to offer.

At first he wanted to destroy something, beat the castle up like he had last time, but now he just wanted to apologize to the fortress, beg it to restore itself so he could crawl inside, wrap himself in a blanket and just forget about the world for a minute. But the castle wasn't going to fix itself. He was on his own in the cruel world. There was nowhere to hide from it.

He let his body slump down on the wet moss, and just remained there as the tears bursted through. The earthy rainwater felt freezing cold against his skin when it soaked through the denim fabric of his jeans. His jacket was more water resistant but Will found himself craving the piercing cold; the sensation was like an anchor that held him in place when the overwhelming anxiety and sadness swept through like a merciless flood wave.

He yelled out loud a couple of times, just to get it out of his body, he couldn’t host so many feelings at the same time, they were drowning him. He also threw some rocks, snapped some stick in half and felt like a complete idiot for reacting the way he did, like an out of control maniac. It almost felt like Castle Byers was mocking him. There was a reason why it didn’t welcome him inside with a warm embrace anymore, it was telling him to get his shit together, stop running away from everything, ’Go back to where you came from, stop running out into the woods every time things get rough’ - but Will didn’t want to go back. He wanted to remain here on the ground forever and just yell until the pain went away and if it didn’t go away he’d just yell until he starved to death on the spot.

But an interference made him abruptly stop anyway.

Someone was watching him, he could sense it. The woods were intimidating but perfectly still. The only thing to be heard was the leaves rattling whenever the wind blew through the trees. The experiment that proved that nothing from the Upside Down dared to approach when Will and El were both in Hawkins. Because of this, Will concluded that it had to be El - she was spying on him.

”Leave me alone, El! I know it’s you! I can feel it!”

He closed his eyes and tried to shut her out of his brain. He concentrated deeply. Some blood soon trickled out of his nose, but the feeling of being watched didn’t go away, if anything it grew stronger and it made him angrier.

”Come on, El! I’m not feeling great right now! Give me a break! Go away!”

He closed his eyes again. It only confirmed that his feelings were legitimate, as she was using her advantage against him. Why did humans always have to use their own strength against the weaker?! In his mind he demanded her to leave repeatedly but it didn’t work. It only made him feel even more frail - he could literally never protect himself against anything! Anybody could do anything against him and all he could do in response was to accept it!

He let his fingers dig into the moss, tore it off the ground and threw it away. He repeated the same procedure a couple of times until he didn't have any more moss around him within reach. All that was left was earth and rocks. There were no sticks to break around anymore either. He didn't even bother getting up, move to another spot where he could keep breaking and throwing things. What was the point anyway?

”I’m not going to kill myself, if that’s what you’re afraid of! Stop spying on me, El!”

He wasn’t even sure if that was true. Right now the thought of dying was actually very appealing. The thought of just giving up had struck him many times before but Will had never been truly suicidal, he never meant it, but this time just felt differently. It wasn't just a thought, it was a feeling deep down in his guts that this was enough. He had already solved everything he needed to solve, he knew what Mike's lips felt like against his own, the party had repaired the damage in their bond, he had superpowers and back in Hawkins... If he died right now he would be content with his life.

It couldn't get better from here anyway. From here on everything was going to go downhill. Everything had already started to fall apart. He didn't know what to believe in, nothing felt true, nothing felt real. He didn't even know who he was anymore and he apparently never did since someone else had fabricated his past. He didn't want to spend seventy years on Earth living in doubt, not believing in anything. In that case it was better to die.

It was almost a cramping yearning to just end it, like merely existing was so unbearable he wanted to crawl out of his own skin and dissolve. He could easily had gotten back up, biked away to the high cliff, thrown himself into the abyss... but some part of him still wished that someone could find and tell him everything would be okay, hold him, stroke his hair, talk him out of it… Mike or Jonathan preferably, but anyone who could stand him even at his worst would do, just preferably not a monster.

Unfortunately though, Will had a certain propensity to never get his wishes fulfilled right away like that.


	21. Chapter 21

Something flinched past.

It was barely perceptible, just a shapeless darker shade of dark that moved behind some trees. The sight of it didn’t reveal much, but a moist, guttural sound could be heard too that sounded alarmingly much like a growl. It vibrated through the air and made Will involuntarily shiver. He quickly drew the conclusion that foxes, bears and other American forest predators did not sound like that. It had to be something else.

The unexpected proximity was efficient to take his mind off his existential pondering. It was like a feral instinct rouse inside of him. His thought were suddenly crisp and clear. He could only think about the present. His senses were on high alert, heart pounding loudly.

He didn’t know if it was a better choice to be completely still or get up and run. What did he do last time? He couldn’t think clearly about that time now, the only thing he could think of was where the shadow moved and how close it was.

He could hear hoarse breathing and sticks breaking on the ground as it moved. It seemed to be circulating around him and Castle Byers. It kept a distance, Will estimated it to be around 200 feet (≈ 60m) away but it was hard to tell when laying down and not seeing it properly.

Will stared straight up into the tree tops. He was too scared to find out the true nature of what was lurking out there, he did’t want to see. He wasn’t ready to face a demogorgon again. Even after all this time the first encounter remained the scariest one. By the time they fought the Mind-flayer in the mall he was already used to the fear but the first encounter… it was rawer.

Behind the outlines of the trees and their branches, the sky was a lovely, navy blue color. Some stars were vivid and bright but most of them were vague, out powered by their stronger fellows and the moon. It was the vast variation and the individuality of the stars that made them so beautiful, they were so organic and irregular.

Somewhere in the world, someone else might have stared up into the night sky and thought about how their day had been, what they were going to do tomorrow, they might have pointed out one particular star and told their significant other that it was their’s - but Will looked up into the endless galaxy and feared that it was going to be the last thing he ever saw.

The previous suicidal thoughts had quickly dissolved when he was faced with reality - he didn’t want to die, not at all.

The thought of never making it back to the Wheeler’s now was possibly the worst feeling Will had ever felt, it was like his guts got brutally twisted inside his body. He started crying again. He covered his mouth to not let out any sounds and tried to lay completely still but he couldn’t stop the trembling.

Repeatedly the same thing echoed in his brain, loudly and obtrusively - What if he died now and the last thing he ever said to Mike was ’leave me alone’ ?

He couldn’t die now, he couldn’t. If he died now, he’d never get to see his loved ones again, he’d never find out the truth about anything, he’d never learn to stand up for himself… If he died now, it was all over. He’d never experience and see and feel anything more in his life ever again it everything came to an end now.

Powers.

Despite abounding of inner commotion, he had to calm himself down by thinking about his powers. He had practiced plenty, he knew that he could target heavy objects. He wouldn’t be helpless if he used his powers. This was the very reason why he practiced in the first place. El had killed monsters before with her’s.

He had to contact El.

He closed his eyes and pleaded for it to work. He apologized in a long stream inside his head, in case El had heard him before. ’Please, please, please, hear me’. It was hard to focus on communicating when he was constantly fearing that a monster was going to snap his body into two pieces or devour him whole while he was sinking into the Void.

He shut his eyes harder. He didn’t have any blindfold, but he hoped it’d be enough. He kept apologizing and wishing for it to work. He tried to envision El’s face in his mind. Sweet, smiling, bubbly… her thorny English… her braveness… please be there, El, please… colorful outfits… her laughing… please be there… 

Will suddenly threw his eyes wide open. He was no longer in the woods. It was the most obscure place he had ever been at. He had never seen anything like it but he knew that this was it - the Void. He had never experienced the Void so vividly, it was literally as if he had entered another world, not just a different state of mind.

It was dark all around. There was no ground, no sky, no walls, no shapes. It was just empty - except for a couch that floated in the nothingness. Will could see even from afar that it was the couch in the Wheeler’s basement and both Mike and El were sitting on it.

Will walked towards them. The steps didn’t make a sound, there was no ground below his feet. He was just weightless, flying almost. It was a lunatic feeling.

Mike was sobbing hysterically while El tried to calm him down. Mike had holding one of Will’s sweaters tightly pressed against his chest, fingers digging into the fabric as if he held onto it for dear life.

”It’s a chock, Mike. Will is chocked. He will be okay. He needs time and space. He will be okay,” El said calmly.

”But he has never been like that before! I don’t understand! This is the second time he just runs away instead of talking to us! Who is supposed to be there for him if he runs away from the people who are there for him?! I don’t want him to be alone out there! I want to help him!” Mike wailed and covered his entire face in the sweater.

Will didn’t know what to do or what to say. He just stared, unable to comprehend what was happening. Was this the real Mike? Was this a direct sight into the present basement? It was so surreal it felt like a dream.

”Will loves you a lot. I’m sure he will be okay,” El tried.

She stroke his back amiably but didn’t really seem to know what to do with herself.

”I need to help him! I need to! But I don’t know how! I can’t live with myself knowing that I’m not capable of helping the ones I care for! It’s literally the only thing that’s truly important to me!”

Oh, Mike, always so noble… Will hated how his own actions could affect other people like that. Was Will automatically a bad person if he didn’t take care of himself when he had people in his life who cared about him…? It was never his intention to make anyone distressed because of him, but Will had no other choice but to stay away from them when he was about to explode. It was the rightest thing to do. He didn’t want anyone to see him at his worst even if he was sure Mike could handle it.

Will kneeled down in front of Mike and reached out his hand to touch his face. When his fingers brushed against the skin, Mike immediately stopped wailing and looked up, right at Will.

”Can you see me, Mike?” Will asked.

”El, it’s Will! Look! Come here! He’s there! Right? It’s Will!” Mike stumbled and waved for El to come closer and see.

She looked at Will with a satisfied grin, as if this was the absolute proof that their training had paid off. Mike didn’t seem to understand. He reached out into the air in front of him without feeling anything, to him it was just air.

The moment was so captivating Will wished he could have stayed for longer, but then he remembered that his real body was laying on the ground in the forest and he had to go.

”There’s something weird out here. I’m at Castle Byers. Might need some help,” Will said rapidly and looked over his shoulder, for a second expecting to see the woods but instead there was just empty, dark space.

”Something weird at Castle Byers,” El repeated to show that she understood.

”And if something happens, please know that I love you guys, all of you. Sorry for everything. Mike, did you hear that? I’m sorry. Love you. Always.”

The Void started dissolving and he had to return to the present reality. It felt like falling endlessly, until he hit the bottom of the fall, which was reality. Will gasped loudly at the chocking sensation of returning. He felt nauseous and dizzy. The solid ground below him felt strange after his ephemeral weightlessness.

Right when he opened his eyes he saw another flash of the shadow.

If he could just wait here until they would come to help, that would be the ideal situation… if he stood up and started running, it would be easier to following him by the sound… if he stayed at the spot and failed to blend into the environment, he was an easy target… if he made the wrong decision, he might die.

He decided carefully crawl closer to Castle Byers. With his back against one of the outer walls, he slowly stood up, but not completely upright because then his head would peak up above the roof of the fortress. He wanted to stay out of sight as much as possible but be ready to run if he had to.

The wet fabrics of his clothes were heavy and uncomfortable, not to mention cold. His legs felt stiff, which he realized was not to his advantage if he had to run as fast as he could.

For a moment he forgot why he was even out in the woods in the first place. How did he get here and why? The documents and Hawkins lab didn’t even cross his mind at this point. The only thing that mattered was how to make it out alive.

How long would it take El and Mike to get here…?

A stick snapped much closer than the previous ones. It was coming closer. The breathing was louder too. It came from the other side of the makeshift fort. Will turned around and tried to peer through the inconsistent walls to the other side, but didn’t see anything. It was too monotonously dark. Everything melted into its surrounding, making it impossible to recognize any shapes.

Will held his breath.

What to do? What to do? What to do?

Without really thinking, he hurled himself away from Castle Byers and started running. He hoped dearly that he was running in the right direction towards the bike that he had left by the road. He could hear heavy steps following him closely behind and the growling had intensified.

He was panting frantically and tried to throw glances behind him as he ran, but the unforgiving ground forced him to keep his eyes ahead in order to not fall. Somehow he managed to keep the distance, not letting it come any closer but not getting ahead either.

He almost ran right into a tree at one point but managed to dodge it just in time. Behind him he could hear a defining shriek and a crash a second later. Will seized the opportunity to get further ahead but whatever was chasing him came back soon enough.

The street light’s beamed through from the road, perceivable behind the trees in the distance. Just a bit more, just a bit more… Once he reached the road it’d be easier to run and he would be able to see what he was chased by properly. He expected a demogorgon because he thought the sounds it made were familiar. He wasn’t sure if he hoped for it, because demogorgons were literally his worst fear, but on the other hand he didn’t want to go up against a new species of monster that he had no previous experiences of.

Will bursted out from the woods, onto the lit up street. It was empty and quiet. On the opposite side of the road there were a few trees, and behind those there was a field stretching widely. There were no cars, no people. Not even the farmers house that could be seen in the distance hosted any signs of life, the curtains pulled down or the lamps switched off, just black in the window frames. If Will didn’t know since previously that there was in fact a house there, it would have been impossible to tell because if melted into the dark so seamlessly.

The throat was dry and soar and he was panting frantically. With each breath a puff of fume formed in the cold air. His wet clothes stuck onto his body and chilled him into the very bone. It was tormenting but he didn’t have time to complain.

He faced the woods in the direction and held his hand out, preparing to use his powers. He waited for something to burst out of the dark with a vigorous roar, jaws open to devour him. He waited and he waited. One second passed, two seconds passed, three, four, five, six… a whole minute passed but nothing followed him out on the street.

Astounded and confused, he heard how the hoarse breathing disappeared deeper into the woods again until he couldn’t hear them anymore. For a moment Will thought he had won, but then he realized that there could be more them around here and he had no certainty that he was safe already.

He spun around and looked it all directions, listened as closely as he could.

Everything was suddenly very tranquil, as if nothing had ever happened. Will noted that he had aimed pretty well, the bike laid on the ground waiting for him further down the street. For a second he was ready to just get the bike and go back to the Wheeler’s, but it was so serene it made him suspicious.

Was that all? Did he get away without a fight?

There had to be something more to it. He expected a jump scare from behind, but it never came. Will waited at the same spot for several minutes. Little by little his heart rhythm returned to normal and he stopped panting.

A car approached at an easy pace, a reminder of the mundane world.

Will spotted through the window that it was Troy Walsh sitting in the passenger seat with an older guy driving. They were talking effervescently and Troy laughed happily. Will almost didn’t even recognize him at first.

Troy said something to the other guy, which made him stop the car. Will expected Troy to lean out of the window and yell something at him, but instead the door opened and Troy stepped out. He didn’t have that intimidating, jeering facial expression. He didn’t seem to thirst for violence.

”Byers!” he greeted and hoisted a hand in the air as if Will was an old friend.

Troy had changed surprisingly little since Will saw him last. He didn’t tower over him anymore, if anything Will was the bigger one. His face was still smooth and hairless, the jawline was neither wider nor sharper. His voice was a bit deeper and his clothes a bit more mature, but that was pretty much the only thing that had changed about him.

Will didn’t know what to say, his brain had not yet adjusted to the changed circumstances. He even suspected that this was a trick, that Troy was being used as a distraction so the monsters could attack when Will wasn’t prepared. It couldn’t be a coincidence, it was too weird to be true.

Will’s clothes were still muddy and wet and his face was flushed and streaky from running and crying. He stared at Troy as if he had just spotted a ghost. He must have looked crazy, standing in the middle of the road at this hour in that rugged condition. It suddenly dawned on Will that this must have been approximately what El looked like the very first time the party met her.

”What are you doing out here?” Troy asked.

”Ehm… biking?” Will said dumbly.

”Where’s your bike then?”

Will could see the bike looming in the distance. He nodded in its direction, making Troy turn around to see. Then he turned back to Will again, eyed him up and down.

”What happened? You fell?” he asked.

When Will didn’t say anything in response, just blinked a couple of times. Troy threw both of his hands up as to illustrate his harmlessness and said:

”I’m not going to do anything, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

He seemed deeply troubled by the way Will stared at him. Little did he know of course, that Will had a terrifying encounter with a literal monster only minutes ago, and that was the reason why he was so shaky and taut, not because he was afraid of Troy himself - because he wasn’t.

Troy shoved both hands into his pockets. He threw a glance towards the guy waiting in the car, who didn’t seem impatient at all, and turned back to Will.

”Look, it wasn’t cool what I did back then. You have every right in the world to hate me for it. I know I shouldn’t make excuses and stuff but I want you to know that I wasn’t my true self back then. I am not a bad person, but yes, I did some really bad things. I hope I can make up for it one day.”

Will couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The line between reality and dream and the Void and his own thoughts was defused and everything was bleeding into one another. Troy’s apparition might as well had been a hallucination or a visit from the other side. Will didn’t even know for sure whether he was alive or not. Was he in hell along with Troy Walsh? 

”I just called you a fairy because you were so tiny and I always thought your face looked like a girl’s, that’s why. I know you’re not a fag. I’m sorry about that.”

Not even this could elicit a reaction from Will. He kept staring and blinking blankly. He wanted to touch Troy just to see if he was really there in the flesh or if he was just an illusion. The words he spoke sounded distant and fleeting, as if the words didn’t connect to one another in a context.

Maybe it was Will’s lack of response that made Troy so daring and candid. In a way his monologue seemed more like he was talking to himself than to Will, as if his apology would sooth his own visceral conflict, as if apologizing was the only way he could make peace with himself but he didn’t actually care that much about Will standing there.

Troy seemed to have forgotten altogether about how Will looked like he had just survived a bear attack and was most definitely freezing since his clothes were wet and the temperature outside was only above 32 degrees Fahrenheit (~ 0 degrees celsius) with a scarce margin.

”I quite like fairies actually,” Will said stolidly, without really knowing why.

Troy didn’t seem to know how to respond to that. He clicked with his tongue and looked anywhere but at Will for a moment before gathering himself and asked:

”Be honest with me - are you high?”

Will didn’t reply to that, which Troy appeared to take for a positive answer. He threw another glance towards his friend in the car but the guy was reading something in a pocket book, hence their eyes never met and Troy turned back to Will again.

”Okay, fine, how about this - we don’t need to talk and be best buddies - I just wanted to check if you were okay, that’s why I wanted to stop. You don’t look like you’re in your best state - no offense. Need a ride anywhere?”

Will didn’t even have to opportunity to consider whether he wanted a ride anywhere or not, because a familiar voice yelling his name interrupted the weird conversation.

”WILL!”

This snapped Will out of the trance. He turned around and saw Mike, El, Max, Dustin and Lucas approaching on their bikes as fast as they could. Mike waved with his arm in the air and smiled blissfully upon seeing Will alive. It was like a revelation.

Troy had a priceless expression on his face.

”Will!” Mike gasped and threw his bike aside once he was close enough.

He threw his arms around Will and pulled him into a heartfelt embrace. The rest of the gang were also immensely relieved. Dustin let out a ’thank god’ as a deep sigh and they all greeted Will happily for a moment before they instilled his questionable state.

”Are you okay?”

”What happened?”

”Are you hurt?”

Everyone was inquiring things at once, Will was overwhelmed but tried to answer them. 

Words couldn’t express the gratitude Will felt for their presence. They were real, this was real. He knew that and didn’t doubt it for a second. Will wouldn’t let anyone - scientists, bullies or monsters - ever take them away from him or get in between them and himself, he declared in his mind.

”And what the hell are you doing here?” Mike blurted once he saw Troy, which took a while before he did.

It was like Troy had been completely invisible, which had made him very queasy. He tremulously stuttered something for an answer and withdrew back to the car. He mumbled a barely audible ”okay, see you some other time I guess…” to Will just before shutting the door.

A moment later the car disappeared out of sight much faster than it had showed up. Will couldn’t remember anything Troy had said to him, so as soon as he was gone, it was practically as if he had never even been there at all.

”What was it in the woods?” El asked sternly, ”Did you see it?”

”I don’t know for sure, it never followed me into the light. It’s still somewhere out there,” Will told.

Once again Will found himself portrayed as a victim. He had to be saved, everyone was trying to take care of him, and he involuntarily liked it at little bit - although he knew that he didn’t deserve it and he was pathetic for setting up situations only to be saved out of them - which made him the exact opposite of the person he aspired to be. He wished that he could blame it on someone, that he was pulled away into the woods against his own will and put up a fight, but the truth was that he put himself in that situation - again.

It made him feel abashed, undeserving of his friends and their consideration. Lashing out felt good in the heat of the moment, but the regret and shame that always followed was a high price to pay for it.

He searched for a hidden spot but the barren street didn’t have any shelter to offer. There was no other options but to remain exposed, standing in the middle of the openness and let anyone glance upon him as much as they liked. Will avoided looking at his friends as the feeling of discomfort nagged inside.

Mike gently brushed his hand over Will’s arm in a comforting way, without saying anything. What did Will ever do to deserve him? See, this was the point - his friends were too good for him!

”Are demogorgons afraid of light?” Max asked.

Her eyes wandered along the row of street lights above. The bulbs threw a yellow sheen that could just barely be seen in the distance on the other side of the field too.

”They don’t seem to love it exactly, but if a demogorgon was chasing Will, why would it stop so abruptly? They’re not allergic to light, even if they prefer the dark…” Lucas said thoughtfully.

Dustin had a torch in his hand that he directed towards the woods. It lit up the area enough to see how something had crashed through, leaving a mess behind its way. There were scratches on some of the trees and the green moss had been ripped away from the ground, revealing mud and roots which were usually shrouded.

”Demogorgon or not, it’s a normal animal we’re dealing with here…” Dustin mumbled, brows furrowed in concern as he let the torch follow the path of destruction.

El walked closer to the trees. She dodged to see underneath the branches and peeked into the dark. She took another few step further away, almost disappearing into the woods, but then Will told her to stop.

”Let’s not follow it. There could be more of them out there,” he said when she turned around to look at him. Eleven nodded and returned to the street. She stopped next to Will and seemed to be pondering something.

”We did the experiment. We are both in Hawkins, so why did it chase you?” she asked without expecting an answer, ”Why is the Upside Down so interested in you? They never leave you alone…”

The same questions had already circulated a thousand times before and they still didn’t have any answers to offers. If there was anything that could guide them towards a conclusion, it was that daunting old box and the folder.

Will scratched his head, troubled and reluctant, but in the end he said what everybody already knew:

”We have to investigate the documents.”


	22. Chapter 22

Will took a deep breath and took a closer look at the things he had before him. Some sleep, food and cuddles had brought him back on track. He was still haunted by the shame and regret of his actions, but when he approached mr Clarke’s box the following day he did so with both feet on the ground.

He hated the feeling of being so helpless, everything that had triggered the explosive reaction previously still lingered in the back of his mind and made him feel nauseous - but he knew that this was the only way out of it. The only way to fight back against it was to understand it first. The past could not be changed, but if the scientists thought his powers could be used to their advantage, then Will had to do the exact opposite and use his powers again them instead, in order to claim his justice.

It was surprising how every time he thought he couldn’t do it anymore, that he was out of strength and just wanted to give up, he still always managed to keep going anyway. With teetering steps, reluctantly and abounding with uncertainty, he always kept going and soon enough he felt better again. The human mind’s ability to recover itself and make it through even when everything was hopeless was actually really remarkable. Sometimes the only thing needed was a little bit of time.

Asking Jonathan about what had happened didn’t feel right. Will didn’t want to hold him responsible for anything and considering how the lab was known to modify people’s memories, he probably didn’t remember it in the first place. It would only cause him distress if he found out that someone had hurt Will and there was nothing he could do about it now since it must have happened many years ago.

Besides, he wasn’t even sure where Nancy and Jonathan were, because they had not been seen in a while. (”The house is crowded all the time, they probably checked in at a hotel to get some privacy”, Mike had said with a shrug, ”No idea where mom and dad is either, but that’s nothing new.”)

While Eleven, Will, Dustin and Lucas investigated both the folder from the classroom and the belongings from the cardboard box, Mike and Max worked on the diaries. They had made a significant progress and little by little, the puzzle pieces started coming together regarding mr Clarke’s role in the case.

It was actually the only funny aspect of the whole investigation how Mike could understand the handwriting. He could take a quick look at something that looked like a child’s illustration of a knot made out of thread or just a line with some bumps and right away tell that it said:

’Although the scientific aspect of these experiments are fascinating, I cannot help but to feel like they are at times morally questionable. As much as I would love to make a groundbreaking discovery, I would not be able to live with myself knowing that children had to live under inhumane conditions for the sake of it. I am not sure what to do now because if I attempt to leave this organization, there will inevitably be unpleasant consequences haunting me for the rest of my life.’

At first Mike rewrote everything he read in mr Clarke’s diaries in an empty notebook he had found in his room (it wasn’t empty when he found it, there were some scrawls on the first pages that he quickly ripped out, folded and hid in his jeans pocket). This however, was completely useless since his handwriting was equally terrible and impossible to read for anybody else but himself.

Instead Max was assigned the task to write down everything Mike read out loud, which she did unnecessarily neatly just to mock Mike. Mike just frowned at the way she carefully made sure all the letters were the same size and the distance between each word was consistent.

”Didn’t you say that Robin can translate anything?” Lucas asked Dustin and glared at the foreign instructions once more. He held one sheet in each hand and looked back and fourth between them, brown furrowed, as he paced around the room aimlessly.

”She’s leaving in like three days. She has other things so think about right now. It would be so selfish to involve her in this now…” Dustin said.

”So we shouldn’t ask her to help us then?

”This is pretty important. It’s not like we’re asking her to help us with some nonsense but I don’t know.”

”If we don’t ask her now, we won’t be able to ask her at all. It would be too risky to send those files all the way to France and then back again. If we’re going to ask her we have to do it now, right away…” Will reasoned.

This made Dustin even more conflicted. Since he knew Robin better than anybody else, it was up to him to decide. He groaned unhappily and covered his face with his hands. He was probably distressed enough just about the fact that Robin was leaving, this wasn’t making it any easier.

”Don’t you think she’d be more upset if she found out later that we had this big investigation thing going on and left her out of it? Steve likes to be involved, maybe she does too?” Max asked and looked up from the transcribing.

In the end, Dustin caved in and borrowed the Wheeler’s phone in the kitchen to call Robin. He was shifting uneasily the whole time and talked oddly quiet, as if he didn’t even want to say the words at all. While he talked on the phone the others remained as still as possible, hoping to overhear from downstairs.

”She’s coming. She’s bringing Steve too,” Dustin announced as returned to the basement and even though he tried to be remorseful, because that was the only appropriate feeling after involving someone who would better be kept out of something, his excitement radiated through.

”Do you have a crush on Steve or something?” Lucas teased and nudged Dustin in the ribs.

”What? No, Lucas, no I don’t have a crush on Steve! He’s just a good friend of mine and he’s hilarious. He’s like an older brother to me!” Dustin snapped.

Lucas left it at that, shrugged as if to say ’fair enough’ and put the paper sheets away on the table. He seemed relieved to let Robin take over the task to decode them because as soon as he left them his facial expression eased up. 

Instead he joined Dustin and Will, who were trying to find any contemporary information about the relatives stated in the documents with the children. When they looked through old newspapers and registers of Hawkins population, they couldn’t find any records of those people ever living in town. Seemingly the only one from around here was Will.

In the meanwhile Eleven tried to figure out the ugly drawings. Will had already told her his theory, that mr Clarke must have been excruciatingly bored in class or intoxicated when making them. Eleven didn’t seem convinced because she kept investigating one after the other with great interest.

”Maybe mr Clarke didn’t make them?” she said, ”It looks like a kid’s drawing, right?”

Will walked around the table and picked up the doodle that looked like poop with teeth. It could have been a child’s drawing as well, but the paper was lined like in a notebook and on a few of the drawings there were traces of writing, just a letter or a half written sentence on the backside, but enough to lead Will to think that it was mr Clarke’s artwork. It appeared to have been made in class. Will had already looked at it several times and didn’t see anything new this time around either.

He just shrugged his shoulders and went back to the other side of the table where he and Dustin had created their own little investigation area, things spread all over the place but surprisingly organized even if it didn't look at it from an outsider’s view.

”There was someone named Elisabeth Smith who used to live here. Seems like she moved away in 1976. This doesn’t have to mean anything though, I’m sure there are several Elisabeth Smiths out there, we can’t be sure that this is the one mentioned here,” Dustin said and pointed in the name register and then at the document regarding a little girl with brown hair.

Will hummed in agreement and tried to keep going from the point he had been at before looking at the drawing. Sam, Samir, Sammie, Sammon, Samuel… but no Samson seemed to have ever lived in Hawkins. Samson was apparently the father of the child and it was stated that the boy was born in Ohio, which was at least a neighboring state. This meant that he could possibly be somewhere nearby. Will informed Dustin about this and he wrote it down on a paper where they noted everything they found out to keep it structured.

Lucas didn’t even get started with the research because he seemed more interested in the drawings than the children. He joined Eleven on the other side of the table instead, picked up one drawing after another. He peered and looked closer as if he was expecting to find some crucial details, which Will had already concluded didn’t exist.

”My dudes, could you also take a look here?” Lucas required without looking away from the artwork.

Everyone left what they were doing right away and leaned in to see the drawing. Neither of them, including Will, understood what Lucas wanted them to see. It was still just poop with teeth, purple poop to be specific, but the explanation was probably just that there were no other colors available. 

The colored pencils found in the leather case were just red, purple, yellow and green - no brown, blue, pink or orange. It was a strange selection of colors, but they assumed that there had originally been other shades available because some drawings had been made with a multiple colors. The poop with teeth must had been made after those options somehow got lost, hence the purple, Will presumed at least but Lucas didn’t seem to think the same thing.

”Do you think this could be a purple worm?” he suggested, seemingly assured of this idea. He held the drawing in one hand and put his other hand on the hip.

”A worm or poop, it's just whatever, I guess. A sausage is another possibility,” Will said blankly.

”Wait, did you mean a purple worm as in the monster? The one from D&D?” Dustin asked.

”Exactly! If a kid would see a purple worm and was asked to draw it, don’t you think it would look something like this? No eyes, just a mouth with teeth… long, purple body… I think it makes sense.”

If the drawing was supposed to be a purple worm, it was actually pretty accurate. In retrospect it was stupid that Will didn’t think of it earlier, but he had already set his mind to that it was mr Clarke’s meaningless doodles so it just never crossed his mind. Now he was just mind blown. He stared at the drawing one more time, tried to unsee everything he had previously assumed and it totally made sense. Of course it was a purple worm!

”The demogorgons are from D&D, and the Mind-flayer too… maybe the Upside Down is just a reflection of the game?” Mike mumbled.

”Have you ever seen any of those in the Upside Down?” Lucas turned to both El and Will.

Eleven shook her head no and Will said that he hadn’t seen them either. The Upside down was surprisingly bleak, not particularly awash with life at all. The sparse life that existed was hard to spot, just creeping around in the murkiness without making any drastic noise or motion. It was certainly not a safari experience.

”Maybe someone else saw it in the Upside Down?” El said.

Mike went to get a book with D&D creatures. He put it down on the table and opened it at the page about the Purple worm. He glanced at the illustrated picture in the book, which was much better executed, and then at the drawing which didn’t offer any details, but they did resemble each other, undeniably.

”Another drawing!” Mike demanded.

Will quickly handed him the one with a human being holding an oversized chicken leg. Mike was deeply concentrated. He turned the pages in the book, searching for something that looked similar.

”A hill giant maybe?” Dustin suggested.

”But it doesn’t look that big, does it?” Mike reasoned, ”It could be a normal human.”

”These must have been made by the kids, it doesn’t make sense that mr Clarke drew these. If you’d show a five year old a hill giant and ask them to draw it, I totally think that could be the outcome, even if the proportions are a bit off…”

”I’ll keep reading mr Clarke’s diaries, maybe they’ll reveal something more…”

-

Robin and Steve knocked on the door ten minutes later. They were immediately shown into the basement and Dustin explained everything they were doing. Nobody mentioned that they had done an experiment without her and that there was a monster back in Hawkins. A silent agreement between them made them convince Robin that mr Clarke had just randomly found this box and asked them to take a look.

”These don’t make sense to us. They’re not written in any official language, it’s a secret code of some sort. Thought you could help us,” Dustin said and handed Robin the papers.

She looked at them curiously, eyes sparkling with excitement, nothing like the frustration Lucas had displayed when faced with the challenge.

”I’ll do my best,” she said confidently.

She sat down on the stairs as the table was already full. When her eyes paced back and fourth she mumbled to herself and hummed intermittently. Max gave her some paper sheets that she had ripped out from the notebook and a pencil so she could make notes if she needed to.

-

They worked in the basement the whole afternoon. Robin had still not made any revolutionary progress, but she insisted that she was onto something and she refused to stop working on it, not even for a snack break.

Lucas, Dustin and Will managed to pair each drawing with a D&D creature, although some of them didn’t were probably not accurate, the resemblance could only be seen if you truly squinted. Steve didn’t want to feel useless but since he didn’t know much about D&D his contributions were mostly just agreeing and nodding to whatever the others said.

The world of D&D was practically endless, which was the entire point of the game since that allowed the imagination run wild amid the players. Not even Will knew about all the creatures and their characteristics and on top of that they couldn’t be wholly sure that the Upside Down was a perfect mirror of a board game. If it actually was, the world would be in a lot of trouble.

They searched for creatures that hated light, but since most of the monsters thrived in desolate environment it wasn’t enough to conclude exactly what had chased Will. They also omitted the creatures that could not walk on land and reasoned regarding which ones could potentially make that growling sound that Will heard. It was just wild guesses when it all came down to it.

In the meanwhile Eleven analyzed the transcripts Max had written so far from the first diary, sitting on the stairs next to Robin, who explained the complicated words to her (somewhat impatiently because she was so concentrated on her own task but she still tried to be nice). 

El tried to match mr Clarke’s observations with her own memories, trying to find clues that she had missed when it actually happened. She noted which ones of the scientist who were already dead or gone and which ones could potentially still be out there somewhere.

”Say that again, Mike,” Max demanded, interrupting the flow of their transcribing. Mike had already moved on to the next sentence but stopped abruptly with a confused look.

”What?” he said.

”That name! Say it again.”

”Antonia Yashin. A-N-T-O-N-I-A. Space. Y-A-S-H-I-N,” Mike repeated annoyedly, ”What about it?”

”It’s a Russian name, isn’t it?” Max said, more excited than before. She looked at the others, hoping for their attention but everyone was so occupied they didn’t seem to care as much as she did. Will just barely overheard what she had said but didn’t know what to reply.

”No, it’s totally Japanese. Yashin - it has the same vibe as ’sushi’,” Mike denied confidently and was preparing himself to just keep reading at the same place that he was interrupted at, as if there was nothing more to discuss about the matter.

This made Will stifled a laugh, which caused him to choke ungracefully. He tried to play it off as a cough, making Lucas look at him worriedly and ask if he was okay. Will himself wasn’t sure whether it was Russian or Japanese or neither, but Mike’s argument that was so stupid and what made it even funnier was how he was dead serious about it.

”Robin!” Max called, making Robin look up inquisitively, ”Is Antonia Yashin a Russian name?”

”I believe so, yes,” Robin answered before going right back to the decoding.

This made Max turn back to Mike with a victorious grin. Mike didn’t seem the slightest intimidated, he flicked his his bangs out of his face and looked nonchalantly unbothered. He still carried his head with a confidence that said he still believed he was correct and just frowned at Max’s expression.

”Okay, but how do we know that she’s not married to a Japanese man? Yashin is a Japanese name, I swear. About Antonia…? Sounds pretty Russian to me but it could be something else too, Italian for instance or Spanish…? Could be some other type of slavic or Scandinavian as well…” Mike reasoned.

The annoyance in Max’s eyes was enough for Will to expect her to hit Mike in the face, but she didn’t. She just sighed and rolled her eyes, shifted on the seat before saying:

”Listen here, smartass, you’re missing the point - I’m trying to draw a connection here! Somehow the Russians found out about the Upside Down, right? Perhaps someone at Hawkins lab betrayed their own and told the Russians about it? I think it makes sense. This is the first name mr Clarke has mentioned that could be Russian so I think it’s pretty important!”

Mike was about to say something but before he managed to say it, Max quickly snapped:

”And if you argue with me on this - I’ll kill you! Just accept that you are wrong for once!!”

”I wasn’t going to argue with you!” Mike snapped back.

”Liar! I could tell by the look on your face that you were going to argue with me!”

”But now you’re the one arguing with me!”

Eleven chuckled under her breath as she overheard the conversation. Then she looked up at Will with hilarious expression that said ’go ahead, he’s is all yours’. In response Will soundlessly communicated, just by moving his lips: ”he’s a moron”, which made them both laugh in agreement.

Will looked over his shoulder to glance at Mike. He had gone back to reading the diaries and Max wrote everything down, both of them looking childishly disgruntled but they managed to cooperate somehow, solely through bitter mutters and glares.

Mike with his overgrown bangs, messy basement, cereal, awful handwriting and annoying stubbornness… He was a complete moron at times but Will couldn’t help loving him even in those moment too - especially since Mike still loved Will when he wasn’t at his best in return. But with that being said, Will was still happy that he could see Mike for who he truly was, flaws and everything. He was glad that he could see Mike as a moron. It reminded him that his feelings were organic and healthy rather than obsessive or artificially forced.

-

As the night approached, their work was coming to an end. The drawings and documents were put in neat piles and Robin’s decoding was finally finished. As soon as she managed to figure out what the most commonly used letters looked like it was easy to fill in the gaps with the other letters to make complete words. As they had suspected beforehand, it was still difficult to actually understand what the instructions had been used for.

What they had found out so far was:

Some time after graduating high school, mr Clarke was offered a job at Hawkins lab because someone had heard about his science excellence, that was way beyond even a university student’s. How he was invited to work at the lab was told in retrospect, mr Clarke didn’t start writing the journal until his first day at work.

He became a part of the team in 1965 but was just the coffee boy at the lab and delivered messages to begin with, most likely oblivious to what the scientist were doing behind the closed doors since it was never mentioned the experiments in the diary and since he wrote ’I wonder what they are doing’ at one page.

In 1967 he was promoted to a low status position in the science team. After that things started getting really interesting. Despite that Mike could read what the words spelled, neither he or anybody else actually knew what half of the things meant. There were mentions of chemical substances they had never heard of, technological inventions they could not even envision what they looked like and for what they were being used and a bunch of other arcane stuff that made no sense to them.

When Mike didn’t know how to pronounce the words so he had to tell Max letter by letter how to write them. At one point Max thought Mike was just messing with her when he told her to write a word with thirty-five letters that looked like a keyboard slam more than anything.

The diaries revealed how mr Clarke transformed from an excited, newly employed scientist to a plagued soul who wanted to leave the lab as soon as possible, but without knowing how because of its cult like tendencies.

The diaries specifically mentioned ’the girl’, which they concluded had to be referring to Eleven since it also mentioned how she was ’the most successful candidate so far’. Will suspected that Mike censored some things out rather than reading them out loud to Max because the descriptions of the experiments she had to endure were so brutal.

It wasn’t entirely clear, but based off mr Clarke’s brief descriptions, there seemed to be several children at the facility, but no where near as many as there were documents. This strengthen their theory that all the children were not used for experiments at the lab. Seemingly the scientist brought a bunch of kids in, but let most of them go within a couple of days or weeks.

Throughout the time mr Clarke worked there, he secretly gathered evidences in case he would have to witness against the lab workers in court, despite the risks he faced for doing so. Those items were what they had found in the desk and in the cardboard box - documents, instructions, toys and drawings. There were no in-depth explanation of the drawings but their theory that they were made by the children who had visited the Upside Down still seemed likely.

The last diary ended abruptly and there was no proper closure to what happened. The most believable explanation was that someone found out about mr Clarke’s dubious attitude regarding their experiments which resulted in that he was kicked out, after his memory was cleared.

”I knew mr Clarke wasn’t evil! Poor guy - all he wanted was a job in the science field, but what he got was a freaking torture club!” Mike said once he had finished everything. He leaned back against the chair and stretched his arms up like a cat, yawning.

”Good job with the transcribing, Max!” he said and dunked her in the back mockingly, making it seem like she had worked for him rather than cooperated.

Max glared menacing at him, which made Mike laugh.

”Just kidding, just kidding!” he said quickly and held his hands up in defeat.

Will was deeply troubled by the decision to not investigate the documents with the children further. He wanted to know why those kids were specifically selected and what happened to them afterwards. He especially wanted to know since that could explain why he personally was ever involved, even if it was selfish.

But there was nothing more they could do about it; it would take months and years to track them all and contact their relatives. It also crossed Will’s mind that if they were happily living their lives out there, perhaps they wouldn’t want to find out that they had been a part of something so morbid once in their lives. Knowing it but not being able to change it was something Will knew would forever haunt him from now, til the day he died. He didn’t want anybody else to feel the same way.

-

”Are you going to be okay here?” Robin asked as she was leaving later that evening.

The question was of course backhanded, because what everyone was thinking was if she was going to be okay at the other side of the Atlantic.

”We’ll be fine,” Max assured.

But this statement was also backhanded, because everyone knew that something was going on in Hawkins again and Will only escaped by a scare margin the other night. Anywhere on Earth offered a more consistent safety than Hawkins.

Robin pulled up the zipper on her jacket and smiled woefully as she put her hand on the doorknob.

”You two -” Robin pointed with the other hand at Steve and Dustin, ”- have to come with me to the airport. The rest of you, it was a pleasure to meet you. You’re cool even though you’re all like twelve. Take care, okay?” She winked teasingly at them.

After a stream of goodbyes, good lucks and take cares, Robin finally left the Wheeler’s.

”What if she gets attacked on the way home?” Dustin said anxiously as he watched her disappear out of sight, refusing to close the door.

”They only care about Will,” Eleven said, which was surely comforting to Dustin but from Will’s perspective it wasn’t comforting at all.

After Robin left they made some food and ate in the living room in front of the TV. There were Halloween films airing frequently these days. This particular night it was The Shining. It wasn’t even scary since the living room was abounding with people who compulsively dropped comical comments every two minutes to make it less intense.

Will sat on the floor, leaned comfortably against the couch. For a brief moment it felt like he was watching everything through a glass wall or as if his life was a movie that passed in front of his eyes but his brain was elsewhere.

Absentmindedly he watched his friends react to The Shining, altering between laughing and anxious expressions, stuffing their faces full of food and drinking lukewarm soda eagerly, as if it was the source of life despite its mediocre taste.

”Are you okay, Will?” Mike whispered.

He sat next to Will and gave him The Look that he always gave Will when he asked if he was okay, eyebrows raised and gaze intense.

”Yeah,” Will nodded.

Will wasn’t even sure whether he was okay or not, he just answered impulsively as a reflex. Mike didn’t buy it. He nodded in a suggesting manner towards the door as if wanted to go outside. Without a word both of them struggled their way out of the blanket whilst excusing themselves for blocking the view for the ones sitting on the couch.

They threw on their jackets and went outside. 

”Did anything happen?” Mike asked once the door was closed behind them.

”No,” Will answered casually.

”Really? You looked a bit out of it.”

”It happens sometimes. Just a lot of things going on, I guess,” Will shrugged.

”There’s a lot of people around all the time too, you don’t like that, do you?”

Will did like his friends and he liked to have them around, but yes, sometimes it was a bit overwhelming. He couldn’t explain why, it was just a feeling of being drained after spending so many hours a day around others. This was probably the longest he had ever gone without a day spent completely by himself. Some part of him missed just reading in his bedroom and not having to pay attention to everything going on around him. Even if nobody specifically talked to him, he could still hear the conversation and subconsciously he still processed what they were saying to one another and their movements.

”I suppose I’m a bit introverted at heart,” Will admitted, hoping that Mike wouldn’t take it the wrong way, which he luckily didn’t because he smiled understandingly.

”You have always been,” Mike noted, ”Must be exhausting to be in the spotlight all the time?”

”I’m not used to it.”

Mike sat down at the first stair step. Will sat down next to him. They sat it silence for a while and just breathed in unison. It was soothing. Steve’s voice could be heard from inside, followed by some laughter. Will preferred to hear it from a distance rather than sitting in the middle of it, just for a while anyway.

”We don’t have to talk unless you want to, I just… There’s some things I’d like to talk about,” Mike said finally.

Will really enjoyed not having to talk, but he still said that it was okay. Mike didn’t know where to begin, which made Will realize that it was a contentious topic he was about to bring up. Will sensed a twitch of fear in his guts, if Mike was about to tell him that he had made a mistake and wasn’t actually in love with him, Will wasn’t sure what he was going to do with himself.

”These impulsive runaways… I just want to understand them. I don’t want to guilt trip you or anything, I just… I want to help. I understand that you’re going through something,” Mike said tentatively.

Will felt a ripple of abashment. He looked away because he didn’t want Mike to see his face. He felt naked and exposed and he didn’t like it. In his ideal world, everyone would just forget about it and never address it, just pretend that it never happened, but the logical part of his brain knew that it was just a matter of time before someone confronted him about it.

”We don’t have to talk about it now, don’t worry,” Mike said but his disappointment was apparent.

They went back to being quiet but the thought of his runways still lingered on in Will’s mind. He didn’t even understand it himself. He was normally such a composed person, wise and mature for his age, were some of the words people described him as. Adult loved him for it even if people his aged thought he was lame.

”Can I say something else though?” Mike asked after a while.

”Sure,” Will replied.

”The diaries mentioned a boy towards the end. I didn’t tell Max. That was in 1971. It said that a baby passed all the medical exams and was taken in for the actual experiments, but they had to let him go for some reason…” Mike said without looking at Will, ”I don’t know… but… well.. they called him 014.”

Will felt every muscle in his body tense up. Mike quickly put a hand on his shoulder as if he wanted to hold Will in place, afraid that he was going to burst up and run away again, which Will might actually had done, but instead he relaxed back into place like an inflated balloon.

”I was on the fourteenth page in the paper bundle,” Will said blankly.

”I know… But Eleven wasn’t on the eleventh page, so it doesn't have to mean anything,” Mike said, ”I thought you deserved to know at least and it didn’t feel right to say it before.”

Will rolled up the sleeve of his sweater and looked down on his arm. It was dark outside and it was difficult to see, but he knew that it was there and hand always been there - his birthmark. It wasn’t eye-catching in any way, but its location was what made it interesting.

”Do you think…?” Mike began.

”I don’t know,” Will said vaguely.

If it was only the birthmark, he wouldn’t have thought about it twice, but it was how all the clues seemed to coincide, they witnessed of the same thing. Will knew that he had powers, he knew that he was persecuted by the Upside Down, he knew that Hawkins lab had somehow gathered information about him… He was the only participant at Hawkins lab who originally came from Hawkins. What if Hawkins was a hot spot for paranormal activity, for some reason? Was it just a coincidence that they opened a lab there and then it turned into a particularly afflicted area because Eleven opened the gate? Did he have anything to do with it?

Suddenly Mike’s first question felt easy to approach, it was mundane and didn’t involve any crazy, supernatural aspects, it was just human nature.

”About the runaways…” Will began, changing the topic, ”I’m not sure what happens with me. It’s just this overwhelming feeling of ’i want to escape this’ and I don’t want people to see me right now.”

”But why don’t you reach out for us? We’re your friends, we care about you!” Mike said.

”I know… but I suppose I just don’t reach out to people very much. Like you said, I’ve always been more introverted. I find my comfort in myself and some distance, I guess.”

”Sure, but… You didn’t react like this before.”

”I ran away to Castle Byers countless of times when my parents were arguing. Literally did it all the time. You should know, you were there with me. It’s nothing new really,” Will objected.

Mike sighed and shifted his position. Eleven’s and Max’s voices started singing inside. A moment later someone turned on the radio to give them some music. Thuds could be heard as their feet bounced around on the floor. If was a cheerful sound albeit their singing wasn’t exactly angelic. Perhaps the movie had ended and they needed something else to do or else it was too intense to watch…

”Do you think that this reaction could have anything to do with your parents, or rather - your dad? I’m sorry for deep diving into some private territory here, just tell me to shut up if you’d like. I’m just trying to understand things…” Mike mumbled. He filled with the sleeves of his jacket and looked a bit shy.

Will felt split between two different feelings. It was like one ear was happy to hear his friends having fun indoors and made him want to laugh or sing along, while one ear was listening to Mike and made him want to cry. It was weird. 

”My dad?” Will repeated, surprised that Mike brought it up because they never really talked about it, despite the fact that Mike was literally there to witness it when everything happened. It was just an unspoken rule to not address it.

”He was never there for you, was he?”

”No, not really.”

Will descend into silence once more, pondering what Mike was alluding at. His dad was never there for him, no, he wasn’t - but was that the reason why he sometimes felt the need to run away? It didn’t really make sense but sure, Will didn’t really have anyone to turn to when he was little and both of his parents - who were supposed to care for him - were the ones who made him want to flee. He always had Jonathan though so he wasn’t alone - and the party of course.

Mike was always there for him, Dustin and Lucas too. Mr Clarke was always nice and encouraging as well. He had people who supported him. His mom also did, it wasn’t her fault Larry was a complete asshole who ruined their family.

Will refused to see himself as a victim. He had the prerequisites for a good life. Nobody’s life is perfect, but that doesn’t mean that everyone starts running away into the woods at night every two days. That was just Will because he apparently had no self control.

”I suppose it hasn’t always been easy, but it’s not my parents fault or your fault or anything, that I can’t control myself. That’s my responsibility, I don’t want to blame anybody else for it,” Will said sternly.

”You’re always so responsible, Will, do you know that? And good. You’re such a good person,” Mike smiled tenderly, ”I don’t have a psychology degree or anything, but I think it makes sense to think that the reason why you distance yourself from everyone when you’re not feeling well is because you don’t want to burden other people with your problems.”

Will took a moment to instill this. He wasn’t sure if he liked that someone else was analyzing his behaviors and personality, but at the same time he had to admit that Mike’s suggestion made sense.

”I mean, when was the last time you unapologetically put your own needs in front of someone else’s?” Mike continued, question obviously rhetorical but Will actually had an answer to it:

”I was mad at Eleven for pretty much everything she did because I wanted you to myself. That was extremely selfish.”

”But you didn’t do anything. You stayed quiet the whole time and let her be with me without trying to ruin our relationship. That’s noble, Will! And a bad person would never feel bad about being bad, would they? You always did your best”, Mike made a point,

”… and then one day you couldn’t take it anymore and everything just exploded - which makes sense. You keep apologizing for anger as if its a sinful crime and call yourself selfish for wanting to be cared about! You’ve been through so much and you still care more about other’s than yourself. You’re so fucking strong, Will. Maybe you need to be a bit weaker…?”

Will looked away, unsure of how to react to that. He was so done with being weak, he had been weak his whole life, that was the problem. Mike noted Will’s discomfort and decided to drop it. Instead he wrapped his arm around Will’s shoulder and scuffed closer. Will leaned his forehead against Mike’s, then he tilted his head a little and leaned it for a kiss.

Both of them still had the taste of food lingering, but it didn’t matter too much. Will changed his position so he could kiss Mike more properly, put his hand on his jaw and guided him back to himself between the quick pauses to breathe.

All of a sudden Steve’s horrible singing voice bursted through, which made them pull apart and laugh. He was so off key it was like another song entirely, nothing like the song that was actually playing on the radio. 

”Is he trying to sing opera?” Will chortled.

”Sounds like it,” Mike replied.

”Should we go inside? It’s kinda cold actually…”

”Just a little bit more!”

Will didn’t mind at all. He leaned back in and let himself soak up in the wholesome feeling of closeness. Butterflies in his stomach, heart pounding excitingly, but at the same time everything felt so tranquil and right he just entirely forgot about birthmarks, scientist and monsters.

He didn’t feel any lurking guilt either, because he could hear Eleven being bubbly and unbothered inside, he knew that his mom and Jonathan wouldn’t mind and with all the evil in the world - how could a kiss could impossibly be something to fret about?

Completely lost in the moment, Will and Mike didn’t even notice that their friends had stopped singing and dancing inside. Will could only think about the softness of Mike’s lips, the warmth contrasting to the chilliness outside, the way Mike’s tongue brushed against his own and how their hands smoothly wandered back and fourth between neck, back, chest, shoulders and waist like a harmonized choreography.

Will tentatively put his hand on Mike’s leg at one point and he let it tease its way from the knee and up, but that sparked something electric in him that made him pull his hand away. Mike was very amused by this reaction but rather than feeling abashed, Will felt excited about it. It was a good feeling that he didn’t want to restrain forever, but right now and right here wasn’t the time to explore just what could come out of it if he set it free.

They had found a pace and flow that they both enjoyed and unlike the first time, Will didn’t think too much about his technique or whether he was doing something wrong. He enjoyed it, Mike enjoyed it, that was the only thing that mattered. Didn’t matter if it looked pretty for someone else to watch, nobody was going to see it anyway so what was -

It wasn’t until Max loudly exclaimed ”Oh my god!”, that they looked behind them and saw the whole bunch standing in the living room window, noses pressed against the glass and with eyes wide open. Lucas’ mouth was gaping dumbly and Steve looked horrified more than anything.

When Mike and Will spotted them, they started cussing at one another (”Max, you idiot!”) and quickly plunged out of sight. Dustin’s voice could be heard yelling: ”I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT! Lucas, you owe me ten bucks!”. Will hid his face in embarrassment but he was still laughing.

”They are too young! You’re all too young! What is this?! When I was your age - ” Steve cried in despair, but this comment got him attacked by everyone at once, who insisted that they were not too young and that Steve was hypocritical since he was the biggest man-slut in Hawkins high school’s history (Dustin’s comment), to which Steve replied that his own mistakes should not be used to justify questionable behaviors.

”I suppose we don’t need to worry about how to tell them anymore,” Mike chuckled and brushed his bangs out of his face.

Despite feeling caught in an intimate moment, Will actually thought this was the best outcome there could possibly be. He didn’t have to make any awkward coming out, and since nobody even seemed to be bothered by it, everything was fine.

Will and Mike decided to get back in again. When they opened the door, everyone clammed up. The house was oddly quiet, if it wasn’t because Will had just literally seen all of them in the window, he would have thought that nobody was at home. When they came into the living room, their friends looked like they had been caught more than Will and Mike had. Frozen at the spot, they just stared uncertainly.

”Everything alright in here?” Mike asked.

”Yes!” Eleven replied and stifled back a giggle, which made Max giggle too.

Will couldn’t look them in their eyes, he shyly yielded away every time he made eye contact with anyone and his cheeks were burning, but there was a subtile smile on his lips. It was awkward but at the same time a happy, relieved feeling swelled inside him.

There was a knock on the door that broke the petrified aura. A second later the door opened.

”We’re back!” Nancy’s voice announced.

Will could hear how she and Jonathan started taking off their coats and put their shoes aside. Jonathan was talking about a colleague at work but stopped to ask:

”Is Steve here? Aren’t those his shoes?”

”Hello?” Nancy called into the quietness.

Her footsteps approached over the floor and then she appeared on the threshold. She had a weekend bag in her hand and her hair in a bun. She looked very puzzled by the sight of the herd of teenagers and Steve frozen right in their movements, as in a photography and the way the couch looked as if someone had used it as a trampoline, pillows thrown onto the floor. The amount of soda cans and food didn’t even surprise her at this point.

”What are you doing?” she asked confusedly.

Jonathan appeared behind her. He looked healthier, less tired and less like he had lived in the same clothes for an entire week. His facial expression was more blank than anything, as if he didn’t know how to react.

”Did we come at an inappropriate time or something?” Jonathan asked.

”No. Absolutely not. Everything’s fine,” Steve answered curtly.

He still held a pillow in his hand that he was just about to hit Dustin with, but now he slowly lowered it, which made Dustin ease out of his protective position too. One by one they unfroze and went back to normal. Lucas started abashedly clean up the mess.

”You’re acting so weird, seriously,” Nancy frowned.

”Did you mix the coca cola with something? Did you get them alcohol, Steve?” Jonathan asked accusingly and gave Steve an annoyed look.

”I haven’t done a thing, Byers! We’re just having some fun! Why do you always think everything is my fault?! I’m doing my best raising these kiddos - where have you two been in the meanwhile?! Huh?!” Steve defended himself and glared back at Jonathan.

Jonathan just rolled his eyes at this and went into the kitchen instead to make some tea for himself and Nancy, while Nancy dwelled at the door at looked at the living room with an investigating gaze. When she couldn’t find anything suspicious, she joined Jonathan instead.

”Your brother hates me,” Steve noted to Will, as if that wasn’t apparent already.

Will looked longingly after Jonathan. He wanted to talk to him. If his friends found out by accident, that was fine, but something is Will’s guts said that he would rather tell Jonathan in person. He didn’t want Jonathan to find out because his friends outed it to him and knowing how inconsiderate they could be when they were high on life and having too much fun, Will had to do it now.

”Sorry, I’ll be back,” Will excused himself.

Mike looked a bit confused but didn’t do any attempts to stop Will from rushing out into the kitchen. It was happening so fast, but at the same time Will had waited and planned for it for so many years, that he thought about it… it wasn’t happening fast at all. It was happening at the exact right time, neither rushed nor prolonged. Will was ready, that was his conclusion.

Sometimes he had doubted it there would ever be a day when he felt ready, he thought it was more likely that he would just have to say it anyway - despite not feeling ready, just because he might have to wait his entire life otherwise. But now he actually felt ready. It was some sort of energy that emerged from within and filled him up, a feeling of freedom, like there was nothing holding him back anymore, if he wanted to, he could fly.

”Jonathan,” Will said to grab his brother’s attention.

Jonathan turned around and smiled at him. Nancy must have sensed that Will wanted to talk to Jonathan alone, because she timidly took her mug and went out into the living room instead, without a word. Maybe Will’s determination was written all over his face, maybe he just radiated that energy so clearly that Jonathan already knew what he was going to say.

Jonathan leaned against the counter and sipped some tea. It was still reeking hot so he put it down again next to him to cool down. He looked at Will inquisitively, head tilted a little to the side, waiting for him to say something.

”Can I also have some?” Will asked and nodded towards the teakettle.

”Yeah, sure, of course!” Jonathan said.

Will made himself a cup of tea while thinking about how to put this in the smoothest way. He stirred around with a spoon aimlessly and leaned against the counter next to Jonathan. Making a grandiose ceremony about was incongruous. Will wanted to keep it as simple and light hearted as possible.

”You’re getting taller,” Jonathan noted with a chuckle when Will didn’t say anything, ”I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

Will was shorter than Jonathan by a two inches(≈ 5cm), but the difference was less apparent now than it used to be. His shoulders were still more narrow and his jawline softer, but there was no doubt about that they were brothers. Will was quite fond of it actually, he always wanted to be more like Jonathan.

”You know how you’ve always encouraged me to be myself and not like things just because people, dad especially, expect me to?” Will began tentatively, in lieu of replying to Jonathan’s comment.

Jonathan nodded.

”You knew that I was gay all along, didn’t you?” Will smirked.

Jonathan cracked up in a smile at this. Everything about his reaction, which wasn’t surprised nor emotional, confirmed Will’s suspicion that Jonathan had waited for this for way longer than Will himself, possibly before he even realized.

”You were never particularly good at hiding it,” Jonathan shrugged.

He tousled Will’s hair playfully, which at least to Will seemed like his way of saying ’this doesn’t change anything between us’. Will let him without yielding away, instead he just laughed happily.

”If I grow taller than you, does that mean I get to mess up your hair instead?” Will asked, standing on his tippy toes and craned his neck as much as he could to be the taller one.

”Absolutely not. It’s an older brother’s duty!” Jonathan said formally, as if it was a fact that was stated in the law, and pushed Will down to his normal posture.

Jonathan drank some tea and wiped with mouth with the back of his hand. Will mirrored his actions subconsciously. Jonathan seemed to be thinking something and Will let him take his time, unbothered. He was abounding of a blissful feeling, maybe it was the relief, maybe it was gratitude - maybe both and a billion other things too. Either way, Will was perfectly content.

”It’s Mike, isn’t it?” Jonathan asked and eyed Will teasingly, a smug grin on his lips and one eyebrow raised slightly above the other.

Will didn’t answer at first because he didn’t want to admit that Jonathan was right when he had that look on his face. Instead he coyly avoided Jonathan’s gaze and hoped he didn’t blush. This reaction of course, said more than words ever could.

”I knew it!” Jonathan said nudged Will gently in the side.

Will rolled his eyes at Jonathan’s excitement, as if it wasn’t a big deal, but truthfully he found it very amusing. He smiled at the floor, still avoiding Jonathan’s eyes. Now he knew for a fact that he was blushing because his cheeks were burning vigorously.

”The Wheelers, they have something extra, don’t they?” Jonathan sighed dreamily.

”I’m personally not too sure about Ted, but whatever floats your boat, I guess!” Will shrugged and the second later he had to dodge Jonathan’s attempt to strangle him.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now... since I bothered writing a 100 000+ word fan fiction, one could think that I was actually going to wrap it up all nicely and actually connect all the loose threads - but that's not really the case here. I considered writing everything in detail but I realized that this work was going to get too long if I did, so I did what any lazy writer would do - I created a time skip. Nifty, huh? I hope you don't mind.

Will shoved his bag into the back of the car before turning around to hug Lucas goodbye for the third time. Lucas’ lip was still visibly bruised after crashing into the wall, but he was at least alive. All of them were still alive. The outcome could have been much, much worse.

”I wish that you didn’t have to get persecuted by a monster but I’m glad it brought us back together. It was great to have you back here, we missed you,” Lucas said.

It seemed like they were never going to leave. Every time they were about to get in the car, someone suddenly brought something up that forced them to stay for a bit longer to finish talking about it and then the whole hugging procedure started over again. Perhaps it was on purpose, an attempt to just keep everyone together for a little bit longer.

They didn’t cry as much this time. Will suspected it was because this time they didn’t part with so many unresolved conflicts and unsaid things hanging in the air. This time around Will had sure they were actually going to stay in touch too.

”We have to visit each other more frequently. The bus ride was honestly not that bad. I wouldn’t mind going to Maine every once in a while. Heck, I wouldn’t even mind going every week but I’ll be in trouble if I skip school any more than I already have…” Mike had said several times.

While the youngsters said goodbye to one another, Will spotted Jonathan talking to Steve. They stood a distance away from everyone else. Neither of them seemed particularly hostile. Will could swear he even saw Jonathan cracking up in a little smile at one point. It was only right, Jonathan had no reason to hate Steve at this point. He wasn’t a douchebag anymore and it was a long time ago he displayed any such characteristics. Steve was also the one who managed to distract the monster away from Will when he was cornered, even if that meant he put himself in a pinch. 

In the end Will and Eleven both used their powers at several point throughout the chase and the battle, but El was the one who had finally ended it, which was the reason why she was so tired she could barely stand up. It had been several days already but she was still in the agonizing exhaustion stage. Will made sure to tell everyone to shut up when he noticed that it was getting chaotic around the dinner table or down in the basement, knowing just how bad her headache was.

She had lost her powers again and not knowing when they were coming back made everyone a bit anxious. They tried to console themselves by saying that the monster was dead and they had not noticed anything aberrations since the victory. But it was of course unlikely that there was just a single monster running around in Hawkins for no reason, they all knew that there had to be more to it.

”It’s selfish to not do anything about it! What it someone gets hurt?! There could be more of those things out there and we’re the only ones who know how to combat them! Are we just going to let people die?!” Dustin had argued while they discussed it for the thousandth time.

”We need a damn break!” Lucas had snapped angrily. His messed up face said more than anything. Will handed him a chilled towel that he held against the bruise to soothe it. He winced uncomfortably when the towel brushed against the skin but the cold seemed to help.

There was a long silence after this. Everyone was lost in their own heads, didn’t even look at one another. Lucas and Dustin had already made up their minds regarding what they wanted to do from here, the rest of them were still not sure. They had already reviewed all the pros and cons about everything but in the end it came down to moral. There were obviously no pros for themselves to fight the Upside Down. The question was just whether it was worth sacrificing themselves to save others.

”If we keep fighting monsters for a hobby we are going to be the ones who die. Aren’t our lives worth as much as anybody else’s? We didn’t sign up for this. This is not our job. We’ve saved the world several times already, we’ve done our part already, haven’t we? What more can you ask of a bunch of minors?” Mike had finally said in a very composed, peaceful tone.

In the end they had settled for a middle ground: they promised each other to fight if they had to, but they were not going to actively look for the problem to solve it. Not yet anyway. Lucas wasn’t the only one who needed a break. They were all in terrible condition in one way or another.

Max’s arm still hurt a lot. When Will hugged her goodbye he forgot about it for a second, making her whine in pain. She got bit. The marks from sharp teeth could still be seen, irritated and red. It was the ultimate sign just how close it was. Will didn’t even want to envision the scenario of having to witness Max get eaten alive.

”Will! El! Are you guys ready to go?” Jonathan called. This time he seemed to mean it because he hugged Nancy one more time and opened the door to the driver’s seat to get in.

Will didn’t know what to do, his legs refused to walk and his mouth refused to speak. His eyes swept around from face to face. The woeful smiles only made everything more difficult, especially when the sun rays lit up everything so beautifully. Will didn’t want to leave.

Just a couple of hours earlier he had agreed that it was time to go back to Maine. He had promised himself to return once everything was okay and now it was. Eleven had expressed that she missed having routines and she wanted to proceed with her education. Will had thought about the potential of staying in Hawkins to attend high school here instead, but it wasn’t realistic. He wasn’t ready to live on his own, his family didn’t have the money to buy him an apartment anyway and he couldn’t live in Mike’s basement forever. In addition to that he actually missed his mom a lot.

But now that it was actually time to get in the car to leave it just didn’t seem appealing anymore. He logically knew that this was the best thing to do, but in his guts he felt a twitch of regret and reluctance. Just a bit more, just a bit more… Will choked the tears back. He had cried way too much lately, it was getting ridiculous.

Dustin patted him on the shoulder. His hand was still wrapped in a bandage but had managed to avoid any major injuries aside from scraping the palm of his hand when he slipped on some grit. 

”You did great. And like I said, just give me a call if you need some help with school work or anything. I might not be able to help you with everything but I’ve already finished the stuff you’ll have to study now, so I can try to help you if you need it,” he said.

Will nodded quietly. He forced himself to crack a little smile to show his gratitude but it was strained. This wasn’t fun at all. He didn’t want to say goodbye. Just the thought of not seeing Dustin with his faux teeth, his grin, caps, nerdy insights and hysterical laughter. Will was going to miss him a lot. It was like he missed him before they even parted.

”And if you’re worried about that one over there,” Dustin nodded discretely in Mike’s direction. He was bent over, talking to Jonathan through the window and smiling at something Jonathan had just said, ”… my best advice is to just take it easy. Mike’s an idiot but he’s not disloyal. Trust, patience, communication. Those three words are the key. I think my relationship with Suzie is honestly better than than most high school relationships. The distance is difficult at times but it also reminds you of how much you truly like each other. It’s easier to forget about that when you see each other every day.” Dustin quickly looked in Lucas’ and Max’s direction, so quickly it was barely perceivable but Will caught the hint.

”I guess…” Will said vaguely.

It was actually a bit weird to hear Dustin talk about Suzie. He usually refused to, just shut it down whenever someone asked anything, insisting that they relationship is between the two of them and the two of them alone and all of that… Will had always assumed that it was because of coyness but in this moment he realized that it was maybe because talking about her made Dustin miss her even more, or perhaps feel a ripple of sadness because he couldn’t tell them about their romantic dates, conversations and adventures, since they frankly couldn’t even do those things since Dustin lived in Indiana and she lived far, far away in Utah.

If they could manage then Mike and Will could too. Maine and Indiana were actually not that far apart - it was just Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont and New Hampshire in between! Which was… actually pretty far, now that Will thought about it. The thought made him choke up again.

”Sure. Good advice.”

”Okay then, Byers. See you soon,” Dustin wrapped it up.

Will gave him a quick hug and told him to take care, not overwork himself in school, make sure to rest and pat himself on the back for not strangling Lucas, Max and Mike. Those three together was possibly the worst combination, it was the ultimate formula for creating trouble and agitation. Will could envision Dustin trying to do his homework, forced to listen to hours of pointless arguments and sighs. Poor thing.

When Will turned around he almost bumped right into Mike, who had approached from behind. They just stared at each other for a moment, unsure of what to do and what to say. Will had a long, dramatic goodbye speech on the tip of his tongue, but he knew and Mike probably knew too, that all of that was just going to make this more difficult.

”Take care,” Mike said.

”You too,” Will replied.

Another moment of staring. Eleven opened the car door and climbed into the backseat. They were just waiting for Will to get in now so they could finally leave. Will stared at their shoes, swallowed every two seconds to not let the tears burst out.

”Could you send me your fluffy socks in the mail?” Will asked.

”I could buy you some new ones -”

”No, I want yours, that’s the whole point.”

”Sure.”

Everything said very tersely. These words were exchanged in a flash and then they went back to silence. Will was tempted to just run inside to get them but he knew that if he did, the whole goodbye ritual would have to be redone yet another time. Instead he just took a deep breath, swayed around a little at the spot, still refusing to look up at Mike’s face.

”We’re just prolonging the suffering right now,” Mike said blankly.

”I know.”

Will threw a glance towards the car. He could see El moving around inside through the window. It was time to go. He sighed and decided to look at Mike at last, this time with a new type of determination.

”Take care,” he said and placed a quick kiss on his lips.

Then he gave him a quick hug too and turned around. With fast steps he walked over to the car so he wouldn’t have time to change his mind. He didn’t even want to hear Mike’s reply. All of this was just making it more difficult to leave. He opened the door and climbed into the backseat next to El. When he closed the door again his friends’ voices could still be heard through the window glass. They were lined up in front of the Wheeler’s house just like last time, talking to each other quietly.

”Please drive, Jonathan,” Will pleaded, tears finally trickling down his cheeks.

Jonathan started the engine and the car started rolling off the driveway, onto the street and further way from the house. Will closed his eyes because he didn’t want to see their faces disappear out of sight and Hawkins familiar streets, the pedestrians with their dogs, the houses and the town centre with their favorite cafe passing outside the window, knowing that he was not going to see those things in a while from now.

”Do you want candy?” Eleven asked, voice still hoarse and vague.

Will finally opened his eyes. She held out a bag of sugary jelly cubes towards him, one already in her mouth, creating a bump in her cheek. Her eyes were also irritated because she had cried plenty but she looked tired more than anything, dark circles under her eyes and a gloominess radiating from her that made her look like a different person.

”Thanks,” Will replied. He took the package shook out a jelly cube into his palm.

Then they descended into silence, both slouching back against the seat, chewing on candy. There was no need to say anything and it remained this way for a long time. The only thing that could be heard was the rustling sound when they rattled out more candy from the plastic packages, the monotonous sound of car wheels rolling against the ground and the engine’s slumberous whirring. The hours passed and the weather outside shifted from cloudy to rainy to sunny as they drove from one place to another.

This was not actually a goodbye. It was fine. It was going to be fine, Will told himself, and yet he found himself crying for frequently as they got closer to Maine.

Even if he knew that things were going to be different, his only memory of living in Maine was horrible and he couldn’t really envision it any other way. He didn’t know what was waiting for him, didn’t know if everyone was going to slowly fall back into their old routines and go back to the way it was. Didn’t know if he was ever going to have any friends up there or if he was going to be all alone except for when his clique from Hawkins came to visit. Not knowing what the future held was scary.

”Will, you know, if you truly hate it up there we won’t stay there. The point of moving was for things to change for the better, but if it changes for the worst then we’ll have to come up with another solution. It’s going to be okay in one way or another, I promise!” Jonathan had said, eyes still on the road.

This made Will feel a bit better but he didn’t want the whole family to feel forced to adjust themself to his needs. His mom, Jonathan and Eleven were doing fine up there. They had established new lives already and seemed pretty happy with the way everything turned out. Will was the only one who was still struggling.

He rested his forehead against the window glass and lamely watched the cars pass on the other side. The view of the landscapes on both sides of the road reminded him of his biking route. It felt like it had happened ages ago, so surreal it could just as well had been a dream. In his backpack he had notes with the phone numbers, which was the only physical evidence he had witnessing about his adventure since he gifted the drawing to Mike.

Will never told anybody about the night with Italians and he hadn’t thought about it a lot either until now. In this moment it was soothing to think about because it was a reminder that he had actually managed to make some friends despite his awkwardness. It was truly unfortunate that the only friends he had ever made on his own were most likely climbing some mountains in this moment, sleeping at a mediocre hostel or a eating budget friendly meal somewhere in Canada - or possibly in Asia if they had already gone that far - and were very unlikely to ever see him again.

It was like the memory of the night was a fossil, a fragment of something that no longer existed. Will didn’t know yet if he was ever going to tell anybody about it. If he did, would anybody even believe him? Will Byers all giggly, chatting lively all night, getting drunk with some tourists in a hostel far, far away from anything he ever knew…? Sounded like a fantasy novel.

On the other hand there was also a probability that nobody else would doubt it. It was perhaps just Will himself who couldn’t believe it. It seemed like nobody else perceived him as being socially incompetent and awkward (okay, maybe a bit awkward). But despite that people generally didn't dismiss him as an awful person or anything, it was still a matter of fact that he had not managed to make a single new friend in Maine so something was obviously wrong with him, he was certain.

”You’re such a likable person, Will. There’s literally no reason for anyone to dislike you,” Jonathan had said a couple of miles ago, ”If you just but a little bit more effort into getting to know people I’m sure you’ll have new friends in no time. You have so many great qualities, if I was in your grade at school I would totally want to befriend you! You just need to open up a little and have some fun. If you don't mind being alone you can just do whatever you like but other kids might judge you for it. High schoolers generally like fun people, the ones who don't take life too seriously, you know what I mean?"

When Jonathan said this Will just sighed and felt even more hopeless. He wasn't a fun person. He didn't know what he was doing wrong and apparently nobody else did either since nobody could pinpoint anything in particular that made him an unlikable person. Maybe he was just cursed? A freak by birth? There was no point trying to make friends if he was already cursed, doomed to fail. That just hurt even more.

He was funny and smart and chill and all of those likable things when he was alone, but as soon as someone approached him it was like he just froze to ice, became lame and stiff, his brain lost the ability to come up with jokes and have normal conversations. All the excessive blushing and the increased heart rate also many it difficult. It was like his body was making a revolution against the interaction, throwing annoying symptoms at him in order to make him stop. It had to be a curse! Or perhaps he was allergic to other people? Was that a thing? Will wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

Eleven had put a piece of chocolate in her mouth, sucked on it and seemed to be thinking something. Her energy had slowly started to return, she looked more alive now and had a sparkle in her gaze that made her look more like herself. Will almost found her enthusiasm a bit mocking but he knew that it was probably just because she didn't understand that this was a serious matter. When she was done thinking she turned to Will and said:

”The only one who does not like Will Byers is you. Maybe that's the problem?”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's pretty crazy how this is kind of the last chapter (notice: kind of). I never thought I was going to write this much and I never thought I was going to publish it and I never thought anybody was going to read it. There are things I could have written differently but I'm still proud of what I've created and I have learned plenty while working on it - which was literally the reason why I even decided to write anything in the first place, so I guess I'll consider my goal achieved???
> 
> I'm contemplating whether to change the current description of this work because it just doesn't make sense, does it? It's an accurate summary of the first few chapters, but it's a bit misleading to use it as a description for the whole thing... I just don't know how else to describe it without spoiling too much. Using a sample text from a chapter would be ideal in my opinion but I don't know which part is good enough to represent the work as a whole. If you have any ideas, please let me know! Thank you for reading!

Delicate flakes swirled through the air, swept away by the gentle winter breeze until they finally landed on top of the already existing layer of snow. When the sun beamed above the landscape, its rays reflected in the crystals, making everything look sparkling and bright.

At the same rate as the leaves fell off the trees, a barren openness unveiled itself. When Will went to school, which he now did by bus instead of bike, he could see further than he ever did before since the fullness of the trees no longer blocked the view. He spotted houses he never knew existed and in the distance he could see herds of people making their way to school and work, so many he had to reconsider his past assumption that they lived in an insignificant village with scarily any inhabitants.

The nature was so lifeless at this time of the year, but Will found that the neighborhood was more vivacious now than he had ever seen it before. An overall merriness pervaded everything and it was difficult to not get entrained.

Families went skating at the local lake, candles were lit everywhere, the scent of cinnamon, vanilla and hot cocoa pervaded every cafe, every restaurant around the clock. The stores near the town center was abounding with people, people telling each other about their holiday plans, discussing what to gift their daughters, their cousins, their grandmas, students standing outside the store entrances selling gingerbread to finance their field trips... 

The radio played Christmas carols around the clock and the sound of the school choir’s repetitions could be heard every morning like a warm welcome when entering the school building. Will rarely made company with Eleven to school these days since he had nudged her into joining the choir. She was a bit skeptical at first, but just like Will had suspected, she had a musical talent somewhere within and the school choir’s daily practices had turn it into something breathtaking in just a couple of weeks.

Another good thing about joining the choir was the vocal exercises she was given for homework. Will often heard her practice in her room after school and when they sat down for dinner together later in the evening, her words flowed almost seamlessly and she rarely butchered any words.

Will found one of the best moments of the day to be when he sat in his room, studying or just relaxing after a long day at school, and he could hear Eleven and his mom cooking and singing in the kitchen. Will never knew that Joyce could sing, but having daughter to sing with was all it took to bring out the performer in her.

”I used to make the most spectacular performances with my cousins when we were little! We turned the living room at my uncle Harry’s place into a stage and then we dressed up in the craziest clothes we could find. You have never met her, but I could show you picture sometime - uncle Harry’s wife had a wonderful closet! Adults thought it was outrageous but kids loved it! I always wanted her red dress although it was too big for me. It was a breathtaking creation with lots of details, I remember that the buttons were golden around the rim and I thought they were so pretty!”

Her eyes sparkled at the thought. Then she sighed nostalgically and leaned back on the chair, seemingly lost in her own little world for a moment. She often did this when they ate dinner and Will loved hearing her talk about her youth, but at the same time it was a bit crazy to think that his mom had a life before she became a mom. He especially liked it when she told them about when she was their age so he specially asked her about it sometimes.

One evening he had talked about how much he disliked school and then it just naturally transitioned into Joyce telling them about her own time. Will didn’t even need to ask her anything once she started, she just kept talking as if she had waited her whole life to tell someone about it.

”I hated school - hated!” she frowned, ”You know, back in the days most women didn’t get any higher education because we were just expected to get married and be housewives anyway. I suppose it’s still a bit like that, but it was even worse when I was young… The teachers knew about this of course so they didn’t take us girls seriously. They always prioritized the boys because ’they needed the education more’ or whatever. It made me loose my motivation to work hard because nobody ever cared when I did my best!” Joyce threw her hands in the air in frustration.

”Max told me about that,” Eleven had replied to it, disgruntled look on her face, ”But I don’t understand why it was like that. Why did the boys work and the girls stay at home?”

This led Joyce onto a long rampage about the history and women’s role in it. Will had never heard her talk about those things but she had obviously thought a lot about it because she knew exactly what to say and when and how to explain the connection between things. Eleven nodded angrily every now, mouth full of food and brows furrowed.

Will knew that his father was an asshole but he was too little at the time to realize that this type of behavior was surprisingly common. Joyce said it was a result of society’s structures and norms and although he didn’t perfectly understand exactly what that meant he decided to believe her because the few things he did grasp made sense in that context, but for a moment he suspected that she was just desperately trying to explain why Larry did what he did.

Will could of course not relate to the struggles of being a girl but he still understood in his own way because the expectation for men to be strong and dominant had made him very insecure too. He was pretty sure that he wasn’t the only one who preferred crying rather than beating someone up if he was upset but whenever a boy cried in school the others made fun of him for weeks afterwards, so it wasn’t strange that the boys tried to toughen up instead.

This conversation had lasted much longer than the dinner itself. Even after the plates were empty they remained seated around the table for a while. Jonathan eventually had to excuse himself because he had some work he needed to finish, but before he left Joyce made sure to finish the story that had started the whole thing, the one about her own time in school.

”I spent most days just daydreaming in class. My parents were very concerned about that but it turned out fine in the end, didn’t it? People always say that women like me are not ’successful’, but what does that even mean? As long as I have a job that pays me enough to take care of my children I’m happy. I know you never had the same luxury as some of the other kids, like those super expensive toys and the trendiest clothes, but I hope you will grow up knowing that there are more important things in life. I hope you will look back at your childhood and remember that we always had each other at least. That’s more valuable than money will ever be!”

Since the ladies usually made the food, there was an agreement that the gents had to do the dishes afterwards, which neither Will nor Jonathan minded at all. It was only sometimes if Will felt stressed out that he asked if he could do the cooking that day. Chopping vegetables and stirring around in the pan was surprisingly relaxing, but so was doing the dishes actually.

Dipping hands into the hot water, the soapy scent and the brainless scrubbing was really enjoyable once they got started. Will sometimes wanted to just go straight back to his bedroom after their long discussions but once started it was always fine. There were only four of them so there wasn’t a mountain of porcelain to clean so they were usually done in a fifteen minutes or so.

They would seize this opportunity to enjoy each other’s company in silence or occasionally turn it into a ’boy talk’ session. It was never really the intention, but it fit so perfectly since it was just the two of them and sometimes it was the only time of the day when they were both free, with Jonathan’s heavy workload and Will’s homework waiting for him in the bedroom.

”Do you think you could ever forgive dad for what he did?” Will had once asked whilst wiping a plate with the drying towel, so casually he might as well had asked about the weather.

Jonathan first winced at the unveiled clearness of the question. He grabbed a bowl from the pile of dishes and put it into the hot water. He started scrubbing it without answering Will right away. Then he itched his cheek ungracefully, trying to not get soap on his face.

”Well…” he began unsurely.

It was like a silent agreement that Jonathan wasn’t allowed to dodge Will’s questions because they were contentious. Will on the other hand, was always free to refuse to tell Jonathan things if he didn’t feel comfortable doing so. This created a dynamic that made Will feel safe, which made it easier to talk even if he didn’t need to.

”I think I could but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do it, because he doesn’t deserve it, if that makes sense…” Jonathan had said without looking up.

Jonathan’s answer was something Will had carried with him ever since, just in the back of his mind. He was kind enough to forgive, he could forgive if he wanted to, but for his own dignity and justice, he didn’t forgive his dad. He had not earned his kindness and compassion so if Will forgave him anyway, that would send the wrong signal to himself. He was ready to move on but not forgive, because what Larry did was never okay and since Larry never cared about Will, he didn’t owe him anything in return.

Will had always had a heartfelt wish that his dad would return someday, apologize and somehow heal the wound he had ripped open in Will’s soul. This longing however, was something Will tried to let go because it only made him disappointed when Larry never fulfilled his part.

In the same manner, Will tried his best to just allow reality to be what is was regarding the lab. He wanted things to be different, he wanted to understand and he wanted to claim his justice, but he couldn’t spend his entire life trying to change something that couldn’t be changed. He knew that there was a possibility to find more answers, but he couldn’t allow himself to hope for it. Instead he tried to set his mind to just be - not accept - but just be without letting the unanswered enigmas consume him entirely, eat him up from the inside.

Right now he had other things to be concerned about and he wouldn’t let Hawkins lab control his life anymore, they had already done it enough already. He tried to look forward instead, hoping that his life was going to come together nicely in the end.

He had worked hard trying to make up for his absence throughout the fall and he still had some things left before he had caught up with the other freshmen. He would often stay in school, sitting in the library with various different assignments. It wasn’t fun, but Will was thankful the principal even gave him a chance to finish the school year without having to redo the whole thing. It wasn’t as difficult for El since her schedule was adapted for her special needs and took into consideration that her learning pace might be slower for logical reasons.

When he felt unmotivated he tried to envision himself at the graduation or at senior prom. He knew that the day he had the diploma in his hand and that hat on his head, he wouldn’t regret working so hard to make it there. He knew it’d be worth it even if he was overwhelmed at times.

As for the loneliness he had feared before returning… well, nothing much had changed really. Will still found himself sitting alone a lot, staying near the walls in the hallways, not saying much, but now it was solely by choice - or at least that’s what he persuaded himself.

Eleven had asked him if he wanted to sit at her lunch table or if he wanted to join her clique to do something after school, and Will had given it a try, but he was so awkward and had an unbearable feeling of being suffocated all the time, so in the end he still preferred to be alone. It was like the whole situation itself was attacking him from all angles, it wasn’t worth it.

”I’m just introverted, that’s why,” Will had insisted when El asked him why he didn’t like it. Introverted was a term he needed to explain to her. She didn’t seem to entirely understand it but she nodded as if she did. Will was really strained and unhappy in that moment so she probably sensed that it was better to just let it go and not ask any further questions.

But when Will told Mike about it one evening when they were on the phone, Mike had sounded troubled. He didn’t really buy that being introverted and shy could explain those feelings and he didn't let it go when Will tried to shrug it off.

”I think I’m pretty introverted too, I’m only outgoing when I’m around my closest friends, but if I ever find myself in a crowded space or something I don’t feel like I’m suffocating, I just don’t prefer it,” he had said.

Since Mike kept asking questions Will had been been forced to confront his own feelings in a way that was really uncomfortable. Will had started crying when he told Mike about his failed attempts at making friends and how he couldn’t breathe in the lunch hall. The words had just poured out of him before he had even finished thinking the thought inside his own head, completely unfiltered and organic.

Will had promised himself to not rely on Mike too much, and yet here he was, crawling back to safety without making any progress. He couldn’t understand what was wrong with him, why he couldn’t just have a normal fucking conversation, like a normal fucking person! Even Eleven was more independent than he was! She somehow managed to navigate through school and social settings despite not even knowing what was going on half of the time!

”So there is something wrong with me then!” Will had wept.

”No, that’s not what I meant!” Mike said quickly, ”But I think you might have a problem, Will, that’s all. Look, I think what you’re feeling is social anxiety. It’s not the same thing as being introverted or shy, it’s different. I have heard about anxiety and this sound like it.”

”But it’s always been like this!” Will replied hopelessly, ”Maybe it’s because this is just how I am? I can’t change myself!”

”Certain things you can’t change about yourself, but some things you can change and I’m sure this is one of those things! It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you now but things could be better, right?”

”But how am I supposed to do that?!”

This was followed by a long, agonized apology from Mike for not being able to offer better support, for not knowing how to fix it, for not being there with him etc, etc. In the end Will was the one who had to console him instead because Mike started wailing about being useless and feeling like he wasn’t enough. Perhaps the distance made everything more difficult too.

If they would have been in the same room they could just have hugged some of the struggles away but when all they had at hand was a plastic phone it just amplified the hopelessness. Will loved the phone for letting him talk to Mike but he was mad at it for not being Mike himself. The sound quality wasn’t the best either so even if it was nice to hear his voice it was still not the same thing as hearing it directly, it sounded too flat and a bit fizzy when coming out of the phone.

Will and Mike could probably have spent their entire lives on the phone, but Will had promised himself to not be a hypocrite so he had put a limit on how much time he was allowed to spend talking to Mike. Eleven didn’t seem to care that much but Will still thought it was better to not spend his whole life on the phone, so he tried to refrain from that for his own sake as well.

One evening El had actually talked to Mike alone. Will was tempted to eavesdrop but decided not to just to show them some respect. He tried to comfort himself by remembering that Mike would never go through so much trouble to be with Will if he didn’t genuinely want it, there was no reason to be jealous. He was still relieved though when Eleven knocked on his door later and told him what they had talked about.

”We are going to ’start over’. We are going to be friends and have fun together and take care of each other, but we are not in love. It’s better like that, I think. Friendship is nice.”

The next time Will talked to Mike on the phone he elevated what they had talked about. Mike expressed remorsefulness because he never actually got to know Eleven for who she truly was. Their relationship never developed naturally because he tried to force it to be something else than it was.

”She’s kind, smart, loyal, funny… She’s everything you’d want in a friend but I tried to force it into being something else which messed everything up. It’s such a shame! So much potential just wasted!” Mike had sighed, ”I just want to start over, you know? Like none of this ever happened. I just want to get to know her, be her friend and have her as a friend… I truly feel like that was the way it was supposed to be. I just want to fix it. You don’t mind, do you?”

”Of course not. I just want all of us to stick together. I didn’t see El for who she truly is until we discovered my powers and all of that, it took me a while too. But it’s better late than never, right?”

”Right.”

Will had stopped believing in ’starting over’s. There was no way to rewrite what had already been done and there was no way to just entirely forget about it either. They just had to learn and move forward, make sure to create better memories over time so someday the regretful ones would be outnumbered by the good ones.

Sometimes they sat together with the phone between them and talked to all of their friends at once though. It was fun, although a bit messy. Their friends had gathered at the Wheeler’s and were always arguing about who would get to hold the phone. Everyone was talking at once and sometimes it was completely inaudible what they were saying but just hearing their voices was nice enough.

Will also checked regularly with El to see if she was bothered by his relationship with Mike, if she wanted them to break up or anything, but she just frowned and said that she was doing just fine, she didn’t want to obsess over Mike anymore. She was fully focused on her choir activities, her education, healing from the traumatic experiences and learning about all the things she missed out on in the lab - in short her number one priority was to take care of her self and Will had never seen her so happy before.

”Kissing is nice but there are other nice things in the world too. Maybe I can have a boyfriend again one day but I don’t want to just kiss for the rest of my life,” she had said.

Will knew it even if she didn’t say it out loud, that she did all those things to honor the loss of chief Hopper. She knew that he would have wanted to see her flourish. This was her way of celebrating his life, thanking him for the endless love and support he offered her throughout the relatively short time they knew each other. 

No matter how much they looked into the case, all evidence from what happened down in the Russian base had been wiped away. Months had passed already. If chief Hopper was somehow pulled into the Upside Down before the gate closed he was surely dead at this point, if he didn’t die right at the spot. There was no other explanation.

Joyce had created a memorial spot in the garden. She regularly brought home flowers and beautiful items to decorate it. She never let the snow cover the miniature headstone that had been placed in the centre. Will had seen her stand outside late at night when she thought everyone else was asleep, smoking a cigarette and intermittently looking up in the sky.

”Could you light the lantern?” she sometimes asked.

There was a pretty lantern placed right next to the headstone with a sturdy pillar candle in it. Will was often the one who grabbed a lighter, went out and lit it. Those candles never lasted particularly long because they burned for several hours every night. They were lit in the early evening and at some point throughout the night he wind usually managed to extinguish the light. Sometimes there was just a puddle of melted wax left in the lantern in the morning.

”I’m sure he’s in a better place now,” Will told Eleven one day when he caught her staring out the window, eyes locked on the memorial spot.

”I think he’s happy now. He can be together with the other dead people. He missed them when he was alive but not they can have fun together again.”

This was followed by a long silence. Will thought about the ones he had lost, she thought about the ones she had lost - about all the lost ones. Some deaths had hurt more than others, while some slipped away without leaving anything behind, but either way they were not here anymore and Will knew that there were more people dead than alive, which mad him wonder - where did they all go?

He lifted his gaze from the memorial spot, up into the sky. It was sunny that day, only some thin clouds draping across the blue background. Was there a place up there where the dead united with their loved ones, had a good time and watched over the ones still down on Earth? He couldn’t see any such place up there but if there was one thing he had learned so far, it was that the world existed beyond his own personal understanding of it - but that did not stop him from believing and one thing he firmly believed was that all the deceived ones were still okay somewhere, somehow.

”It’s wonderful, isn’t it?” mr Clarke had said one day a couple of years ago, approaching him from behind, stopping right next to him.

It was a Wednesday afternoon and Will waited outside the middle school entrance for Jonathan to pick him, peering into the sun, letting its warm rays warm his face up. It was the first spring heat. Will had missed the warmth and the light dearly throughout the murky winter.

”The sky, you mean?” Will had asked.

”The vastness,” mr Clarke had said with a smile.

Will didn’t know what to say but he smiled back and nodded. He was used to mr Clarke saying random things at times. Sometimes it was like he spoke in poems, just a series of beautiful words and metaphors that was up to the listener to interpret however they wanted. Mr Clarke didn’t say anything more about it. He said goodbye to Will, quickly reminded him about the AV-club meeting the following day, dug out some sunglasses out of his bag and walked off, leaving Will standing on the stairs with an amused grin.

Will looked up into the sky again. The vastness. The vastness of what? The endless sky, the universe, the huge world and all the people alive, all the people already dead, the people of the future…? The vastness of life itself? 

Will felt very tiny when he thought about those things, how he was just one little boy in a world of billions. Just how many had walked this Earth before himself, created all the things that existed, shaped the nations, written the music, figured out the ideas, breathed, slept, worked, loved, lived, died…? The world was so much bigger than himself. No matter how much he’d learn in his life, he’d never understand everything.

”Do you want to bake some cake?” Eleven had asked eventually after their extended silence, snapping herself out of her thought, pulling her eyes away from the memorial spot. She looked at Will with a sneaky smile. Joyce had told them to cut down on the sugar since coming back from Hawkins but she was visiting a friend this Saturday and Jonathan was outside, taking some photographs of the beautiful winter landscape for the local newspapers.

”Of course!” Will grinned back.

And so they did. They dug around in the kitchen cabinets, made a mess in the kitchen, threw wheat at each other and sang along to the radio, all while people died somewhere else in the world and the ones already dead just remained dead. But what else was there to do? If death was inevitable, then the only thing to do was live life for as long as they could and try to have fun in the meanwhile.

That same evening Will finally called Amanda. He almost didn’t recognize her voice at first, but that was explained by a terrible cold that made her voice more raspy than Will remembered it. She coughed from time to time but let Will tell her about everything, not rushing him to hang up despite her illness.

He told her that he didn’t need her help to get to New York because he wanted to stay where he was. (”I’m glad to hear that. If you’d ever change your mind, just give me a call. Actually, call me even if you don’t want to move to New York, I just want to chat with you!”) He also told her about Mike, about Eleven, about everything that had happened and how everything came together at last. He didn’t regret anything right now. He wouldn’t have changed anything even if he could. One thing had just led to another and now he considered himself doing alright - not perfect - but alright, and the one who nudged him into that direction was Amanda.

”Thank you for everything,” he said finally.

”No, not for everything, Will. You did all of this, your friends did all of this. I just played a tiny part of it. If you decided to go back to Hawkins just to say goodbye and leave, then none of this would have happened, but you didn't, right? You stayed, you tried to set things right. You did all of this on your own. Only you can live your life, Will,” she said and before Will could say anything about it she continued:

”I just happen to know that it’s difficult to live a good life when you hold yourself back, pretend to be someone else, which is why I encouraged you to tell Mike. It’s just a fact that the more of us there are out there who refuse to live closeted and encaged - the harder it will be for society to hold us all back, right? So this is not just about you, this it about all of us, everyone on Earth! Just by living your life as good as you can, you’re contributing to making a change in the world so someone else might be able to live their best lives too.”

”Yeah, I hope that things will change. I’m incredibly lucky to have so many loving and accepting people in my life but I know it’s going to be difficult at times as well. Not everyone's that openminded. This is just the beginning.”

”Sure. The world is not a utopia. I just want you to try your best, even it that means just barely getting by from time to time. Make it as good as you can. I want you to live your best life, Will. Can you promise me that you will try to do that?”

”Of course, I’ll do my best.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who has returned from the dead? Here, have another chapter! It wasn't in the original draft but I had some ideas in mind that I couldn't let go off so I decided to actually write the stuff down. This OC is my bby, I use him in literally everything I write but switch out some details and the name. I hope you'll like him too.

Will sighed and erased his answer one more time. He had struggled with the same question for ten minutes already but was determined to solve it before moving on to the next chapter, which was about algebra. Even if he hated this, he still hated algebra more.

He could hear the TV on low volume from the living room. Eleven watched a lighthearted comedy, talked on the phone with Max and painted her nails in the meanwhile. Will was impressed by her ability to do everything at once. He had peeked into the room on his way to get a cup of coffee (”I warned you, Will! I told you it was addictive!” Joyce had sighed the other day when she caught him sneaking into the kitchen for the third time to refill his mug) and told her to say hello to Max from him. Joyce and Jonathan were not home yet, they were both working late - again.

But now he had stayed in his bedroom for an hour, glaring at the book and complaining to himself, coffee mug empty since ages ago and the music turned off because he couldn’t concentrate on anything. It was always fine the first half of the song but towards the end he always ended up humming along or tapping with his foot to the beat subconsciously, or else he actually managed to focus on the math which resulted in that he got irritated for not appreciating the songs enough.

Studying was so boring. He even considered calling Dustin for some help (cheating) but he actually needed to learn this because a test was coming up next week so he couldn’t rely on Dustin’s intelligence forever. If he could just nail this test, he'd be in synch with his classmates, finally caught up after his long absence throughout the fall.

It was 18.30 in the evening and it was dark outside. Will could see his own reflection in the window glass in front of him, the curtains pulled aside to make him feel a bit less encaged in his own room. Eleven had helped him wrap some fairy lights around the curtain rod to make the desk area nicer (”You spend so much time there. I think it’s better for you if it looks cosy. Bug in a rug, right?”). Sometimes he wondered if his bedroom was too cosy for his own good, it made him even less motivated to actually get a grip of his problems, which he was now, after some research in the school library, sure was in fact social anxiety. He refused to seek professional help because he hated hospitals and he hated the idea of needing help. His tactic was to just... make it work. Get over it or something. He didn't know how that was supposed to happen but if he stayed in his bedroom forever nothing would even change, he knew that much already.

Will shook his head, tried to shake the tiredness away. Focus. Focus. Focus. Math. How to solve this problem? Focus. He fiddles around with the pen in his hand, ready to write something but he didn’t know what to write. He had already tried all possible solutions. He didn’t know any alternative way so solve it. Instead he started sketching in his notebook, as he usually did when the studies didn't go his way.

He looked out the window, tried to see past his reflection to see the oak that grew right where the main road parted into the smaller grit path which lead to their front door. The tree was massive, beautifully thick and sturdy. The previous owners of the house had created a swing out of an old tyre but they brought it along when they moved away. Will had tried to draw the tree several times already so he was familiar with the shape of the branches, the sprawling roots and the patch where the bark had been damaged (probably because of the swing hitting it repeatedly).

He avoided drawing where he had made his calculations but the rest of the checkered paper sheet was soon covered with details and lines. It was more fun to draw the oak when there were still colorful leaves left on the branches but the simplicity of the shape itself was also pretty. Will smudged the lead to create some shadows. Then he looked up again to see how the snow actually looked. He wasn't sure how to make it look so sparkly and crisp and by the bare eye it didn’t seem to have any shadows, but when the drawing looked too flat so he couldn't just leave it completely uncolored…

When he looked up anew a movement caught his attention.

He could see someone walking on the street, turning left when the it parted and followed the grit path towards the house. The person was clad in a green jacket with the hood concealing their face, heavy combat boots on their feet and a satchel bag hanging across the body. As the person came closer Will concluded that they were around his own age, possibly a little bit older but not by a large margin. Boy probably, based off the vibe and the height but it was difficult to tell.

Will left his homework at the desk and rushed into the living room, startling El as he bursted in. This was the most exiting thing that had happened all day, he was delighted to have a legitimate excuse to leave the math behind. El told Max to wait for a second and looked at Will inquisitively, a bit worried even. She sat on the couch, feet resting on the edge of the low table in front of her, hair in a bun and her most comfortable clothes on. She didn’t look like she was excepting a visit.

”Are you expecting anyone?” Will asked her anyway.

”What?”

”There’s a guy on their way here. I saw someone through the window. Is he your friend? Do you know him? He wore a green jacket.”

Eleven shook her head.

”Maybe it’s the kids who sell cookies for the sports team?” she suggested.

They looked at each other for a second before Will excused himself for startling her and left the living room. Just as he did he could hear knocking on the door. He hesitated before making up his mind to open. He did so carefully and thought about what to say in the meanwhile. Perhaps he visiting someone and got the wrong house? It was definitely not one of the kids selling cookies. Another possibility was that he needed to ask for directions, although that seemed a bit unlikely…

When the door swung open and the indoor lightning lit up the visitor’s face it became easier for Will to see who he was, although he didn’t know him. His cheeks and nose were flushed red from the cold. He took the jacket’s hood off, revealing shoulder length, dark blonde hair, untamed and greasy. Everything about him looked a bit incongruous, he didn’t fit in with the idyllic holiday spirit that pervaded the neighborhood. Will knew immediately that he wasn’t from around here.

”Hello?” Will said.

”Hey,” the visitor said so casually it seemed like he didn’t think there was anything weird about this at all, as if he had specifically wanted to talk to Will, as if he was a friend. He had a smile on his lips and a large gap between his front teeth gave his face a unique character.

”Ehm… can I help you with anything?” Will asked.

”Well, that’s the question, isn’t it?” the other chortled to himself. He had a barely perceivable accent that Will couldn’t pinpoint where it came from, or if it even was an actual accent, it could just be his way of talking that came across as a bit odd because he put too much emphasis on the wrong syllables.

Will just stared. The visitor had a glow in his eyes that Will didn’t know what to think about, whether it was an excited, friendly energy or mere insanity. He looked a bit batty altogether, everything from his dirty clothes to the intensity in his gaze and his hair. The expensive looking satchel bag didn’t match with the rest of his appearance. Will suspected that it didn’t even belong to him.

”Hey, could I come in?”

Mrs Parker’s hesitation when Will himself had wanted to stay at their place was suddenly very understandable. Well, he was probably just a runway teenager too, Will concluded after eyeing the other up and down a couple of times. He was possibly high on something but he didn’t seem like a murderer or anything… 

”Okay, fine, come in then,” Will said eventually and stepped aside to let the other one in.

He already knew that this was a decision he was going to regret deeply but he wasn’t heartless, he couldn’t let the guy spend the night outdoors in the freezing weather. But Will was still a bit hesitant because he could imagine his mom coming home from work, seeing an unfamiliar jacket hanging in the entrance hall, delightfully drawing the conclusion that Will had a friend over for the first time - only to find out Will’s first ever visitor in Maine was a junkie and possibly a thief. (”Will, I know it’s been a bit lonely for you up here and I really want to see you make some friends, but you still need to be careful so you don’t get involved with the wrong people…”).

”You can hang your outerwear there,” Will pointed towards the hanger.

The visitor took his jacket off, revealing another layer of ill-fitting clothes. He wore a burgundy sweater with loose threads hanging everywhere, the sleeves too short and a large stain on the chest. His jeans made Mike’s old ones look exceptionally neat in comparison, with ripped holes on several spots, a brown patch was stitched over the biggest one and the bottom hem frayed and wet because it the snow had brushed against them. He took his snowy boots off too, immediately shrinking an inch or two, but still a little bit taller than Will. For some reason the whole process appeared to be a bit unfamiliar to this guy because he had a bemused look on his face and did everything so slowly, as if he had to think before moving, which made Will suspect he had never been a guest in someone’s house before.

”Would you like something to drink or anything?” Will asked, nervously scratching his elbow.

The only thing he wanted to ask about was the visitor’s name, what brought him here and where he came from, but Will decided that he was at least going to try to be polite. This guy could possibly had escaped an abusive household or something else that he wasn’t too keen on telling Will about - just like he didn’t want to answer all of mr Parker’s questions when he stayed the night at their place.

”No, no, don’t bother! We don’t have time for that!” the other answered boldly and waved his hand i the air as if Will’s question was utter nonsense, which made Will feel a bit stupid and even more assured that this was not a good idea at all. His previous excitement about having a guest quickly dissolved and was replaced with insecurity and discomfort. For this reason Will made sure to dwell near the door, not inviting the other any further into the house than the entrance hall.

The entrance wasn’t particularly big and it was cluttered with outerwear, shoes and some bags. The wooden bench could just barely be spotted underneath the clothes and it was definitely not a place to sit on as much as it was a place to drop off things onto. There was a cosy lamp on the drawer and a full length mirror on the wall with some dirty fingerprints on it. It was a strange place to have a conversation at, but Will needed some time to consider whether this what to do next before doing anything drastic.

”I’m sorry, may I ask - who are you? Like… what’s your name?” he asked.

This made the other one crack up in that batty grin again. He clicked with his tongue against the gap between his front teeth and tilted his head to the side. Will didn’t know if this gesture was mocking him, flirtatious or menacing. It was difficult to read but this just seemed to amuse the weirdo even more because he soon pointed at Will, who must have looked very confused, and chortled out loud before unnaturally quickly snapping out of it, returning to a plainer expression. So many emotions were displayed within a couple of seconds, Will didn’t know what the hell was going on.

”My name is Niko,” the other said and for a second Will was actually content with the answer, but then he added: ”Or to be completely honest it’s actually not, but you can call me Niko. Nikolai is my real name but my buddies call me Niko. No need to be so formal, right?”

”But we’re not buddies, we don’t even know each other…”

”Nah, speak for yourself,” he shrugged and fished out a cigarette from his pocket. He put it between his lips, dug out a lighter and as he lit it he added: ”I know perfectly well who your are. You are William Byers,” before blowing out a cloud of smoke.

Will didn’t even know what so say, he just stared dumbly. This made Niko crack up in yet another raucous laughter that was way too intense for the situation. Will was becoming increasingly annoyed. He had just let this stranger into his own home, offered him something to drink, made an effort to be polite - and then he was mocked in return! Will wasn’t the odd one here, this time he was assured, but he still felt like it when he was laughed at like that.

He threw a glance towards the living room further down the corridor. He just wished that El could stop talking to Max and come to his assistance instead. Whatever she was talking to Max about, it couldn’t possibly be more crucial than this and he was sure she had heard their voices, she was definitely aware that they had a guest in the house.

The he turned back to Niko, who had started to restlessly investigate the things on the drawer where they stored hats, scarves and gloves. He picked up the bottle of cheap perfume that El and Joyce shared, sniffed it and put it back again. Then he drummed on the wooden surface with his fingers and leaned in to take a closer look at the photography of their late dog.

”And what is that supposed to mean?” Will blurted, ”Why do you know who I am? Who are you?”

”I’m Niko, I already -”

”I’m sorry, but I don’t care about your name, that’s not the important thing here. I want to know who you are, what you’re doing, where you came from and why you are here - and why you know who I am since we’ve never met before!” Will demanded, even startling himself by the impatient abruptness in his voice. He immediately felt a bit guilty about it, which made him yield his gaze away from the other, locking it at the floor near their feet.

”Now, that’s the spirit!” Niko cheered and slapped Will amiably on the shoulder a couple of times, completely unbothered by Will’s brusqueness, ”You know, I really appreciate it when Americans get straight to the point. I never understood how you always talk, talk, talk but you never get anything said, if you know what I mean? Strange culture.”

”Yeah but… that does still not answer any of my questions,” Will said, still time blankly.

”I’m tired, very tired. Took me a long time to get here. I’ve been wandering around for ages out there, trying to find this house. I’m not in the mood to talk, okay? The fuckers gave me the wrong address, can you believe?!” Niko shrugged, waving the cigarette around before putting it back between his lips.

Will sighed and put his hands in his pockets, a gesture of defeat. This Niko guy was a hopeless case. Will couldn’t wrap his head around him, couldn’t grasp his mannerism and his way of speaking, they were all too incoherent. As soon as Will thought he had him cornered, he slipped away and did the opposite of what Will had expected him too. It was very anxiety indulging actually. He didn’t want to get laughed at again but didn’t know how to avoid saying things that triggered the loud outbursts. It was like walking across a field with hidden landmines.

Will evasively looked away, took a couple of deep breaths, trying to collect himself. He leaned against the door frame, head resting against it heavily. He closed his eyes to just to shut everything out momentarily. This was not at all what he had planned to do this evening. He was going to finish his studies, cook something simple, eat the meal in front of the TV with EL and give Mike a quick call and go to sleep - not argue with a stranger who randomly showed up.

”Hey, you, come on,” Niko said, poking on Will’s arm with his finger.

Will opened his eyes again. All of a sudden Niko was looking at him with a perfectly normal amount of energy in his eyes, just an appropriate playfulness that made him look like any guy his age. This time Will appreciated the new characteristics Niko displayed, even if they seemed out of place. Will just sighed in confusion.

”Okay, okay, I’m annoying, I’m sorry, but let’s not get moody here,” Niko said, holding his hands up in the air. Before Will even had the chance to say anything he continued: ”How about you show me your room? That’s what buddies do, right?”

”But we’re not -”

”We could be. Come on, this place is weird. Show me your room. I’m actually curious because I have never been in an American kid’s bedroom!” Niko said, excitement and anticipation making him look much younger than his actual age all of a sudden.

Nothing in the world seemed less appealing in this moment than actually showing Niko his own bedroom. It was Will's private space, he was overly protective of the things inside even if they were not necessarily secrets - although there were for sure some things he didn’t want anybody to see. For a second he was afraid he had forgotten to put the corny drawings he had made back in the box after looking through them earlier, but he soon remembered that the box was safely hidden under the bed so unless Niko intended to crawl in under his bed, there was no way he could find them.

But regardless of the sensitive things Will didn’t want anybody to see, he still found the thought of letting Niko into his space unsettling, afraid that his presence was somehow going to ruin the comforting halcyon permanently if he stepped into the room, as if his messy aura was going to dwell in the air forever.

The fear of getting into another argument was even more unsettling though, so in the end Will actually agreed to show Niko his room to not make him upset. He showed the way and pushed the door open, bracing himself for a disaster, but Niko just cracked up in a bright smile when seeing the room. He took a couple of loitering steps, head turning in every direction, looking at everything as if it was the most interesting thing ever.

”It’s not much,” Will said casually.

”I think it’s pretty cool.”

The bed was unmade, the school backpack was laying on the floor, notebooks, textbooks and papers distributed all over the floor from when Will was trying to find his math stuff. There were some clothes sloppily draping over the chair, the empty coffee mug on the desk and the bookshelves stuffed with books, CD records, random gadgets and an old, stuffed animal in the shape of a frog that he wanted to keep but not have in his bed because it was a bit shameful. The room was pretty dark but the fairy lights above the desk and a small lamp on the night table made it look cosy, like a warm kind of dark rather than a desolate one.

Will was still tense, expecting Niko to break something but choosing to just reluctantly staying put, simply watching him investigate everything. Surprisingly enough Niko actually didn’t touch anything, he just looked closely, hummed and mumbled something that Will didn’t hear, dragged some of the cigarette and blew out the smoke thoughtfully, as if he was an art critic and Will’s room was a creation. In the meanwhile Will sat on the edge of the bed, fiddling nervously with the duvet.

”Are you looking for something?” he eventually asked.

”No, just looking,” Niko replied, as if Will’s room was a museum that he was entitled to investigate as much as he liked rather than someone’s private space.

Will decided to not say anything more. He let his body fall back against the mattress, eyes locked at the ceiling above in an attempt to relax. Looking at Niko was stressful but hearing him idle around in the room without properly seeing what he was doing was even worse. He gave up on relaxing and sat back up. What he saw was Niko looking at the homework on the desk, standing behind the chair, itching his chin with a finger and nodding. Then he turned around to look at Will.

”Do you mind?” he asked.

”What?”

”If I helped you out a little?”

”Go ahead,” Will shrugged.

Even if Niko seemed to have calmed down a little bit, Will still knew that this could change very drastically since that was a tendency he had showed off before. Unwilling to argue with someone so unpredictable, Will decided that it was better to just let him do whatever he wanted as long as he didn’t do anything outrageous.

Niko threw the cigarette into the old coffee mug, grabbed a pencil and sat down by the desk. Then he started writing things in the notebook, intermittently looking back into the other book to read the questions, before writing something more. He seemed very captivated by this activity because he didn’t pay any attention to Will for a long while. He didn’t even seem to notice that Will got up from the bed and leaned over to see what he was doing.

Niko calculated and wrote the answers faster than Will could even process what the questions were asking for. It was very mesmerizing to see, even if he refused to admit it. He also noticed how Niko used different methods than the ones he had been taught in class, some of them which were significantly smarter and some of them which seemed very confusing. For the first time since Niko had entered the house, Will felt somewhat at peace. But after about ten minutes Niko bluntly put the pen down, got up from the chair and turned around, so suddenly Will winced back in surprise.

”How about you introduce me to the girl?” he suggested, clicking with his tongue again. It sounded more like a demand than a question. He nodded in the direction towards the living room before digging out another cigarette from his pocket, lighting it and putting it to his lips. 

”I don’t think she’s interested,” Will said lamely.

El was still on the phone and the TV could still be heard in the background. If he wasn’t mistaken she had actually turned up the volume even more, possibly to overpower the sound of their previous conversation, which totally felt like betrayal since he would have needed her help in that moment.

”Even if I told her the cop dude is still alive and I know where he is?”

This made Will blink dumbly, shrugging his head to wake himself up. He furrowed his brows and looked at Niko’s face, searching for clues revealing whether he was actually serious or not.

”Sorry?” he floundered.

Niko cracked up in one of his hysterical grins again, seemingly amused. He shifted his weight and crossed his arms over his chest, confidently as if this was a great deal he had just settled.

”So, how about it? Will you introduce me to her or do I have to do it myself? I know she’s in there. Talking, talking, talking - it’s like I told you! The girls are even worse!” he chuckled while making a silly impression of how girls talk on the phone. His energy level had surged in a flash, he now seemed very restless and simmering altogether, as if he was about to explode at any moment.

If it would have been anybody else, at a different time, Will would possibly have laughed, but in this moment he just remained completely unaffected. He kept blinking, each time it just became more real. For a second he thought he had misheard the question but he realized that he had heard it right - but there had to be a mistake. This was not happening. This was a big misunderstanding, either on his own or on Niko’s part. This was a big, fat misunderstanding. It had to be.

”You don’t know anything about anything,” Will said tersely, perhaps more to convince himself than convincing Niko. He refused to accept that everything he knew turned out to be false - again. Besides, how could it be real? Nobody knew anything about anything! It was top secret!

This was a joke, it was a very sick one. It was in no way okay to mess around about chief Hopper’s death. This reminded Will that he had not yet lit the lantern at the memorial spot in the garden. It was depressingly dark out there, Hopper deserved something nicer than that. Will made a note to light it as soon as this Niko guy had left - which he was going to make him do very soon if he actually thought it was funny to joke about chief Hopper’s death.

”Oh, I don’t, huh?” Niko coughed. He blew out some smoke in Will’s face, smiling almost wickedly, as he was either mocking him or threatening him. But then he started laughing in an oddly friendly way, as if everything was just a joke even though it clearly wasn’t just a second ago.

Will couldn’t even deny anymore, he was downright scared. He couldn’t even pretend that he wasn’t. He didn’t know what to say, what to do. He just hoped that Niko wasn’t going to explode all over, kill him or something morbid like that. Something in his guts told him that Niko was the type of person who could kill someone, he lacked whatever made a human an actual human. He was something else, like a storm or something in a human body.

It was like he didn’t possess any understanding of other people and their feelings - but not in the same, innocent way as Eleven could misunderstand things - it was like he just didn’t care enough, he didn’t even want to understand others because he thought it was unimportant to him. Will didn’t know if that impression was accurate or not, but just the thought of talking to someone who wouldn’t even flinch if someone died made him immensely uncomfortable.

He just wanted to shout for El to come, but he was too bewitched to make a sound. All he could do was stare as Niko continued, this time was the same graveness as before, the friendliness gone as quickly as it appeared:

”I find it quite ridiculous how you guys think you’re the experts of this whole thing, that you’re somehow the saviors of the world and all that crap, as if you’re the only ones who are dedicating your lives to fight the creatures from the second universe, which -”

”You mean the Upside Down?” Will interrupted without really thinking.

”The what…? The ’Upside Down’ - is that what you call it?” Niko chortled, genuinely entertained by this. The said the word repeatedly a couple of times, as if he was tasting it, before laughing again, ”Well, that’s a new one! I’ve heard the Second universe, the Alternative reality and the Other dimension before, but the Upside Down works too, I guess. Pretty neat actually, I like it!”

It was as if Niko wholly forgot what he had talked about before Will interrupted him because he kept mumbling the word ’upside down’ to himself and nodded approvingly until Will was actually the one who nudged him to keep going, now very interested:

”So you know about it?”

”Yes, yes, of course!” Niko said, once more waving his cigarette around in the air as if Will’s question was uncalled for, ”Of course I do!”

”Well… most people don’t know about it.”

”Sure. Most people don’t notice a thing. Completely blind. Don’t care much about anything else but their own little world, the reality they created for themselves. They would never understand that the world is bigger than that,” Niko chuckled mirthlessly, ”But there’s a bunch of people who are aware. And while you guys are aware of the existence of the Upside Down, you are still clueless beginners in comparison to some of the folks I know. It’s quite impressive though.”

”What’s impressive?”

”That you’re still alive!” Niko exclaimed, bright smile showing off the teeth gap in all its glory. He punched Will on the arm in a very amiable way, making Will crack up involuntarily before forcing the edges of his mouth down again. That was not funny, this was not a nice conversation, he told himself repeatedly, and yet he was so excited by the fact that someone else knew about the Upside Down that he couldn’t help but to forgive Niko for being so weird.

”I mean, most people die right on the spot! The first encounter with the Upside Down is usually the last. Accidentally fell into a gate when talking a walk in the park, moved into a new neighborhood that turned out to be a hotspot, naïvely got involved with the wrong people… Most people don’t stand a chance. Don’t even realize what’s happening before it’s too late,” Niko continued, this time shaking his head unhappily from side to side, as if he could see specific people flash through his mind as he said it.

Will sat down on the bed again. This time Niko sat down next to him. He blew out some smoke anew as they both dwelled in the silence for a moment. Will struggled to instill all of this but his past experiences had taught him one thing - just going with the flow, trying to accept things even if they didn’t make sense was going to spare him a lot of troublesome, sometimes useless, efforts.

”How did you find me?” Will asked eventually.

”The list.”

”You have a list of people who know about the Upside Down?”

”No, I don’t have the list. My boss has a list. Several lists actually, about all sorts of things and people and places and whatnot. Very structured.”

”How did he find out about me? Did someone spy on me?”

”He? No, our boss is a woman. Antonia Yashin. Brilliant lady. She’s brutal at times but she’s neutral, that’s what appealed to me. She doesn’t care about politics and nations and all of that bullshit… America this, Soviet that, East and West, communism or capitalism and blah, blah, blah… She just wants to keep people safe. Just making sure that the Other dimension doesn’t bleed into our world too much and stuff, you know?” Niko explained and looked at Will for approval.

”Yeah, that’s our goal too,” he said.

”It would be a disaster if the Russians and the Americans started using supernatural powers in a war against each other, right? Worse than nuclear weapons, I’m sure… That’s why neutrality is best in this case, even if it’s betrayal to the nation or whatever.”

Will nodded thoughtfully. The name Antonia Yashin sounded familiar but he couldn’t recall where he had heard it before. Either way, Niko’s reasoning actually coincided with his own ideas this time. It was somehow soothing to know that Will and his friends were not alone with their ideas. There were other people out there who were on their side. It was at this point that Will started understanding why Niko had referred to him as a buddy even though they didn’t actually know each other personally - they shared a common goal, a mutual vision for how to make the world better and a yearning to protect others from evil forces. This was a connection that was way deeper than having a common interest in music, fashion or being classmates - they shared core values.

”Eleven was trained to be a weapon,” Will said blankly.

”I know.”

”How can you know about all these things?”

”Look, it’s a long story,” Niko sighed, seemingly getting exhausted by the mere thought of getting into all of it, ”I’m not the one who’s supposed to tell you about everything. You’ll find out more soon enough, okay? I’m just here to tell you that we need to go.”

”What about chief Hopper?”

”Well, that’s why we need to go.”

Niko stood up from the bed and clapped his hands together, looking at Will, waiting for him to get going, but he could only blink once more. He shrugged his head in disbelief but finally got back up on his feet. He looked at Niko, pleading for more information, an explanation of any kind but Niko had just started to open his drawers and the closet, pulling out various types of clothing and throwing them on the bed.

”Now I don’t understand anything at all.”

”We’re going to Russia,” Niko replied casually while throwing a sweater onto the bed.

”Now?!”

This made Niko stop right in the movement. He looked at Will as what he had just said was the dumbest thing he had ever heard. Then he bursted out laughing hysterically again. It wasn’t even a fabricated type of laughter, it was genuine, as if this was actually something he found really hilarious.

”No, let’s wait until the cop is dead instead and then we try to save him!” he sneered, ”Won’t be easy to get that corpse out of the Russian dungeon base though! He’s heavy, that guy! I don’t want to, but would you like to carry him on your back perhaps?”

Will swallowed anxiously. He could still not quite believe it. He had finally come to terms with that chief Hopper was dead and not that was flipped over entirely. They suspected it for a long time, that he was actually alive somewhere, somehow, but months had passed already and everyone had finally come to terms with this unfortunate fate.

”Is he in the Upside Down?” Will asked. For a second an image of himself having no other choice but to return into the Upside Down. He could feel its desolate murkiness and the unsafe feeling deriving from knowing that threats lurk all around as a sudden wrench in his guts, he could still remember it so vividly - as if a part of him was still there. He’d do it for chief Hoper, of course he would, but the mere thought made him feel chilled to the bone and he found himself thinking that anywhere on Earth was better than the Upside Down.

”Nah. Don’t think so,” Niko said, much to Will’s delight, while scratching his cheek, ”Last thing we heard was that he is in the dungeons. Not a nice place but he was alive at least. Don’t think the Russians want to kill him since he knows things about America and all of that… blah, I hate politics.”

Niko went back to digging out Will’s clothes and started singing something in the meanwhile. Some of the items he threw onto the bed, forcing Will to dodge a couple of times, while the rest were ruthlessly thrown on the floor. Will didn’t like how he ruined the way he had organized his drawers and how he unapologetically assigned himself the task to choose which clothes Will was going to bring along (if that was what he was actually doing, the ransacking could also had been solely for the fun of it), but he still didn’t do anything to stop him.

For now he was just grateful that Niko had actually told him something. Even if everything was still very unclear and messy, he had started to get a grip of why Niko was here and how he everything tied together. Niko was no longer a weird stranger, Will also dismissed his first theory that Niko was a runaway junkie, but just another player in the game regarding the Upside Down. Everything regarding the Upside Down was a bit chaotic, so Niko’s incoherent mannerisms and loud laughter fit perfectly well in context.

Will still struggled to instill everything. What the hell was going on right now? Why did this happen all of a sudden? Everything had been so tranquil for a while that he had almost forgotten about how fast things could get flipped over, how crazy things had been before and how crazy they could get anew without any premonition offered beforehand.

He was also afflicted by an immense guilt when thinking about the possibility that chief Hopper was still alive and nobody had even tried to save him. They had just assumed there was nothing more they could do, but what if they could have saved him long ago? What if he suffered in vain? This was reason enough to make up his mind - he was going to trust Niko. It was worth a try. He couldn’t dismiss this opportunity just because it was sudden and overwhelming.

”Can I at least tell El that we’re leaving?” Will asked.

”Yes, yes, tell the girl. Do you have a bag anywhere here?” Niko replied, looking around in the room but when he didn’t spot any he aded: ”Bring a bag too! Nothing too big, not necessary. Light packing is more convenient. Nobody cares if you wear the same clothes all the time!”

Just by looking at Niko one could tell that he had obviously not changed his clothes any time recently. It was almost like the clothes had grown to be a part of him, inseparable and a natural emphasizer of his untamed persona. That was not how Will aspired to become, but he decided to not make a big deal about it (just go with the flow, just go with the flow…). The claim that he was only going to back a few items also confirmed that Niko was looking through all of his clothes for no other purpose but curiosity since all those things wouldn’t fit in a bag anyway. Will wasn’t even surprised at this point, he was just glad at long as Niko didn’t set anything on fire with that cigarette of his.

Will rushed into the living room, startling El again. She had finally hung up the phone but was still watching the TV. She smiled happily, clearly misreading the whole situation and cheered:

”You have made a friend, Will! I heard laughing! I stayed here so you could talk alone. Is he nice?”

Will didn’t even know what to say. That was such an El way to think. It wasn’t even unexpected so he just damned himself for never learning that she didn’t think the same way other people would think. There was apparently nothing odd about having an unexpected stranger knocking on the door out of nowhere and the manic laughter was apparently also nothing to fret about in her opinion either.

Will was thrown off guard by El’s comment, for a moment he completely forgot what he was supposed to say, but then it came back in a flash:

”We have to leave.”

”Where?”

”Russia, it seems.”

Eleven looked very confused. She turned off the TV to be focus entirely on Will. He didn’t know where to start, how to say this without sounding like he had lost his mind. He sat down at the edge of the couch and inhaled before continuing, very slowly to make sure that he made everything comprehendible:

”It’s crazy, I know, but we have to give it a try. Hopper might still be alive. That’s what this guy says anyway. His name is Nikolai. No idea where he came from, maybe he’s Russian himself, I’m not sure… He works for someone named… what was her name again? Doesn’t matter - he says chief Hopper is alive, that’s the important thing.”

El nodded slowly but didn’t seem to get it. She looked at Will with concern, as if she was afraid he was going nuts, or perhaps it was more of an unsure expression, as if she was anticipating that he was going to laugh at the not-so-funny joke. But he didn’t laugh. He just looked her right in the eyes, pleading that she was going to believe him and agree.

”Okay,” she said vaguely after a long pause.

”We have to pack our bags,” Will said.

He could still hear Niko slamming with the drawers in his room while talking to himself. This made Will hesitant too but even if Niko was insane, he had actually mentioned the Upside Down, he knew Will’s name, he knew about El… he lacked common sense but he apparently knew about some very crucial things. Once again Will persuaded himself that they couldn’t let this opportunity slip away from them even if it was a rickety situation.

”What about mom and Jonathan?” El asked.

She got up from the couch and slowly made her way towards her bedroom. Will’s bedroom door was still open. She stopped to peek into the room to catch a glimpse of the visitor. Niko was laughing at something he had just said to himself. When he spotted El he clammed up, smiled amiably and waved, one of Will’s T-shirts in his other hand.

”Hey!” he greeted.

”Hello,” El greeted back and waved shyly.

Will gestured for her to enter his room, drawing the conclusion that there were still a couple of questions they needed to get answered before they could throw themselves out the door and head away to Russia. Well, the first question was obviously how they were supposed to get there in the first place. They had to leave as soon as possible but they needed to be careful too or else they’d get in unnecessary trouble.

Both Will and El sat down on his bed, after making some space amid the clothes, while Niko crawled around on the floor while digging around in his bottom drawer with jeans and shorts in. Eleven had an unsure expression on her face, eyes locked onto Niko, as if she was either about to crack up happily or else glare in disapproval. More than anything she looked confused, doe eyes staring widely and eyebrows moving gradually between being furrowed, raised and blank as she was trying to figure out what was happening and how she felt about it.

”Do you have plane tickets for us or something?” Will asked Niko.

”Plane?! No, not for all of you. Expensive and dangerous and easier to track, it’s a very stupid idea to travel by plane,” he frowned and threw the cigarette butt aside on the floor.

”We’re not stupid,” El said stubbornly.

”Well, I hope you’ve got a descent amount of brains anyway, or else this is going to be a very difficult trip. It’s complicated. Nothing about this is easy. You need to be smart and quick. This habit of yours to ask a million questions will get you in trouble. Sometimes you just have to shut up and take an order. Discussing everything beforehand will slow us down, that’s not a good thing.”

”Recklessly throwing us into situations we don’t understand isn’t the ideal way to go either though, is it?” Will said, much sharper than he intended it to sound, but this just seemed to amuse Niko.

”Ahh, you’re one of those, I see!” he crooned smugly.

Will didn’t ask what he meant by that but he assumed it had to do with his analytical personality. He always thought about things before, during and after doing them. Sometimes it was a burden but it was also a valuable trait at times. When put together with a different type of personality, maybe someone who pushed things forward or liked to act rather than plan, it created a perfect dynamic - like in the Party! That was probably the magical formula that got them through everything somehow. They needed to stick together.

”Does our friends know about this too?” Will asked.

”You mean Dustin Henderson, Lucas Sinclair, Michael Wheeler and Maxine Mayfield…? They’re not my headache but someone else will take care of them. They’ll be informed soon enough.”

Knowing this made Will ease up a little. The thought of going away on a mission alone with El and Niko was a lot more intimidating than the thought of all of them doing it together - even if he vividly recalled how half of the gang had expressed that they didn’t want to do this anymore before they parted around Halloween.

”What about Jonathan, Nancy and Steve? And mom? What about mom?” El inflicted.

”Look, this is not a fucking field trip. We’ll only involve as many as we absolutely need to. I don’t remember reading about any Jonathan, Nancy or Steve on that list. I’m just running errands, you know? I was told to tell you two specifically and here I am. Mission complete.”

”But they are strong. They can help,” El said.

”Tsk, write me a note with the names, I’ll talk to Yashin about it, whatever! She might know more than I do,” Niko said, throwing his hands up in defeat.

Eleven immediately walked over to the desk, ripped a piece of paper out of Will’s notebook and wrote down the names. She then handed the piece to Niko, who for a moment seemed a bit confused, as if he didn’t expect her to do it right away, but accepted it with a shrug.

”Okay but… if we’re not going by plane, how are we supposed to get to Russia?” Will asked, returning the first question.

Niko finally stood up from the floor, dusting off his pants as if they were not dirtier than Will’s bedroom floor to begin with. Instead of folding the piece of paper El had given him, he rolled it up into a little ball and carelessly shoved it into his pocket. Then he turned to Will with a rather composed look on his face, arms crossed over his chest and told:

”Car, trains and busses. Might have to walk a certain distance too. We’ll go through Canada, then Alaska and then we’ll be in Russia. Sounds simple but Russia is a big place so it’s still a long way from the Eastern border, then all the way up North to Norilsk.” Before anyone could ask any further questions he added, with a slyer undercurrent: ”The place is known for the mines, but we know that some of those mines are not used for actual mining.”

”How clever,” Will noted.

”Undeniably,” Niko agreed bitterly, ”Who would suspect anything, right? It’s just a mine. Nobody goes near those mines, even fewer dare to go down deeper underground. You’d never guess there was a science base down there! It was just a lucky coincidence we found it!”

He gestured wildly with his hands as he told them. It looked like he was about to dig out another cigarette but he stopped himself. Instead he fiddled around with his hands as if he was anxious or restless, Will guessed the latter. He also paced around almost frantically, eyes searching around the room as if he was looking for anything at all that could entertain him for a while without finding anything. The clothes were no longer interesting apparently.

Will suspected that composed conversations wasn’t Niko’s cup of tea and he had specifically said that he wanted to leave as quickly as possible, and yet he was still here and got forced to actually explain himself. But did he seriously expect Will and El to just come along right away? Was that how the people before them had reacted when Niko had told them about these things? Or was this the first time Niko had to personally get someone to join their gang?

”Is dad there?” El inquired, ”In the… maine? mine? what’s a mine?”

”A mine is like a huge hole that you dig in the ground to find natural materials, like gold or coal and stuff. Metals and minerals,” Will explained, ”You’ve heard about that in school, right? There’s a lot of mines in Russia.”

She nodded and turned back to Niko to repeat the question, this time more sternly:

”Is dad in the mine?”

”If you mean the cop, then yes. We have some of our own out there, living and working nearby, keeping their eyes on the base and sending us updates every time something happens. Last thing we heard from them was that the cop was alive. He’s somewhere down there,” Niko replied unnaturally rapid, still waving around with his hands in the air gratuitously as if he was playing in a theatre or imitating someone.

Will was about to ask more questions but then Niko just held his hand up to stop him and stared at him frantically, almost desperately as if he was suffering. 

”Please. Stop. Enough of this already. You know everything you need to know, don’t you? You’ll get more information later. I’m not the one who’s supposed to explain everything, okay? Pack your bags. Don’t bring more stuff than necessary, but remember that it’s Northern Russia and it’s cold as fuck. Now. Please,” he begged.

Then he caved in to the urge to smoke again, digging out his third cigarette, which he smoked rapidly while pacing around the room like an animal in a cage. His eyes had started to wander around frenetically, not dwelling on at the same spot for more than a flash. If Will wasn’t mistaken his hands had started to tremble alarmingly too, which made him wonder if Niko was perhaps a junkie after all or if there was any other reason for this demeanor, but instead of bringing it up to conversation Will decided to just get started with the packing so they could leave as quickly as possible. Something in his guts said that Niko was going to be fine once they left the house and ran off into the wild where he felt at home.

Eleven rushed into her own room and started collecting everything she’d need. Will had a weekend bag that he quickly shoved some warm clothes into and some other necessities. Everything was happening so quickly but it still crossed his mind how the hell he was supposed to contact his mom and Jonathan to tell them about this, they couldn’t just leave like that without saying anything.

”Look, Niko, please - we have to tell our mom about this,” Will blurted and for a second he stopped packing, We can’t leave her out of this.”

”Why? What is she gonna do? Make us lunchboxes?” he snapped and impatiently waved around with the cigarette in the air, ”Just pack your stuff!”

”You don’t get it, our mom is a great addition to the team. She's not your average housewife! She knows about everything we know about. She was personally there in the Russian base when chief Hopper went missing! She closed the gate at the Starcourt mall!”

Niko sighed loudly and rolled his eyes, but he fished out something that looked like a very convenient radio speaker out of his other pocket, that was not filled with cigarettes, and left the room without saying anything more. Will kept packing and soon he heard Niko speaking in Russian, sounding very formal and almost timid, just to a couple of minutes later switching to German and more casual tone. Will could hear him laugh a couple of times, which made him think that they were actually talking about something that was not related to the Hopper case or science bases. Hearing Niko ease up made Will feel calmer too because watching him pace around like that was extremely stressful.

Will threw a glance towards the phone on the night table. He suspected that Niko was going to punch him in the face if he caught him calling anyone when he was supposed to pack his bag, but since Niko wasn’t in the room he made an impulsive decision to call Mike. He nervously looked behind him towards the door so he’d see when Niko came back. It felt like ages passed before anyone picked up and when someone finally answered, it was Nancy’s voice that said:

”Hello, this is the Wheeler’s.”

”Hi Nancy, this is Will! Is Mike at home?”

”He’s at Dustin’s right now. Is everything okay?”

Will must have sounded much more stressed than usual, making her ask that question. He threw another glance behind him, but Niko was still in the kitchen talking on the speaker as if he suddenly had all the time in the world to dwell around at their house. In this case it was a good thing that he was easily distracted.

”This is really weird, but there’s a person who will contact Mike, Dustin, Lucas and Max soon. This person will tell them about a Russian base in which chief Hopper could possibly be. He’s still alive. Long story but this guy Nikolai, who is still at our house right now, knows about the Upside Down and everything. This is not a joke. I’m about to leave with El right now. We’ll probably meet up somewhere soon enough, so you have to go, okay? All of you need to go with this person. And you have to insist that you, Jonathan and Steve should come along too. We need to stick together even if it’s crazy!” Will rambled, words coming out in a hectic stream.

”Oh, ehm… what?” short pause ”He’s still alive?!”

”Yes. We need to save him so go with the person who’s contacting you, okay? This guy Niko is completely nuts but we have to trust him. I gotta go. See you soon, okay?”

”Yes, sure,” Nancy floundered, ”Take care then…?”

”You too. Take care!”

Will hung up and let out a sigh of relief because he actually had time to call anyone before leaving. Even if he wanted to talk to Mike it was still better to tell Nancy than to not tell anyone. It’d be a catastrophe if Niko’s coworker dropped by at the Wheeler’s and all of them refused to go because they didn’t believe anything they were told. If they knew that Will and El were going, there was no other way for them, they’d have to go as well. Will couldn’t possibly imagine that they would rather stay at home while there was someone needing their assistance elsewhere.

Of course it was selfish to involve them. Max almost got eaten last time and Lucas messed up his face pretty badly, but nobody had died and the only reason why they were all still alive was because they saved each other every time someone was in a pinch. They had to stick together, that was their mantra. Stick together, stick together, stick together. No matter what.

”Completely nuts, huh?” Niko coughed, making Will turn around abruptly, to see him standing in the doorframe. He didn’t seem particularly bother or offended. He just blew out some smoke and grinned.

Will’s cheeks immediately heated up in abashment. He intended to apologize or explain himself, talk himself out of this somehow, but instead he just stared. 

”Ahh, it’s okay, don’t bother!” Niko shrugged nonchalantly as if he knew that Will was intended to say something, ”I personally think you are completely nuts too, so it’s even, right? A normal kid wouldn’t survive in the Other dimension for an entire week. Most people would shit themselves and die the very second a demogorgon attacked them, but you…? You’re something else. Completely nuts how you could actually fight back. Too powerful to be human. No wonder they want you so badly! If I was a monster I’d either want you to be my friend or else I’d want you dead.”

Niko lifted his weight off the door frame and started idling around in the room again, not at a less frantic pace. He knocked on the wall for some unknown reason a couple of times, hummed to himself as if the sound of the wall was very interesting, before positioning himself in front of the bookshelf. While he did this he kept talking, almost too rapidly for Will to be able to hear what he said:

”Hah, if you ever get sick of fighting the creatures you better know that there are actual people who cooperate with them too, you could be one of those if you’d like. A monster ally. Sound pretty badass but they're all a bunch of cowards, just taking the easy way out because they can’t do better. Tsk, I despite those people so I’d prefer it if you stayed with us but who am I to choose, right? You can do whatever you want.”

All of this poured out of him all at once. This was way more than he needed to say, but that was apparently also one of Niko’s characteristics, to either drop clues without explaining anything at all or else rambling freely about things nobody asked for. This was something that reminded Will vaguely of Eleven just like Niko’s lack of polite manners, but he was more brusque and fierce in the way he expressed his thoughts. It wasn’t cute. Will also disliked how Niko always seemed to know more than himself. With Eleven he had the upper hand, he was the one who had to explain things to her, but now he just felt stupid.

Will didn’t know if that was a compliment or an insult, so lies of responding, he added one last pair of boxers into the bag before closing the zip and considered himself done with the packing. Niko walked over, grabbed the bag and hoisted it from the bed up and down a couple of times as if to check the weight of it. Then he nodded and let it slump back down on the mattress.

”You won’t have to carry it all the time. You can drop it off at our headquarters and select only what you absolutely need to bring to the actual mission. You can’t bring that much into the mines, the weight makes you slower and it’s inconvenient,” he said.

”So what about mom? What did they say?”

”They’ll let her know. Yashin knew Joyce Byers already, of course, but she didn’t have any intentions of including her originally. She changed her mind though. Must be nice for Yashin to have some other women to hang out with, right? She’s surrounded by men who think they know shit when all they do is mess things up. Anyway, my companion Ludwig is on his way to Indiana right now and he can drop by here once he’s done with your other friends to tell your mom and brother everything. Sounds good?”

”Yes, thank you.”

This made Will feel much easier at heart. Leaving without saying anything was something he had decided to never do again, especially not if he was actually going to do something dangerous. In this case Joyce was probably the one who wanted chief Hopper back the most, if there was any such scale measuring how much someone missed another person. She’d freak out completely if she found out that her two youngest children had gone out on a mission to save Hopper without her, potentially losing both of them too in the process.

”I’ll check how things are going with the girl,” Niko announced.

He left the room again and went right into El’s. Will followed him since he was already done with the packing. Eleven wasn’t yet but she had come a long way. She had put all the things on her bed to get an overlook of what she was going to bring. The bag was still empty, waiting at the floor below.

”It’s not a fashion show. Just bring something warm,” Niko said.

El nodded and started putting the things into the bag, neatly folded and organized. Her eyes wandered around the room as if she was searching for anything else that could be useful to bring. Then she suddenly stopped when meeting her own gaze in the mirror above her desk. She ran her fingers through her hair and swirled it around a little, thoughtful look on her face. Her hair had grown to be very long since the summer. She had refused to cut it even once because she was so excited about having hair again.

”El?” Will asked.

”It’s not practical. Takes a long time to dry after the shower. It gets tangly too. I get the hairs in my eyes when it’s windy,” she said slowly.

Before Will could even react she had reached for the scissors at her desk. She held her hair away from her face with one hand and ruthlessly cut through the mass using the other. Large chunks of wavy strands fell to the floor in a circle around around her. It was shaggy and evenly cut but she smiled contently once she was done. This seemed to surprise even Niko, but rather than looking horrified he cracked up in awe and started clapping his hands and cheer.

She turned around, shook her head to make the hair fall into place and started giggling. Her hair was now jaw length (aside from some strands that were a bit longer or shorter, poking out from the rest in a funny way). Will wondered if this look was inspired by Max’s bob cut of if it was actually because it was more practical. Either way he thought it suited her. It matched with her personality better than the dreamy waves she had rocked lately.

”It’s better,” she shrugged.

After this brief pause she kept packing and she was soon done with that too. Niko weighed her bag in the same way as he had weighed Will’s and told her the same thing, that she could drop it off at their headquarters.

”Finally. Let’s go!” Niko said and pointed in the direction towards the front door.

Niko put the cigarette in his mouth while he put on his outerwear, tied the boots and put the hood up over his head again. Will suddenly realized that his mom was going to get home and see that there were cigarette butts in his coffee mug and on the floor, but she was probably going to be more alarmed bu the fact that he was gone and Eleven was nowhere to be seen either. Will dearly hoped that this Ludwig guy could pay a visit as soon as possible so she wouldn’t have to worry for too long.

Eleven put on her warmest coat too, a light blue creation with contrasting seams that she had found at a second hand store. The pockets were heart shaped and it was so sugar sweet it almost hurt to look at it. Niko frowned at the sight but didn’t say anything. Will knew that he was questioning whether this girl was capable of fighting a monster or invading a Russian science base and he already looked forward to seeing Niko’s reaction when she showed her brutal side, which he was sure he was going to see soon enough.

”Hold on, I need to do something before we leave!” Will said quickly.

He stomped right into the kitchen, grabbed a pencil and ripped down the calendar on the wall to scribble something for Joyce and Jonathan to find the they got home. He very briefly told them that someone else was going to explain everything as soon as possible. He also made sure to write that he and El were okay and everything was going to be fine, even though he wasn’t entirely sure about that. They could always contact them through the Void too if necessary. He also added that this had something to do with chief Hopper, even if he didn’t specifically write that he was most likely alive since that was going to be too much to take in all at once.

’We’re going to Russia,’ was the last sentence that he wrote before throwing on his jacket and heading out into the winter night.


End file.
